AN: For almost a year, my mailbox has been invaded by letters from this random stranger named Nicholas James Duval. At first, I thought it was just some random joke but the more I read through his accounts, the more I realized how serious his situation is. And frankly, I don't know what to do with it! That's why I'm publishing each of his letters on this site; hoping that other people will know what to make with his story. Here's the first letter he sent me.

Letter # 1

Hello, ummmm whoever you are. I'm sorry for disturbing you with this letter and I'd understand if you don't continue on reading it. I don't need you to reply to my letters. I just need someone or something to voice out the thoughts that are complicating my high school life. A friend of mine actually suggested that I do this as a form of therapy. Well actually, she told me that I could just keep a journal but then, I figured that that would be a little bit to risqué for my taste. And that's why this piece of paper landed in your mailbox…

Oh yeah, my name by the way is Nicholas James Duval but my friends call me Nick or Nickers. Sometimes they call me Nicky but those who do end up having to visit the Nurse's office. I'm a junior at Dalton Academy, I'm also part of the school's glee club, the Warblers, and I'm, as I mentioned above, a bit troubled lately. And no, it's not about drugs or alcohol or that I got a girl pregnant (stupid stereotypes…). It's something more complex.

I think the perfect place to begin with is last March when our main vocalist Blaine suggested that the Warblers get 'sexy' for a performance. This random idea came about when Blaine and Kurt (his boyfriend, well… not yet at that time but they did become an item eventually… but that's not the story here.) Anyway, the idea came about when they overheard that the judges for this year's regionals were looking for a smoking performance. My fellow Warblers were in on the idea (after a few debates and an attempted attack with a gavel) and soon enough we hitched a plan to perform "Animal" by Neon Trees with our sister school, Crawford Country Day, as the target audience.

Throughout the week leading to the performance, we held practices both for the vocal runs and more interestingly, the 'sexy' choreography which was lead by one of our newest Warbler, Jeff. I was very happy for him. Finally he has come out of his shell and was not afraid to goof off with us fellow Warblers. And of course, he finally was getting a bit of the spotlight since he (well actually, we) tend to get overshadowed by Blaine when it comes to solos. We were making great progress and I saw the Warblers giving Jeff immense praise for all the hard work he had been investing in this performance.

On the last day of practice, Jeff approached me and asked me if we could grab a cup of coffee before we headed back to our dorms. I agreed since it's been a while since we hanged out, just the two of us. He told me to meet up with him by the gates in thirty minutes so that we have enough time to go to our respective dormitories (we're separated since he's a sophomore) and have a quick shower to remove that sweaty feeling from all the dancing we did.

We met by the gates at around seven that night so we just had enough time to get some coffee and be back by eight for the curfew. One of the weird things the two of us shared is that we'd rather walk to the nearest café than drive there like the usual Dalton student. I do it to save up on gas money while he just didn't prefer using his car, especially at night since all he had was a student's permit. Plus, it's easier to talk to each other while walking than driving, less accident prone that way.

Obviously, there was something on his mind aside from coffee for him to ask me out on a coffee run. He usually does this when he wants to confide with me about something. See, we have this big brother-little brother thing going on between us ever since he started his schooling in Dalton, when I was placed as his welcoming committee/tour guide. And as I gained his trust, he started opening up to me till we reached this sibling-like status in our friendship. So yeah, I pretty much have an idea on what's going through his head and at that moment, my brain was chiming "this guy has a problem".

I asked him what was bothering him and he quickly replied that nothing was bothering him; classic Joseph Sterling, denying something even though it's already written in his face. I finally pried it out of him as we sat in our usual table at the coffee shop we frequently visit. He was nervous for our performance tomorrow and he was questioning himself whether he was really good enough. He didn't want to let the Warblers down especially since it's his first time to lead a particular routine. I reassured him and told him that he did a splendid job and half-joked that the only person that will probably mess up tomorrow was Kurt since he couldn't pull off a sexy, masculine move if his life depended on it. He chuckled at that thought and his nerves quickly died out and before the coffee ran out in our cups, he was feeling a lot better about himself. That's one of the good things about Jeff; he doesn't dwell on the negative that much like me. Once he's reassured (which I usually do), he can perform any task awesomely.

The day of the performance finally came and the Warbler's were excited. It's not every day that we get an opportunity to perform in front of a bunch of teenage girls or to be less vague, a bunch of potentially datable after the performance, bunch of teenage girls. We were all lined up as Blaine welcomed the girls that agreed to see our performance (mostly from their own glee club and some of their friends). And as the cue was given, we started to sing out our acapella rendition of Animal. It was really great! All the girls were cheering and screaming and us Warblers all looked like they were having the time of our lives. I pretty much forgot that we were performing when Blaine and Kurt activated the foam machine and we all removed our blazers.

All the girls were satisfied by our sexy performance and we had a little time for mingling afterwards. Blaine had some ladies giggling around him which was funny because A, he was gay, B, all the girls were taller than him and they weren't even wearing high heels and C, Kurt was eyeing each girl like a lioness before tackling a gazelle. Jeff and I also got our fair share of girls and to my surprise, one of the girls asked Jeffers out on a little coffee date. He blushed and I remember laughing out loud because Jeff really looked ridiculous when he blushed. It's like a strawberry with yellow bangs for leaves. He agreed with the idea and they planned on meeting up at Coffee Way, the café Jeff and I go to. I was happy for him but somehow, I felt a bit uncomfortable with the idea. At first I thought it was just a random protective big brother thing or maybe it was because I considered that café as "our place" since none of the other Warblers go there. But I came to understand that I was wrong on both accounts (or maybe the latter was partially true).

Because I realized, after some heavy contemplation, that I was, well… jealous…

And that's the problem I was talking about… Why was I even jealous? I'll tell you more about it the next letter I send to you if you don't mind. Right now, I have to cut this letter short because I still have homework to do and my roommate, Thad, a fellow Warbler and part of the council, just walked in and he'd give me hell if he found out what I was doing. Anyway, thanks for reading this and again, sorry for the disturbance I caused.

If you want to reply, the address of our school is on the envelope. Yeah I know, Captain Obvious strikes again but just in case. I'd appreciate it if you did but I'm okay either way.

Signed, Nicholas James Duval