(Part 1 of 2- I can't even begin to apologize for this concept; so... enjoy, I guess? *Shrug*.)

Roughly three years ago, the Egyptian gods made an offer to the deceased duelists known as the 'yami's'. They would all be granted a second chance at life and salvation- but only if they were tied to their more sensible hikari's. This was considered a 'fail-safe' way to keep the world from falling under the threat of dark shadows once again.

Eager to be reunited with his beloved aibou, the Pharaoh's spirit eagerly agreed. Of course, Bakura and Marik both figured they could find some loophole later on, and they also accepted the bargain. But this backfired when they realized that not only were the Egyptian deities still clever, but also devious and vengeful. Bakura had tried to use shadow magic shortly after his arrival- which made him shrink down to just below Yugi's height for the rest of the week. He'd had to hide inside his lighter half's house, lest he be seen and mocked by the others.

Likewise, Marik later attempted some sort of villainy (he refused to elaborate on the particulars) and had ended up mute for three days. It was rather amusing, Malik later recalled, watching his darker side's face growing red with frustration as he tried to bellow threats at everyone with no success.

Yet as time passed on, and the darker yami's began to (very slowly) accept their limitations... well, mortal closeness slowly bloomed into physical closeness as well. Despite their differences, there was no denying that Malik and Marik had once been the same entity- and they grew into what was possibly the most unorthodox relationship to ever exist. But the Egyptian divinities saw no harm in this (unprecedented) unity, and declared that anything keeping both of the golden-haired deviants distracted was allowable.

Ryou and his darker counterpart were a bit slower to catch on- despite everything they shared, it was clear that the once-Thief King and the kindly student were very different. But then Ryou had actually saved the overly-arrogant yami from a group of street thugs that he'd insulted. Though he was sullen about being indebted to his 'yadonushi', the older duelist eventually realized that all the qualities he admired in his other half were even stronger despite the trials they'd endured. Ryou was kind, clever, witty, and even a bit devious (thought that may have been influenced partly by hosting an evil spirit for so long).

So somewhere between the shared horror movie-marathons and their many ill-fated mall excursions... they fell for each other. Of course, being as stubborn and ignorant as always; Yami Bakura couldn't admit this even to himself, much less his hikari. But then Ryou was asked on a weekend date by a handsome classmate, leading Bakura to try every trick in the book to dissuade the other from going. Confused and frustrated, Ryou finally demanded that Bakura explain exactly why he shouldn't go on a date with Harumi... leading the similarly-frustrated yami to give up, grab his hikari, and pull him into a very heated kiss.

Evidently this was enough of an answer, as Ryou politely declined Harumi's invitation the very next day.

But now, something was different. Something was wrong, and Ryou Bakura was certain of it. He was following his boyfriend of roughly two years deep into the city- a place the other rarely went even with his partner. 'What on Earth could he be up to now...'

It all started three weeks ago. After all, Ryou could count on one hand the number of times they'd gone a full week without sex since they'd first kissed. That one time Bakura caught the flu, the time Ryou had to go out of town while college-scouting, that time they'd gotten into a serious argument over some of Bakura's neighborhood misdeeds...

But for the past three weeks, Bakura had been incredibly dodgy about any intimacy. It was almost like he felt guilty or something; trying to dance around the subject without addressing it directly.

'Why would he suddenly not want to be close-? He doesn't seem mad about something, and neither of us is ill...' Ryou felt his concerns growing as his darker half turned a corner. He'd barely made it around the edge himself, when he saw the white-haired thief heading up the steps of a modest brick building with a low roof. The smaller duelist quickly found a small alleyway across the street, to better survey the other's unusual movements.

'Wait- I know that place! We saw it last time we went downtown- Malik even cracked a few jokes about it after finding out it was mainly designated as a sperm... bank...' Ryou felt his jaw drop as he saw his other half step calmly inside. 'No... he wouldn't...' The modern teen stared in disbelief as the doors closed behind Bakura. The yami didn't immediately walk out in annoyance or disgust, as though he'd misread the building's address or something. Ryou felt his stomach drop as time passed on, his phone's clock tracking every passing second.

All sorts of thoughts ran through Ryou's head as he waited anxiously for his ancient partner to re-appear. 'This has to be a prank of some sort- like when he tried to get my attention just before we started dating. He's just doing this to mess with me, and any minute now he's going to come back out and laugh at my expression... after all, he wouldn't even have any reason to go to a place like that unless he desperately needed... money... oh...' The modest teen's knees nearly buckled as he realized what was most likely happening. 'He swore he'd stop most of his stealing... but he still likes expensive things, like steak, and steak knives... oh no...'

It was well over half-an-hour before the pale Egyptian reappeared.

Ryou felt his stomach churning as he watched his partner finally step back down onto the sidewalk. 'He wouldn't... he didn't...'

But sure enough, Bakura had a fresh check in his hand and was clearly looking it over; as though in deep thought.

Ryou felt something snap inside of him, and he raced across the street to confront the mulish thief.

The distracted man didn't even look up until he'd nearly run into the very irate hikari.

"Bakura." Ryou's tone was dead flat as he stood on the sidewalk in front of his partner. His arms were folded in a challenging pose, and his eyes narrowed as he waited for a response.

'Oh sh*t...' The former thief tried to put on a disarming smile as he stepped towards his lover. "Silly hikari- did you really miss me enough to chase me down?"

But this move backfired, as the mocking words only seemed to enrage the teen further. "How. How could you do this?!" Ryou tried not to outright scream, but the emotions flooding through his voice were irrepressible. "You never discussed this with me- not even once!"

The red-eyed thief sighed and raised his hands in a defensive gesture. "Relax, yadonushi- you're making a big deal out of nothin-"

All thoughts of self-control flew out the window at that point, and Ryou outright bellowed: "ARE YOU SERIOUS?! THIS IS A LIFE-CHANGING EVENT!"

Even the former spirit of the ring was baffled by his light's reaction, and he tried to speak. But he was quickly shut down.

Ryou lowered his voice just a bit, though the tone was still profoundly furious. "Are you even ready to be a father?! Do you know how many kids this might even result in?!"

"Wait- what?" Bakura seemed genuinely astonished by Ryou's hastily uttered concerns. "Father? Kids?! What 'kids'?!"

Sensing a deeper problem, Ryou nearly groaned as he tried to find a 'public-friendly' explanation for his deluded partner. "You just went into a sperm bank and came out with a check- which means you sold them the 'stuff' they need to impregnate random women!"

"Wha- wait, you mean... no..." Bakura looked like he'd just gotten off a side-ways rollercoaster. "You mean... they're gonna..."

Ryou now had his hands on his hips, though his expression was still one of sharp disgust. "What did you think they would do with it?!"

"I dunno!" The bewildered yami looked lost as he nearly wailed in confusion. "You're always going on and on, bragging about how modern science and medicine is so great! I thought they were using the plant cells or some sh*t to make new hearts or something!"

"That's 'stem' cells, you goof!" Ryou rubbed his temples as he tried to keep from shouting again. "-and no, that's not something they can do (yet)! No, they're going to impregnate women with your 'stuff,' and you'll be the father!"

Bakura's face drained of all color and he let out a small burp. "But... they can't do that!"

"WHY DO YOU THINK YOU HAD TO SIGN SO MANY FORMS?!" Ryou was nearly back to howling now. "YOU IDIOT!"

"...hikari, I think I'm going to be sick." Bakura covered his mouth and groaned, falling to his knees.

Ryou finally took pity on his partner, and knelt down on the concrete sidewalk next to him. "Bakura..."

The overwhelmed duelist let out a groan as he grabbed his now-aching head. "I thought I was doing a good thing! You're always going on and on about 'helping' people!"

Ryou frowned- he'd once volunteered at a hospital and he knew a few things about these sorts of 'donations' and adoptions. "Wait- on the forms, did you choose the 'open' or 'closed' option?!"

Clearly disoriented, the kneeling yami could only mumble, "the 'open' option paid like, five times as much- why?"

"Oh boy." Ryou shook his head and quietly elaborated. "That's even worse- that means that the children can find you one day and ask you questions and want to spend time with you-"

"I'll move back to Egypt. I'll live in that damned tomb keeper's hole until I'm the only one left alive." The thief muttered obstinately. "This is such bullsh*t."

"Well, maybe if you'd bothered to learn how to read Japanese..."

"It's a complicated language, alright?! Besides, I was doing just fine before this..."

Ryou tactfully decided not to mention all the times Bakura had called him in a panic because he'd gotten on the wrong train. 'Although now I know exactly how far Hokkaido's 'B' line runs...' Instead, he placed on hand on the despondent yami's shoulder and calmly declared, "there won't be a problem. We just need to return all the money you got, and they'll 'sell' everything back to you."

"No..." Bakura muttered sullenly. "They won't."

"What? Why not?"

The white-haired Egyptian buried his face in his knees as he added, "because I don't have it. It's gone."

"Wha- you spent it all already?!" Ryou felt flabbergasted- he knew that any one of those payments would've been quite substantial, and Bakura had evidently been going for weeks. "On WHAT?!"

"Is that really the issue here?!" Bakura responded mulishly. "Let's just say it's gone and leave it at that!"

"Um, no, we are NOT just going to 'leave it at that!'" Ryou glared at the obstinate yami. "You are going to return whatever it is you bought with those checks, and then we're going to give it back so we can get your 'stuff' back!"

Again, Bakura began speaking to his kneecaps. "I can't!" His entire form seemed to deflate as he admitted, "I haven't paid enough yet... they won't give the money back until I've paid everything."

"Bakura, I swear; if you've borrowed money from the Yakuza or something..."

"NO, I... I signed another contract-thing." The former spirit let out a frustrated groan as he fished a worn, folded piece of paper out of his back pocket. "I- look, it seemed important to the whole process. HERE." He then shoved the wrinkled document towards his hikari.

"..." Ryou wordlessly glanced over the sheet, his eyes widening as he recognized the infamous store logo in the upper right corner. "Wait- is this why you were asking me about savings and banking the other month?!" The other duelist only nodded, not opening his clenched jaws. "You... you were trying to purchase an engagement ring?!"

His face red, Bakura glanced away and bitterly muttered something that sounded like, "was doing d*mn more than just 'trying'-!" But to the former thief's shock, Ryou threw the papers aside and wrapped his arms around his beau.

"Wha-?"

The face resting on his chest was smiling widely up at his own. "Bakura- I don't need a flashy ring to tell me how much I love you. And while it was very, er, sweet of you to try and earn one the legal way... we really can't let them spread your- er, tiny minions- all over the world."

A familiar grin stretched across the former villain's face, and he put a hand on his chin. "Hmm... I must admit, I never thought of attaining world domination that way-"

"Bakura, you're gonna start shrinking again."

"Damn those accursed gods!" He yelped as he quickly glanced upwards to check on his relative height. "I was just speculating aloud!"

Fascinated but flustered, Ryou sighed while ignoring the other's concerns of divine retribution. "Well, it seems like we have two choices here: one, we try and pay for the ring outright and then pawn it; or we can try and get the clinic to sell you everything back with what you've earned." Ryou glanced over the paperwork, feeling impressed by the proposed purchase. "Geez, Bakura; did you really have to try for such a massive stone?!"

The proud Egyptian snorted as he got back on his feet. "I was the King of Thieves, hikari. To have you wearing anything less than ropes of pearls and gold-encased jewels is a sin in and of itself; I wouldn't dare present a smaller gem to rest on your perfect hands."

Flushing, Ryou also stood up; his face now a mixture of flattery and disbelief. "Bakura, it's really not about the jewelry; that's just symbolic."

"Well, call me pretentious; but I'm not really about subtle symbolism."

"Do tell." There was little doubt that the pale hikari had absorbed some of his other half's sarcastic tendencies. Bakura only stuck out his tongue mockingly before Ryou carried on. "Let me guess: that's why you've been resisting any, er; 'intimacies' lately?"

"Yeah... they said the 'best samples' always come after a long period of 'inactivity' or something."

Ryou let out a light sigh of comfort. "And here I was worried that you didn't find me attractive any more..."

The thief snorted in disbelief. "Pfth- not likely. Who the hell do you think I was thinking about every time I-"

"OKAY that's not something we should discuss in public you know so let's drop it alright?" Ryou's face was turning the color of a ripe tomato, much to amusement of his devious partner.

"Such a prudish little hikari- it seems I'll have to try harder to corrupt you."

The other's expression turned flat as he wryly added, "try it, and I'll tell Marik and Malik all about this whole mess."

"You're resorting to blackmail?!" Bakura stopped for a moment before jokingly wrapping his arms around his beau and pretending to sob with joy. "Hikari, I'm so proud of you!"

"..." Ryou decided to ignore the other's jabs. "In the meantime, we've got some serious planning to do- and I think I know just the duelist who can help us."

"So long as it's not that b*stard Pharaoh..."

"Hmm, not quite. I'm actually thinking of a certain blonde..."

"You're kidding."

"Nope."

"I am NOT telling Malik about this!"

"You won't have to."

The smug ex-spirit nodded as they made their way down the sidewalk. "Damn strai- wait, what exactly do you mean?"

"I'm going to tell him."

"WHAT?!"