AOS One-Shot: Touching Coldness
By: LavenderAndSnow
Ward's jealousy, May's insecurity, and Coulson's hesitation. A one-shot set in S1, minor spoiler for future seasons. A hint of Mayward and Philinda slow burn. Angst warning.
Day—Grant Ward
It has been a long and difficult day for Agent Grant Ward, and he has been through enough tough times.
It wasn't the mission he was worried about—being one of the top specialists, every mission he encountered was not easy. He was used to separate his personal feelings from his work—not letting his human emotions set into place, whether it be fear, anxiety, or anger.
This time was different. Melinda May was captured and tortured.
Every second he could hear his anger screaming through his heart. Every second felt like forever.
When the team got May back, it was almost dark outside. Grant Ward saw her blood covered face—she looked so fragile, yet her eyes were sharp like knives.
Ward still remembered when he first met May in person. He had no idea she was on Coulson's team until she came to the conference room for a flight route report. That was the first time Grant Ward lied eyes on Melinda May, the legendary Cavalry everyone at SHIELD talked about. She was younger than he imagined, radiating a sense of mystery, maturity, and remarkable calmness. Ward felt something stroked his heart lightly.
He was worried about her, but he tried hard to conceal his feelings.
He took a deep breath and pulled through all his courage to follow behind May to the medical room.
"I can help patch you up, you know." That was all he said.
May stopped, but did not turn around.
"No. I got this." She kept walking, leaving Ward standing in the hallway, not knowing what to do.
Her voice was as calm as usual, almost ice cold.
Maybe he was not important, indeed. Ward was trying hard not to let anger take over. He needed something, he needed to feel something.
Ward went straight to the bar. When the shot of whiskey burnt through his throat, he felt a slight sense of relief. He was still worried about her. More than a friend, more than a teammate.
Ward couldn't help but walk straight to the medical room again. This time without any hesitation.
What he saw at the door, however, made him stopped right there, suddenly.
May was not alone in the medical room. Coulson was there.
Ward saw Coulson cleaning her wound with a cotton swab. He was saying something—Ward couldn't hear. Coulson then stitched up May's wound carefully. His face was full of concern.
Even though Ward couldn't hear what they were saying, there was one thing he became clear about. The closeness May and Coulson shared, he didn't have. He craved it.
He craved the intimate connection Coulson always had with May. Jealousy creeped through Ward's heart.
He couldn't bring himself to walk over to her. Instead, he just stood at the door, leaning against the wall. He closed his eyes with a silent sigh.
He remembered the first time he touched her, the first time they kissed. She covered his lips with desire, as if that was the end of the world.
He remembered when she fell asleep next to him, quite and sound. She was so small, so soft. She was no longer the though and cold Cavalry. In his arms, she was just Melinda May. His Melinda May.
Yet at this moment he stood there watching Coulson's hand on her exposed shoulder, watching him pulling her into his arms for a gentle hug.
It has been a long and difficult day for Agent Grant Ward, and he has been through enough tough times.
He remembered a few days ago when May fell asleep next to him. He gently put his arms around her, letting her head rest on his chest.
He kissed her hair and muttered slowly, "I love you, Melinda."
Night—Melinda May
Melinda May was in the pilot seat as usual.
She always enjoyed being the pilot, the solitude, the sense of control, and the absolute focus.
However, tonight was different. The plane was on auto-pilot mode and everyone else was already sound asleep.
She tried to fall asleep but failed again and again. Feeling restless, she sat in the cockpit quietly, letting the darkness consume her.
She remembered standing in the fancy hotel room in Vegas. Lorelei's sweet voice almost killed her.
"I knew who he desired before me. It wasn't you."
Under May's stone cold face, something pierced through her heart.
She didn't know how to process any emotions, not after Bahrain. Yet she felt too much, way too much.
Part of her secretly felt glad, glad that she could still feel things, even if that was a heartbreak. Everyday she prayed she could go back to her old self, yet each time she tried, the darkness dragged her down and swallowed her again.
Melinda May was shocked. She never thought she would grow feelings for Ward, yet standing there looking at Lorelei, that seductive, charming woman who was young, warm, and gentle, she realized for the first time she wanted Ward's heart.
How could she still hope for a chance to be happy? Will she ever deserve such a chance?
May felt stupid. How could she actually care, after everything that has happened? Ironically, each time she tried to care she ended up hurting herself.
Ward was still out there. They needed to find him. But May didn't know how to face him when he came back—if he ever came back.
She wanted to end things with Ward. Not because what happened between him and Lorelei—for that, as much as she was hurt and would not admit, she felt bad for Ward. He was manipulated cruelly, and part of May just wanted to comfort him and tell him things would be okay.
She wanted to end things because she just couldn't keep hurting herself. It has already been too much. She couldn't stand another chance to be vulnerable, even though that was required for happiness.
Melinda May sat in the pilot seat quietly. Coldness permeated through the air but she didn't care. She could hear her heart break into pieces.
Dawn has come. She saw the sun rising up from the horizon, the most beautiful thing she has ever seen.
She remembered once Ward walking into the cockpit at dawn to view the sunrise with her. He looked sleepy but she found that kind of cute. They sat there without a word. She missed his companion.
The sun has risen. May could feel the sunlight penetrating through the glass. It was too bright for her. She couldn't face the warmth and brightness anymore.
May put on her sunglasses, shielding the whole world and giving herself to the darkness.
Day Again—Philip Coulson
Coulson watched May as Lorelei said those sweet, poisonous words to her.
He saw her holding herself together trying her best not to lose control. He saw her tightened her fists and her nails digging in to her palm.
Coulson knew she was hurt.
Phil Coulson was shocked when May told him about her and Ward. He tried to think about it as a team leader and assess the risk of fraternizing within the team(even though she said it was just sex), but all he could think of was if it could make her happy.
Each day he thought of her, what she had encountered in Bahrain, how he could get her back, back to that happy, warm, sassy woman he called his partner. Years later he started to wonder, maybe it was time to accept who she had become. It doesn't matter anymore. He just wanted her to be happy.
Coulson woke up before dawn. His age was catching up on him. With the high stress level, sometimes he found having to wake up early isn't that terrible and he could had some alone time.
As he cleared up his mind he remembered what happened in the hotel, what happened to May. How was she feeling?
Coulson walked up to the cockpit and saw May sitting in the pilot seat. Flight auto-mode was on.
"Woke up early?" Coulson tried to bring a sense of lightness in his voice but failed when he saw her tired, swollen eyes when she took off the sunglasses.
"You have been here all night, haven't you?" He didn't need a reply.
She glanced at him and turned away to look at the skyline. He walked up behind her, closing the distance.
Much like many of there conversations these days, Coulson was the one who talked mostly. Sometimes May wouldn't say anything, but Coulson never felt it awkward.
"You know, I'm sorry about what happened. I'm sorry you're hurt."
"I wasn't hurt." Her voice was ice cold, but he could sense her vulnerability right through.
"Talk to him. You will work this out." Coulson's heart sunk a bit as he uttered this out.
"It's over now. I am going to end it." She said, softly, slowly.
Coulson figured out Ward was actually caring about her. He wasn't stupid, though sometimes he chose to ignore certain things. Ward's way of looking at May, almost longingly, was pretty clear to Coulson.
But it was only when Lorelei happened, when he heard the hurt in her voice just now, he knew she was hurt badly.
Coulson walked up right in front of her and pulled her into his arms. He felt May resisting for a bit and then her weight gradually on his chest.
"I'm sorry." That was all he could say.
He touched her hair gently, trying his best to comfort her. Even though he knew she didn't need it. He could smell the citrus shampoo from her hair.
Then all of a sudden he heard her sobbing softly and felt her cold tears soaking through his shirt. He felt her arms wrapped behind his back and he tightened his hug.
At that moment all he wanted was for May to be okay. What he didn't know was in the next few years he would questioned her loyalty, pointed a gun at her, pushed her away again and again, He didn't know he would break her heart with his selfish wish to give up himself. And no matter what happened, she would always be there for him.
Coulson didn't know any of it. All he cared, at this moment, was to take away the coldness and pain from May.
He gently kissed her on the forehead. "I'm here, Melinda. I'm here."
The end.