Everything I do, I do it for you
Author´s Note: English is not my language, so let me know if the translation is good and in what ways I can improve. Any advice is welcome. Thanks
Summary: Later that Arizona lost her leg, she blames Callie for it. Will she be able to forgive her at some time? One-shot Fanfiction, based on the Episodes 9x01 and 9x02 of Grey's Anatomy.
Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy storyline and its characters belong to Shonda Rhimes and ABC
Everything I do, I do it for you
After a long day of hard work in the hospital, Callie was going walking towards her apartment with Sofia sleeping in her arms, wondering how life could change in an instant. Just a few days ago a little so simple as to go way to home was one more reason to feel happy, but now all that had changed, now, only she was waiting for an Arizona that she did not know, her wife remained in the forest that day, the sad, melancholy and angry Arizona that they had rescued was not her wife.
Callie felt defeated, she knew deep down that she had been right to break the promise she had done to Arizona, she did everything what could to save her leg, but when the fate forced her to choose between saving her leg or saving her life, the decision was obvious, although Arizona did never understand it, although Callie was losing her forever, Callie could not allowed that Arizona should die, she could not.
Callie had lost everything in that accident, she lost her best friend, she lost the father of her daughter and she lost her wife, she lost everything. Now the only thing that she still had was her daughter and for her she had to continue being strong, Sofia needed her. Poor Sofia!, only in one day she passed of having a dad and two moms, to have only a mom, Mark was dead and Arizona, buried in sorrow and anger, barely looked at her.
Inhaling a a big breath to face that stranger who was looking like the one that had been her wife, Callie opened the door of the apartment, put Sofia to bed that already was slept and taking a new breath, she entered to the room to see if Arizona was fine, if it is possible to call "fine" someone lying in a bed while she sees you with a gaze very similar to the hatred. Callie never imagined that one day she would get a look of hate from Arizona, but it was, sadly, it was.
When Callie opened the door, Arizona did not even turn to look at her. However Callie, said to her:
-Hey!
Arizona without looking at her, replied:
- Hi
Callie went to the bathroom, undressed and took a shower; she dressed with a sleeveless flannel and a short and went back into the room. She sat on the bed next to Arizona and said to her:
- Arizona, I am sorry about what happened, your whole life may blame me for being me who ordered to cut off the leg, but was your life or your leg, I had no choice.
With a look of anger, Arizona said to her:
- But you promised me, you promised me that you were not going to let anyone take away my leg and it was you who ordered it, you Callie, the person who was supposed to take care of me.
- Arizona you are a surgeon too, you know that you were going to die if…, I understand you…
Arizona interrupted Callie shouting:
- DAMM, DO NOT DARE TO SAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND ME, YOU CAN WALK, YOU CAN RUN, YOU CAN STAND FOR HOURS IN AN OPERATING ROOM, YOU HAVE YOUR TWO FUCKING LEGS, DO NOT EVER SAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND ME!
Callie felt her soul halved again to hear the harsh words of Arizona, visibly upset, but trying to remain calm, she stopped of the bed, defeated, she only added:
- You have no idea how I regret not having been me the one that was in that plane, and yes, maybe you're right, I cannot understand you because I have my two fucking legs, I don´t know, but maybe that if has a solution...
- What do you mean Callie?, Arizona asked in a rought tone
- Nothing, I mean nothing. You lost a leg in that accident, and I'm sorry, you have no idea how sorry I am, but I lost everything, I lost my best friend, I lost the father of my daughter and I lost my wife, you are not my wife, you're not the person that I married, you're just someone who looks like her. Arizona, I lost everything, everything. Callie concluded with tearful eyes and closing the door behind her.
Seeing Callie crying, Arizona for one second reacted, only for an instant she felt Callie's pain and was tempted to call her, to talk to her, to comfort her, but there was such the rage and the despair that she still was feeling for everything what had happened that the anger wrapped again, consuming her. So she did not say anything, an hour later she fell asleep…
Arizona opened her eyes, and she saw Alex Karev trying to wake her up
-Dr. Robbins, Dr. Robbins, please wake up
Confused by the presence of Karev inside her room, Arizona blinked several times, then getting up, she said to him:
- Karev! What are you doing here? Arizona saw the clock on the night table, were 1:10 am
- Dr. Robbins, sorry to break out, but you have to come with me to the hospital, right now
- What the hell is going on Karev?
- Is Dr. Torres
Arizona felt a shiver that crossed the whole back, scared she asked: -What did happen to Callie? Karev answer me. What happened to Callie?
- She locked herself alone inside the OR2. We cannot pass. It seems that she goes to cut her own leg
- WHAT?
- Yes, she is preparing her own amputation. Dr. Robbins you have to come with me, we have tried everything, and you are the only person who can stop that she does that madness.
- OH GOD, OH GOD! That cannot be! Karev Help me, please take me there, no time to lose!
Karev, removed the blanket, took Arizona in his arms and carried her to the hospital. When they reached the gallery OR2, they saw that it was full of people looking down. Arizona, still in Karev's arms, shouted:
- EVERYBODY GET OFF! GET OFF! NOW!
Owen Hunt was present, trying to convince Callie to stop, he was the Chief of Surgery, and obviously he understood that the order of Arizona was not for him, so he stayed where he was standing watching everyone else leave the gallery.
Karev placed Arizona in a chair, and then he placed his finger in the button of the intercommunicator in order that Callie could listen to Arizona from above
Callie was sat in the operating table, with wires connected to her chest that were controlling her vital signs, she was placing some injections in her left leg, these injections obviously contained some type of anesthesia. In her leg, Callie had placed a mark, a transverse green line, that line coincided with the same place where Arizona´s leg had been amputated six weeks ago.
Arizona yelled:
- CALLIE, CALLIE!, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? CALLIE STOP!
For the first time since she was locked herself in the operating room, Callie lifted her head to look up, she was staring, as if entranced, however, she looked into the eyes of Arizona and said to her:
- Arizona, I'm tired to lose, I do not want, I cannot lose you and you're right about something, I cannot understand what you're going through, while I have my two fucking legs. I was not able to save your leg. I, the "Kidd-ass Ortho Goddess", the "Superstar with scalpel", the "Outstanding", I was not able to save the leg to the person that I love the most in the world and now I cannot understand you, I am losing you Arizona, and I don´t want that it happens, I'd rather lose a leg before getting lost you.
Arizona feeling desperate, crying, she said to Callie pleadingly:
- Callie, please, do not do it, do not do it yourself, please. Callie, forgive me, I must not have said it to you, please do not cut your leg, forgive me, please
With tearful eyes, Callie said to her:
- Arizona, I have nothing to forgive, you're upset about what happened, though your hurtful words it hurts me deeply, you are not who says them, not my wife who says them, it is the rage and the anger who speak for you, but I miss my wife, I miss her so much and I want her back. And yes, if I have to lose a leg to do it, then, I´ll do it.
Still crying harder, Arizona said to her:
- No, for what you most want, do not do it, please
- Arizona you are what I most want, everything I do, I do it for you. Callie said looking into her eyes, then lowering the head, she looked at her leg. She took a scalpel and placed a few millimeters, the scalpel almost touching her skin…
Desperate Arizona, realized in that moment that Callie was determined to commit this madness, so shouting said to Owen:
-Damn!, Owen. Callie will not stop, open that door, open it now. If necessary pull it down, do something!
Owen answered her with a gaze of regret: -We´re trying Arizona, but it is closed within, we could not have entered. Then turning his gaze downward, he said to Callie:
- Dr. Torres, Arizona is not the only one that is depressed by all that has happened, so are you, and when people are depressed can not make decisions properly, please Torres, stop.
Callie did not even notice of Owen's words. Then, Arizona looked down, terrified, when she heard a bloodcurdling scream of pain; it was Callie the one that was shouting, it was obvious that the anesthesia that she had been placed was not enough to placate a pain like that. With her face covered in sweat and breathing heavily, Callie paused for a moment in the cut that she was practicing on her own leg. Then she inspired air again, held her breath and continued doing the cut:
There was listened another shout of horrifying pain
Arizona was crying without being able to be controlled, all that was her fault, her damned anger had caused this, Callie was severing herself to not to lose her. Arizona launched another shout:-NOOOOOOOOOOO, when she saw that Callie took the saw in her hands, the cut of all her skin was ready, only it was necessary to cut the bone, Arizona repeated:
-NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
But Callie, no longer responded to her pleas and her cries, she was in a trance, sweating profusely, with the saw in her right hand doing a kind of pause, to withstand the incredible pain she would experience cutting her own bone.
Callie pressed the button and the saw was listened working, she looked up only for an instant and met the gaze of Arizona, Callie said to her: -I love you. Immediately under the look and she placed the saw rightly in the place that she had chosen, she pressed the button again and made the final cut.
Yes, the previous shouts had been horrifying, but these did not have way of being described by words. The pain was such that Callie fainted away, the saw fell down to the floor.
Arizona crying profusely, driven to despair she said to Owen:
-Owen, Please do something, save her leg, still there is a chance, please.
Owen looked around and suddenly he had an idea, he said to Karev:
-Karev, please go to the supply room and get a rope. Karev obeyed immediately and ran out of the gallery. Meanwhile, Owen took a chair and said to Arizona: -Cover your face, I will break the glass. After three strikes, the glass pieces fell down towards the operating room. At that time, Karev came with the rope. Owen tied the rope to the handle of the door of the gallery and down to the OR
Inmediately, Owen positioned Callie's leg in her place to reinsert again, but suddenly, the alarm of her vital signs began to sound, it was her heart, apparently she did not withstand the pressure or probably it was motivated to an overdose of painkillers, the certain thing is that Callie's heart was fibrillating.
Scared, desperate, Arizona shouted to Owen:
- FORGET THE LEG, CALLIE IS DYING, SAVE HER LIFE! Owen took the paddles and applied the first volley in Callie's chest, she did not react. Second shock, she did not react. Third shock, did not work.
Arizona was crying driven to despair, listening to herself her own words that were repeated like as an echo in her brain: "Forget the leg, Callie is dying, save her life". It was what Callie had done, Callie had saved her life, but she only had blamed her for having taken the leg from her.
After more than 20 minutes, Callie's heart did not react, Owen, defected, looked up, searching gaze of Arizona, she was denying with the head, crying desperate, she knew which were the words that Owen was on the verge of declaring, there not was nothing to do.
Owen looked at the clock in the wall and said: -Time of the death: 2:20 a.m.
Arizona yelled crying with eyes closed: -Not, my Calliope not, my Calliope not!
…
Arizona opened her eyes, still crying looked sideways, confused, she was lying in her bed. Everything had been a nightmare. Had it been a nightmare?. Arizona turned to see if Callie slept beside her, but no, the side of her bed was empty, as it had been for the last month and a half, still crying, desperate, Arizona, took the crutches and as she could stopped as the bed, Callie had to be sleeping on the couch, this had to be a nightmare, it had to be.
Arizona opened the bedroom door and confusion became even deeper, Callie was not on the couch. Arizona closed her eyes, begging, pleading, "Callie, Callie ..."
Suddenly an idea arose into her mind: "Sofia!", "Callie should be sleeping with Sofia!. Arizona stood in front of the door to the room of her daughter, put her hand on the handle and closed her eyes pleading: "Please, please..."
She opened the door with her eyes still closed, she was afraid, that nightmare had been very real, and her mind so confused at the time, was unable to distinguish the fantasy of the reality
When she opened her eyes she sighed of relief, Callie was asleep on her side hugging Sofia, Arizona began to cry again, a deep pain invaded her soul when she saw in the floor, next to Callie, no less than 20 wrinkled pieces Kleenex dispersed on the floor, it was obvious that Callie was asleep crying. Arizona, for the first time in a month and a half felt something beyond that her own pain, she felt Callie´s pain, and when she perceived it, when somehow she understood the immense pain that Callie was going through, her tears began to gush out of her eyes.
During six weeks, she had blamed Callie for had ordered cut her leg, she had looked at her with eyes full of anger and rancor, but the only thing that Callie had done, even at the risk of losing her love, it was to break a promise to save her life. After this terrible nightmare, where Arizona had chosen exactly the same option, she could not continue blaming her, it was not a betrayal, it was an act of love.
Arizona still crying, she was not daring to move, there stopped in the door of the room she felt unworthy of that love, she felt guilty for having hurt the only person who had loved her of that way in all her life, crying silently with downcast head and her eyes closed, she felt for a moment as the world was falling over again, these two beings who were sleeping embraced together, it were her family, a family to which, blocked up by the anger and the pain, she had turned away
Suddenly Arizona opened her eyes, feeling Callie's presence, closely together of her.
Callie's eyes looked with an expression full of tenderness and love, which made her feel even guiltier. Arizona could not keep the gaze and lowered it again. Callie, put her hand on Arizona's chin and lifted it gently to find Arizona´s gaze, looking at the eyes, was when Callie said tenderly:
-Hey, Arizona. What's wrong?
Arizona, balancing her leg to keep from falling, took the crutches, left them to rest on the frame of the door and said in a pleading tone, with her eyes full of tears
-Callie, I need that you hug me, please
Callie immediately crossed both arms around her waist and hugged Arizona with all his might. At that moment, Arizona, surrendered in her arms, and immediately she felt relieved, protected again. She can feel Callie´s heart beat inside her chest. Arizona, sobbing, said to her:
-Forgive me Callie, you do not have the fault of anything, nothing of this is your fault, it was not a fault of anybody, you saved my life, forgive me, please, forgive me.
Callie began to cry and with the eyes full of tears she said to Arizona:
-My baby, I don´t have anything to forgive you, you lost something very important, and you were filled with rage and anger, you needed to blame someone, I don´t have anything to forgive you
-But now I realize that I made you promise something I knew deep down that you could not meet, and then… I blame you for it, I cornered you, and that was not fair, not fair to you.
-Arizona this was not fair for anyone. Arizona, I love you, I don´t want to lose you, I don´t know we'll get through this, but if we are kept together, maybe we can recover… some day …
-Callie, you not going to lose me , this is very hard, but now I realized that not only it is hard for me, it's hard for you and Sophia, I feel very sad, I don´t know that will be my life from now, our lives, I feel like a freak, I'm not me, I'm desperate
- I know it, I cannot know exactly how you feel, because you ´re right about that you said, I have my legs, the two, but…
Terrified, remembering the terrible nightmare on having listened to these words, Arizona broke into tears again and interrupting Callie, she said to her looking at the eyes:
-Callie, forgive me for having said it to you, I should never have said something like that to you, promise me just now that you will never do a madness
Callie snorted and said ruefully:
- HA!, My promises are not worth much lately.
-Yes honey, they are worth, now I understand it, you broke that promise to save my life, that was not a betrayal that anger made me think. It was an act of love...
With tearfull eyes, Callie said: - Arizona!
- Yes, it was an act of love, you did everything humanly possible to save my leg, but you still risking that I was never forgive you, even breaking your promise, you decided to save my life, so yes, I do believe in your promises and you have to promise me now, here and now, that you will never commit a madness
- About what madness do you talk Arizona?
- A madness like you to cut your leg to understand me, I am talking about a madness like that
Callie looked down and Arizona felt another shiver that crossed her spine
Without raising the look, Callie said to her: -`Madness', probably it is, but I fell asleep thinking that this could be a way out.
Arizona said incisively: -NO
Callie raised the look at the impressive denial of Arizona, Callie was kept silent for a few seconds, wondering if she should say, then she said:
- With one condition
Arizona answered: -Anything
- Arizona, this is very hard, I know that we are going to be sad for a long time, but please, we can be sad together, do not separate me of your side, I do not want to lose you, please.
Arizona, for the first time in sex weeks, showed a small smile and said to Callie:
- Do you want to sleep beside me?... please
Callie smiled, and feeling as if a weight was discharged from her chest, she said to Arizona:
-This it is the best offer that I have heard in six weeks
Keeping his sheepish grin, Arizona said: - Are we going then?
Without thinking twice, Callie took Arizona in her arms and carried her into the room, then placed it gently on the mattress and walked around the bed to lie beside Arizona. In the same instant that Callie put her body on the bed, Arizona placed her head on Callie's shoulder, whereas she hugged her and kissed her forehead with incredible tenderness.
Arizona raised her head to look at Callie's eyes and said to her:
-Thank you for being here
Callie looked a little smile and said to Arizona:
-Thank you for coming back, I missed you, I missed you a lot
Arizona snorted and said:
-Yes, I returned, but I do not return in one piece
-Arizona I speak about your soul, I love you, and nothing could ever change how I feel about you
Deeply shocked by her words, Arizona asked: -Yet despite everything, Do you still love me?
-I love you now more than ever Arizona
It provoked a genuine, shy but genuine smile: -I love you too
-Then that's what matters, I know that what's coming will not be a way of roses, but if we love each other and stay together, maybe someday we will be able to overcome this, but, together, always together, okay?
-Ok, Arizona said to her looking for Callie's lips
After six weeks, their lips brushed timidly, it was only a little contact, very brief, but that kiss marked the beginning of a new stage in this fight that from now would be something they would share together, day after day, no matter what those days bring.
Both closed their eyes and fell asleep, embraced, feeling the thrill of being so close again, perhaps the worst was over, there were many challenges ahead, many shed tears, but they were together, they both loved each other, it that was most important thing, they would get a way to overcome this, because the love, the true love can heal all wounds, even those that seem to be impossible to cure...
THE END ... or probably, I should say ... THE BEGINNING...