Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory franchise or any characters associated with the franchise. All rights belong to Roald Dahl, Mel Stuart, and Paramount Pictures. This is not my intellectual property, and no financial gain is made from this nor will be sought. This is purely for entertainment purposes only.
Warning: this trailer is rated H for Honest. Reader discretion is advised.
From the company who normally churns out timeless, well-produced films such as Forrest Gump, Titanic, and the Shrek series, comes a film that is so badly produced that every time someone is dumb enough to watch it, Roald Dahl turns over at least twice in his grave. Introducing...
WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY!
...whose storyline doesn't even revolve around Willy Wonka. Watch the one and only Gene Wilder star as the candyman himself, who thought his original wardrobe from the book was so distasteful that he just had to make himself look and act even more distasteful. (A montage of all the pointless quotes Willy Wonka says is shown)
You've read the book and you remember how awestruck you felt as you imagined exactly what the factory would look like (shows kid thumbing through the pages of the book). Now prepare to skip the entire first hour of the film because it's so bland, boring and pointless (shows the entire first hour of the film in super-fast-forward) so that you can reach the big moment when they finally enter Wonka's factory, only to cry in disappointment because the long-awaited tour of the factory is also bland, boring, and pointless (shows kids signing an overly long contract).
Strap in for an adventure like no other as Mr. Wonka shows everyone around various rooms.
Like...
The sewage treatment plant (the Chocolate Room)
A preschool science lab (the Inventing Room)
A vertical wind tunnel with the fan in the wrong place (the Fizzy Lifting Drinks Room)
A room that PETA would happily sue Wonka over (the Golden Goose Room)
And a room that—wait, is that a TELEPORTER I see in there?! (the Wonkavision Room) BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY!
Hold your breath and cringe as Willy Wonka goes off on a tirade that spawned thousands of Internet memes (shows clip of Mr. Wonka saying, "YOU LOSE! GOOD DAY, SIR!"). Also, add the moment when he presses a button in the preschool science lab to the list of Internet memes (shows clip of Mr. Wonka saying, "Would you like to see?"). And another addition to the ever-growing list of Internet memes is (shows image of Oompa-Loompas) WHO THE F*CK ARE THOSE? DONALD TRUMP'S COUSINS? OH GOD, THE HORROR!
Starring...
Blondie Basket (Charlie Bucket)
Dancing King (Grandpa Joe)
August Glop (Augustus Gloop)
Hubba-Bubba Bubblegarde (Violet Beauregarde)
Wart Sodium (Veruca Salt)
Hee-Haw TV (Mike Teavee)
Circus clowns who had too much fun applying their makeup (the Oompa-Loompas)
And The Mad Hatter when it's Bad Hair Day (Willy Wonka)
CHARLIE AND THE SEWAGE TREATMENT PLANT
'Cause with a river like that (shows clip of Mrs. Gloop saying, "What a disgusting, dirty river!"), you know it ain't a chocolate factory.