PREFACE:

So, this was all inspired by a brilliant post. I don't know if they were the original creators, but tonymustbeloved made this post:

Tony: I got Netflix for you like you asked!

Peter: OH That's Awesome! I've been mooching off of Neds account for years. This will be nice.

Tony: Wait, what do you mean account?

Peter: His Netflix account?

Tony:…..

Peter: Like his profile? I wanted one of my own they're like $8

Tony:...

Tony:...Ohhhh… You mean like the account of the service...

Peter: Yeah, what did you think I mean? Wait, what did you buy?

Tony:...

Tony:...…..Netflix...

and I just thought it was really funny, and I decided to expand on it. Whoever the original creator is, I'm sorry if this makes you mad, please forgive me. If you want me to take it down, just tell me.

Warning: CRACKITY CRACK-CRACK

Peter blinked. And blinked. The math book he was slowly solving equations in slipped out of his hands and landed on the table with a loud thunk.

"You... Bought Netflix?" the teenager said very slowly. "I asked for a Netflix account and you decided to buy Netflix."

He looked like that time when MJ smacked him with a fish. Kinda sick, but also like he's trying to reject reality through sheer force of will.

He just... had to pretend this was a prank. Because this was the best fucking prank he'd ever heard of in his entire life. He started giggling.

Tony laughed, kind of uncomfortable. "I bought Netflix," he confirmed. "Look, Kid, it was a mistake and I can see you're really not ready to accept responsibility of a multimillion dollar company-"

"Nah... Just give me, like, a minute to get used to this reality, because I think I died sometime in the past three minutes. Holy fucking... I own the rights to fucking Netflix," Peter chuckled. "Gruhh. How the fuck am I supposed to continue school if I'm running a multimillion dollar company?"

"Buy a fucking coffee shop chain," Tony supplied. "It'll help with the long nights."

"I'm not buying Krispy Kreme, Tony," Peter groaned. "Fuck me. What the fuck am I gonna do?"

"Well, you could stop swearing, I dunno," Tony said.

"Fuck you. You're the one who got me into this motherfuckery," Peter sighed.

"Hey, you're the one who wanted Netflix," Tony crossed his arms.

"An account. A fucking account. I need fucking accountants, now!" Peter growled.

"I could put you in touch with some people," Tony shrugs. "Look, kid, my old man kicked the bucket and gave me his multimillion dollar company when I was sixteen. You'll do fine."

"I'm still a goddamned superhero!" Peter protested, very slowly putting his head on the coffee table. His pencil fell off the table and his pocket calculator shut off from too little use. "How the fuck am I gonna manage my time, leading two double lives? May freaked the fuck out when she discovered I was Spiderman, and, oh, what the fuck will Ned say when he finds out I'm keeping the identity of the owner of fucking Netflix a secret?"

"You'll manage, kid," Tony shrugged. "And hey, you've got your super cool irondad to help you avoid all the rookie pitfalls. You'll do fine."

"Hngggghghhhghghghghghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…"

"Why does your ownership of Netflix have to be a double life, again?" Tony asked.

"Because people will go insane asking me to give them their accounts free or lay off paying me or insist I pay for whatever they want, and being the absolute fucking doormat I am, I probably will. But I still need money to live, and May's kinda struggling. It'd be nice if she didn't have to worry about me."

Tony lay a hand on Peter's head, ruffling his hair. "Cool. Right, well I'll set up a checking account for you. I've got some ties to a bank manager, he'll be able to help."

Peter sighed. "I'll come with you."