Pen Name: Kyllia Kakanto

Story: Soulless Pain

Dedicated to: Kyomi Terakada and Helena-Jeanne-Chibi

Pairing: YohxAnna

Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King or Britney Spear's Evertime.

Summary: Anna finally realizes that she loves Yoh but Yoh has changed. He doesn't care that he's hurting her. Why? Because of something Hao said. Pain comes to Anna like never before.

/Thoughts/

" Speech"

Flashback

Songlyrics

She sat eyes dull and listless. Again he was away again more pain seeped in. Blonde hair was dishevelled and depression evident in her every movement. She knew where he was and why he was but no truth she could think of. Change was unbearable and her heart ached as she drowned in loneliness. But she was strong nothing could penetrate that.

Grabbing her bandana, she headed for the door unconsciously. Soon she found herself blocks away from home and chilled by the night air. She passed stores and restaurants, which were all closed for the night. She wandered aimlessly and was walking with no destination in mind. She ignored late passers-by and closed her eyes loving the tranquility.

She continued walking. Minutes later, eyes snapped open and were filled with hurt, hurt from love. Her lips parted and closed again, pressed in a thin line. Before this all happened he would have found her and giving her a jacket before a minute was over. The difference between the past and the future.

Notice me, take my hand

Why are we strangers when

Our love is strong

Why carry on without me

The girl sighed unhappily and was overcome by happy memories of times together. A bridge loomed in the distance. A grimace crossed the delicate feature on her face. Negligence didn't matter for she still loved him and always would, nothing could change that. It didn't matter if the feeling was buried deeper than ever in her soul.

She remembered the time before this and how she acted. She knew she had been harsh and a little selfish just so she could be shaman queen. But in her heart she knew she had never inflicted pain like he was doing now. After the tragic, last battle, he changed like a part of his soul was gone. Her eyes flashed hatred and she murmured, "I hate you Asakura, Hao."

Hatred left and she gasped as the silhouette of a person waved in the wind. She almost broke down crying but her hand clenched tighter drawing blood to remind herself. A stinging sensation filled her but this was not pain. Physical wounds aren't pain; nothing is pain when compared to what those you love inflict on you. She knew this and her face remained passive.

She could not go and talk to him in the state she was in. Or could she? She could run out onto that bridge and yell and hit him 'til he couldn't stand it anymore. Either way she knew it wouldn't change a thing. Her feet began towards the unwanted location. Each step a huge effort and she felt herself drain. Her heart twisted again and unimaginable pain washed over her. She still continued stumbling forward.

Everytime I try to fly, I fall

Without my wings, I feel so small

I guess I need you, baby

And everytime I see you in my dreams

I see your face, it's haunting me

I guess I need you, baby

A cold breeze made her shiver but she made no movement to warm herself. The moon sat glowing in the darkness of the night. The distance figure and bridge drew closer and a feeling of dread took over. What he were to ignore and make her look like a fool? What if he said the three words that would definitely tear her apart? She paused mid-step and thought it over.

She pushed back those thoughts and calmed herself. She was acting different all because of love, /All because of love, love and fate. / She contemplated remorsefully. The blonde couldn't remember the last time she had been upset and uptight. Never since she became an itako. Never had she lost grasp on her emotions.

A breath of cold air filled her lungs. She began to climb the small hill that stretched to the bridge. Hands reached up to tie the red bandana on her head instead around her neck. She smiled faintly and a smirk played on her lips, still her eyes gave her away, / Here we go. /

A flash of the eyes and a ducked hear was over in a few seconds. The sad features on her face turned cold and her eyes icy, ready to penetrate anything. Her right foot tapped the foot of the bridge. The figure turned slightly to acknowledge her but did no more. He knew who it was as soon as she had approached and she knew as soon as she saw the bare silhouette.

He was hunched over the railing of the bridge and stared down at the shadowed stream. She studied him for a while her face strangely emotionless even her eyes. She could feel his aura; it was empty as empty as his eyes were when their gazes finally met. Instantly, she could not blame everything on Hao or him.

A bit of both, but still resentment built up when she realized he could fight it. He could become carefree and laidback once more. It was mostly his fault, even still it didn't matter whoever's fault she still hated it. She hated those bottomless eyes that used to hold warmth. Hated those lips that were in a frown that should have been smiling widely. Hate... Would she ever be able to hate him?

I make believe that you are here

It's the only way I see clear

What have I done

You seem to move on easy

Day after day, she wanted him with her. She always had though kept it as one of her deepest secrets. But what she wanted was what she fell in love with. Not this; never this. She had never told it to his face that she loved him. But she knew now she should have. She revealed to herself to late that she loved him. She figured it to late, time slipped.

She opened her mouth, no sound emitted. On another decision, she closed her mouth and they waited in silence. Her eyes burned into his back, searching his soul. Another breeze whistled by ruffling their clothes and blew through their hair. No other movement. An icy sensation bit at their exposed arms. Both remained stoic. Never...

She fought back the will to start the well-needed conversation, /Let him begin. / She thought bitterly and her face contorted into a glare. How she hated him yet loved him! He had loved her once too and never ceased to show her. Back then, to her, it was a kind of pleasurable annoyance. Now... she wished to be loved once more, to hear those significant three little words.

In the past, she was emotionless, void compared to the cheerful attitude he held. Now they were the same, he being worse though. No use living in the past, it never was and never will be. His eyes shifted and she bit her lip uncomfortably happy that his back was to her and he didn't see. A blank, sidelong glance was sent to her. To a weaker soul the eyes that held no spirit whatsoever would be shocking but not to her.

And everytime I try to fly, I fall

Without my wings, I feel so small

I guess I need you, baby

And everytime I see you in my dreams

I see your face, you're haunting me

I guess I need you, baby

Her eyes glazed as she was swept through memories. She was plunged down to reality at his chilling voice. This, to her, was not reality just some horrible, bad dream, "So?"

She shook her head and cleared her thoughts. She found her voice as cold as his when she spoke, "Where were you today?" Silence filled the air once more. Anger surged through her and her voice dripped with the same anger, "At the shrine, was it?" A slight dip of the head signified her 'guess' correct. Then as always, unbearable silence.

She waited for the sound of his voice but found a wave of calming crickets' chirps. Her heart ached. Her voice cold as ever again, " Tell me the reason for this. Why did you change? It's not like you to take anything seriously." She demanded from him.

"This is the way it is. No one planned this." She was haunted by the tone of his voice. This could not be her fiancée. It was impossible for it to be true. She had to believe this was not real. But still, it was futile to deny the truth. Silence once again stood in the air, tension built up.

She longed to shriek at him and lash out with hatred but she couldn't. A numbing feeling over took her body and she looked at him longingly. She had to gain control of herself. She couldn't risk falling apart. He was still gazing at this reflection in the water and paid no attention to her. As if she was invisible. She couldn't take it, "What happened to you?! You're worse than me."

She received a sneer and harsh words, "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say it." He didn't notice tears in her eyes that were hurriedly blinked back in a flash.

"You don't know and most likely don't care how I would feel, would you?" She crossed her arms and breathed heavily. His shoulders tensed up and his eyes, which she couldn't see, widened. Her harsh breathing faded and the extent of her words, that got practically no reaction, stopped her in her tracks. Was that really true? Did he not care anymore? This had to be the worst nightmare yet. She whispered almost painfully, "You wouldn't care if I cried."

She held her emotions in check and was relieved to hear his voice. Though it was toneless, "Why would you cry? You're not like that." He closed his eyes and tilted his head back. He looked so at peace engulfed by the wind blowing by.

She stared at him while brushing her own wind-blown hair back. Rage sparked in her eyes and she growled at him, "It's not what I was or am now. It's not how you were or how you are now. It's because the truth hasn't come out no matter how much a I feel it." She then realized she made no sense but thought nothing more about it.

He didn't move but it was obvious he was confused. She sucked in a shuddering breath making sure he didn't hear it. He was left in silence to ponder what she had said. Few things came to mind but each brushed off at the mere thought of them. / Nothing seems right. /

"I didn't want this to happen." Her voice sounded hollow and dead. He made no motion, no movement, no sound to verify he heard her. I was like this every time wasn't it? The blonde glanced away from him, her eyes downcast.

He replied his voice hinting at emotions, "Well, nothing's going to change anytime soon." He gazed at the stars scrutinizing them to and extent. His actions bothered her and he knew it. Knew it and did nothing; his real self buried and locked away for time. If it hurt him to see her like this, he didn't show it.

"Why can't it be like before?" She demanded an answer from him. But she already knew what the answer was going to be, silence. In silence they stayed for what seemed like eternity. Tears welled up and were blinked back angrily. She was fuming inside and her fists shook in anger.

If she was still living in the past, she would have slapped him a long time ago. Now it just seemed not right to force him out of it. She couldn't move her hand to hit him. She found out now what love can really do. It can trap and ensnarl you in its deadly lines. It was cruel, harsh, vicious yet at the same time full of passion.

It was known in her heart since forever that she felt for him. Her mind, however, would not accept it. Never had she known it's full extent. What the person you love can do with that simple feeling. Simple yet so complicated in a way that it can tear you apart. Rip your soul and scatter the pieces. As now, her heart shattered though she didn't show it. Either way it was there, no use denying it. Her eyes held a secret image, not shown 'til you saw with the insight of experience.

Footsteps echoed throughout the area. She watched him leave with indifference. It didn't matter what happened now for she was already broken. You could feel the emotions radiating off her where no one was there. Love, hate, anger, and hurt. It filled her heart and took control of her very spirit. Her eyes followed him until he faded into the haze. That's when she found her soul consumed and yelled.

I may have made it rain

Please forgive me

My weakness caused you pain

And this song's my sorry

She already realized that no answer was the only option on his mind. Anger bubbled in her chest and she vowed never to talk to him again. Determination built up and her own footsteps led away in the opposite direction. Back to their house was what she aimed for. In her angered rush, it took her half the time to get back. The door flew open at her harsh touch.

She marched to her room and lay on the futon. Words and actions played over and over in her head. She drifted into an uneasy sleep. Only a few minutes past before her eyes opened again and memories invaded her mind, overwhelming each other and her. She pushed them away and forced her eyes closed. Every few minutes, the same thing would happen again.

A groan of annoyance rang out as she gritted her teeth. How could she have let him through her walls and be so careless? The answer was clear; it was that stupid thing called love. So she set herself on never loving again. Never would her heart break. A breath caught in her throat when a click echoed through the house.

The familiar click of the door opening then another snap as it closed again. The pattern of footsteps was all too familiar. The padding of feet was heard going upstairs. He entered the room beside her and soft music began to play. The blonde tilted her head to the side and the notes that drifted towards her grew louder. The tune filled her mind, haunting and filled with anguish, just like her feelings. Just exactly like her life always was. She closed her eyes and imagined his smiling face, but as change would have it, it turned into a passive expression.

If she had no feelings this pain would not be real. If this never happened faults could never be found. If love weren't true she would be still herself. Turn back time. Find a way. Push away. Run away. Decisions and choices to be made. Forget what destiny was meant to be. All this could fade in a single action.

She picked herself up and headed towards her closet. Her bandana was pulled off to create a makeshift carrier. She packed what little possessions she had and tied the ends of the red cloth. She closed her eyes and once again cleared her mind. But for her to forget all of this she had to do something first. Something to take the feeling of heavy weighted truth off her shoulders.

At night I pray

That soon your face will fade away

With a small grunt of effort, she stood up and slung the 'bag' hung on a stick over her shoulders. Just like she came would be just like she left. She scanned the room for the last time. Her footsteps were quiet as she walked out of the bedroom and closed the door behind her with a barely audible click. She made her way to her fiancée's door and put her right hand flat against the surface. Her eyes flashed emotionless.

" Aishiteru." She whispered and her hand slipped from the door. She spun on her heals and strode briskly out of the house not hearing the music stop abruptly at her words.

The boy in the room clicked off the music with haste. He turned to scramble and stop her. He knew, however, that wasn't going to help. What he had become would never change back. So he was going to hurt her if he was selfish. Anger burned in his eyes at what he had done. He was so stupid.

He drew a shuddering breath and slammed his fist on the floor. Ignoring the pain, he slid against the wall and closed his eyes how could he have done that? She was never coming back... never saying those special words again. All because of a single, dying speech from Hao.

Flashback

He gave it his all. One last shot, one last chance, one last opportunity. He brought the sword down as hard as he could. His muscles crying in protest. His furyoku running low. He felt a part of him drain as he destroyed Hao. Burning pain stabs at him as she rids the world of the akuma who ravaged it.

Hao, his only brother, a twin no less. It was as Hao said though, "I am a part of you as you area part of me." He felt himself being torn as he killed Hao. One part of him flew away. Ying and Yang. Totally opposites but each balances the other out. One will be in turmoil without the other. Light sheds on darkness as shadows sheds on light. Their souls mixed.

It didn't matter what happened that tore him in two but what Hao said as he died, "This was destiny. It was fate that made you kill your only brother. But you should know as much as you believe in destiny and the course of things that this could have changed. If you asked I could have stopped my ways. To hell with destiny. But you never asked, never... asked for... me... to be... your brother." Hao's voice trailed out and his soul passed on. The words imprinted on him. He believed every word.

And slowly, he began to fall into depression. He began changing slowly. His life made a 360 and transformed. His friends knew nothing of this as they left for their own lives to continue. She knew what was happening. She was pushed away by him. She found her love for him too late. She was his fiancée; she was Anna the itako. One of the strongest women alive, but as most, fell by love.

End Flashback

He hated himself for believing Hao. Destiny ruled and nothing could change that. Not even Hao could change from the devil he was to a caring older brother. Lies are the downfall of love and life. As destiny had it, he became Shaman King. As prophesized and known he was Asakura, Yoh. He was the successor of the Asakura title and the avenger of many generations from the antics of Hao.

Yoh stood at the window. Anna's figure could still be made out in the fog that covered the morning. His soul cried out as his voice did, " Anna!" He watched as the figure paused then shake her head and continue. He could change; he knew he could. He had to try. Yoh rushed downstairs and put on his jacket. On the way out he grabbed something quickly. The door flung open and he entered into the world of fog.

Anna trudged on, before if she was out in the cold in less that a minute Yoh would come with a coat. / No more. / She told herself sternly her tone clipped. She showed no signs that she was cold. In her heart, even in denial, she wished him to come. Less than a minute...

" Anna!" Yoh called after her, catching up easily as he was running and she was walking steadily. He stopped a few paces behind her and said quietly, "You shouldn't be out here in the cold without a jacket."

As if nothing ever happened, Anna turned and stared into the now laughter filled eyes. Back to the past. She replied coldly as always, " Did I tell you to come?" Despite what she said, her hand reached out and took the coat. She gingerly wrapped it around herself, " You're supposed to be doing chores! 50 laps around the onsen."

"Hai." Yoh said, smiling sheepishly. He turned back towards their home but something caught his eye. He swung back around and looked on. A single tear dropped down Anna's cheek. The first time ever she cried since her parents died. The tears were happy she would never let sad tears run free.

Yoh reached out tentatively and cupped his hand on her cheek; using his thumb he wiped away the drop. He lowered his head and their lips met for a brief chaste kiss. Their lips parted only a second before Anna's hand flew around his neck. Yoh felt blood rush to his cheeks but Anna had barely any change. Still anyone looking in her eyes would be surprised. She pulled him down for a second kiss. This one full of passion.

They crushed their lips together once more, devouring each other. Hot, pleasurable tingles shot down their back. They pressed against each other still kissing hungrily. Her fingers moved themselves around his hair and his gripped wound around her waist. Time stopped abruptly and each were lost in their own world. Brought down to reality only when they broke away for air. Their eyes met briefly and Yoh had a tint of pink.

"Back to the way things were." She murmured, a slight smile playing on her lips. Then as fast as that came the real Anna came forth. Yes, back to the way things should be. Except one thing, one feeling was different. The joy and happiness of love replaced the sorrow caused by the very same thing.

And everytime I try to fly, I fall

Without my wings, I feel so small

I guess I need you, baby

And everytime I see you in my dreams

I see your face, you're haunting me

I guess I need you, baby

Owari

Kyllia: This is a story I wrote cuz.... I felt like it! Ok Ok I need to get some angst off of me . Anyways, review ne? I love reviews huggles my few reviews I'll be posting a prologue and epilogue... epilogue first cuz ya " Anyways.... Yeah maybe Anna is a little OOC but hey the story had to work one way or another! NOW PRESS THE BUTTON! ahem please?