This chapter was inspired by the song "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You" By Michael Bolton.
Please Keep in mind that Carter Grant does not exist in this fic.
I could hardly believe it
When I heard the news today
Lena took a deep breath to calm her buzzing nerves as she stepped into the (formerly private) CatCo elevator. She'd finally gotten the courage to do something she had wanted to do from the moment Kara Danvers came into her office alongside Clark Kent; ask her out on a date.
It'd been a long three years, and they'd gone through a lot of drama together. They had survived the whole 'Mon-El fling' after Cat Grant had left National City the first time. He was most obviously a rebound; Kara had been devastated after the break-up of her secret relationship with Cat Grant (One that she'd only gotten the knowledge about when Kara had gotten inebriated off a very potent alien beverage.) She'd admitted that the reason she was in her (incredibly toxic) relationship with 'Mike' was that she didn't want to be alone.
Lena had frowned upon that, she'd have been more than willing to be her (not toxic) rebound if Kara had given her the honor, but now that she looked back on it she could see that Mon-El had been, although torturous, a blessing in disguise. Because Kara had needed a rebound in order to start the healing process, and now because that rebound hadn't been Lena, she had an opportunity to have something real with Kara.
Healing after Cat Grant, for Kara, had been an agonizing and grueling process that she just now showed signs of being over. Lena had no idea what that narcissistic bitch was thinking when she let the most perfect person (Kara) in the world go, but her loss would hopefully be Lena's gain.
Not only did their friendship go through the entirety of the Mon-Smell fiasco, but they had dealt with Cadmus, Lillian, Morgan Edge, and the Reign/Sam disaster that Lena still blamed herself for. She'd tried so hard to help Sam, but nothing worked, she'd only succeeded in accidentally giving Reign full control over Sam. Because of Lena's inability to refrain from tampering and trying to help, Kara and the team of convicted Super Villains, along with Alex and her FBI team had to end up fighting Reign until the end… Leaving Ruby an orphan; alone, devastated, and lost… until Alex stepped up and offered to adopt her. Kara had been devastated that she couldn't save Sam and Lena could see in Kara's eyes that the Kryptonian was furious with Lena for keeping her experimentation on Sam a secret from her.
They stood side by side at the funeral as they both gave a tear-jerking eulogy; and had both testified on Alex's behalf at the adoption hearing for Ruby. They had and even hugged when it was confirmed that Alex was now the legal mother of the girl, but the hug was tense, and Kara's smile was never aimed at the CEO's direction.
Lena and Kara had a falling out for about three months after that… Lena understood, and she'd tried her hardest to respect Kara's wishes, but she couldn't. Every night she'd drink herself to sleep, hoping that that was finally the night she'd drink one too many and float away into oblivion. She tried to be better than her brother, she really did… but it had backfired, just like it always did.
After three months of radio silence between her and Kara, she finally conceded to her guilt and stood at the edge of the roof of L-Corp. The woman she loved hated her… She'd killed her best friend, and no matter how hard she tried, no one would ever think of her as anything but a deplorable disgrace like the rest of her family… So, with a murmured. "I'm so sorry, Kara." She let herself fall off of the building.
She immediately filled with fear of the unknown but welcomed whatever her demise would be. She was a Luthor, after all. She deserved it.
But then her body was intercepted by a herd and familiar body, and gently lowered to the ground. When she opened her eyes and looked up at the woman before her, her breath was taken away… Kara. "Why?'' She asked the Kryptonian. "Why save me? Why not just let me fall? I- I can't take this anymore."
Kara frowned and pulled Lena into the tightest embrace they'd ever shared. "Because you're my best friend, Lena Luthor. I don't want to lose you."
And holy hell did that hurt… for more than one reason. One, because being Kara's best friend wasn't enough, and two… because it was a title, she didn't deserve. She didn't deserve that title in the least.
But they rekindled their friendship after that moment, Kara apologizing for things that she'd had every right to feel, and Lena profusely pleading for Kara to give her another chance.
I had to come and get it straight from you
They said you were leavin'
Someone's swept your heart away
They'd become closer than ever, and now, ten months later, Lena had the courage to finally ask Kara out.
As soon as the elevator doors open, the CEO could instantly feel something was wrong. The entire bullpen was quiet as soon as they saw her, and James' and Eve's faces were solemn when they saw her.
Lena ignored the anxiety that crept up through her spine and straightened her shoulders. "What? Has someone died?" She asked with faux nonchalance.
James swallowed thickly and refused to answer, causing Lena's stomach to drop.
"Who died!?" She asked insistently.
Eve jumped in. "No one died, Miss Luthor… It's just that… Miss Grant is back, and…" She trailed off, looking to James for help.
"And?" Lena pried, feeling nauseous, and wondering how Kara was holding up at the news, "And what?!"
"And she's staying. She asked Kara to join her team."
"Team? What team?" Lena asked, feeling herself begin to panic. Was Kara leaving National City?!
"Well, they're in Kara's office now, talking about the specifics of everything, but… from the way it sounded Kara is going to be Cat's Editor-in-Chief at her new company she's starting."
Lena's stomach fell to the floor. "New company?! Why am I just now hearing about all of this?"
"Because she just announced it to Kara when she and I were talking about her newest article… It was the first any of us have heard about it." James said defensively.
Lena clenched her jaw. She needed to see Kara immediately. Without another word, she bolted in the direction of Kara's office, but James' hand on her shoulder paused her. "Lena, there's something else you should know."
Lena had an inkling about what James was about to say, and it took everything she had in her not to hurl. "What's that, Mr. Olsen?" She asked as calmly as she could.
"I think… I think they just got back together." The CEO whispered sadly… He was one of only three people that knew about Cat and Kara's past relationship; Alex, Lena, and himself.
Lena swallowed thickly and nodded. "Of course. Thank you for the information." She grunted before yanking her shoulder away and rushing to the office of the woman that she loved.
From the look upon your face,
I see it's true
She reached the office in record time and took a steadying breath before she knocked once on the door. When it swung open, it revealed her worst nightmare… Cat Grant. "Ah! So, the rumors are true. The woman who started it all came back to start again!" She said in as friendly a manner as she could manage.
Cat smirked. "Oh, please, Dear. I never stopped, just changed lanes for a while."
Lena nodded with a tight-lipped smile as she watched Kara emerge from behind the half-opened door where the Queen of All Media stood, with a sparkle in her eyes that the current CatCo owner had never seen before.
"Lena! Have you met Cat before? I think you have… like… once. Right? Well, this is her again! She's back!" Kara rambled excitedly. The brunette didn't miss the look the two women before her shared.
"Yes, I've heard!" Lena said, as her heart broke into trillions of microscopic pieces. "What brings you back, Miss Grant?" She asked as Kara ushered her into the office.
"Well, now that there are only forty-seven days left until President-Elect Michelle Obama takes office, I figured it was time to fix a few mistakes I made years back." She said as she smiled lovingly at the Kryptonian.
Kara smiled back at her just as adoringly, making Lena want to punch the CatCo founder in the face. How was this fair? How could Kara so easily welcome Cat back after all the emotional torment the older woman had put her through… Sure they had remained friends after Cat had left, and cat had helped her with the Myriad incident, but that still doesn't explain why Kara was still in love with Cat, and not in love with Lena; someone who'd never dream of hurting Kara the way that Cat had.
"By offering Kara a high paying job?" Lena asked bluntly.
Cat arched a perfectly groomed eyebrow and appraised her for a moment before smirking knowingly. "Kara, Darling? What was your answer to my offer, sweetie?"
"I- Um… 'Only if Lena is okay with it.'" Kara replied.
Lena was taken aback, and the abandonment feeling she'd felt from the moment James hinted that Kara was offered a position elsewhere. She had to hide the flutter in her chest with a quirked eyebrow. She looked to the woman that had stolen Kara's heart. "Well, that depends," Lena admitted because it did depend… on quite a lot really.
"Oh?" Cat asked challengingly. "On what, exactly?"
Lena smirked, not many people would be able to tell it, but Lena could see that the Press Secretary was nervous because Lena had the upper hand, and although she tried to hide it well, Lena noticed. Because she and Cat had a lot in common, for instance, that both fell in love with the same adorkable superhero, and they both were known as ruthless billionaires. "Well, for starters what this company will be doing, where it will be located, and if you intend to break my best friend's heart again." She said bluntly, causing the former CEO to recoil minutely. "Also, if it will be in the best interest of Kara, and if it will be something she would enjoy doing. Plus, if she still will have time for her friends and sister."
Cat's jaw clenched, and Kara's eyes widened. "L-Lena, if you don't want me to go I wo-,"
"Don't be silly, Kara. If you'd be happier at Miss Grant's new business, I'd be thrilled for you to go." That was a lie, she'd die a little inside, but if it would make Kara happy, then Lena would pretend to be the happiest best friend in the world; even while her heart was being incinerated by doing so. "I just want to make sure that Catherine isn't planning to do anything rash."
Cat looked irate at Lena's accusation, but all the Luthor could do was smirk about it.
The older woman looked towards Kara for a moment before returning her sights to Lena. "I don't appreciate what you're implying, but I'll bite because you mean a lot to Kara," Cat said coolly. What do you want to know?"
Lena looked at Kara, who seemed extremely pale and frowned. "I suppose we should talk in private because your intentions seem rather suspicious to me. Why not just ask to buy back CatCo if you wanted to return to National City?"
Kara seemed intrigued by that question too, which only fueled Lena's desire to embarrass the usually crass and unaffected woman before her. She raised her chin and looked at the blonde billionaire expectantly.
Cat let out a huff. "I don't see how that is any of your business. The question was if you're okay with Kara leaving CatCo since you bought it for her…"
Lena ruffled at the last bit, "I bought it as an investment, not for Kara." Lena lied because she absolutely bought it for Kara.
Cat smirked at her with a knowing grin. "Well, then I don't see why Kara switching to GrantCo will be a problem for you. Do you?"
It was Lena's turn to hide her intimidation because damn was The Queen Of All Media good at turning the tables on her opponents. "No." She spat out reluctantly as she faked a smile. "I suppose I don't."
Kara beamed at Lena and rushed in to give her a hug. "Thank you, Lee!" She squealed excitedly. "You're the bestest best friend a Super could ever ask for!"
And god did that feel good to hear… Because at least Kara still valued her… it didn't make sense why she did, but she did, and Lena couldn't be happier about it… except perhaps, If Cat Grant just disappeared from Kara's heart and she chose Lena instead.
Cat smiled adoringly at the buzzing Kryptonian in Lena's arms, then met the CEO's eyes. She knew, Lena could tell as the CatCo founder smiled sadly at her. "I'm sorry, but I can't live without her." She mouthed.
And Lena swallowed thickly before nodding curtly once. She knew what that was like… Of course, she did, because Lena had no idea how she was supposed to live without Kara now that Cat was back.
So tell me all about it
Tell me the plans you're makin'
Then tell me one thing more before I go
Tell me how am supposed to live without you
Now that I've been lovin' you so long
How am I supposed to live without you
How am I supposed to carry on
When all that I've been livin 'for is gone
Once Cat had kissed Kara's cheek as a goodbye and then left for a meeting with the Contractors for the new GrantCo building, Kara and Lena were left alone in the office, Kara smiling brightly, and Lena trying her hardest not to fall apart.
"So, Editor-In-Chief, huh?" Lena asked, feigning excitement.
Kara jumped up and down. "I know! Isn't this amazing!? Cat wants to start GrantCo, and hopefully partner with CatCo in the future, but still keep them as separate entities. She wants to keep GrantCo for the soul purpose of reporting on everything that goes on in the government and keep CatCo open to everything. I have soooo many ideas, Lena! This is amazing!"
Lena smiled genuinely at how happy this opportunity seemed to make the woman she loved. "That's fantastic, Kara! I'm so happy for you."
Kara beamed at Lena. "Thank you for being so amazing about all of this. I know you hate Cat for how badly the break up hurt me, but… She explained everything more in-depth, and we are going to start things off slowly."
Lena's heart shattered at the confirmation of her fears… Cat Grant won Kara's heart back.
"Of course, Kara… I just want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted."
Kara smiled at her lovingly. "How'd I get lucky enough to find a best friend as awesome as you?" She asked sweetly as she tugged the brunette into a hug.
And all Lena could do was pull Kara in tighter so that she wouldn't see the silent tears that were falling down her face. "How am I supposed to live without you?" Lena asked roughly.
Kara chuckled and tightened her embrace. "I'm not leaving National City, Lena… Just CatCo."
Lena nodded into the Kryptonian's shoulder, but still couldn't fight the ache in her chest… Kara had no idea what Lena meant by that, but she couldn't blame er… She'd kept her feelings for the Reporter locked away for over three years...
Too proud for cryin'
Didn't come here to break down
It's just a dream of mine is coming to an end
And how can I blame you
When I built my world around
The hope that one day we'd be so much
more than friends
That afternoon, Lena stood in front of Kara's apartment door, not being able to bear the thought of being away from the blonde more than she had to currently. She took a deep breath and knocked… She really just needed to see her best friend right now, because hearing the fact that Kara was back with Cat, was more than she could handle alone at the moment. She refused to cry, that's not why she came here. She came there to be in the presence of the woman she loved.
The door opened slowly, and Kara's body emerged from behind it. "Lena!" The pajama clad Kara exclaimed. "I wasn't expecting you, but I'm so glad that you're here!" She said with a smile as she stepped to the side to let Lena enter.
"You are, are you?" Lena said teasingly as she raised her brows, earning a jubilant laugh from the alien before her.
"Yes! I am I need help picking out an outfit for my date with Cat tonight. It's our first date since she and I made amends, and I really just want to know how you chose your dress for your first date after you and Jac-," Kara cut herself off as a realization hit her, and she looked absolutely mortified.
Lena's heart ached at the reminder of not only her dead ex-boyfriend who had been merely a beard, but also her best friend, and at the reminder that she'd lost Kara to Cat Grant. She waved a dismissive hand; it wasn't Kara's fault after all. "Kara, it's okay. Don't worry about it," She said with a laidback chuckle. "I just picked out a dress that I knew I liked, and that was his favorite color."
Kara frowned. "But I look terrible in red."
Lena's mouth dried at the thought of Kara dressed in her deep-red sundress that she'd worn to the last CatCo gala. "I beg to differ." She said hoarsely. Kara looked at her with a bemused smile, so she cleared her throat and spoke again. "You'd look good in a trash bag, Kara. Wear whatever you want, Cat isn't going to be anything but amazed."
Kara giggled. "I hope so… I don't want to mess this up before it even gets started."
Lena shook her head. Irritated that Cat had left Kara so insecure. She wanted to scream at her, telling her that she was being stupid, that she had Lena and all she had to do was claim her, but she didn't. It wasn't Kara's fault. She deserved to be happy, and if it's Cat Grant that made her happy, then who was she to stand in her way? It wasn't Kara's fault that Lena had believed that one day that might possibly have a chance at romance together. "If she leaves you again, I'll literally kill her."
Kara laughed aloud, sending shivers of pure adoration through her spine. Lena prided herself in knowing that she had caused Kara's momentary joy before there was a knock at the door before it flew open with a clam, and in stepped Alex Danvers.
"KARA ZOR-EL DANVERS ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND!?" She screamed. "YOU TOOK CAT GRANT BACK!?"
Lena wanted to laugh, to join in on Alex's lecture, but the look of guilt on Kara's face for doing something that made her happy only caused more of an ache in her heart. Kara deserved to be happy more than anyone else, no matter who it was that brought her that happiness.
"Alex, I love her…"
And that was Lena's cue to leave.
And I don't wanna know the price I'm
gonna pay for dreaming
When even now it's more than I can take
As she reached the Town Car she'd arrived in, her driver opened to door for her, and she thanked him as he closed it behind her. She sat in the back, feeling the tears well up behind her eyelids, and before she knew it, they were once again spewing from her eyes.
This was what she got for dreaming of a happy ending for herself. She didn't want to know what else would become of her misplaced love, what else she would lose because she loved Kara and Kara didn't feel the same; but she knew that when she found out, when she did lose more… it'd most likely kill her… Especially if it was Kara that she lost.
This chapter was inspired by the song "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You" By Michael Bolton.
Next Chapter will show some of Cat's point of view, and some Jealous CEOs fighting for Kara's attention.
Who do you think Kara will choose in the end?
Let me know if you enjoyed!