A/N - Warning for those who do not keep up with the Manga, this story contains a spoiler about a character death who still appears in the anime. Read at your own risk. And I own nothing from the Naruto Universe cause I'd whore my life away if I did.
Naruto sprung up from his couch as the doorbell rang. This was his last week as a free man since his wedding to Hinata Hyuga was this Saturday. It seemed like only yesterday the 4th Shinobi War with Madara and Obito Uchiha ended. The only good friend he lost had been Neji Hyuga, but he promised Hinata that when they had kids, the first boy could be named after her cousin if she wanted. He opened the door and found Darui on his doorstep with 4 Cloud Ninja behind him each holding a large crate.
"Here it is Naruto man," he said calmly. "Some of Lord Raikage's best rum and beer."
"Thanks Darui," he sighed ushering the white haired ninja in. "I was afraid you guys weren't going to arrive before my bachelor party tonight."
"The Boss was adamant that we arrive in the Leaf Village before nightfall. So we turned a two day journey into a 15 hour trip."
"Damn you guys gotta be exhausted; at least let me pay for you guys to spend the night some where in the village."
"Thanks but I have a meeting with the Hokage, and then we have to get back on the road. Boss wants us back in the village ASAP. And here is his written apology for missing your wedding Saturday." Darui passed Naruto a note with the seal of the Raikage on it. "He's hoping all the booze he's supplied you with will be sufficient apology enough."
Naruto cracked open one of the crates and looked inside. There were 25 bottles of spiced rum in just one crate, and seeing as how the Raikage loved to do things in excess, there was no telling what was in the other three crates.
"Tell Lord Raikage apology accepted," said Naruto.
Darui patted Naruto on the shoulder and said," congrats again on your wedding Naruto."
The Cloud Ninja all waved goodbye and headed up the road towards the Village exit. Naruto was closing the door when a blur shot through the door. He closed it and saw Sasuke Uchiha opening one of the crates.
"OH HELL YES," he roared seeing all the alcohol. "Did this come from the Raikage?"
"Yes it did and why are you shouting," asked Naruto opening the letter.
"Awesome, I can't believe it arrived on time."
Naruto rolled his eyes and read Ay's letter to him.
Uzumaki, I apologize for being unable to attend your wedding Saturday but I'm sending Darui to the Leaf Village with enough crates of rum, tequila, and beer so that you won't have to buy alcohol for some time. Tell Uchiha he missed my poker game last week, and if he misses another he'll regret it. Congratulations on your wedding – Lord Raikage
"Can you explain to me again how you two are friends now," asked Naruto as Sasuke popped open a rum bottle. "I mean you are the reason he has one arm now."
"We agreed to let bygones be bygones and don't worry about our past mistakes," explained Sasuke. "I mean he electrically power bombed me through a concrete floor but I'm not holding a grudge. Did you send all the invitations for the party?"
"You, Sai, Kiba, Shino, Shikamaru, Choji, Lee, Kankuro, and Gaara, did I forget anybody?"
"No that was everyone. Goddamn Naruto this party is going to be fucking crazy! We are going to throw down in your house tonight!"
"WHOA?! What the hell do you mean we're having the party in my brand new 4 bedroom house I just finished paying for? You told me that Shikamaru said we could have the party at his house."
"I convinced him to change his mind because your place is bigger."
"Sasuke you asshole! I just bought my house; I don't want it getting trashed!"
"And it won't trust me."
Against his better judgment Naruto said," you promise my house isn't going to get fucked up?"
"Cross my Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan and hope to never go blind. It won't get trashed." Naruto groaned and slowly shook his head yes and Sasuke shook him by the shoulders. "FUCK YES! All right, I'm going to get and get ready for tonight. I'll be back here later tonight."
And without another word Sasuke shot out of the house but not before taking three bottles of rum with him. Naruto found it increasingly difficult to turn down Sasuke's request for anything. The day the war ended it was like Emo Sasuke died, and he was replaced with a party animal that needed to be unleashed every 5 hours. But it was good to have him living back in the village.
"Why did Sasuke just rush out the house?" Naruto looked and saw as his wife to be entered holding grocery bags for his party. "And was he holding bottles of alcohol," asked Hinata.
"He rushed out because he's crazy, and yes he was holding bottles of alcohol because… the party is going to be here tonight."
"Well it was nice living in the nice house for all of a week in a half."
"Hey," he said in a play hurt voice. He walked over to her and placed his hands on her hips. "I'm not going to let them destroy the house." Hinata pushed him back against the wall hard and kissed him. She thrust her tongue into his mouth and he immediately started to suck on it. Just as he was about to take off his shirt, she cupped his dick and squeezed so hard that he winced. "Kind of painful babe."
"I know," she said seductively. "You let those idiots mess our house up, and it's going to be weeks, even after we're married, before I sit on this again. Understand?"
"Well seeing as how your making 'this' hard with your touch, do you mind sitting on it before we go our separate ways tonight?"
Hinata let go of his cock and sighed. "Unfortunately no. The girls are throwing me a party tonight at the mansion. Lady Hokage and some of the other older Jonin females have planned some stuff for me and the girls so it should be fun."
"So you just came back here to threaten me with celibacy?"
"Of course not." Hinata walked over to the open crate and grabbed about 7 bottles. "I want my party to be well stocked tonight too. It won't be as heavily stocked as yours but I don't think we'll run out."
"Yeah yeah," he said giving her a kiss. "Get out."
She gave him one last quick kiss and then left with the bottles in her arms leaving Naruto to prepare his party.
5 hours later
The guys had all arrived at his house pretty much on time one after the other. All dressed to party and get drunk. Gaara had left his sand gourd behind at the inn he and Kankuro were staying at. And for like the second time since Naruto had ever know him, Kankuro wasn't wearing purple face make-up. Sasuke's plan throughout the entire party was simple. Get everybody as drunk as possible and he started once everybody arrived.
"To Naruto and his beautiful bride to be," said the Uchiha after filling everyone's cups with booze. "May they live long and happy lives!"
"And to Neji Hyuga," said Rock Lee. "My teammate, and our brother who couldn't be here tonight."
"To Neji," everyone repeated.
"Now," said Naruto. "Let's get fucked up!"
The guys all roared and clanged their cups together before taking a shot of rum.
"OOH FUCK," cried Kiba coughing. "That was nasty."
"Goddamn," whispered Shikamaru.
"No wonder Raikage is always charging and smashing through shit," admitted Choji. "This stuff is like rubbing alcohol with a kick."
"Well if it's bad, that means only one thing," said Sasuke grabbing the bottle. "We just have to keep drinking until it tastes good!"
Everybody chuckled and extended their cups as he poured them another shot. They all looked at Sai who made a quick 1, 2, 3 motion with his hand and then they drank again.
"Ugh," said Gaara setting his cup on the table and grabbing some water to chase. "Getting blown apart by Deidara was less painful than drinking this shit."
"Getting my limbs crushed by your sand was less painful than this," gasped Lee.
"Rough sex with Sakura is less painful than this," said Kiba grabbing a beer.
"Time the fuck out," said Choji at once. "Did you just rough sex?"
"WITH SAKURA," shouted Sasuke.
"What the fuck," asked Shikamaru. "Since when are dating Sakura?!"
"Since the war ended, and we don't date Shikamaru that's way too difficult. Sakura and I just fuck, over and over and over. You would not believe the shit she is open to doing. I will admit the first time we got rough she scared the hell outta me. Not too sure about you guys but up until that point I had never had a woman bend me over the bed and suck my dick from behind."
"OH MY GOD," yelled Kankuro.
"She did that," asked Sai in disbelief.
"I'm on fire right now," said Rock Lee who was staggering. Naruto having been listening to Kiba's sexual escapades had forgotten how much of an extreme lightweight Lee was. He had already gone through four shots of rum on his own while everyone else was fine with beer.
"What's the best position to fuck Sakura in," asked Shino.
"Well my personal favorite is doggy style," said Kiba.
"There's a shock," replied Gaara sarcastically. "Kiba's favorite position is doggy style; I mean who could've guessed it?"
"Red's sarcasm aside, Sakura's favorite is to ride me. I can't tell you how many times we've started on the bed and ended up on the floor, and finishing with me fucking her on her back."
He couldn't believe what he was hearing about Sakura. Before Naruto could get a question in, he heard a glass break, and the a knock at the door. Rock Lee was in the kitchen doing a hand stand and he had kicked over the sugar jar.
"Sasuke," he growled heading towards the door. "Get Lee's drunk ass out of my kitchen before he breaks something else." The knocking got more persistent and Naruto rushed to the door. Opening it, he saw 3 female ninja, one with white hair, one with black, and the last had blonde. They were all panting and out of breath. "Can I help you all?"
"Lady Tsunade sent us," cried the blond. "I'm Selene, this is Luna (black hair), and Phoebe (white hair). Please it's urgent we must speak with you."
The guys all had a confused look upon their faces as Naruto let them in. The women all walked into the living room and suddenly pulled out kunai knives.
"THEY GOT WEAPONS," shouted Shikamaru.
Thankfully Kankuro was in the room as the knives flew. Using his chakra strings, he caught the knives they threw and flung them back at the girls. They turned around and each knife hit them directly on their vest in the middle of the red symbol. All of their clothes sprung off leaving only a bra and a thong that matched each woman's hair color.
"Gotcha," purred Luna walking up to Naruto and pushing him on the couch. Before he knew what was happening Luna pressed her lips to his, and forced her tongue in his mouth. When she stopped, he had a look of happy shock on his face. Naruto looked over at the guys who were in shock as Phoebe and Selene were on the ground making out in front of them. Sai's jaw was so far down it probably was never going to close, Choji kept whispering "oh my god" and Gaara's face was as red as his hair. Luna got out of Naruto's lap and walked over to Sasuke and planted a wet one right on his face, before giving a kiss with plenty of tongue to Gaara. "So is this a party or not," she asked.
"Who hired you again," asked Naruto.
"Lady Tsunade," explained Phoebe. "She was pretty sure that you wouldn't object to us being here. Was she wrong?"
All of the guys roared "HELL NO". Naruto couldn't believe what he was seeing. Tsunade had paid for him to have strippers at his bachelor party. Damn he loved that woman despite her occasionally punching him through solid objects. Cracking open Raikage's last closed crate, they found another surprise. Inside was an imported Tequila and instructions on how to make a collapsible table which they could play drinking games on.
"So you're the Kazekage of the Sand Village?" Naruto turned as Gaara was having a conversation with Phoebe and Selene. "Aren't you a little young," asked Phoebe.
"I'm the youngest Kazekage in history," admitted Gaara.
"Is that supposed to impress us?"
"You tell me."
"I'm not impressed," sighed Selene.
"That's understandable, but do you know what is impressive? How strong a Kage's tongue is."
"I don't understand."
"A Kage of any village has to do a LOT of talking. As such, the muscles in our tongues are probably strong enough to break a boulder, and if used in more sensitive areas, it can bring extreme bouts of pleasure. For example-" Gaara slowly and sensually ran his tongue from Phoebe's left breast all the way up to hear earlobe and gently nibbled it. Then he placed his right hand in the middle of her legs and began to finger her through her thong. Naruto was in shock at what he was seeing as Phoebe began to moan.
"Is that Gaara," Kurama the 9 tails said from within his mind.
"Yup," replied Naruto.
"Shy Gaara, who at some point has tried to kill every male in this room except Sai?"
"Yup."
"Shy Gaara who's fingering a woman on your couch?"
"Yup."
"I've seen it all now; Tsunade didn't hire you guys strippers, she hired you guys whores."
"Yup."
Naruto looked back over to the main group. They had finally figured out the instructions for the game Raikage had sent them. There were about 20 cups set up all over the table with Rum, Beer, and Tequila. On Naruto's wall was a picture of the now truly dead Madara Uchiha. The point of the game was to throw a Kunai knife at the picture. If it hit Madara, you pointed to someone and they had to drink, if you missed, you had to drink. Ignoring his sense of judgment, Naruto joined in the game and like everyone else didn't do too well. Sai being part of Root at one point was obviously the best since failure under Danzo's lead was never acceptable. Naruto drank two shots of rum, one of tequila, and four full cups of beer. At one point he saw Selene and Phoebe leading a smiling Gaara upstairs by his shirt. He could see the hard-on Gaara was getting through his pants. Having enough of the kunai game, Naruto left Choji, Shikamaru, and Kankuro who were still playing. It was official, he was drunk; but unlike Lee (who was taking a quick power nap) at least he could function.
"Come on you little bitch is that all you got!" Naruto turned and could see Sai and Shino arguing with Kiba and Sasuke at the table. For some reason it was always the quiet boys who just unleashed wild personalities after a few drinks. Sai had been drinking since he got here and looked no different. Shino and Sasuke were slightly flushed, and Kiba was beet red.
"Who you calling a bitch," Sasuke snarled activating his Sharingan.
"Ooh I'm so scared Mr. Red Eyes," teased Shino. "That was four shots of tequila Sai just did. You and the flea bag both said you could match that and you haven't. Therefore it seems only fair that I have the right to call you a BITCH!"
"Hold on bug boy," cried Kiba who was sweating like hell. "Last time I checked, you didn't take four shots either. You just watched Sai take them."
Shino not one to be out done, quickly placed four cups on the table. He filled two with rum, and two with tequila. And then one after the other he drank them down and didn't even wince. And then Shino did something he never did, and removed his black shades.
"You bitches were saying," the Insect King growled. Sai tapped Shino's shoulder, and then placed his hand down so Shino could low five him hard.
Naruto could tell that Sasuke and Kiba didn't want to drink that much, but their pride was on the line. They lined up 4 shots apiece and downed them one after the other.
"Sasuke or Kiba," asked Kurama.
"Kiba," replied Naruto.
And a second later, Kiba rushed to the kitchen garbage and puked all in the pail.
"PUSSY," Sai exclaimed walking after him. "YOU FUCKING PUSSY! Look at you throwing up after 4 shots. And you got puke all over your shirt too fucking pathetic ass dog! Bad boy!"
"Fuck you Sai," Kiba groaned on his knees.
Shino laughed and helped his teammate up and to the upstairs bathroom so he could clean himself up. Naruto told Shino where he could find Kiba an extra shirt and watched as Choji stepped up to challenge Sai drinking. Needing to use the bathroom, Naruto went to the one downstairs, but he could hear someone in it. Seeing as how the door was slightly ajar, and he was drunk and didn't give a fuck, Naruto peeked inside. Sasuke and Luna were fucking in the shower. Sasuke was holding her and fucking her against the wall.
"Tell daddy how you like it," he said with a smile between thrusts.
"Oh just like that daddy," purred Luna.
Sasuke shut her up with a kiss and began to rub her tits. Laughing quietly, Naruto closed the door and decided to just use the bathroom in his bedroom. Quickly rushing upstairs, he opened his room door, yelled and turned around. The Kazekage of the Sand Village was having a threesome with Phoebe and Selene. Phoebe was laying across Gaara's chest while his shaft was going in and out of her extremely quick. Selene was sitting on his face an he was plunging his tongue in and out of her. Both girls were crying out extremely loud.
"GAARA," he shouted.
Gaara took his tongue out of Selene's pussy and growled back," WHAT?!"
"What do you mean 'WHAT' asshole?! There are three other rooms you could be fucking in and your fucking in mine!"
"Your bed was the most comfortable!"
"GET OUT NOW!"
"Alright alright look, I'm almost done, we'll get out after that I promise."
"NO GET OUT NOW!"
"I'm returning to my threesome now Naruto." Gaara started fucking Phoebe again, and stuck his entire face back into Selene's taint and she orgasmed on his face and Naruto's blankets. Slightly disgusted Naruto rushed into his bathroom before he pissed every where.
"I take back what I said earlier about Gaara," said Kurama. "Now I've fucking seen it all."
When Naruto exited the bathroom, Gaara had switched things around. He was now fucking Selene eagle-style and eating Phoebe out. With the horrible images forever etched into his mind, Naruto closed his room door. Walking downstairs, Naruto heard Sai's victory laugh meaning only one thing: Choji must've been throwing up now. Sure enough when he got into the living room, Naruto saw the big man with his face in a garbage bag. He was sitting on the couch puking while Shikamaru holding a beer patted his back.
"THAT'S RIGHT," bellowed Sai. "BABY RHINO JUST GOT HIS ASS BEAT! WHO'S NEXT?!"
"Humph," said Kankuro with a smile. He sat down in front of the pale painter with the tequila in his hands and began to pour. "Let's see what you got Sai."
"397, 398, 399, 400!" Naruto turned and could see a finally sober Rock Lee doing push-ups. Kiba was collapsed on the ground next to him in Naruto's frog work out tee. "Come on Kiba," he exclaimed. "Just 200 more."
"Lee I can't move my arms," whined Kiba.
"I'll do it," said Naruto taking his shirt off. He took a quick swig of beer. "Think you can keep up with me Lee?"
"No problem."
Naruto got down and Kiba slowly got up and counted them down. The first 100 push-ups for him were easy. That was a day to day thing for him. After 200 push-ups, things began to get difficult but he kept going.
"300 hundred," said Kiba.
Naruto activated his 9 tails chakra mode to give himself a boost of chakra so he could keep going.
"3rd Gate of Life open," cried Lee. His skin turned dark orange, his eyes vanished, his hair rose, and he was surrounded by a burst of green chakra. Receiving the boost needed, Lee also kept going. "You aren't the only one with tricks Naruto."
"400 guys," said Kiba.
Naruto pushed more chakra out and his golden 9 tails cloak, turned into the red chakra cloak with 9 visible tails.
"5th Gate of Closing," shouted Lee. There was a small burst of chakra and Lee sped up as well. "I will never lose!"
Naruto activated Sage Mode, and Lee opened the 6th Gate of Joy. It was now a race between the two every other minute Kiba called out a number. 600, 750, 900, but at 950 both he and Lee stopped and stared at one another. And unable to go down again, Naruto gave up.
"My poor arms," he chuckled slowly rubbing them. "Forgive me for what I've done to you."
"Not bad," Lee admitted. "It would stand as fact though that the only person who can beat me is Gai."
Hearing more vomiting and Sai's laugh, Naruto knew that Kankuro had been defeated as well. He could see the puppet master out in the backyard on his hands and knees throwing up on the grass.
"NEXT LOSER," cried the painter. Sasuke having finally finished fucking Luna stepped up to the plate. "I thought I kicked your ass already tonight Uchiha, no wait… that was the mutt." Sai said that because he knew Kiba was right behind him. "No matter, it will be my honor to whip the last Uchiha's ass at drinking."
"Think you can beat two people at once Sai," asked Naruto sitting down.
"Just don't blame me when you puke Naruto."
Since Choji was passed out, Shikamaru was to be the ref. Kiba placed a cup in front of each guy. Sasuke got to pick first and filled it with rum. Sai drank his and didn't even flinch. Naruto and Sasuke both took theirs with mild pain. Naruto picked second, and chose a full cup of beer. He downed that which washed some of that strong ass rum out of his mouth. While he felt terrible, Sai just kept on smiling, and Sasuke literally looked like he was going to pass out. The third round meant that Sai got to choose the drink. He chose a ½ shot of rum, and a ½ shot of tequila. Naruto took a deep breath, and downed the shot. It felt like his throat was going to pop out when the liquid touched it. Sasuke got off his chair and rushed to the garbage can and threw up. Sai threw back his head and roared with laughter.
"That shot has been taking them down all night," he teased. "And nobody's survived more than two of them but me."
"The odds aren't in your favor," admitted Kurama.
"Do you have any useful advice," asked Naruto.
"Being drunk is like being in a genjutsu, if you want I can make you 100% sober right now."
"DO IT!"
Feeling the fox's chakra disrupt his, Naruto's vision came completely into focus. With his head clear, he could think straight and that gave him a plan. He was going to beat Sai at his own game. Naruto mixed one part beer, one part tequila, and one part rum. Taking a deep breath he drank it. Tasted like rotten sludge but he got it down with some effort. Sai drank that horrible concoction like it was water and poured Naruto another rum-tequila shot. Sai went first downing the shot with ease as usual. Naruto wanted to cry since his plan failed. He took the shot and as soon as it touched his tongue, he shot upstairs to a bathroom and puked every where. He could hear Sai's triumphant laugh at having defeated another adversary drinking. Seeing as how he had vomit on his pants, Naruto knew that he needed to change. Tired as he was he headed towards his room. As Naruto got closer to his room he could hear Gaara yelling," whose your Kazekage bitch?!"
"You're my Kazekage," Selene shouted.
"What do you want me to do?!
"Fuck me harder Lord Gaara!"
Terrified for what he was about to see, but knowing he needed to change, Naruto opened the door. Gaara was fucking Selene doggy style and pulling her blond hair, while she ate out Phoebe who was standing. Grabbing Phoebe by her neck Gaara pulled her down some and kissed her. Realizing that Naruto was in the room the red head looked at him.
"You look awful," said Gaara without stopping his pace. He slapped Selene's ass and she screamed.
Ignoring that he had told Gaara to get out his room, Naruto changed his pants and closed the door. Back in the living room Sai had finally stopped the drinking contest and was just talking with Luna. She whispered something to him, and Sai quickly finished his beer and kissed her grabbing her ass. She broke them apart, and he led her into the bathroom. Naruto saw Sai tear off her thong and place her against the wall. Sai took off his pants and his 9 inch cock bounced out. He pushed into Luna with one stroke and she had an orgasm. Realizing the door was open Sai closed it locking it with a click. Two minutes later, they all heard Luna crying out Sai's name non-stop.
"If Sai's dick is that big how does he wear those tight ass pants all the time," asked Shikamaru.
"Good question," admitted Shino. "It's always the quiet ones."
"Like you're one to talk Shino," said Naruto looking at the clock and laying on the floor. It was past 2:30. "I think we're done tonight."
"I second that," groaned Kiba. "I've thrown up twice tonight. My eyes hurt, my head hurts, and I don't think my body can take anymore of me destroying it."
The rest of the guys who weren't passed out agreed. Everyone began taking off some form of clothing to get comfortable to go to sleep, when for the first time in hours, the Kazekage finally came back downstairs. Only he came back downstairs in a state that would be forever burned into everyone's mind. Gaara of the Desert walked downstairs butt naked with red pubes and all, and completely hard.
"Naruto," he quickly said shaking him. "Naruto, wake up."
"What the fuck Gaara," he groaned when he saw the state of him. "Seriously?! Can you put some pants on please? I've seen you naked far too many goddamn times tonight! And stop touching me! I know exactly where your hands have been tonight."
"Do we have anymore tequila?"
"I don't know, I don't want to think about alcohol anymore tonight."
"Do we?"
"I don't know! Check the crates shit, just leave me alone and get the hell away from me naked!"
"Dude are you naked," asked Sasuke who had just woke up.
"Shut up and go back to sleep."
"How can I go back to sleep when I've got your ass and your 7.5 in my face?"
"GAAAAARA," Selene shouted from upstairs. "Come back upstaaaairs."
"We want you to do that thing with your tongue again," whined Phoebe.
From head to toe, the Kazekage blushed as red as his hair. He rushed to a crate, grabbed a bottle of tequila, and with his dick bouncing for all the guys to see, he hurried back upstairs.
"I'm never inviting your brother to shit ever again Kankuro," snarled Naruto turning off the lights.
From the corner he was passing out in, Kankuro laughed.
Next Morning
Naruto awoke slowly, and very very painfully. The middle of head felt like it had been impaled by a shuriken. He had barely gotten any sleep. Half the night, all he heard was his bed creaking, and Phoebe and Selene shouting Gaara's name. All his friends were in lying sprawled out all over his living room. Kankuro was asleep next to a plant, Sasuke was knocked out on the coffee table, Shikamaru on the couch. Choji and Kiba were sharing a blanket, and Lee was knocked out on the table. He went into the downstairs bathroom and saw Sai and Luna both knocked out naked in the bathtub. She was asleep on Sai's chest. Shaking his head, Naruto went upstairs knowing he needed to go into his room to change his clothes. His whole room smelled like sex with a side of alcohol. Selene and Phoebe were both under the covers obviously exhausted after their endless night of fucking with Gaara. The Kazekage of the Sand Village was snoring on top the blankets spread eagle, holding a tequila bottle, and giving Naruto an unfortunate view of his ass. There was tons of DNA over his blankets, the carpet, and even the walls. He decided right then and there he was going to have to have this room stripped, re-walled, re-carpeted, re-painted, and he would also have to buy a new bed because there was no way in hell he would ever sleep in this one again.
Having a quick shower, Naruto walked outside in pants and his sandals to take in the morning air. The house was absolutely trashed. Hinata was going to castrate him if she didn't kill him first. It was an absolutely crazy night living it up with his friends. And despite everything that happened from drinking with Sai, to push-ups with Lee, and seeing a sex crazed Gaara, he would do it over again in a heart beat.