Chapter one: So college is Hell, it doesn't compare to... Uh...
Wakka popped the breath mint in his mouth before shoving the box in
Tidus's face. "Want some?" Tidus just stared at him. "What... do you think?"
Wakka frowned. "Look brudda, it's not my fault you had a bad train
experience and always get sick on one. The airport got blown up."
Tidus gritted his teeth. "You just don't understand. I'm easily
traumatized. When we were riding those Chocobo things, I fell and cracked
my skull. I've never ridden them since."
"So that's why..." Wakka muttered as Tidus stared at him.
"Yeah, then, remember the last time we played Blitzball? I almost
died."
"Well, you can't swim brudda, ever since the Lochness Monster."
"I saw it!" Tidus suddenly stood up and yelled. "It's real! Why
doesn't anyone believe me! Nobody listened! They just put me in that
patted room, why they did that, I'll never know."
Wakka just sighed.
It had been one year since he, Tidus, and everyone else graduated
from high school. It was also the last they saw of the monkey, but Tidus
thinks he's stalking him.
Wakka glanced at his friend. "Hey, but we're finally going to
college! I wanted to start last semester, but the college was blown up. I
waited, and now I'm stuck with you, and Seymour. Why?"
Tidus groaned. "College is Hell Wakka. Oh, and don't forget we're
stuck with Rikku too."
Suddenly, Seymour appeared in the seat behind him. "What's up guys?"
Wakka popped another breath mint in his mouth. "Want one?" he asked
as handed the box to Seymour, who took it while glancing at Tidus.
"What's wrong with Tidus?"
"Train sickness."
The blonde quickly opened the window and puked for the fifth time
since the beginning of the trip.
Seymour glanced out the window. "Yeah, it's gonna be different with
Yuna gone and all. I sorta had the hots for her."
Seymour sighed and glanced at Tidus. "Course, you guys are a couple."
Tidus gritted his teeth. "With that jackass, I don't think so."
Wakka gasped and punched Tidus, who just looked at him. "You, you
called a GIRL a donkey! You're a stinkin' low- life!"
Tidus rubbed his stomach. "It's the truth. She's evil, evil. I'm
seriously glad I don't have to see her again. You hang around her, you die,
you slowly, but surely, d-i-e."
Wakka sighed. "Just because you lip-locked with her and her dad
hunted you down doesn't mean she can't be your friend."
Tidus shook his head. "Mr... Uh, Yuna's dad put a restraining order,
what is it you don't understand! Besides, she sold my sock puppet on e-
bay, and you know what, she got filthy rich! I could've got filthy rich!
It's not fair..."
Wakka and Seymour just sighed.
"I wish Yunie was here!" Rikku pouted as Paine wiped away Rikku's
spit from her face.
"You really are nothing without her, are you?" Paine asked. Rikku
nodded while crying.
Suddenly, the train stopped. "Now what!" Tidus muttered as he stood
up and walked to the engineer's cabin.
"What's up?" he asked as he walked in. The engineer stood up. "The
electrcal systems have been disabled. But the only way to do that would be
to control it from the top hatch on the top of the train."
Tidus nodded and jumped from the window, much to the engineer's
protest.
Tidus landed on the train had stretched. "Whoa, I'm not sick anymore,
cool!"
He then looked around and saw a brown bushy tail stuck between a
monkey but sticking out.
"You!" Tidus exclaimed, forcing Monkey to look up.
"So, you are stalking me!"
Monkey looked around. "Where did you get that idea? I sabotage trains
in my spare time. It's my hobby."
"Sure it is," Tidus remarked as he jumped to the monkey and prepared
to gut him.
"STOP," a thunderous voice boomed. Tidus did stop and looked up, only
to see the greatest he had ever seen.
The clouds opened up, and a massive beam of light shot through. A
huge dragony face appeared.
"It's Neo Bahamut!" Monkey shouted. Tidus scratched his head. "What's
a Neo Bahamut?"
"SILENCE. I'VE TAKEN THIS FORM FOR MANY REASONS, I AM YOUR GOD."
"You mean that Yevon dude?" Tidus asked.
"NO, THE REAL GOD, NOT A SPIDER THING. BESIDES THAT, I'VE COME TO
STOP THIS SENSELESS BICKERING."
"Oh, jack off!" Monkey yelled, flipping his middle finger out.
"YOU DARE FLICK ME OFF! YOU INSOLENT FOOL! I SHALL ERADICATE YOUR
SOUL!"
The Neo Bahamut God thing raised his hand, and brought it down,
shouting, "FIST, OF FATE!"
A massive purple beam of energy collided against Monkey, causing a
huge explosion.
As Tidus watched this, he noticed a number next to him. It was five.
"Hey, Neo Bahamut God Thing, what's this number thingy for?"
"IT SHOWS HOW MANY HIT POINTS YOU HAVE, OR, HP. YOU ONLY HAVE FIVE.
ANYONE CAN KILL YOU."
Tidus glanced at Monkey's. "Hey, why does he have 999999999999999?"
"HE CHEATED."
"Oh."
Monkey slowly stood up from the assault, brushing himself off. "Ha!
That attack only did 999999999999998 damage! However, now that I'm in
critical status, I can use my limit break!"
Monkey then turned around and shoved his butt, or ass, in Neo Bahamut
God Thing's face.
"BANANA GAS ATTACK!" he shouted as a freaky murky gas, which wreaked
of rotten bananas, floated in Neo Bahamut Thing's face.
Monkey smirked as placed his hands on his hips.
"SORRY, I AM IMPERVIOUS TO FART STATUS EFFECTS."
"Dammit! You, heal me!"
Tidus just stared at him. "What do you mean?"
"It's your turn! Use an Elixir on me!"
Tidus fished in his pocket and brought out a spoiled chocolate bar
from 1702. "I was gonna sell this on e-bay, but... it's starting to smell bad
so, here!"
Tidus chucked the chocolate bar at Monkey, who ate it and had his
health fully restored.
"HMM... I JUST REMEMBERED I HAD TO CHECK SOME ESTATES... HOWEVER, I SHALL
RETURN. OH, AND IF ANY OF YOU REVEAL THE INFORMATION YOU MET ME, I SHALL
PERSONALLY HUNT YOU DOWN AND OBLITERATE YOU... OKAY?"
Tidus and Monkey nodded as Neo Bahamut Thing faded away.
Monkey then turned back to Tidus. "Until next time," he yelled as he
leapt onto another passing train.
Tidus scratched his head. "Whoa. Did he plan that? If he did, he's
very cliché."
And so, Tidus decided to sit on the top of the train for the next
five hours until they reached the college.
"I gotta say, that was quite refreshing," Tidus stated as they exited
the train.
Seymour stepped behind them, holding his one suitcase while Wakka
struggled with six.
Tidus quickly scanned the college with his eyes, noticing two more
trains stopping by.
"Hey, let's go check out what other unlucky students couldn't get a
plane," Wakka suggested as he and Seymour darted in that direction. Tidus
began to follow when Rikku jumped on him.
"Yay! Tidus is here! Come on Paine!"
The silver- haired girl stepped out and glanced around, taking in the
stupidity and worthlessness of it all.
Tidus stood up. "What's your problem?"
Paine stepped up. "She's all jumpy cause Yuna's not here."
Tidus nodded and jogged over to Wakka and Seymour.
Yuna sighed for the seventieth time as the train pulled in. "I don't
believe this. The college is ransacked by some samurai bogeys and I'm stuck
coming here."
Lulu glanced around. "Well, at least we're not working at Target."
The two stepped out, Kimhari eyeing his surroundings. "Kimhari's
plans have been coming along smoothly," he thought as Wakka and Seymour
neared.
"Hey Yuna!" Wakka shouted. Yuna smiled, but Lulu groaned as Wakka
strolled up to them.
Tidus jogged up behind Seymour, taking notice of the two girls. "Oh
no..." he muttered, trying to hide behind Seymour.
"Hi," Yuna stated, walking up to them. Seymour nodded, but Tidus
tried to back away.
Yuna went around Seymour to face Tidus.
"Oh, Tidus, I wanted to give you something.
Tidus backed away again. "Wait, you can't be in fifty feet of me and
vice versa."
Yuna smiled. "But the restraining order has expired."
Tidus looked shock. "No, it can't be!"
Yuna opened one of her bags and brought out a worn out sock puppet.
Tidus gasped. "Socky! But how!"
"I bought it from a contractor."
Tidus glanced around. "But then, who bought it in the first place?"
Yuna pointed to Serymour as he drank some water.
Seymour looked back. "What?... Wait, it was you!"
Yuna nodded as Tidus took Socky.
"Sorry, it's just my grandma gave this to me."
Suddenly, Rikku sprinted into the crowd and pounced on Yuna.
"Yunie, you're here! It's a miracle!"
Yuna just stared at her cousin. "Um, hey Rikku."
Wakka struggled to hold his bags. "Uh... I think it would be a good
idea for all of us to deposit our luggage in the appropriate account. Can
we please go inside!"
Pain and Lulu wasted not time, while Seymour helped Yuna up. Rikku
smiled gleefully and sprinted inside, followed by Wakka.
"You guys need any help?" Seymour asked. Yuna shook her head while
Tidus began to walk to the train.
"I'm fine, I just forgot something."
Seymour nodded and went inside, leaving Yuna and Tidus alone.
Yuna picked up her things and walked to the entrance. "Uh, Tidus?
Could you watch Kimhari?"
The blonde glanced at the blue feline counterpart of Hades. "Um... Uh...
Well...S-Sure."
Yuna smiled and nodded as Tidus carefully picked up the cage and
walked to the train.
"Kimhari did not expect to meet so soon." Tidus chuckled. "Yeah,
about that, I know you were the one who orchestrated the events at Yuna's
house that night."
The feline only meowed, confirming Tidus's worst fears.
"So, what do you really want?" Tidus asked. Kimhari just brushed his
tail on the gate of his cage. "Kimhari want the world."
Tidus sat down in front of the cage. "The world, eh? Why are all the
villains so cliché?"
"Kimhari know you poopy- head, which is why Kimhari has taken means
to make certain you do not interfere."
Tidus stroked his chin. "Okay, so, are you really talking, or am I
really a poopy- head?"
"Well, is the world a basic computer program created by machines
which are using our real bodies for energy purposes?"
"Uh... It can happen."
Tidus suddenly stood up and fished through his pocket. He smiled and
brought out a memory card for the PS2.
"Yeah, I had it all along!"
"Kimhari wish to know what Tidus holds."
Tidus looked down at the cat. "It's Playstation 2 memory card. I can
continue my new game in Final Fantasy X-2."
Tidus then picked up the cage and continued inside...