Hey Y'all!
Here it is, the first chapter of my first multi-chapter fic! This is an itasaku humor fic. there are mentions of mutual infidelity. also there will be smut in this fic, eventually. This fic is called why you wanna because, the song why you wanna by T.I inspired me! when i first started this it was gonna be kakasaku which is why his character ended up being so prevalent throughout this fic! idk when sasuke and itachi stole the show but they did a great job of it!
there's going to be so much OOCness, for the sake of humor and brevity. this fic isn't supposed to be super long, nor super serious. there will be a few moments of deep thought and moral questioning, but over all, this fic isn't serious. I'm having a great deal of fun writing this, so I hope you all will enjoy reading it!
Please Enjoy: Why You Wanna (AKA Kakashi's 11 Step to True Love!)
Peering over the blueberry smoothie he was currently ingesting, Kakashi watched with thinly veiled interest as two of his former students struggled to remain blush free. Sasuke was holding Sakura's hand as though it were an old, dead fish, and not the hand of a girl he supposedly adored. Sakura had a pineapple smoothie grasped tight in her free hand, and she was smiling a bit too wide for it to be comfortable, while discussing something with Sai.
They were all out, and although it should've been a day for the team to practice, Yamato and Kakashi had agree to take everyone out for cool treats, seeing as it was the hottest day of the year so far. The cool, fruity treats were a far cry from the ramen Naruto begged for, or the anko dumplings Sakura adored so much, but the younger crowd seemed to enjoy them nonetheless. Even Sasuke, who didn't particularly care for sweets had gotten a Kale smoothie, something that Naruto kept griping about. Sakura had long since tuned the two young men out, instead talking to Sai about his upcoming date with a nice civilian girl. Sai had dated the hot-headed blonde that Sakura called her best friend, but Ino's fiery personality had burned far too bright for someone like Sai, and they had split things off on good terms. Unfortunately for literally everyone in Konaha, Sakura and Sasuke hadn't taken a leaf out of their books, and chose to stay together.
Normally, Kakashi was completely impartial to the romantic inner-workings of the Konaha 12 & Co, but something about Sakura and Sasuke's relationship rubbed him the wrong way. Maybe it was because Sasuke had mentally and physically abused Naruto and Sakura for years, scarring them in a way that made their old teachers blood boil. Maybe it was the fact that there were a million other men (not boys) who could make Sakura happy, and not act like she was an unpleasant disease they were being forced to endure. Maybe it was the particularly helpless look in Sakura's eyes when Sasuke moved to do anything intimate with her, her perhaps it was none of those things. Most likely, it was because the older man was privy to other information.
Kakashi couldn't pinpoint the exact moment in time he'd realized that Konaha's Cherry Blossom was not the woman for Sasuke, but at this exact moment in time, it had mounted to a burning need to separate them, and as he observed the embarrassingly lackluster relationship she was currently in, he decided it was time for a change.
Possibly of his pants, he thought, as Sakura enthusiastically sucked on the sweet, cool drink. She'd dropped Sasuke's hand in favor of gesticulating wildly as she described something funny that had happened to her in the Hokage's office. Naruto was watching her with rapt attention, Yamato had a fond sort of look on his face as he listened to her story. Sai was drawing something, possibly her, with the way he kept sneaking glances at her every few moments. Indeed, Sakura could probably pluck any unsuspecting Nin off the street, and he would gladly date her, and lavish her with endless love and affection, but instead she chose to date Sasuke.
Why exactly she'd agreed to date him, was completely beyond Kakashi. Sakura had stopped having feelings for the youngest Uchiha long before he came home, dragging his bedraggled, apparently innocent older brother home. It had been a massive shock to the village when Tsunade had revealed the truth of the Uchiha massacre to them. Naruto and the rest of the members of Team Kakashi were the first to accept the brother duo back into the arms of the village. Sakura had spent months with Sasuke and Itachi, sitting in personally on their counseling and healings, healing both of their eyes herself. Naruto had pushed for Sasuke to be promoted to Jonin with him and Sakura, and after a lot of wheedling, Tsunade had agreed. Yamato and Kakashi, as well as Sai, had taken to dropping by the Uchiha grounds, spending time with Itachi. Although Kakashi hadn't seen the younger man for years, it was easy for the two of them to speak, even with their past to haunt them. Itachi apologized for using the Mangekyo on Kakashi, and Kakashi had smiled, before apologized for failing to keep Sasuke safe.
However, Sakura had truly left a stamp on the brothers, her gentle hands and soothing, dulcet voice had been necessary to their mental healing.
In the six months it took to heal their eyes, Sakura spent the most time with Itachi, who found her to be interesting, to say the least. Almost immediately after, Kakashi observed a strange, inner family battle. Sasuke asked Sakura out on a date, and Sakura had (according to gossip) told him to fuck off, before marching away and avoiding either brother for two weeks. Sasuke was indifferent, and Itachi didn't leave the compound. Finally, Sakura agreed to go on a date with Sasuke, and for the past three weeks, the two of them had been about as together as they could be, seeing as they couldn't stand to touch each other, or speak romantically to each other. Itachi had been silent on the matter, and Kakashi watched the oldest Uchiha out of the corner of his eye, for even the slightest discomfort.
Itachi showed nothing, and Kakashi sighed, setting down his blueberry drink. Itachi had been sitting next to him, sipping calmly on his cherry slush type drink, his eyes trained on Sakura the entire time. Sasuke, in turn, was glaring at Itachi with such open anger, that Kakashi was genuinely surprised that Sakura hadn't knocked him out yet. She was ignoring both of the brothers, had made a point to do so, it seemed. Sasuke went to break his glare with Itachi, and when his eyes landed on Kakashi's, he flushed.
"Sakura." Sasuke's voice had grown much deeper in the past years, but it was gruffer than his older brothers, and it fit him, he had never been as silky and refined as Itachi. Sakura paused her conversation, and turned to him, her face taking on a look of annoyance.
"Yes, Sasuke-kun?" Sasuke stood, holding a hand out for her. She didn't take it, but she did stand up swiftly, her face pink with displeasure. Itachi tensed next to Kakashi, but he remained stationary, watching the two walk away. His face didn't give away if he was at interested, but Kakashi was undeterred.
"So, Itachi-kun. How long have you had a crush on Sakura-chan?" Yamato choked on the strawberry smoothie he was slurping on, spluttering at Kakashi for being rude. Sai made an interested noise, and Naruto gave a loud, rather obnoxious 'NANI?' Kakashi shushed them, turning to face the oldest living Uchiha. Itachi's Sharingan was spinning lazily, but Kakashi merely smiled at him, his fear quelled by the fact that Sakura knew when the brothers activated their Sharingan. She would've undoubtedly appeared if Itachi meant to hurt her old Sensei. Instead, a strange shock seemed to pulse through Itachi, and his eyes glowed green for a split second, before fading to their usual liquid like black. He sighed, before taking another sip of the drink he clutched in his hands. Kakashi had wondered what sort of jutsu Sakura had used on the two of them. It seemed harmless, as though her healing chakra set in immediately to heal the damage their eyes caused, but it seemed that anytime this jutsu was triggered aggressively, it would tug on her chakra, alerting her to violence, or malcontent.
"Since our third healing session." Naruto's face paled, and even Sai gasped, while Yamato sighed out heavily.
"Seriously? Dude, no disrespect intended, but why are you sitting idly by as she dates that lame-ass?" Naruto didn't seem to be very fond of Sasuke at the moment, possibly because he wanted to date one of them, or perhaps because Sasuke seemed to be sucking Sakura's soul out with every uncomfortable touch. Sakura was wilting faster than the cherry blossom trees after their brief stint during the spring, and it was nearly unbearable for the men of team 7/team Kakashi.
"He is my younger brother. I wish him only happiness." Naruto groaned and Yamato shook his head silently. Kakashi clapped Itachi on the back, a smile growing underneath his mask.
"Well, there's good news yet, sweet 'Tachi-kun." Itachi cringed and moved away from the older mans grasp.
"Because unlike you, we don't care particularly, if Sasuke is happy. But we do care about Haruno Sakura, our little Cherry Blossom." Sai nodded his consent to that, Naruto and Yamato following his actions. Itachi took a long draw of his slushie, a singular eyebrow raised, as though letting Kakashi know that he could continue.
"We all know that Sakura is miserable with Sasuke. We can only imagine the reason she accepted his proposal, maybe it was pity? I mean, personally, I would pity him solely based on the fact that he had to deal with that red-haired nympho the whole time he was chasing after you. I think it's deeper than that though, don't you Yamato-kun?" Yamato winced as his Senpai cooed at him, attempting to coax a reaction from him.
"Ah, yes, actually." Naruto was nodding vigorously again, and Sai's face was impassive as always. Itachi's other eyebrow joined it's twin, before gesturing silently with a slight tilt to his head.
"Sakura has a crush on you!" Kakashi rolled his visible eye, glaring at Naruto for ruining his dramatic effect. Naruto shrank back, whimpering a little at the look he received.
"What's your point, team 7?" He addressed them as a whole, because he understood that they were all in on this. Surprisingly, it was Sai who answered.
"Sakura has feelings for you, and has had them, perhaps as long as you've cared for her. However, due to Sasuke natural inclination to best you, he recognized this mutual attraction between you two as a threat, and asked her to be his first." Itachi nodded his agreement, before actually speaking something of substance.
"Yes, that does appear to be the case with my brother and Sakura-san; however, it is not of my concern to split them up. If Sasuke believes he can truly make Sakura happier than I, then I will not question his judgment." Naruto bounced his head off the wooden picnic table, and Sai let out a gusty breath, opening a book, as though to research how to respond to someone as socially illiterate as he.
"For a genius, you sure are stupid, Uchiha." Every one of the men turned their heads towards the end of the table so fast that Yamanaka Ino was positive she would need to treat them for whiplash. Naruto visibly cringed back into Sai, who was scrambling away from the blonde beauty who had (in his eyes) held him captive for months, before releasing him from the torturous binds she'd held him in. Yamato shoved Sai away from him, and Naruto collapsed forwards under the other males weight. Ino rolled her eyes, before straddling the bench that Kakashi and Itachi were sharing, but only after wedging herself between the two of them. She faced Itachi, balancing herself on her hands, propped on the bench between her legs. She pushed her breasts up with the motion, and Naruto's mouth fell open, while Sai's thinned to almost nonexistence, his ex-girlfriends blatant flirting was touching a strange spot in him, a hot feeling growing over his body.
"'Tachi-kuuuuun, surely you don't think that Sasuke-kun makes Saku-chan happy, right?" She batted her eyelashes at him, before very purposefully gripping his wrist, and drawing his drink towards her. She wrapped her pink mouth around the clear straw, and gave a long, languid suck.
Several things happened all at once, the first being that Sai stood up quickly, as though to stop the absurd show Ino was putting on. Kakashi deftly reached over to push the younger man down, while pulling at the collar of Ino's shirt. Haruno Sakura, however, truly made the scene, an infuriated screech sounding from her mouth as she appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, to tackle her self declared best friend off the bench. Ino didn't even make a sound of surprise, which alerted the males in the vicinity to the fact that they'd all been tricked, Sakura worst of all, but the tearing sound that Ino's shirt made was far to distracting for them to focus on that. Sakura and Ino were rolling around now, and there was a lot of huffing and gasping, as well as some well aimed jabs. Naruto's mouth was wide open, blood gushing furiously from his nose as he watched two of the hottest Kunoichi's in all five nations, wrestle in the dirt. Sakura came out on top, her knees pinning the other girls elbows, her hand around the girls throat. Ino was the picture of calm, staring up at Sakura, who's face was flushed, her breathing heavy.
"Stop it Ino. Itachi is not your plaything!" She was yelling towards the end, shaking the other girl, as though her anger was still not under control.
"You can't just toy with everyone! Not with my boys, I'll kill you first. Apologize to Sai and Itachi-san, and then leave." Sakura was seething, her grip on her friends throat was just tight enough that Ino's breathing was labored, her eyes wide as her best friend threatened her life. She gasped out an apology, and Sakura dismounted her, before lending her friend a hand up.
"Now, lets go have a talk about boundaries, shall we, Ino-pig?" Ino hoisted herself up, before knocking Sakura upside the head lightly.
"Bitch."
"Pig!" The girls laced fingers, tossing lazy farewells over their shoulder. Sakura chattered along to Ino, who, unbeknownst to her friend, turned around to wink at the table of shell shocked men.
"Sakura-chan." Naruto sounded so in awe of her that all the men just sort of nodded along with his declaration.
"She's definitely got wet panties for Itachi, that much is obvious." Sai was sketching furiously, and Naruto blushed a violent red at his friends crude words. Even Itachi had a dusting of pink across his nose, something that Kakashi thought was rather cute, boy or not.
"Honestly, what I wouldn't give for that Hag to be so passionate for me, or hell, even Naruto. Imagine burying your face between her thi-" Kakashi cleared his throat loudly, fixing Sai with a look that indicated he shouldn't get off topic. Itachi shifted, looking forlornly at the drink that had been knocked out of his hand in the midst of Sakura's rather impressive tackle. Yamato had another one in the younger mans hands before he had a chance to mention that he'd wanted to finish that damn thing, and he began sipping it again, while the other men studied him.
"So it's decided then! We'll do a ten step program of sorts, and break things off with Sasuke and Sakura, ensure your relationship, and Sasuke's happiness!" Kakashi clapped, rubbing his hands together, a hidden smile appearing on his lips.
"How do we guarantee that?" Kakashi seemed to ponder, before a serene look came over his face.
"Other than Sakura, has Sasuke ever shown interest in any other girl?" Even Itachi had trouble wracking his mind, knowing that although Karin was infatuated with his brother, even now, that Sasuke was pretty indifferent towards her, and all women.
"Now that you've pondered it, I do believe that Sasuke loves someone." At that, he looked pointedly at Naruto, causing Yamato's mouth to fall open, Sai to flush, and Itachi to give Naruto a calculated, interested look.
"Hn, so my brother has the hots for a boy, what's your point?" Naruto was so red that it was hard to imagine that there was blood anywhere else in his body, besides his face.
"Well, that's our in, 'Tachi-kun!" Kakashi seemed entirely too cheerful for someone who was talking about splitting up one teenage relationship, in order for two more to blossom outwards. Waaay too happy for a man who just exposed one of the last remaining members of a highly revered clan was gay for a Jinchuuriki, no less. But, Kakashi was older, bored, and had recently broken off his friends-with-benefits relationship from Anko. While he felt it was too perverse for he himself to pursue the younger woman, he saw a lot of himself in Itachi, even more-so than he did in Sasuke, and he decided that Itachi was like an aimlessly floating boat, and that Sakura could be his anchor. With that thought in mind, he began to outline the rather in depth plan he'd been plotting since he saw Itachi genuinely smile at Sakura, when Sasuke wasn't looking.
"Alright men, the first step is..."