AN: I do not dislike Balthier and I also don't think size is all that matters. This is just a bit of humor at Balthier's expense...

Disclaimer: I do not own FFXII

Like Malboros in Heat

Balthier never thought he'd be a man to envy much of anything. He had a beautiful Viera partner, an airship of his own, infamy, treasures, and if he really wanted to brag a noble background. He also had to say he didn't miss the lingering glances the Princess and Vaan's girlfriend sent his way no matter how uninterested they claimed to be.

Admittedly now he could see he was wrong. He wouldn't trade in his life for anything in the world, but he felt just a tad bit slighted by the gods. For everything he had why then wasn't he bestowed with the gift given Vaan. Was it to prevent him from being too perfect?

It all started when they were miles away from Nalbina and Rabanstre with no camp in sight. They had quite a romp through the desert and when they finally were ready to stop, Vaan and Basch, being the close range fighters were the worse of the bunch: Vaan with his lack of care, Basch for having done more than his share of fighting to keep fiends away from the princess.

Vaan and Basch had just come back from getting enough brush for a fire when Ashe, plugging her nose finally yelled.

"I just can't take it anymore! Please take a bath you two smell like a couple of malboro in heat!"

Vaan blinked, and so did Basch, as they exchanged glances. Basch however nodded, and stood after setting down his bundle of sticks.

"Of course," he said.

"I don't wanna!" was what came from Vaan's mouth.

"Vaan," Penelo said, taking the bundle from Vaan's arms and then setting it on top of Basch's. "Just do it. You do reek and when was the last time you bathed anyway?"

Vaan might have blushed at being called out like that, but his face was too dirty for anyone to really tell.

Balthier stood and stretched.

"Yes I suppose a dip in the river wouldn't be too bad," he drawled. "This heat can take a lot out of a leading man. Normally I'd insist ladies first but since the smell has gotten a bit much for the lady folk I guess I'll join you fellows for a dip."

"See," Ashe said, leveling a glare at Vaan. "Why can't you be more like Basch and Balthier?"

Vaan grumbled and turned to head towards the river, and Basch wordlessly went to follow. Balthier chuckled to himself.

"Remember ladies… no peaking," he teased before following after them.

So thus there they were at the river bank. None of the men in the group had much reservation about being naked in front of other men. Balthier especially felt he had nothing to be ashamed of. But Vaan seemed to linger at the bank, staring at the waters. Balthier chuckled as he reached Vaan's side.

"Hurry now," he said patting the young Rabanastran youth. "The sooner you jump in the sooner it'll be over."

That said Balthier began to undress, folding each article before removing the next piece. Basch had already disrobed and was waist deep in the water. Balthier paid the knight no mind and in turn turned his attention to Vaan ready to tease him. However what he saw made his eyes bulge slightly.

Balthier was still working on his cuffs but Vaan had managed to already be rid of his vest and his pants and sash were pooled around his dirty ankles. But that wasn't what surprised him. No it was rather a certain part of the boy's anatomy. In fact, the boy was quite…

Endowed…

Vaan stretched, and the half hard mast twitched. The boy kicked the pants that were at his feet and the appendage bounced tauntingly.

Balthier was mortified.

He had never seen anything quite like it and that was what led to the feelings of inadequacy hitherto mentioned at the outset of the tale. He had never had need to envy another man for anything. He was blessed with everything a man could gain in life and yet this mere boy. One of not so noble breeding as him self, without any substantial material means, absolutely nothing going for him was blessed with a natural gift so many men strived for. It was inane!

As if unaware of the beast, the serpent, the creature flailing from his crotch, Vaan turned towards Balthier and with his hands on his hips began to rock about impatiently. It was a gesture Balthier had seen the boy do with pants on but in his state of undress Balthier had to do everything within his willpower to keep his face perfectly indifferent.

"Come on," the boy whined. "Must you fold everything? Just get naked so we can get outta here! Basch is almost done."

"Right," Balthier said, shrugging off his shirt finally.

Vaan rolled his eyes and immediately the teenager's hands shot forward to the waist of the sky pirate's trousers as if to rush him along. Balthier hopped backward a bit too quickly as if scalded.

"I can undress myself just fine!" Balthier growled in a manner so aggressive it surprised even himself.

Embarrassed, Vaan stepped back and murmured something that sounded like an apology. The boy and his giant prick wandered away and towards the water where the beast was finally submerged. As the boy was finally getting in the water Basch was coming out.

Balthier let ought a sigh and began to undo his pants. There was no need feeling inadequate about him self. So what if a 17 year old street rat with no family, money or reputation was packing more heat than him. He was Balthier a sky pirate and he didn't need to measure up to any other man. He was better in every category and he certainly knew how to work what nature gave him.

Basch was bending down going through his clothes that were on the bank when he noticed Balthier still slowly working at his clothing.

"Don't think too much about it," Basch said cryptically.

"What?" Balthier knit his brows in confusion.

"I was in the military," Basch said. "I've seen a lot of… things."

Basch slipped his shorts back on over his wet legs and then began to work on his red shirt.

"Pardon me?" Balthier asked.

Basch clapped a soggy hand onto Balthier's bare shoulder and gestured towards the boy who was now splashing about haphazardly in the water.

"If you think that's something you should have seen his brother."

That said Balthier made a mad dash to the water's edge, pants around his ankles, desperate to scrub the image from the back of his eye lids.

Basch chuckled and walked off back towards the camp. Sure it wasn't something he usually did, honor and all that being important to him. But he couldn't help poking at the pirate's apparent insecurity. Maybe that'll keep him from sending lecherous glances from the Princess, at least for the remainder of the night.

THE END

AN: i couldn't think of an end to be honest. thanks for reading please review