I first started to notice his strange behavior when he came home later than what he typically did, but he always said that he was with Matt and every time I checked with his best friend to make sure the story was valid, he said it was.
He'd back his buddy up one hundred percent, every time; I felt remorse nibble at my conscious for doubting Mello but it wasn't my fault.
He was acting strange.
Coming home later than normal, drinking while he thinks I'm asleep, making mysterious phone calls that he never told me about, avoiding eye contact with me, I noticed when he looked at other guys and it seemed that he done whatever possible to get away from me to go someplace. I never follow and I never question him. His story is always weak-built, but I didn't care. His story always remains the same.
He was out spending time with Matt.
He was just having some fun.
He was just discussing business with an old acquaintance.
He was distracted by something shiny.
He needed a moment alone.
The list goes on. Despite the fact I know all of his excuses are lies I never question him and I never tried to argue with the story he presented me. I accepted and kept my mouth shut letting him continue to do whatever while I sat home, alone, in misery and concern. Mello didn't notice how I felt though. The only time he took notice I was around was when he became angry, troubled, lusty or bored. I was just there to cheer him up or let him beat on me, sometimes have sex, but that was about it. Our relationship was dying, not that he cared, and there was nothing I could do about it but continue to go on with Mello. All I could do was wonder what he did while I was disregarded and forsaken.
Maybe, I thought I could ask Matt about what's going on with Mello.
Oh, if I only knew.
Matt's POVIt was wrong, and I knew it was wrong, but here I was with Mello kissing him, on my couch, in my house, meanwhile Near was sitting at home…alone…forgotten…helpless, probably even frightened. I moaned loudly as I pictured the small albino weeping knowing that the blonde we both craved was out somewhere forgetting about him. I felt a pang of guilt, but that pang melted away and was replaced by a pleasurable moan, which escaped my mouth. Mello loved giving me hickeys for some reason that is beyond even him. I think it was like his way of marking me as his or something.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door.
Mello got off me as I quickly realized that the door had already been open and none other than Near stood in the doorway staring at us with large, horrified eyes. Tears brimmed them within moments and before either Mello or me could make a move Near hung his head knowing that Mello was no longer his, but mine. I swallowed hard expecting him to speak, but all that came were sobs. He quickly turned on his heel and ran off.
"We have to talk with him." I said after a few minutes.
"Why?" Mello muttered still staring at where Near had stood. "He doesn't deserve an explanation." He said coldly.
"He deserves to know why you've done this to him." I said with a cheerless expression. "You know what he'll do if you don't tell him. He may try to kill himself, he isn't in the best mental state, you know. Near doesn't deserve to die thinking everyone hates him."
"Good, let him die." The blonde muttered. "Then he'll leave us alone."
I sighed shaking my head. "Fine, then I'll go talk to him."
Near's POVHow could Mello and Matt do that to me? I asked myself. How could they not tell me? Why couldn't Mello just say it was over, instead of tormenting me in such a cruel way?
I sobbed deeply as I smashed several glass plates to the floor.
"Why should I bother?" I sobbed loudly.
I smashed some more plates in my anger.
"Why should I bother?" I sobbed once more.
I grabbed a shard of glass trembling. I needed to feel some true pain. I needed to imagine it was Mello suffering as I was. I needed to see my scarlet, crimson life puddle on the floor as my life slipped away and I passed on to the next life, which I hoped would be nicer than the one I already led, the one that was filled by so much hatred and betrayal.
"Pain…pain…pain…pain…" I sobbed with each deep cut I made on my arm. I couldn't get the image of Matt and Mello kissing so passionately out of my mind and I felt my heart break, so much more, than what I thought possible.
Matt's POVI ran into the house hoping Near hadn't done anything illogical or hardhearted to himself.
I headed for the kitchen where I heard sobs coming from.
I was shocked when I saw Near lying on the floor trembling, crying, bleeding. He was so broken and so hurt. Guilt washed over me once more as I took the shard of glass he'd held and I tossed it aside. I was careful not to step on pieces of glass, which were strewn across the floor. Near must've been really angry.
I carried Near, who resisted weakly, to the bathroom where I was able to care for the injuries he'd inflicted upon himself. They were so deep that the bleeding took a while to stop. Finally when I stopped it I led Near to his room and laid him down to sleep, but he refused to rest. "Why Matt?" he asked with teary eyes.
That look made my heart deteriorate with regret.
"I wanted Mello to tell you but…"
"He doesn't love me." The albino said listlessly. "He just uses me for his personal desires. I'm nothing to him. I-I'm just his…his…rag doll."
"Near, I am so sorry." I said sincerely. "It didn't happen the way I wanted it to. I thought Mello would be straightforward and tell you that he found someone else, when he told me that he wouldn't tell you, I figured that it'd be okay as long as you never found out."
"I always find things out." He mumbled.
"It was immoral of us and I know you must be in so much pain right now, but things will get better. I promise. You'll feel better tomorrow, I promise."
He looked off to the side grimacing.
Near's POV"No." I whispered reluctantly.
"No?" Matt scowled. "No what?"
"I won't live to see tomorrow." I said sadly.
"What do you mean?" Matt demanded baffled. "You're going to be fine." He assured me.
He gave me the most sympathetic look he could offer but it didn't blind me. As a ruby-eyed friend once said, my time is up, and it's okay. For years he'd spent locked up for his crimes and I was his only visitor. One afternoon as I went to see the raven-haired copycat he said that his life was over. He couldn't see it, but he felt it. He said that it felt tranquil and numbing. He claimed that he could sense his dead lover's presence, but I couldn't sense it. He seemed to have lost the last piece of his mind when he laid about whispering prayers and reminisce with me about our past.
Oh, how I tried to consol him. I gave him many softhearted looks, but it didn't matter. He suffered a heart attack and dropped dead that night abruptly before I left. I wept silent tears for him, but those tears, I now realize, they didn't mean anything. I was merely feeling sorrow for having witnessed another death in my life.
I looked to the redhead sadly and shook my head slowly. I felt so tranquil and numb. I could sense the presence of my dead friend and I knew my time was up. And I could accept that without any fear. I could accept that knowing Mello and Matt would have each other and wouldn't have to be alone like I had been. Like A and B had been.
"No, Matt, I won't." I muttered.
"Yes, Near, you will." Matt reassured me. "You will be okay."
"Matt…please…let me die."
"Death isn't going to help." He said sounding critical.
"I know, but…" I allowed my voice to trail off.
"But? But what?" Matt asked taking a deep breath to calm himself. "Why are you wanting to die? You should want to live! Haven't enough of our friends died already?"
"It's my time."
Matt's POVIt's his time?
That is the only thing he could say. It was his time. He claimed that he was ready to die, that he was ready to depart from this life. He said that Mello and me would be okay on our own. He said that we'd have each other and would be flawlessly elated if he were out of the way. I tried to convince him otherwise, but he was cleverer than I and pointed out that there was nobody for him. L had died and that was the only man who truly loved him. And he pointed out that Mello and me deserved to be together and would do better if we had only each other to worry about, not to mention that in his will he left us a good bit of money. So we'd actually benefit from his demise.
He didn't seem afraid and he seemed to be prepared for whatever would become of him. I didn't want to believe that all the things he said were meant to be serious, meant to convince me that death was better for us both. But he seemed so content accepting death and he seemed to be at peace and all the things he said…I could tell…I could tell…I could tell that he meant what he said.
"I'd rather die than spend another moment knowing I'm alone." He said softly.
I stroked his white curls and wondered why Near was constantly alone.
"Matt…I can't live…knowing Mello doesn't want me, knowing that nobody wants me."
I let tears slide down my cheeks as I nodded. I got up and phoned an ambulance and told them that I found my friend dead; of course it was a lie. They claimed they'd be there for Near's body soon, but I knew that they were lying. They would take a while to get where we were and they knew it. I went back to Near and gave him some sleeping pills. He took them without any second thoughts. He was ready, he was certain of this. I stood and prepared to leave but he stopped me.
"Matt, please, please stay with me." He sobbed. "I don't want to die alone."
"Near…" I started but seeing his face made me shut my mouth. "Okay, I'll stay, and after you die I'll stay. I promise."
I took his hand in mine so he knew I was there.
He kept a firm grip and so did I.
"And Mello?" he asked sleepily.
"I'll take care of him."
"Promise?"
"Yeah."
"And my stuff?"
"I'll keep it."
I could feel his grip weakening as his body begun to shut down.
"Promise?"
"Yeah."
"And…what…about…my…grave?"
"I'll visit you every chance I get."
"Promise?"
"Yeah."
I felt his grip loosen.
"Does…Matt…love me?"
That question made my heart throb as I choked out a sob. "Yes. Oh, God, Near I do love you if nobody else does, I do. I promise…I promise…I love you. Not as much as Mello, but…but…I-I do l-love you."
He gasped quietly causing me to look at his weary, tearstained face his eyes had broadened in amazement.
"What do you see?" I asked squeezing his hand.
"I see…I see…Matt…I see…my parents…and Lawliet and Watari…and Beyond…and Alternative…and…and I see…Linda, too."
"Beyond? Tell me is there fire and death everywhere?"
"N-no…it's white…and picturesque."
"Go on, Near, they're waiting for you." I said feeling his presence fading.
"Thank…you…Matt." He whispered.
As Near closed his magnificent dark eyes I knew that it was only a matter of time before he fell into his eternal sleep. His grip finally went limp. I broke down into sobs knowing that it was my entire fault, yet I was in high spirits, because I knew Near would no longer feel pain or loneliness. He was back with people who loved him, and cared for him. In time I knew that we'd meet again. And that was the day I looked forward to.
My only question left is: how the hell did Beyond get into Heaven?
Hmm, that's interesting…yet…strange….
I guess that's another mystery that will be unsolved for a while.