AN: I wrote this as a continuation of the meanwhile in Squee. I wrote this
a few months ago and am too lazy to read what I wrote. So...sorry for any
mistakes. I'll read it eventually. I don't own diddly squat.
Protecter of the Universe
by Justine Gomez
Once again, Jhonen Vasquez is reading his fanmail. I don't really know why he does. It's the same weird suicidal people he got last time. Except, this time, the people are even crazier than before. It looks' like Mr. Vasquez if finally through with this shit.
"That's it!! I'm through with this shit," the angry cartoonist yelled at no one in particular. "This planet shall suffer my meat-filled wrath!!" See? I told you.
He ran to his secret staircase place that led to his secret lair type place. Jhonen ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and finally got to his big, diabolical computer.
"Com -*huff*-puter! *cough* Planet bye, bye- *hack*- button!! *loud cough*" A large, red button pops out of the ground. He is just centimeters away from the button when -
"Damn cartoonists! Always trying to destroyeverything. *sigh* It's always the quiet ones," the young girl who mysteriously was there. Oooohh!!
"What in the name of the mother of all icees is going on?!!! It took me practically an hour to climb those stairs!! *GASP* Those chunties from L.A. sent you, didn't they?! Didn't they?!!! Tell them to stop buying their clothes from the 99 cent store and the get all uppity about it!"
"NO! The chunt's didn't send me! I am protector of the obsessive and stopper of cartoonist type people!"
"They put a 18 year old in charge of protecting the world?"
"Oh, don't act so surprised! They came up with those ugly blue M&M's didn't they?! Who do you think sent Obsessor?! Stalkers aren't that smart!! *Sigh* I'm supposed to kick the crap out of you. Just thought I'd give you a headstart."
"How kind of you."
"Yeah, I'm very kind like that."
The protector of the Universe took a step towards Jhonen and his eyes/glasses grew and he jumped back.
"Oh come on!! You're not scared of a 18 year old are you," Asked the young girl.
"Of this particular one, yes. You're going to hurt me aren't you?"
"Yeah. Hey, look!! Over there!! A monkey," the young girl yelled.
"Where?!!!!" She walked up, squeezed the back of his neck, and pushed him to the ground."Ow!!! Why would you do such a thing?!"
"Because of cartoonists like you. Always trying to take over the world and what not. Why not just take over the minds of impressionable youth. That's always easy," she helpfully suggested.
"Wow, that's a good idea! But- wait! I did!! I thought Invader Zim did the job of that?"
"No, not really. A lot of the kid's who watched that already had corrupted minds. Just look at my little 12 year old cousin."
"Oh. Um- can I get up now?"
"No."
"Alright then! Prepare to fight," The cartoonist yelled. "Um, can you let me up so I can get my Happy Noodle armor on?'
"Aww! How cute, you think you have a chance! Okay, I'll let you up. "
She let him up and he stood up dusting dust off of his trenchcoat. He smoothed his shirt then jumped into karate fight stance. Our POU rolled her eyes as did the fancy noodle armor activation.
"So, now do I look defencless?!"
"Dude, you just created Happy Noodle Boy armor. That's sad. I pity you right now."
"But, I have laser guns and everything. How is this NOT kickass?"
"I don't know, but it just isn't." She walked towards him, while he was trying to figure how it wasn't cool, does this really cool flying kick and he goes splat against the wall.
"Ow! My ass! My ass!! It hurts! Oh, god why?!"
" Wow, that was fun."
"You, bitch! DIE," he shouted as he lunged at her.
He was about 5 feet from her when she pulled out a laser gun. Jhonen halted in pure laser fearing fear
"Come one step closer and I shall destroy every Slurpee machine in the world."
"*GASP* You wouldn't dare! No one can destroy a Slurpee machine !! No one!!"
"I can, but you don't seem to beleive me. Yet, you won't take the chance that I might. Oh, what shall Jhonen Vasquez do? Destroy me, or save all the Slurpee machines in the world? Such a tough desicion! Whatever shall you do, Johnen?"
"It's Jhonen," he said through clenched teeth. This young girl who, oh, I don't know, let's call her Jessica Lopez, who I swear isn't my evil cousin *shifty eyes*, was not going to get away that easily. He would not be defeated. She was going down, but how?
"Whatever. My cousin is probably the only person who says your name right anyway."
" Come on!! How hard is it to say my name?! Either they're blind, cuz J-H-O-N is clearly not JOHN or they can't spell for shit!!!"
"Mmm hmm," said Jessica, clearly not paying attention. "You know, my cousin is a big fan of your's, I'll have her meet you before I destroy you. JUSTINE!!! Get over here right now!!"
"What do YOU want," said Justine who clearly did not like her cousin very much.
"Look who I have," said the so-called POU in a sin songy voice.
"Who? Another person you want to mate then eat," said a girl who just popped out of the ground like gopher. Well, she didn't pop out of a hole, so perhaps not a gopher.
"I'm so proud. I taught you well," said the protecter of the Universe.
"You didn't teach me shit. That's like Me trying to teach Confucious."
"Whatever. You want to meet Jhonen Vasquez or not?"
"WHAT?! Where?! Where is he! Tell me, woman" she yelled looking arounf the room.
"Are you blind, he's right here," she said pointing to him, still in mid air by the way.
"Oh, I knew that." She quickly ran over to him and latched onto his leg.
"Uh, hi, child."
"HI!!"
"Can you help me?"
"Help ya' what?" she asked.
"Ezcape she's trying to ge me to stop trying to destroy the earth," he whispered.
"That bitch," Justine yelled outloud.
"What did you just say, " said the bi- I mean Jessica!! Yeah, that's what I meant.
"You're trying to stop him from destroying the earth! You must be stopped!" She let go of his leg and jumped onto the universe protecter person.
"Hey! Let go of me, you little troll," she hollared.
"NEVER!!" Justine started biting her shoulder yeling stuff like, 'vive' la' mejico!' and 'soon the pygmys' will consume you in your sleep!'
Soon enough Jessica was on the floor gasping fr breath. Justine stood up and spit a peice of shirt fabric from her mouth.
"You...you bit me..."
"You said I wasn't old enough for Johnny."
"You're 12."
"You act like a 3rd grader," she told Jessica.
Meanwhile Jhonen was in the corner watching the young girl attack her cousin. He was sorta' scared she would attack him, too. plus, he didn't know if she had rabies.
"Um...is she dead?" Jhonen asked indicating to the Protector of the Universe, or atleast that's what we thought she was.
"Nope, just stunned. I did bite her. But you know what that means?"
"What? I can finally destroy thr world?!"
"No! It means that she abused her duties!! It's against the code to threaten people with no more slurpee machines. Since she did that, I get to be protector of the universe!! Cool, huh?"
"Mmm."
"Now...I, unlike her, will allow some damage to the earth. How about we take a trip to Sharp Ave. Elementary..."
AN: Good, bad, horribly disfigured? Tell me, peoples. As you can tell I don't like my cousin much. She really did saythat about Johnny. She doesn't get that I am mature and know not to go out and kill people just because Nny does it. I just make jokes about the ways Nny killed people to the preppy girl that only my friend understands. Like when she pisses me off, I say,"Does anyone have a spork? Or maybe some salad tongs?"
- Master G
Protecter of the Universe
by Justine Gomez
Once again, Jhonen Vasquez is reading his fanmail. I don't really know why he does. It's the same weird suicidal people he got last time. Except, this time, the people are even crazier than before. It looks' like Mr. Vasquez if finally through with this shit.
"That's it!! I'm through with this shit," the angry cartoonist yelled at no one in particular. "This planet shall suffer my meat-filled wrath!!" See? I told you.
He ran to his secret staircase place that led to his secret lair type place. Jhonen ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and finally got to his big, diabolical computer.
"Com -*huff*-puter! *cough* Planet bye, bye- *hack*- button!! *loud cough*" A large, red button pops out of the ground. He is just centimeters away from the button when -
"Damn cartoonists! Always trying to destroyeverything. *sigh* It's always the quiet ones," the young girl who mysteriously was there. Oooohh!!
"What in the name of the mother of all icees is going on?!!! It took me practically an hour to climb those stairs!! *GASP* Those chunties from L.A. sent you, didn't they?! Didn't they?!!! Tell them to stop buying their clothes from the 99 cent store and the get all uppity about it!"
"NO! The chunt's didn't send me! I am protector of the obsessive and stopper of cartoonist type people!"
"They put a 18 year old in charge of protecting the world?"
"Oh, don't act so surprised! They came up with those ugly blue M&M's didn't they?! Who do you think sent Obsessor?! Stalkers aren't that smart!! *Sigh* I'm supposed to kick the crap out of you. Just thought I'd give you a headstart."
"How kind of you."
"Yeah, I'm very kind like that."
The protector of the Universe took a step towards Jhonen and his eyes/glasses grew and he jumped back.
"Oh come on!! You're not scared of a 18 year old are you," Asked the young girl.
"Of this particular one, yes. You're going to hurt me aren't you?"
"Yeah. Hey, look!! Over there!! A monkey," the young girl yelled.
"Where?!!!!" She walked up, squeezed the back of his neck, and pushed him to the ground."Ow!!! Why would you do such a thing?!"
"Because of cartoonists like you. Always trying to take over the world and what not. Why not just take over the minds of impressionable youth. That's always easy," she helpfully suggested.
"Wow, that's a good idea! But- wait! I did!! I thought Invader Zim did the job of that?"
"No, not really. A lot of the kid's who watched that already had corrupted minds. Just look at my little 12 year old cousin."
"Oh. Um- can I get up now?"
"No."
"Alright then! Prepare to fight," The cartoonist yelled. "Um, can you let me up so I can get my Happy Noodle armor on?'
"Aww! How cute, you think you have a chance! Okay, I'll let you up. "
She let him up and he stood up dusting dust off of his trenchcoat. He smoothed his shirt then jumped into karate fight stance. Our POU rolled her eyes as did the fancy noodle armor activation.
"So, now do I look defencless?!"
"Dude, you just created Happy Noodle Boy armor. That's sad. I pity you right now."
"But, I have laser guns and everything. How is this NOT kickass?"
"I don't know, but it just isn't." She walked towards him, while he was trying to figure how it wasn't cool, does this really cool flying kick and he goes splat against the wall.
"Ow! My ass! My ass!! It hurts! Oh, god why?!"
" Wow, that was fun."
"You, bitch! DIE," he shouted as he lunged at her.
He was about 5 feet from her when she pulled out a laser gun. Jhonen halted in pure laser fearing fear
"Come one step closer and I shall destroy every Slurpee machine in the world."
"*GASP* You wouldn't dare! No one can destroy a Slurpee machine !! No one!!"
"I can, but you don't seem to beleive me. Yet, you won't take the chance that I might. Oh, what shall Jhonen Vasquez do? Destroy me, or save all the Slurpee machines in the world? Such a tough desicion! Whatever shall you do, Johnen?"
"It's Jhonen," he said through clenched teeth. This young girl who, oh, I don't know, let's call her Jessica Lopez, who I swear isn't my evil cousin *shifty eyes*, was not going to get away that easily. He would not be defeated. She was going down, but how?
"Whatever. My cousin is probably the only person who says your name right anyway."
" Come on!! How hard is it to say my name?! Either they're blind, cuz J-H-O-N is clearly not JOHN or they can't spell for shit!!!"
"Mmm hmm," said Jessica, clearly not paying attention. "You know, my cousin is a big fan of your's, I'll have her meet you before I destroy you. JUSTINE!!! Get over here right now!!"
"What do YOU want," said Justine who clearly did not like her cousin very much.
"Look who I have," said the so-called POU in a sin songy voice.
"Who? Another person you want to mate then eat," said a girl who just popped out of the ground like gopher. Well, she didn't pop out of a hole, so perhaps not a gopher.
"I'm so proud. I taught you well," said the protecter of the Universe.
"You didn't teach me shit. That's like Me trying to teach Confucious."
"Whatever. You want to meet Jhonen Vasquez or not?"
"WHAT?! Where?! Where is he! Tell me, woman" she yelled looking arounf the room.
"Are you blind, he's right here," she said pointing to him, still in mid air by the way.
"Oh, I knew that." She quickly ran over to him and latched onto his leg.
"Uh, hi, child."
"HI!!"
"Can you help me?"
"Help ya' what?" she asked.
"Ezcape she's trying to ge me to stop trying to destroy the earth," he whispered.
"That bitch," Justine yelled outloud.
"What did you just say, " said the bi- I mean Jessica!! Yeah, that's what I meant.
"You're trying to stop him from destroying the earth! You must be stopped!" She let go of his leg and jumped onto the universe protecter person.
"Hey! Let go of me, you little troll," she hollared.
"NEVER!!" Justine started biting her shoulder yeling stuff like, 'vive' la' mejico!' and 'soon the pygmys' will consume you in your sleep!'
Soon enough Jessica was on the floor gasping fr breath. Justine stood up and spit a peice of shirt fabric from her mouth.
"You...you bit me..."
"You said I wasn't old enough for Johnny."
"You're 12."
"You act like a 3rd grader," she told Jessica.
Meanwhile Jhonen was in the corner watching the young girl attack her cousin. He was sorta' scared she would attack him, too. plus, he didn't know if she had rabies.
"Um...is she dead?" Jhonen asked indicating to the Protector of the Universe, or atleast that's what we thought she was.
"Nope, just stunned. I did bite her. But you know what that means?"
"What? I can finally destroy thr world?!"
"No! It means that she abused her duties!! It's against the code to threaten people with no more slurpee machines. Since she did that, I get to be protector of the universe!! Cool, huh?"
"Mmm."
"Now...I, unlike her, will allow some damage to the earth. How about we take a trip to Sharp Ave. Elementary..."
AN: Good, bad, horribly disfigured? Tell me, peoples. As you can tell I don't like my cousin much. She really did saythat about Johnny. She doesn't get that I am mature and know not to go out and kill people just because Nny does it. I just make jokes about the ways Nny killed people to the preppy girl that only my friend understands. Like when she pisses me off, I say,"Does anyone have a spork? Or maybe some salad tongs?"
- Master G