The Cloister Bells Are Ringing

Her eyes widened and sparkled in front of him, impregnated tears and an unbelievably shocked expression on her face. What he had just told her had ripped apart her heart and let it bleed on the ground, despite it already being broken. It wasn't right, why in hell would he ever do that? His answer was all too shattering for her to contain. It was devastation but relief, heartbreak but admiration, and that one whole notion of finding out just how much she meant to the Doctor. She underestimated that sometimes. Believed that no one could love and adore the Doctor as much as she did, but maybe he was the same. And even though she would have spent as much time in hell than he did it still didn't give him the right to resurrect her from the dead. Letting bygones be bygones was always an expression she struggled to come to terms with, especially after her mother, the Doctor's regeneration, Danny. But now she understood. It had been too painful for him, and as the Doctor he had to find a way. Just like she would have for him.

'Duty of care' was still swimming around her head and for a moment she couldn't make sense of the darkened Cloisters with its graveyard appeal and the Sliders creeping past as though they were watching and listening. But she finally fixed on his face, one so full of denial and hope it broke her heart once again and shook her very purpose. 4.5 billion years. That's how much she meant to the Doctor. She could hardly believe what she had heard when Ohila had told her and the quickening of breath and the paralysing feeling of overwhelm had still followed between the crushing weight of realisation, which she still carried now. It had been surprise after surprise, shock after shock, from the moment she was taken out of her own death up until now.

He said something about workshops and TARDISes like he was trying to distract her or dismiss the situation but she couldn't listen, couldn't move on. Not yet.

'Okay, listen. I have something I need to say.'

Up until that moment she had avoided the direct glare from his eyes but now met them, surprised how less sharp they were, almost soft, when he stared at her. A year ago something like that would have been a miracle. But then again, maybe it was always there. Maybe she just never noticed it.

'We do not have time.' He replied briskly, to which a bubble of anger rose up in her chest. As if he had the very audacity to bring up time. After being trapped in his own hell for four and a half billion years, time was now only just a measurement to him. She couldn't let him do that.

'No, my time,' she began, edging closer to him, 'my time is up.'

It was hard to say it and see the expression on his face as she gripped his arm, both using and giving him support.

'Doctor, between one heartbeat and the last is all the time I have.'

She took a breath, her face calming over as she continued to watch him, almost with pity and sympathy. But with utmost clarity.

'People like you and me,' she said, suddenly making a decision she had put off ever since but now realising it would be too late if she didn't say it now. Even if she survived this, Clara didn't know if she could ever tell him something like this again.

'We should say things to one another.' she constructed carefully, taking his hand to disguise the shaking in her own fingers. Her eyes bore straight into his, a pause so powerful she thought it would burn her very soul. Tension seemed to thicken, the air between their two faces seemed tangible. Her heart clenched for a moment but of course it didn't beat.

'And I'm going to say them now.' She finished, a now reassuring and sanguine expression on her face. He stared at her bewilderedly, for the first time unable to speak and generously letting her say what she had to say first. A moment causing a study of his unruly silver curls and jagged features surmised where she'd start. Clara decided she would tell him just how much he meant to her, too.

'You know we've always had our differences, but our victories, too. Many of them. And I know trying to cheat death for me was something you had to do, even though I can't even bare the thought of you...' She let her sentence trail off, trying not to imagine anything at all so horrific that she might start falling to pieces. Her eyes closed briefly, still trying to comprehend what she was doing, still attempting to get across the words. Clara moved even closer to him, so her knees brushed his. He hardly blinked but continued to stare without an interjection. Trust the Doctor to become so quiet at such difficult times.

'What I'm trying to say is...I understand why you done it, because I would have done the exact same thing for you too, no matter what the cost. And even though I know you're trying your best, please...know your boundaries. I'm not saying I'll definitely get out of this alive but if I don't this is what I need to...say.'

Still, the silence was almost unsettling, threatening her. She swallowed nervously, lifting up his hand to enfold her small fingers with his.

'Back on Trapstreet, I stopped you from saying it, I stopped myself. Because I knew it would be too painful and it wouldn't have given me the strength to face the raven and accept what was going to happen. It would have been too hard, and too heartbreaking. Doctor, I love you.'

Those three words were spoken like a whisper, carrying on into the air like an exhale of wind. The Doctor sat still, unreacting, unmoving for a moment. Clara Oswald hadn't said it with tears streaming down her face and a broken voice like Rose Tyler, she hadn't confirmed it in a moment of truth like River Song. She had said it confidently, like she'd always known it, as if she had waited and waited just for the right moment and right time. There was no doubt to it, only the statement they had both grown to know and had now been said aloud. Things between him and Clara had always been there, just unspoken, and he found it incredibly brave of her to speak of it now.

'Clara,' he whispered, placing his hand on top of hers now, 'why do you think I spent all that time for you? Why do you think I never just left you back at home and picked up another companion? The time we parted ways for a while...if I had gotten over you I would have found another companion. You've always been special to me, Clara Oswald.'

She breathed a sigh of relief. She didn't know if she had been expecting rejection or was just so tense it had made her nervous. Her head fell to the ground, staring at their intertwined hands that felt so perfectly normal, like his hands had been specifically made to meld into the shape of hers.

'You're my impossible girl and I could never forget that.'

She smiled, placing her other hand on his cheek, tenderly stroking his skin as he said, 'I feel the same way you do, Clara. It's just...harder for me to admit it.'

'I know,' she nodded understandingly, 'but you've already said it in so many different ways.' She said breathlessly, leaning in to kiss his cheek. When she parted, his eyes were concentrated on hers and suddenly the closeness of his embrace wrapped around her as he pressed a small, soft kiss to her lips. Nothing shocking, nothing breathtaking, but something just as meaningful and significant to their situation. The way their lips felt together was like a revelation to her, but one she didn't need to chase. His face buried into her shoulder and for at least a considerable amount of time they yielded to each other's body and held each other.

'We should get going, Clara, as much as I would want to continue discussing this we need to get out of here.'

She pulled away, nodding. 'I know.'

'I know what I have to do. But we need a TARDIS to do it. Clara,' he said excitedly, a smile lighting his features for the first time, 'we're stealing a TARDIS and running away again.'

'Of course we are. Why would you return to Gallifrey at all if you wouldn't be leaving it?'

'Exactly,' he replied, wriggling his eyebrows, 'but Ohila will find out, we need to be careful with what we do. She can't see us, neither can the guards. They'll take us both.' His voice had returned to his usual fast paced and plan of action talk with just a hint of worry.

'Hey, hey,' she said, taking hold of his restless face in her hands, 'don't worry, Doctor. They'll all be looking at me.'

'No, no, they might take you, use you. I can't let that happen.'

'I'll distract them while you do what you have to do. You trust me, don't you, Doctor?'

He saw the shiny reflection of her warm brown eyes and placed a hand over her own. It had been something similar he'd said to her back on the underwater base, something he had requested she put her faith in.

'Okay, fine. You stay where you are, where I'll be able to park the TARDIS around you.'

'Doctor,' she said, distracting him from his tactics.

'Yes?'

'I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner,' she said sincerely, 'it didn't have to be this way, at this time.'

'No, Clara, this is exactly the right time. And we've known it all along anyway.'

She smiled. 'Yes, we have.'

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, giving her that crooked grin.

'I'll see you in a minute.'

He fled off, away, to where he needed to be. Something about admitting to their love was something she wanted to keep, forever. Without anyone knowing, those exact words she had said to him, with which they held so much power. They were her words, and they were his. As she stood up to face Ohila and the guards pure hatred flared in her chest and her features turned stony as she took in the faces of the monsters who had kept her Doctor in hell for half the lifetime of the universe. Just before she spoke it was a face of confidence she wore, assured in every way that their plan would work. And as she began to speak she heard the Doctor's words still echoing in her head, along with the ringing of the Cloister bells.