Something feels right about the way Mathias's fingers feel wrapped around his waist, despite the heavy rain falling and soaking through his clothes, making Mathias laugh as his hair flops down in his face. Something feels better about the smile on his face, the way his chest shakes as he laughs. Something looks more human, more Mathias, than the screaming he'd witnessed just earlier that morning. And perhaps he starts to wonder if they spin around long enough that their screaming faces from earlier will be washed away and the world will stay as beautiful as it looks just in that moment. He hates to admit he knows it won't.
But he can pretend.
"Do you think we're screwed up…?"
Pretending never lasts long, reality is cruel, it shatters the windows you put up to see into a new world and replaces them with mirrors.
"Perhaps. We can pretend we aren't though, can't we?"
It's moments like this when he wonders how it is that this Mathias and his Mathias are the same person. When he smiles so sadly at everything he says, and nods so slightly he wonders if he really nodded in the first place… Those are the times when he wonders which of the many versions of Mathias he's seen is real.
"Of course. Let's pretend we're okay. And every night we go out dancing, yeah? I like to show you off at dinner parties, going on and on about how lucky I am that you've stuck around."
Every time he grins, he's convinced /this/ Mathias, the one right here, is the real one.
"We're at one right now, actually. Can't you see everyone watching us dance? Berwald and Tino are over there in the corner, cheering us on."
"Of course! They're all blown away." He trails off for a moment, seemingly lost in his pretend little world. "Oh, this music is beautiful… Can you hear it, Lukas?"
For a moment, he believes he can. It's haunting.
"Perhaps."
Perhaps is his favorite answer. Perhaps we're okay. Perhaps I love you. Perhaps I can keep pretending my whole life if it means staying with you.
They stay silent after that. Mathias's eyes are closed so tightly, Lukas wonders if he's doing that to stop from crying. But his hands are still on his waist, and the music is still floating in his head, and perhaps this is the real Mathias for once. Perhaps, this time, they can pretend for just a bit longer.