It Can't Be True

by Razzle

POV poem. Set during "Course: Oblivion" - the biomimetic Tom Paris can't accept the death of his wife, B'Elanna. His mind simply can't wrap around that concept, so he goes into denial - refusing even the help of his best friend Harry Kim.

No, don't die - live, instead
B'Elanna! ...It can't be true
But you're really dead
So you must not be you

Just a copy, a fake, a clone
If the real you is still out there somewhere
Then I don't have to feel so alone
But you've got the real me, so why would you care?

I guess none of this matters, then
Why won't the rest of the crew see it that way?
I'm tired of watching Janeway's copy play captain
And I'm done doing everything just on her say

"I'm so sorry, Tom," says the fake Harry Kim
"There's no one here by that name," I scoff
"So then why are you sorry?" I ask him
"She was your wife," he insists, not backing off

I shout "None of this is real!
Why should I care about a bunch of fakes?"
He replies "Fine, if that's how you feel -
But I'm not giving up, whatever it takes!"

Have it your way, 'Harry', if you can still believe
"Safe harbor," the captain cries; a Y-Class planet in sight
Then another ship fires: "Be destroyed, or leave!"
So she gives the order to go, without even a fight

"In the meantime," I ask, "which course shall I set?
Demon Planet or Earth? Which way do we go?"
I wait, not much caring which answer I get
"Earth," Janeway replies - not that it matters, though

Everything's falling apart
There's nothing left to do
What good was giving you my heart?
That's just a copy, too

Hands, arms melting away
So the fake Tom Paris finally dies, too
But before I'm gone, I just want to say:
Even if we're just copies, B'Elanna, I truly loved -