Please do not take this too seriously. I am posting this on April first for a reason.
The students gathered in the auditorium for an unscheduled assembly. Tsukune arrived just ahead of the girls. He looked around and saw that the faculty seemed to be as in the dark as to what was going on. Tsukune didn't see the chairman anywhere, but was not that surprised. Shrugging his shoulders, he turned around just in time to have his vision turn yellow.
"Tsukune!" Kurumu squealed as she pulled Tsukune's face into her cleavage. "Did you miss me? I missed you soooo much, my room is so lonely without you in it at night."
BONG! Kurumu released his head as his vision was fading to black. She stumbled a few steps before slipping on a patch of ice. "Thanks Yukari, I needed that." Tsukune thanked the little witch.
"Hey! What's the big idea you two? Why are you always getting between me and my Destined One?" Kurumu fumed as she picked herself up off the floor.
"Good morning Tsukune." Moka greeted in a quiet voice.
"Good morning Moka." Tsukune returned the greeting before turning back to the spectacle that his other friends were creating. "I think someone should break them up" he said more to himself than anything.
"Stupid big breasted cow, you are going to kill him one day with those things." Yukari shouted back.
"What are you talking about, he loves it when I do that." Kurumu claimed thrusting her chest out. "You are just jealous because you are flatter than a countertop."
Kurumu dodged the pan that fell out of nowhere and stuck out her tongue at the young witch, but she failed to notice the same pan flying at the back of her head. BONG!
Tsukune walked beside Mizore, who was watching the others make fools out of themselves from behind one of the drapes on the wall. "Think you can do something about them?" He asked.
Mizore just nodded and slipped out of her hiding place. "You two need to cool off." She said as she encased the two bickering teens in ice.
"Any idea what this assembly is about?" Moka asked Tsukune when he returned from talking to Mizore.
"Not a clue. Hey, there is Ruby." Tsukune replied. "Hey Ruby!" Tsukune called out.
"Oh! Hey Tsukune, how are you?" Ruby asked coming up to the group.
"Good Ruby, What is all this about?" Tsukune inquired.
"No clue, the announcement didn't come from the headmaster's office." Ruby shook her head. This greatly confused Tsukune and his friends.
"But if it didn't come from his office, who called us here?" Tsukune asked.
Everyone's attention was directed to the stage when static feedback sounded over the sound system. There were two strangers standing on the stage. The male of the pair addressed the assembled staff and students. "I am sure you are wondering why you were all called here today" he said "My name is Jack Meoff, and this is my child hood friend Connie Lingus. We are here to take over this dimension, and there is nothing that any of you can do to stop us."
Kuyou leapt onto the stage and landed behind the duo. "I am the head of the Public Safety Commission, I shall defeat you in order to restore order to this school." Kuyou announced before transforming into his battle form. His tails began to rotate and a large fireball started to form behind him. Jack spared him a slight glance before he yawned out of boredom. Jack leaned to his right, farted and shot a lightning bolt out of his ass striking Kuyou before he could launch his attack. Everyone gathered gasped when the smoke cleared and it was revealed that Kuyou had been reduced to a pile of ashes.
"Hey!" Connie slapped Jack in the back of the head. "I wanted to have him play with my pussy!" many in the crowd sweat dropped at this. Seeing the looks she was getting from everyone, Connie asked "What? Did I say something wrong?"
Okuto Kotsubo stood up near the stage "So, you're looking for someone to play with your pussy, huh?" He said with a smirk. Connie gave the kraken a mischievous smile.
Gin walked up behind Tsukune and whispered to him "Something isn't right here. Where is the Headmaster?"
"I don't know, I don't see how he could let this happen." Tsukune whispered back.
"He must not view them as a true threat." Ruby chimed in.
"I think we should do something." Moka voiced quietly.
"We need to know what they are capable of first." Tsukune reasoned.
"So are you volunteering?" Connie asked Kotsubo.
"And what if I am?" Kotsubo retorted.
"Oh Pussy!" Connie called out in a sing song voice. "I have someone for you to play with." Out of nowhere, a large black panther appeared and tackled Kotsubo. The panther proceeded to maul the surprised teacher. "Oh look, he likes you."
The panther finally released Kotsubo after nearly killing him and hopped onto the stage to approach Connie's side. "Oh, who is a good kitty." Connie scratched her panther behind the ears.
Suddenly the auditorium doors burst open and in walked a man with a shaved head. He was around six foot tall, slightly overweight, and had a goatee.
"Who in the hell are you?" Jack asked as he jumped off the stage to confront the newcomer.
"I am the author of this story and I am here to stop you." The now revealed author announced.
"And how are you going to do that? I am a combination of all monsters and have all their powers. Connie's familiar can change into a variety of blasters." Jack bragged.
"Pussy! Let's show them your special form." Connie said placing her hand on the panther. The large cat was engulfed by a flash of light. When the light dissipated, the panther had changed into a 12 in long vibrating dildo. "No, not that one, the other one." Connie said with a blush. Once again light engulfed the familiar and this time it had transformed into an electromagnetic rail gun.
"Well, I have an attack that trumps all of your powers." I revealed.
"Ha! What kind of power could you possibly have that is more powerful than a being that is essentially a god?" Jack asked confidently.
"It is the power that all authors possess" I stated indicating that Jack should look down. He looked down and a large hole opened up under him. "The plot hole." I said with a smirk.
"I'll get you for that." Connie leveled the rail gun at me, but stopped when she heard a growling from the hole next to her.
"Do you know what lives in plot holes?" I ask Connie. A large paw reached up out of the hole and grabbed her by the head, yanking her into the hole. "Plot bunnies."
I walked up to Tsukune and his group as screams came from the hole. "Alright, my job is done here. I think you all can handle it from here." As I turned to leave, Kurumu came up and asked me "Aren't you going to try and take us away from Tsukune?"
"Sorry, even if you were not underage, you girls just aren't my type. The only one I really like would sooner kill me than like me. As author, I have the power to make her like me, but then she would not be the same, so what would be the point." I shrugged.
Kurumu was just about to say something else when Connie yelled from the hole "Oh my god! It just ate my pussy!" Everyone around the hole sweat dropped at that.
"Umm.. What are we supposed to do about them?" Tsukune asked me.
I snapped my fingers and the hole closed up and the screaming went away. "That takes care of that." I turned and exited out the doors that I had entered through. The Dark Lord was standing just outside the doors waiting for me.
"I would thank you to leave this world and not come back. I don't appreciate unannounced visitors to my realm." The Headmaster stated flatly.
"Pardon my intrusion, I just decided to write a self-insert for April Fool's Day." I explained.
"Just don't let it happen again, or you may find yourself in a worse place than those two that you took care of." Mikogami threatened.
"I understand, I'll be taking my leave then." I said as I walked away. Arriving at the bus stop, I noticed that the bus was still sitting there. "Well, this certainly was an interesting experience. Thanks for the ride."
The bus driver smirked and removed his cigar. "Ready to go?"
"Let's get out of here"