This is once again all Liz's fault, and it will not be a fun ride. Thank you for reading!
The second it happened, Chloe knew she was going to regret it. Not that this knowledge stopped her from wrapping her arms around her best friend's neck to pull her in closer, tasting the tequila on Beca's tongue while the cheering of drunk Trebles surrounded them. No, she took that nagging voice in the back of her mind that sounded suspiciously like Aubrey whispering "careful careful careful" and buried it deep, because Beca's lips were on hers and Beca's hands were gripping her waist and the voice in the front of her mind that sounded more like Chloe was screaming "BECA BECA BECA."
The second they stumbled through the door of Chloe's apartment, she knew she was screwed, because as soon as the door was closed Chloe's back was slammed against it and Beca was slammed against her and oh God she was doing this thing with her tongue and her lips were on Chloe's neck and she was purring filthy fantasies and sweet nothings into Chloe's ear and her hands were everywhere and Chloe just knew she was a goner. It was only after a blur of sweat and skin and tongue and teeth and breathy exaltations to a God that Beca didn't believe in that Chloe allowed the fear to trickle in, slowly but surely, as she watched the gentle rise and fall of Beca's chest under her sheets.
"Beca," Chloe whispered, propping up on one elbow and hesitantly reaching out to touch the other girl, wincing slightly as the movement pulled at the scratches on her back.
"Hm?" She cracked one eye open, biting her lip as Chloe traced seamless circles on her skin.
"Will you," Chloe looked down at her hand, fingers stuttering slightly through their circling. "You know, be here? In the morning?"
Beca opened both eyes to look up at Chloe, feeling something deep inside her begin to splinter as she took in the redhead's teeth worrying at her bruised bottom lip, her stiff posture that failed to hide the uncharacteristic insecurity, the tension in the hand that was still tracing shapes on her skin. After a moment of hesitation, Beca surged forward, one hand curling around the back of Chloe's neck and pulling her into a bruising kiss, the other cupping her face and tracing lightly over her cheek with a ringed thumb.
The second Chloe woke up in the morning, she knew that Beca was gone. It wasn't the coolness of the sheets, or the silence of the room, or even the absence of Beca's clothes, which had been strewn around the floor the night before. It was the way that it felt like all of the air had been sucked from the room, like somehow in the process of the night Chloe had forgotten how to breathe. It was the way her pillow still smelled of Beca's shampoo, something simple and fresh and clean. It was the way her heart thudded on between her empty lungs, sounding suspiciously like "Beca Beca Beca." It was the way Chloe knew that something had been broken forever, an unspoken promise that she never realized she'd made.
The second Kimmy Jin let her into her and Beca's dorm, Chloe knew it was going to hurt. Beca sat at her desk, hunched over her laptop and not bothering to look over her shoulder as the door closed with Kimmy Jin's exit. Chloe stood uncomfortably by the door, finally clearing her throat and causing Beca to nearly upend the can of Red Bull by her hand.
"Jesus, fuck," she tensed and turned to face Chloe, who noted the badly concealed bruises at her throat with a small sense of pride. "What, did you take lessons from Lily on how to be completely fucking terrifying? Jesus..."
"Sorry," Chloe's voice came out rougher than she intended, clearing her throat as Beca relaxed. "Sorry."
Beca let out a long sigh, pushing a hand through her hair and gesturing for her to sit. "Why are you here, Chloe?"
The Aubrey sounding voice in the back of her mind was whispering "careful careful careful" again, and Chloe once again pushed it down. "We need to talk."
"About what?"
"Beca."
She sighed again, fidgeting uncomfortably. "So we hooked up. Fine. We got drunk, things happened, and now we've acknowledged it and we can just forget it and pretend it never happened and no one ever has to know about it because it was just a drunk hookup, and no one needs to know."
"You and I both know it was more than that," Chloe said quietly, her voice even.
"Don't do that," she set her jaw, eyes blazing. "Don't do it Chloe. Do not go there."
"Why? Because it scares you?" Chloe's fists clenched around Beca's bedspread, her whole body tensing in nervous anticipation.
"Because I was drunk," she looked down, refusing to meet Chloe's gaze. "I didn't know what I was doing."
"Bullshit," Chloe shook her head. "C'mon Beca, you knew exactly what you were doing and you liked it. You're the one who kissed me, remember?"
"I kissed you at a party, so fucking what? I was just trying to fuck with Jesse, but then you were the one who got ideas and said we should go to your apartment, and I'd been drinking and didn't know any better so I went."
"So you're saying I took advantage of you?" Chloe frowned.
"No, I just-" Beca broke off, letting her head fall into her hands. "God, no, Chloe, can we please just forget about it?"
Chloe took a deep breath and crossed her arms, steeling herself for what she knew was coming. "Only if you can look me in the eye and tell me that there is absolutely nothing between us, that all of the flirting and touching and texting and singing have been for nothing, and that everything last night doesn't mean anything to you."
"Please don't," she said, voice cracking.
"I need an answer," Chloe swallowed past the lump in her throat, fighting the urge to cry.
Beca inhaled shakily, resolving herself, and looked up, meeting Chloe's eyes with a quivering lip. "No. It means nothing."
"O-okay then," Chloe nodded once, pressing her mouth into a firm line as she stood. "I'll see you around, then."
Her hand was on the doorknob when Beca spoke again. "Chloe."
She turned, feeling a small swell of hope. "Yeah?"
"Please," Beca cleared her throat and looked down, twirling a ring around her finger. "Please don't tell anyone. Jesse-"
"Your secret's safe with me," Chloe bit out, disappointment sweeping through her and propelling her out the door.
The second she saw Beca and Jesse holding hands as they walked together through campus, Chloe knew she was going to hurl. She stopped suddenly in the middle of the sidewalk, letting Aubrey chatter away ahead of her, trying desperately to contain the flush rising up the back of her neck and the sour taste of bile in her mouth and the sudden silence in her head that felt almost loud with its ferocity. Realizing that Chloe had fallen behind, Aubrey looked back and rushed to her side at the panicked look on her face. Following Chloe's gaze, her eyes narrowed at the sight of Beca and Jesse exchanging a chaste kiss as they parted ways.
"Aubrey," Chloe said as her stomach lurched.
"Inside," the blonde propelled them into motion and steered her best friend into the closest building, thankfully empty, leading her to a trash can and holding her hair back as she emptied her stomach. Once she was sure it was over, she handed Chloe a bottle of water and stepped back. "Everything okay?"
Chloe swallowed, then slid down the wall to sit on the floor. "Not really."
"What happened?"
"Remember that aca-party on Friday?"
"The one where you kissed Beca in front of a room full of Trebles?" Aubrey rolled her eyes as she sat across from her. "Yes. Why?"
Chloe looked down into the water bottle, taking a deep breath before looking up at Aubrey with red rimmed eyes. "I didn't just kiss her."