Dear Merlin, it's me, Lily. I know what you're thinking: why's she talking to me? Why's she wasting her time trying to sort out her feelings with a Wizard who's been dead for over decades? Well, the answer is I just don't know who else to turn to. I mean, all I have are the Professors, or my mum and I'm sure that one bloke in my year, Lupin, would even listen to me, but you're different. You're the great and powerful Merlin! You know anything and everything and I'm… just Lily Evans.

Lily Evans who's completely smattered with James Potter.

And again, I'm sure I know what you're thinking. You're either thinking, "Well, he's a gorgeous bloke, and he's almost perfect in every way, that's understandable." But the thing is; he's not perfect! He's arrogant and conceited and the biggest prat I know! He's almost as bad as Hitler! Well… maybe not Hitler, but if you could see the way he treats everyone, Merlin, you'd understand where I'm coming from. I mean… he acts like he owns Hogwarts! I know he's rich and all, but he still doesn't own the school.

Another thing you could be thinking is, "Oh, my. How could you, bookworm and an O student fall for him, prankster, troublemaker and skiv-classes-expert?" I don't know how it happened, Merlin, it just did. I was sitting in History of Magic class and thinking – because there's really no point in listening to Mr. Binns' lectures anyway – and he was sitting down the row from me and I couldn't help but notice how gorgeous he was. I mean, we're only fourteen but he's already looking so cute. And… and… it just sort of happened. There are some things you just can't control.

And it gets worse, too. As I sat there, daydreaming about how cute Potter is, I couldn't help but think of the future. What if he asked me out? What if I said yes? And here's the point of no-return, Merlin: What if we got married? And then, it just started going downhill from there… What if we had a baby? I then decided I wanted a boy, and had already come up with a name for him (Harry, after my favourite uncle – doesn't the name 'Harry Potter' just sound so right?) when I realized just what I'd done.

You see, before the little 'incident' as I have a tendency to call it now, I hated Potter and everything to do with him. I hated the way he treated the younger students, I hated the way he always pulled pranks and I hated the way he was so mean to me. He still is, too. He pulls my hair all the time and makes fun of me because my hair's so red. I asked my mum why boys do things like that a couple years ago, and she said they only do that if they like you.

James Potter? Like me? Yea, right.

Well, somehow, I don't think he'd be so convincing if he did like me. Which he doesn't! And just because I like him now doesn't mean I'd even date him. Just because I was imagining getting married to him in History of Magic class doesn't mean I would actually go through with it. There's still the fact that he's mean, there's still the fact that he pulls pranks with Black and there's still the fact that I'm Lily Evans and he's James Potter.

You heard me right, Merlin. I'm Lily Evans and he's James Potter and you just don't date each other if that's who you are. It bodes ill, you know. I've already confided all this to my best mate, Alice, and she reckons I'm just making up excuses now, but think about it, am I really? Because I don't think so. I think me being Lily and him being James is an excellent reason not to date.

I am a Muggleborn, and he is a Pureblood. That too, is a good reason. I know, I know, I'm being 'racist', but… it's just how it works in the Wizarding world! I don't know what things were like back in your time, Merlin, but in my time, you get killed for that! No, seriously, a really deranged Wizard called "Lord Voldemort" just popped up from out of nowhere and started killing all the Muggleborns. So in reality, it really can get you killed.

So you see Merlin, it would never work out. And I'm planning on keeping it that way. I am going to be the meanest, rudest, most horrible person ever to him; that way, if he really does like me, he'll actually start to hate me. He'll hate me so much, that he won't even want to look at me.

My big self-sacrifice. I'm giving up James Potter. Which is only slightly hard; I mean, I'm fourteen, what seems like love to me now is only, in reality, puppy-love. It'll pass in a few weeks, and if it doesn't… well, there's only three more years 'till I graduate. I'm sure I can resist him for that long; he doesn't exactly make it hard with his vulgar-jokes and arrogant attitude.

Piece of cake, right?

I'm so buggared, aren't I? Well, it'll work out eventually. He'll find some ditzy, gorgeous and leggy blonde and I'll move on with life. Simple, right? It's always simple. Life is simple, it's just your heart that buggars things up. But this time, my heart's staying out of the equation, because I am going to transform myself into 'The Ice Queen'. If I can convince all the other guys that I'm cold, then I can convince him too, and if he really does like me (which I seriously doubt), he'll give it up and move on.

I don't get top grades for nothing, Merlin. Nor do I get voted "Gryffindor's smartest Fourth Year" for nothing, either. I come up with plans! Big, big plans that'll crush my heart but save our lives. I don't want him to end up dead, and… well, I have big plans too for my life that I want to complete before I kick the bucket, or so to speak.

Well, Merlin, thanks for listening to me. I'm sorry I bothered your… err… death.

Yours Faithfully,
Lily Evans.

A/N … It just sort of came out::sigh:: What am I going to do with myself::shifty eyes:: Ah well, review if you can! (And I know you all can!) I'm thinking of making this a two-shot. With this chapter being in her fourth year (for all those a little slower than the rest who didn't figure it out :P) and the next when she's in her seventh year and is dating him. I might even make it a three-shot with a chapter in between to transcend it. Heh, what do y'all think?

xox Caramel