Foo Fighter

I lifted my head from the floor at the heavy clump, clump, clump of boots stumbling down the stairs. The heavy tread from the Wizard's boots almost drowned out the much lighter tread of the second pair of feet coming down the stairs. That would be the Apprentice. From the sound of the footfalls, he was leaning on her as they stumbled toward the door.

I stood, stretched, and yawned; then I sniffed the air. As I expected, there was no scent of danger. They had been moving much too slowly for someone running from danger. I heard the muttering of the Wizard as he banished the wards that protected our home from the various and myriad nasty creatures that plagued Chicago. Another in my position might have been offended that the Wizard thought that such measures were necessary when he had a Temple Dog (note the capitals), scion of the legendary celestial Foo Dog, guarding the homestead, but I had been with the Wizard long enough to understand that a little extra protection is always a good thing.

The key rattled in the lock and the door creaked and groaned as the Wizard threw his shoulder into it to force it open.

"I really don't understand why you don't let me have Dad come over with a crew and fix that," the Apprentice said.

"Your Dad's busy enough," the Wizard mumbled. "B'sides, the extra effort to open it has been useful a couple times."

I could hear the weariness in both their voices and the exchange lacked the playful lilt usually present in their banter.

The door creaked open a little wider and the Wizard and the Apprentice stumbled in. Their faces were drawn and haggard, their hair was singed, and bits of something green and yellow flecked their clothing. In other words, a typical Saturday night for the humans known as Harry Dresden and Molly Carpenter.

I padded over to the front door and leaned up against the Wizard's side, taking some of his weight off of the Apprentice. She looked down at me and smiled, although the weariness prevented the smile from reaching her eyes. The Wizard simply dropped his canvas bag onto the floor and there was a muffled "Hey!" from inside. Evidently he had taken the Spirit of Intellect, who the Wizard called 'Bob', along on this outing.

The Wizard slurred a "Sorry" in the direction of the bag.

The thump of the duffle was followed by a clatter as the Wizard's staff dropped to the floor. Neither the Wizard nor the Apprentice seemed to notice.

Between the Apprentice and me, we helped the Wizard to his bed and he promptly collapsed onto it.

Finally free of his weight, the Apprentice slumped against the wall of the bedroom and slid down the wall until she was sitting cross-legged on the floor. "G'night Mouse," she mumbled. Her head lolled to the side, her breathing evened out, and in moments she was asleep.

A loud snort came from the bed, indicating that the Wizard was asleep as well.

I could only shake my head. Humans! Such fragile creatures.

I grabbed the Wizard's left boot in my mouth and pulled it off. Whatever it was he had stepped in made me sneeze and I flicked my tongue several times to try and banish the foul taste. It didn't help. I grabbed the other boot, pulled it off as well, and dropped it on the floor.

The Wizard was still wearing his black duster, but after contemplating it, I decided there was no good way to get it off. With a shrug, I placed my forepaws on the bed, grabbed a mouthful of blanket, and pulled. The Wizard grunted and rolled on his side, but didn't awaken. With a few more tugs, I got the blanket out from under him and pulled it over him.

The Wizard snorted again and muttered something in Latin, never one of my best languages Then he grabbed a handful of blanket and pulled it up to his chin, all without ever waking.

The Wizard settled, I turned to the Apprentice. Positioned as she was, cross-legged and propped up against the wall with her head resting on her chest, she would be terrible stiff in the morning. Letting out a sigh, I gently nuzzled her until she raised her head slightly. I quickly stuck my snout under her chin and gently eased her sideways, sliding against the wall until she was mostly prone. Her legs were still a tangle, so it took a little bit of work to straighten them out, but before long she was laying on her side on the carpeted floor.

I walked over to the chest of drawers on the far wall and, grabbing the pull with my teeth, pulled the lowest drawer open. I sniffed at the blankets in the drawer and picked out the one that had a trace of the Apprentice's scent on it, reasoning that if she used it once, she probably would not object to using it again.

It took a little maneuvering to get the blanket draped over her, and twice I had to wiggle out when she grabbed me around the neck and mumbled something about 'Mister Nubbins.' Finally, however, the two humans were safely tucked into their 'beds', such as they were.

With a satisfied snort, I walked over, shut the dresser drawer, and padded out of the room. I walked into the kitchen to lap up some water, trying to get the awful taste out of my mouth. Once again, it didn't help.

My stomach rumbled and I huffed out a little sigh. The Wizard had been gone all day and therefore hadn't fed me since early that morning. Actually, I thought, looking at the wind-up clock in the kitchen, make that yesterday morning since it was after three a.m.

I was considering raiding the pantry to see what was available, when the hairs at the base of my mane stood on end. The prickling sensation could only mean one thing. Something wicked this way was coming. Hey! Don't look at me like that. I saw the movie when I was staying over at the Carpenter's house one night. The Carpenter kids let me watch TV with them, generally treating me as a warm, snuggly throw rug.

I hurried into the living room and frowned when I saw that the front door was standing open and the wards were down.

I glanced back over my shoulder at the bedroom where the Wizard and the Apprentice were asleep. I could wake them. A Foo dog's warning bark was almost enough to wake the dead. Then I shook my head. In his present state, the Wizard was in no condition to try taking on whatever it was. Besides. I was a Foo dog. Protection against supernatural nasties was my thing.

I stepped over to the door and sniffed. The scent of whatever it was the Wizard had been fighting earlier permeated the air, necessitating a few more sniffs to sort out the various conflicting scents. This was my neighborhood. Being a Foo dog, I had carefully catalogued all the various scents in the immediate vicinity and, after mentally sorting through each scent, I picked out something that didn't belong. A musty, hairy scent with a hint of the Nevernever. The Nevernever is the magical realm that parallels our own. It is the domain of faeries, demons and various other mystical creatures. Most of which considered mortals as toys at best and food at worst.

I crept silently up the stairs, pressed against the outside wall to keep under cover as long as possible. When I reached the second step from the top, I slowly raised my head to peer over.

It was a dark night, with the barest sliver of a moon in a sky made starless by the surrounding glow of the lights of the city. The streetlight at the far end of the gravel lot where the Wizard parked the rolling junkyard he insisted on calling a 'car' was dark. It could have been a coincidence, but one thing living with the Wizard this long had taught me was not to believe in coincidences. Fortunately, I didn't need much light to see.

Peering out into the darkness, I could just make out three hulking, hairy shapes a little larger than a man. They were vaguely ape-like, with long arms hanging all the way to the ground, serpent-like eyes, and fangs a good three inches long. They were huddled together and were obviously watching the stairway, jabbering to each other in tones too low for a human to hear. Fortunately, I'm not a human. Unfortunately, I couldn't make out what they were saying.

Now, some of my litter-mates no doubt would have simply charged into the fray, attacking the intruders in a bold frontal assault, counting on the element of surprise to make up for the disparity in numbers. But I was not some pup who had just swallowed his milk-teeth. The Wizard and I had been through enough scrapes together to temper the rasher elements of my demeanor. Bouncing off of a speeding van tends to make one a little more wary.

The Wizard himself could be rash, yes, but when possible he tried to collect as much intelligence on the enemy as possible before rushing headlong into the fight. So after watching the three for a little bit to make sure there wasn't a likelihood of an immediate attack, I snuck back down the stairs and into the apartment.

The zipper on the duffle was small, so it was difficult to grip in my teeth and pull open, but I managed. A muffled voice came from the opening. "Well it's about time. I thought you had forgotten about me."

I picked up with duffle with my mouth and gave it a shake. Various items came tumbling out, including what I was looking for. A bleached human skull with glowing eye-sockets. "Hey. Hey!" Bob the Skull cried as he bounced across the floor. "What do you think you're…" He paused when he rolled to a stop and saw me standing there with the bag in my mouth.

"Oh," he said. "It's you. Sorry, doggie, but I am not a chew toy."

"Woof," I said. Which, in case you don't speak Foolarian means, "Cut the crap, Bob. I need your help."

I walked around behind him and picked him up in my mouth.

"Hey! Stop! Bad dog!" Bob yelled.

I gave him a low growl and exerted just a little extra pressure with my jaws. He got the message. 'Pipe down or I'll crush your skull like an egg.' I could have done it, too. Crocodiles have nothing on Foo dogs when it comes to bite strength.

I headed for the door.

"Wait," Bob cried. "Where are you…"

Another growl and a little pressure stopped his protestations.

I carried him to the top of the stairs, set him down, and nudged him into the open so he could see the three hulking shapes across the street. The lights in his skull-sockets dimmed almost immediately. At least he was smart enough to try not to draw attention to himself.

After a suitable interval, I batted him with a paw back toward me. I considered batting him down the stairs for that chew toy crack, but that might have made too much noise. Pity.

I picked him up and carried him back into the apartment.

"Yuck," he said when I set him down on the coffee table. "Dog slobber."

I gave him another very low growl.

"Okay, okay," he said. If had had hands, he would have been waving them in surrender. I stepped around in front of him and stared.

"This is not good," he said. "Those are howler demons. Nasty creatures. Not terribly bright, but strong and fast. If numbskull in there had reset the wards, it wouldn't be a problem. But without them, we're screwed. Even if the door was closed and locked, they would simply tear it off the hinges. You need to go wake Harry."

I shook my head.

Bob paused for a moment as he considered my refusal. "You may be right," he said. "After that ghoul convention he and his leggy apprentice took down tonight, I don't know that he's got enough in him to light a candle, let alone take on three howler demons."

I gave him a short 'woof' that meant, "So quit jabbering and tell me how to take out these clowns."

Bob's eye sockets flared a little and then dimmed. He must have caught my meaning. "You've been living with Harry too long," he said. "You've caught the crazy hero disease."

I just stared at him.

"Fine, fine," he said. "Like I said, a howler demon's strong and fast, but not particularly bright. They rely almost exclusively on brute force and numbers. Their real power in their arms. If they get a grip on you, it's all over. But they have weak legs. Go for the knees or the ankles. Oh. And the belly. They have a thick hide, but it's thinner over their big, fat stomachs."

I gave him a nod and started out the door.

"Good luck," he called after me.

I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and took a deep breath. Even if these things weren't very bright, three to one was not great odds. Especially since each one of the three probably outweighed me by a good hundred pounds or more. I would have to play this smart. Simply wading into the middle of three of the bruisers would simply get me killed. And I was the only thing standing between these demons and the Wizard.

I walked up the stairs and came around the corner at the top of the stairs with all the nonchalance I could muster, as if I was simply taking myself for a walk. Just for show, I snuffed at the ground around the top of the stairs for a bit, and then started following a scent across the street. Head down. Carefully not looking at the howler demons.

I was halfway across the street when they sent up an unearthly wail and charged. I jerked my head up, looked at the three oncoming locomotives, turned, and ran.

The demons shrieked and gave chase.

The skull was right. These things were fast. They ran by swinging their arms forward, planting them on the ground, and then swinging their legs forward, ape-style. The motion gave their pursuit a distinct thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump.

As I had hoped, one was a little faster than the other two and started to pull ahead. I slowed slightly to let him gain a little on me, and then skidded around the corner of the building at the end of the block. My claws scratched against the pavement as I did a quick one-eighty and pressed myself against the side of the building. Moments later, the faster demon came thump-thumping around the side of the building. Its momentum took it wide. I reared back and, timing my leap, tackled it from behind just as it was leaning forward to plant its knuckles on the ground. It face-planted and skidded forwarded with me riding its back like one of those wind-surfers the Wizard and I would watch down on the lake.

I flipped around and, before the monster knew what hit it, I tore into the Achilles tendon of its wildly failing right leg. The demon bucked me off and I did a shoulder roll I had learned watching the Little Blonde Cop. The demon howled and tried to stand, only to fall over as its right leg crumpled beneath it.

All of which took no more than two or three seconds.

It was almost too much as the other two demons came barreling around the corner. One plowed into the downed demon with a satisfying 'thud' and went sprawling across the pavement. The other demon avoided the pile-up, did a forward roll, and swiped at me with its big, hairy hand. He missed my tail by mere inches. But the move had taught me something important. Because the demons used their hands to lope along, they couldn't take a swipe at me while they were running. I filed that away under 'Potentially important information about howler demons.' No time to act on it right now, however, because the demon had recovered quickly and was close behind me.

I ran as fast as I could and skidded around the next corner since, as I had found out, I could corner better then the demons could. The street was dark; the light blocked by the overhead tracks of Chicago's famous 'El.' There was a shriek and a clatter as a train rumbled by overhead. I turned again and ran along under the tracks. It was my first mistake.

Without slowing, the demon reached out, grabbed the base of a light pole, and with a tremendous grunt launched itself up to the underside of the tracks. Moving so quickly that its arms became a blur, it swung itself hand over hand along the metal structure of the El, passing me by. Then it launched itself from the rails and landed with a thud and a roll in front of me.

I skidded to a halt, panting with the exertion of the chase. I turned back, only to find that the other uninjured demon was behind me. With a demon at each end of the block, I was boxed in.

The demons were chittering something to each other in their unintelligible language and I got the distinct impression they were arguing over which one was going to have the pleasure of tearing me limb from limb. The chittering stopped and they barred their three-inch fangs at me in what I assumed was their version of an evil grin. Slowly, they started toward me.

Another thing I have learned from the Wizard. When all else fails, charge. I lowered my head and launched myself at the nearer of the two demons. It charged back. The distance between us closed with alarming rapidity. Just as we were about to collide, I slowed ever-so-slightly, to time the impact just right. At the very last moment, I dropped to the ground and rolled into the demon's legs just as it planted them and started to swing forward. My momentum knocked its legs out from under it, and toppled forward and smacked its chin hard on the ground.

Unfortunately, I heard a distinct 'crack' as its feet slammed into my side. A stabbing pain knifed into my left side. It was all I could do not to black out. Fortunately, the demon's tumble carried it right into the oncoming second demon and they slammed into each other with the force of two colliding freight trains.

There was the snap and crack of breaking bones as the two somersaulted along the pavement.

I stood, favoring my left side. Each breath was an agony and I figured I probably had a broken rib or two. And before you ask: yes, I know exactly what a broken rib feels like. I stood there panting, trying not to pass out, and watched as the one demon reared back and slapped the other one on the side of the head.

I guess Bob the Skull was right. They must have been incredibly strong because when the one demon's massive hand collided with other demon's head, there was a tremendous 'crack' and the second demon's head lolled over to the side, its neck obviously broken.

I perked up a little. Two down. One to go.

But then the remaining demon shambled to its feet, turned and glared at me with murder in its eyes.

I backed away a little, limping a bit as I favored my injured side. I couldn't turn and run. With my broken ribs, I was sure the demon could overtake me and I didn't want to be caught from behind. I lowered my head and gave my best low-throated growl. The demon threw back its head and gave a wailing cry that would make a fire-engine jealous.

The demon circled around to its right and I circled around to my left. I put a little extra into my limp, hoping to convince it that I was more injured that I really was. I waited until it came just a little closer and then I made my leap, teeth bared, going for its throat.

I wasn't quite fast enough. The monster's hands whipped up and I felt its fingers dig into my throat. I kicked at it with my hind legs, but it held me away from its body and gave me a little shake. I felt its fingers start to slowly constrict, as if it was savoring slowly crushing my windpipe. Which it probably was.

It threw back its head and gave a long victory howl.

My vision started to tunnel and just before I blacked out, I managed to say, "A-ruff," which means, "Take your stinking paws off me, you damned, dirty ape." Yeah, yeah. I know. My ancestors would be chagrinned that I would use such language. But what can I say? The Wizard is a corrupting influence.

The demon lifted me over his head and slowly compressed his fingers. I was just about to black out when…

Wham!

A solid mass of feline muscle slammed into the back of the demon's knees. My unlikely savior was Mister, the Wizard's cat. (And yes, I know that his real name is The High Lord Percival von Felis, Slayer of Vermin, etc., etc., etc., but the Wizard calls him 'Mister' and that's good enough for me.)

The demon toppled over and the impact broke its grip on my neck. Unlike the demon, I do not toy with my opponents. The moment the vise-like fingers left my neck, I barred my teeth and sunk them into the demon's neck. There was a satisfying 'snap' as my jaws crushed the demon's windpipe. The demon immediately went limp.

I climbed down off the demon's body and winced when my paws hit the ground. My side was on fire and I was wheezing with each breath.

I looked over at Mister and nodded my thanks. He gave the feline equivalent of a shrug and ambled off to do whatever it was he did.

The walk back to the apartment was slow and painful and I was spitting out disgusting demon hair the whole way.

I rounded the corner to where I had taken down the first demon.

And he wasn't there.

I stopped and sniffed. I couldn't smell him, but since each breath was an agony, I didn't know how much I could trust my olfactory radar. I walked cautiously over to where I had left him. There was a trail of black gore leading back toward the apartment.

I shook my head in anger. How could I have been so stupid? I had left a wounded enemy between me and the Wizard. I followed the trail, hurrying around the corner of our block. The demon was pulling itself along, using its massive arms to drag its useless leg. It was a few feet from the stairs. It would be down them before I could reach it.

I barked. Not, unfortunately, a full-on Foo dog warning bark. My damaged throat would not allow that. But a loud enough bark to cause the creature to turn back and glare at me.

I charged. Adrenaline pumped through my system. My pain was forgotten. I launched myself at the demon. It gathered itself and, to my surprise, it used its arms like two mighty pistons and launched itself toward me.

Flying toward each other like something out of that move, The Matrix, the demon reached for me, seeking to grab my throat like the other demon had done. Now I may not be the pick of the litter, but the Wizard didn't raise any fool. Instead of going for the throat, I twisted in mid-air at the last instant and sank my teeth into the demon's unprotected belly.

Bob's intelligence had been spot-on. My teeth ripped into the creature's belly and my momentum carried me past it, trailing a line of demon guts behind me. I hit the ground with a 'thud' right on my damaged ribs. I spat out the demon's entrails and struggled to stand. My legs were unsteady and each breath was pure agony. Fortunately, the demon was in even worse shape. Its arms shook violently as it tried to rise, and then it collapsed in a heap at the top of the stairs. It let out a long, slow death rattle, and then deflated like the toy ball I accidently bit down on too hard. Like all magical creatures in our world, it would slowly dissolve until the rising sun destroyed any last vestiges of its presence.

I dragged myself down the stairs and collapsed on the floor in front of the fireplace.

"Did you get them? Did you get them?" Bob chattered.

I ignored his queries and in a few heartbeats was fast asleep.

D - R - E - S - D - E - N

Harry cracked one blood-shot eye at the spear of light stabbing through the window and moaned. His entire body ached. He heard breathing and struggled to sit up. Leaning over the side of his bed, he saw Molly, his apprentice, curled into a little ball on the floor next to his bed. She must have been pretty worried about him to have slept on the floor next to the bed so she could keep an eye on him.

He eased himself out of bed and looked down to see that he was still wearing his black leather duster. Well, at least she had removed his boots.

He sniffed. Then sniffed again and wrinkled his nose. His stomach flip-flopped and he was glad he hadn't eaten anything in more than a day. He reached up to scratch the side of his head and little greenish-gray flakes rained down. "Ick," he muttered.

He considered for a moment waking his apprentice so she could shower and change, but decided to let her sleep. He yawned and stretched… and immediately regretted it. The fight yesterday had been a doozy and he was glad he had nothing on his schedule for the next couple days.

He scratched a little more of the dried goop from his face and limped into the living room. Bob the skull was sitting on the coffee table. Evidently Molly had placed him there before she had crashed for the night. Mister was snoozing on top of the bookcase and Mouse was lying sprawled on the floor in front of the fireplace.

And the front door stood wide open.

Harry shook his head in disgust. No telling what might have wandered in during the night. He looked down at his sleeping guard dog. "Some watchdog you are," he muttered. "You could at least have closed the door."

FIN