The courtroom was jam packed. Spencer felt nerves jump on him as he made his way to the witness stand. Today was the day he had been dreading for years.
He had to testify against his mother.
The entire BAU team had gathered in the room to bolster him.
There was a moment before he was sworn in. All was silent, but he could feel her stare boring into him. Slowly, he looked over to her. Their eyes met, and there was a beat of silence.
The team watched a dozen emotions flash through Spencer's eyes before he looked away. It was short, but enough to make Diana cry.
Hearing the sound that had been so seldom heard throughout his childhood was enough to make his heart crumple up in his chest.
The officer stepped forward. "Please stand. Raise your right hand. Do you promise that the testimony you shall give in the case before this court shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"
Spencer nodded. "I do."
"Please state your first and last name."
"Spencer Reid."
"You may be seated."
He did so.
The lawyer came up to him. Despite being in his twenties, Spencer looked much younger. His photographic memory made remembering this incident so very painful.
"Spencer, what do you do for a living?"
"I work for the behavioral analysis unit at Quantico."
"Do you remember the events that occurred on the night of April 19, 1996?"
"Yes, I do."
"What did you do that day?"
"I rode my bike to school, went to class, spent some time at the library writing a paper, and then went home."
"Back to where you and your Mother were living?"
"Yes."
"And where was your Father?"
Spencer was unable to hide the grimace that had crossed his face. "He left our family in 1987."
The lawyer nodded. "Dr. Reid, how would you describe your mother on this evening?"
"She's a paranoid schizophrenic. At the time she was heavily medicated. She still had bad days."
"Was it safe to say that this was one of her bad days?"
"She seemed rational when I got home."
"What Happened after you got home?"
"I finished my homework and helped fix dinner."
"After you had dinner, what did you do?"
"My Mom told me that she needed to go run an errand. We normally didn't go anywhere, especially at night, but when we did I always went with her to make sure that she was... Stable."
The lawyer nodded.
"What happened next?"
"We went to the pharmacy to pick up some of her medication."
"And then?"
"We were halfway home when she pulled over." His skin was ashen and he tensed visibly at the thought.
"Why did she pull over?"
"I figured that she knew she was going to have a hallucination."
"Did she?"
"Yes." The word was whispered timidly.
The BAU were watching him intently. To see the afraid and vulnerable side of him was rare.
The lawyer was very quiet as he spoke. This was a very delicate situation, no matter how much time passed. "And then what happened?"
"She was very delusional. She was screaming about the government's plot to kill us all. I sat there completely still because I didn't know what she would do."
Diana let out a sob, and Spencer flinched. His guilt was overwhelming. He trembled, but was determined to finish.
"What did she do?"
"At first I thought she couldn't see me. I was hoping that she couldn't, at least. But she did."
He was having trouble keeping his mask of composure. The team could see that he was a hair's breadth away from breaking down.
"What happened once she saw you?"
"She took the keys out of the ignition and-"
He was literally choking on his own words. Two tears went down his cheeks.
"And?" Prompted the lawyer.
"She stabbed me with the keys."
"Where, exactly?"
He pulled his collar down to reveal a jagged scar on the right side of his neck.
Warm tears flowed down his chin. The mask had been destroyed. There was no way of replacing it.
"What happened then?"
"I was bleeding... I took off my shirt to try and stop the flow of blood. I got lucky that she snapped out of it rather quickly and took me to the hospital. If she hadn't come to then, I probably wouldn't be here."
The room was deathly quiet, apart from Diana's ragged breathing and occasional sob.
Spencer blotted his tears away, embarrassed.
"Is there Anything else you remember?"
"There was music playing."
"Do you remember what it was?"
Spencer squeezed his eyes shut in concentration.
"Can you not think of it?" The lawyer offered. He shook his head.
"I can't."
"That's alright. What if I said the title of the song? Would you be able to identify it correctly?" Spencer looked slightly hopeful, and nodded as the lawyer continued. "Is it 'Wonder' by Natalie Merchant?"
Somehow, Spencer paled even more, looking like he would be physically ill as he nodded. The irony of the song was not lost upon him. It was a happy song about overcoming disabilities, so naturally irony dictated that It happen during the worst moment of his life when he was going to be permanently scarred. The lawyer continued, oblivious to his inner dialogue.
"Is it suffice to say that this was one of the more serious psychotic episodes that your mother experienced?"
"It was the most severe. She would have never hurt me if she'd been lucid." His voice was stronger when he said that.
Diana nodded sagely, wiping tears from her eyes with a handkerchief.
"And you're sure of that?"
"Absolutely sure."
The lawyer looked at him kindly.
"Spencer, do you still love your mom?"
He nodded vigorously. "Of course I do. She's the only parent I have. That's why it hurt so much to put her in the sanitarium- even if it was for her benefit."
The air was pungent with electricity. Everyone in the room was crying, from the judge to the jurors, and spectators too. Even the typically hardened faces of the BAU were clearly moved.
Upon cross examination, Diana's lawyer approached Spencer with a sad smile. Diana had been adamant that he conduct himself even more professionally with her son than with her, his client. She wanted to ease his burden as much as possible. Unfortunately, the questions he was about to ask would not be easy ones. He hoped his client would forgive him.
"Hello Dr. Reid. I'm Harold Bachner, and I have a few questions for you."
Spencer nodded tiredly.
"How are you feeling today?"
"Nervous. Stressed. Anxious that this day has finally come after having it loomed over me for so long."
"What time did you leave for the pharmacy?"
"8:15, maybe. I'm not sure."
"Was it dark out when you left?"
"Yes."
"Dark enough to need headlights while driving?"
"Yes."
"Dr. Reid, why did you stay in the car with her?"
It was much too direct for Spencer's liking. He cowered away ever so slightly from the lawyer who had an immense presence to him.
"She's my mom. I wasn't going to leave her. She could have hurt herself."
"You leave for school everyday. How do you know she doesn't harm herself then?"
Very visibly, Spencer flinched.
"I check. If she does it isn't usually severe."
"Was it severe this time?"
"For me yes. Not for her. She didn't hurt herself."
"Is there a reason why you didn't try to find help the second she started hallucinating?"
"Because it was dark out, I didn't know where I was, there were no phones near by, and I figured the worst that could happen is I get hurt. If I had left she could have gotten hurt or lost. Then what would I have done? I wasn't old enough to drive yet, and it wasn't like I could walk home."
Harold decided to try a new line of questioning. "Dr. Reid, what do you remember about your Father?"
Spencer blinked, blindsided to the question.
"Not much, really. I remember that Isaac Asminov was his favorite author and that he coached my little league team."
"Did you ever feel close to your Father?"
Color crept up Spencer's neck. "I don't think so."
"Did he ever say why he left?"
"He said if my Mom couldn't take care of herself then he couldn't take care of her." His voice had turned flat as he answered the question, trying to tamp down the emotion strangling his heart.
"Do you ever miss your Father?"
It was a question he'd thought of a million times. "No. My Mom did everything she could to give me a good life, and she succeeded. Do I ever wonder what it would have been like if he'd come back? Sure. But I don't miss him. I didn't know him well enough to."
"How did your Father leaving effect your mother?"
He paused, trying to think of a way to explain it. "She tried to get him to take me with him for a few days while he was packing his bags, but he refused. I think she tried to be strong for me and kept a lot of her feelings to herself."
"Would you say her condition worsened after he left?"
He furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm not sure."
"How do you mean?"
"I think it stressed her out but I didn't really notice much of a difference in her behavior."
"Really? Can you think of any examples of a difference in her behavior?"
He paused again. "Only one."
"Would you mind sharing it with us?"
He sighed. "I woke up in the middle of the night once, and went to the kitchen to get some water. When I passed her room I could hear her sobbing. But it was muffled because she was crying into my Dad's old pillow. That is the only time I ever saw a reaction other than indifference to my Father leaving us."
"Is it possible that the stress of this incident pushed her over the edge, and that it is possible that her anger over the incident was repressed for years and kept building up until she lashed out at you?"
"It's possible, but not likely. If that had been the case it would have happened right after or not long after he left, not nine years later."
"Can you think of any other possible events that could have triggered her behavior that evening?"
"No, sir."
"I don't have any more questions for you."
The lawyer, whose name Spencer could not remember for the life of him, stood up.
"Who attacked you?"
"My Mom."
"Was there any provocation to this attack?"
"No."
"How do you know?"
"I saw it. I was there."
"Do you have any doubt that she was not in her right mind when she did this?"
"No."
"I don't have any more questions."
Neither did Bachner.
He had done it. It was finally over.
He stared at his Mother one last time before he got off the witness stand. He looked at her apologetically and she nodded, accepting his unspoken admission of regret.
Just before he got out of the courthouse, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see his father standing before him, and it made his skin blanch white as he stared at him.
"Dad? What are you doing here?"
"I took the day off work. I knew you would be here and I wanted to talk to you about something."
Spencer didn't know what to say. Conflicting emotions shot up inside him, but he kept his voice even. "Okay."
"I wanted to apologize to you. What happened between your mother and I to drive us apart happened two years before I left."
He explained the situation with Gary Michaels to his son, watching Spencer grow paler and paler at his story.
"I left because there weren't any other options for me. I had tried patching things up, keeping us together for your sake, but the weight of that knowledge was too great. I didn't take you with me when your mother asked me to because I didn't want to take out all the anger and frustration I had over this on you. And I didn't want to get your hopes up of us being together again when I knew it wasn't going to happen. But I want you to know that even though I left I never stopped loving the both of you. I didn't come back because I didn't know how to be a father to you anymore. Once I lost that confidence, there was no going back. I understand if you hate me for what I've done. But I do care about you and your mother. Never doubt that."
Spencer looked at him, trying to identify some familiar emotion to latch onto, but there was none. His father's story had left him severely shaken. He silently hoped for some sort of divine intervention to tell him what to do. Although that didn't happen, suddenly he knew exactly what to say.
"I forgive you." They were the words that had been in his subconscious for years. His yearning for closure had finally been acknowledged. The secret fear that their separation had been caused by him had at last been alleviated.
William smiled at his son for the first time in over twenty years. "Thank you, Spencer."
They shook hands.
"If you're ever in Las Vegas, give me a call. We could go out to lunch sometime."
Spencer smiled and nodded. "Sure."
With that, father and son parted ways.
About a week or so after he testified, he learned that his mother had been found not guilty by reason of insanity. It was as if a thousand pounds had been lifted from his shoulders. He had done the right thing, and had been rewarded. They were moving her to a new sanitarium, but he was just glad that it was finally over.
He had started talking to his father every day, and still wrote to his mother every day. Slowly, the strained relationships in their family were healing. William had even visited his wife a few times in the sanitarium. It looked as if their family might reunite after all.
He felt free as a bird on his way to work the day after the verdict was announced. He had finally gotten closure in the two most important events in his life. At last he had finally received his long awaited happily ever after.