This story was written for KJaneway115's 2-hour challenge at AO3 and is set after Resolutions.

Thanks, KJaneway115, for betaing!

No copyright infringement intended.

Kathryn left the warmth of the house and closed the door behind her. In the cold air, her breath formed a white, puffy cloud every time she exhaled, and her eyes had to adjust to the darkness before she could start walking. The lights of the houses grew darker with each of her steps, and she heard nothing except the frozen grass cracking under her boots.

She had created the holodeck scenario of her childhood home to remind herself what her goal was. Before she and Chakotay had had to leave the ship there was no doubt about it, she wanted to bring her crew home, but during the last few weeks, home had become something other than Earth. It had become New Earth.

She had never thought it would come to that. In the beginning, she had been sure she would find a cure sooner rather than later, so she hadn't thought they would have to deal with building a home. It had been Chakotay's efforts that changed her way of thinking and it was even before her equipment was destroyed that she started to like life on New Earth. Because of him.

Swallowing hard, she stopped. It was the first time she had openly admitted to herself that he was the reason she had liked being on New Earth. It shouldn't surprise her; deep down she had known it and since they were back on Voyager she missed him, desperately; his calming presence when he worked at a project, his creative approaches of building a home, his attentiveness.

Her shoulders hung and she imagined footsteps behind her, footsteps she would recognize anywhere after the last few weeks, but she knew he wouldn't come and invade her private holodeck time. She wouldn't have invaded his, either.

Discouraged, she raised her head. Without any disturbing light, the view of the night sky was clear and she could see all the familiar stars and constellations. Her eyes fell on Orion first, the grand hunter with its striking belt. Above it, the majestic Taurus rose, with the Pleiades at the highest point of the wintry night sky. Once she had loved the sight of those stars, but now she wanted nothing more than to go back to the still unfamiliar stars of New Earth.

There was no going back, of course. She had an obligation to her crew, she was the reason they were stranded in the Delta Quadrant and she had to be strong again, had to focus on her task. If only she could forget what had happened during the last few weeks, the happiness, the… love.

Her eyes filled with tears and her stomach turned into a knot. He had touched her deeply by his revelation of his feelings for her. He had put them into such beautiful words that it took her breath away and she regretted that she had needed more time to come to terms with herself. In hindsight she wished she would've had thrown caution to the wind but there had been no need to rush things. They'd had the rest of their lives, after all.

How wrong she had been, she realized bitterly because Voyager's return had changed everything, and like a reflex she had withdrawn from him. She had seen his hurt; he was a sensitive man, but she couldn't help herself. Too much had happened in her past and she could never explore what was between them onboard Voyager.

"Tuvok to Janeway."

Tuvok's voice interrupted her train of thoughts and she had to pull herself together before she tapped her combadge. "Janeway here."

"Captain, unless I'm mistaken, we wanted to go through the latest reports at 1500 hours."

She sighed quietly. "Yes, thank you, Tuvok. I'll be right there. Janeway out."

She closed the comlink and straightened. She would have to live with the knowledge that she hadn't given Chakotay a reason for her behavior, but she couldn't talk to him openly while she was his captain. She could only hope that, one day, she'd be able to tell him and that he would forgive her.

Like many times before, she swallowed her emotions and turned to leave. "Computer, end program," she ordered, and the familiar landscape vanished in a blink of an eye.