I stepped the final step. And I was done.
I wiped the sweat from my brow. I had successfully assayed the Pattern. Doing this is no easy task, let me tell you. It required great concentration. And caution. Most especially caution. I had more than one sibling that I could remember that had died on that thing that is the fuel for all the powers of my family.
However, for my task tonight, I knew, I would need both concentration, and caution. So walking the Pattern was, in a way, a welcome training for tonight's exercise. I had already gone over my tactics for my task that evening. Stand firm, first of all. If Brand were to go to the Pattern that night, I would simply not let him pass. I did not want to harm my brother, but if it came to it, I was prepared to draw the blade at my side.
I placed the lantern I had brought on my walk at my foot. I simply stood and waited for Corwin. After some time that I spent attempting to meditate at that place at the center of the greatest power in the universe, I felt Corwin's presence. I saw his features before me.
"Corwin, is it time?"
"Not quite," he said to me. "The moon is rising. The city is just beginning to take form. So it will only be a little longer. I wanted to be certain you were ready."
"I am ready," I said simply. I am always ready before battle.
"It is good that you came back when you did," Corwin began saying. "Did you learn anything of interest?"
"Ganelon called me back," I began. "as soon as he learned what had happened. His plan seemed a good one, which is why I am here." A very good one, I thought. I had always wondered about that fellow. And for good reason, I learned later, to the surprise of my siblings and myself. "As for the Courts of Chaos, yes, I believe I have learned a few things..."
"A moment," he cut me off.
I waited patiently. He must be checking that city in the sky, I thought.
"Almost," he said then. "I am going to try the stairs. Be ready."
I simply nodded. I did exactly relish the idea of going to Tir-na Nog'th. I had never liked that place. It had seemed to appeal to the more poetic souls of our family, Brand, Corwin, and the like. It is a magical place, filled with strange prophecies and the like. I had never liked the shadows, though. The indirectness with which one views things. I have always preferred a straightforward view to everything; hence, that place has never appealed to me.
However, it was simply my duty to protect the Pattern there, whether I liked it or not. Brand had to be stopped. I had never trusted the man. Some of the things he had said to me in Avalon.... But no; we shall not touch upon that. Amber had to be protected from his madness. Our brother had gone insane. It was not my duty to put him out of his misery, but to try to help him. This I would try my hardest to do. He was my brother. It was my duty.
Suddenly, "The stair is solid. The moon is up."
"All right. I am going," I replied.
I lifted the lantern, closed my eyes, and envisioned the beginning of the Pattern of that city in the sky. A moment later, I stood there. Immediately following my arrival there, I flashed the lantern across the chamber. Are you here brother? I thought. No. The chamber was empty. I was alone. Then, I proceeded to walk towards the wall to take up a position and again placed the lantern at my feet. I stood there for a moment, and touched the hilt of my blade. I loosened it. I was now prepared to be the Guardian of this Pattern.
Corwin spoke then. "You know the possible effect of blood on the Pattern?"
"Yes," I replied. "Ganelon told me." It was my sincerest hope that I would not have to spill the blood of a Prince on this Pattern tonight.
"Did you ever suspect—any of this?"
For some time, I had suspected that there would be some sort of attempt to destroy Amber in this fashion. From inside the family, I had believed as well. But it was mere suspicion. "I never trusted Brand," I said simply.
"What of your journey to the Courts of Chaos? What did you learn?"
I did not want to discuss it, at this moment. "Later, Corwin. He could come any time now."
"I hope no distracting visions show up," he went on.
I gave a shrug. "One gives them power by paying them heed. My attention is reserved for one matter tonight." I had cleared my mind of other thoughts. I had to focus on my duty for the evening.
I decided to take another look at my bearings, and a look for intruders. I went around in a complete circle, examining all corners of the chamber. I stopped. I was still alone.
"I wonder if he knows you are there?"
"Perhaps. It does not matter." He will not pass. I had thought of tactics for the evening. But I had not overlooked strategy. A victory that evening would mean Brand had been denied access to all Patterns...that we knew of. While I thought strategy and went over tactics my adversary for the evening appeared.
So it begins. I knew he was there the exact moment he had arrived. I turned calmly towards him. I did not need my blade. Brother Brand was not yet within reach. Our fiery-haired sibling gave me a smile. I looked him over. He came armed. A blade hung at his side. Upon his breast was the bauble, the Jewel. He spoke: "Benedict. Fancy...you...here."
He will not pass. Jewel or no. "Brand. Don't try it."
Brand dropped his weapon. I wasn't surprised. I did not expect him to engage me in a duel of any kind. "I am not a fool, Benedict. The man hasn't been born who can go up against you with a blade."
"I don't need the blade, Brand."
He began to move steadily, beginning the circumnavigation of the Pattern I knew he would commence. Again, he spoke. "Yet you wear it as a servant of the throne, when you could have been king."
I never fancied myself a servant. I protect the throne. My homeland will not fall to the likes of you, Brand. "That has never been high on my list of ambitions."
"That is right," he agreed. He stopped moving. "Loyal, self- effacing," he went on. "You have not changed at all." Neither have you. "Pity Dad conditioned you so well. You could have gone so much farther."
"I have everything I want," I said, truly.
He ignored my comment however and went on, "...to have been stifled, cut off, so early."
This is not going according to plan. He speaks too much. "You cannot talk your way past me, either, Brand. Do not make you hurt you." Because, brother, I will. You are a threat. A loose cannon, if you will.
"You know I can do certain things that the others cannot," he said, speaking again. "If there is anything at all that you want and think that you cannot have, now is your chance to name it and learn how wrong you were. I have learned things you would scarcely believe.
Oh, I have no doubt of that! I smiled. "You have chosen the wrong line. I can walk to anything I want."
"Shadows!" he scoffed. He stopped his walking. "Any of the others can clutch a phantom. I am talking of reality! Amber, power, Chaos! Not daydreams made solid! Not second-best."
I have heard this before, I thought. So, "If I had wanted anything more than I have, I knew what to do. I did not do it."
Brand, Prince of Amber and son of Oberon, a mere shadow of his former self but still the same deep down, laughed. He continued to move; he was now one-fourth through a circumnavigation of the Pattern, which I would hold with my life.
He cried, "You are a fool, to wear your chains willingly! But if things do not call you to you to possess them and if power holds no attraction, what of knowledge? I learned the last of Dworkin's lore. I have gone on since then and paid dark prices into the workings of the universe. This you could have without that price tag."
I snorted, mentally. The lore of Dworkin was something that I had considered to learn, but once. When Dworkin had mentioned to me of the doom. I pushed the thought out of my mind. Now, I was to fulfill my duty. "There would be a price. One that I am not willing to pay."
Brand's head shook, the city in the sky with it. "You mean it, you really mean it. I shan't test you further, then. I had to try." Again, he stopped moving. "You are too good a man to waste yourself on that mess in Amber, defending something that is obviously falling apart. I am going to win, Benedict. I am going to erase Amber and build it anew. I am going to rub out the old Pattern and draw my own. You can be with me. I want you on my side. I am going to raise up a perfect world, one with more direct access to and form Shadow. I am going to merge Amber with the Courts of Chaos. I am going to extend this realm directly through all of Shadow. You will command our legions, the mightiest military forces ever assembled. You..."
I cut him off. I had had enough. He speaks of pictures, and creating new realms. Amber will not be tampered with. And this new plan for me in his madness... "If you new world would be as perfect as you say, Brand, there would be no need for legions. If, on the other hand it is to reflect the mind of its creator, then I see it as something less than am improvement over the present state of affairs. Thank you for your offer, but I hold with the Amber that exists." I had used logic to defeat his plan.
Yet he persists! "You are a fool, Benedict. A well-meaning one, but a fool nevertheless."
And yet again, he continued to move. How could I stop him? He stopped approximately twenty feet from my position at the Pattern's "foot." He gripped his belt, and started at me. I returned it. I usually try not to judge others, but I could not help but feel hatred towards this...thing that was my brother. "Why don't you come and cut me down, then?" he said. "Unarmed as I am, it should not be difficult. The fact that the same blood flows through our veins makes no difference does it?" I beg to differ. "What are you waiting for?"
Remember the tactics; the tactics and the strategy. "I already told you do not wish to hurt you."
"Yet you stand ready to, if I attempt to pass your way."
I nodded an affirmative. That's exactly correct.
"Admit that you fear me, Benedict. All of you are afraid of me. Even when I approach you weaponless like this, something must be twisting your guts. You see my confidence and you do not understand it. You must be afraid."
Suddenly, I had doubts...
"And you fear my blood on your hands. You fear my death curse.
Enough! "Did you fear Martin's on your own?"
"That bastard puppy," Brand scoffed. "He was not truly one of us. He was only a tool."
I burned with anger. I had an affection, yes a love, for young Martin.
"Brand, I have no desire to kill a brother. Give me that...trinket you wear about your beck and come back with me now to Amber. It is not too late to set matters right."
Brand laughed at my peace offering. I knew he would react in a like way, and I knew it was now time for action. But he spoke again: "Oh nobly spoken. Nobly spoken, Benedict! Like a true Lord of the realm! You would shame me with your excessive virtue. And what is the sticking point of this all?" he asked as he touched the trinket. "This? This bauble?" he laughed. "Would its surrender buy us peace, amity, order? Would it ransom my life."
He was walking again, now not ten feet from me. His mocking tired me. My patience was being tried. He proposed a question to me: "Do you realize the full powers of this thing?"
More than you know. "Enough of this!" I began to say...but suddenly, suddenly I could not move. I could not move a muscle. It dawned on me: Brand had been just talking his way past me, exactly what I vowed he wouldn't. My tactics had failed. I had failed. But then I remembered: the arm that had been found in this strange city in the sky. It was not really a part of me. Truly, it seemed it; it fit and it worked perfectly. But it was not a part of my real body.
Patience, I told myself. I must not use the arm until he is within reach. He spoke, he rambled, and during this time Corwin attempted to come through the Trump with which he was watching this scene. Just wait, I thought.
He produced a dagger and was about to kill me giving me the last line: "Good night, sweet prince," but at that instant, I lifted my arm with a swiftness that astonished even me, and I lifted him above the ground adjacent the Pattern. He writhed at my metal fingers, and dropped his dagger. I grabbed the chain and the Jewel, and dropped him.
The city began to dematerialize. And I was free. "Benedict! Can you hear me?" Corwin asked.
"Yes..." I began sinking through the dematerializing city.
"The city is fading! You've got to come to me right away!"
He extended his hand through the Trump. I was in a state of shock; dazed. I turned to Brand, but saw I could not reach him. I instead reached for the hand of my other brother.
My duty had been fulfilled.
I wiped the sweat from my brow. I had successfully assayed the Pattern. Doing this is no easy task, let me tell you. It required great concentration. And caution. Most especially caution. I had more than one sibling that I could remember that had died on that thing that is the fuel for all the powers of my family.
However, for my task tonight, I knew, I would need both concentration, and caution. So walking the Pattern was, in a way, a welcome training for tonight's exercise. I had already gone over my tactics for my task that evening. Stand firm, first of all. If Brand were to go to the Pattern that night, I would simply not let him pass. I did not want to harm my brother, but if it came to it, I was prepared to draw the blade at my side.
I placed the lantern I had brought on my walk at my foot. I simply stood and waited for Corwin. After some time that I spent attempting to meditate at that place at the center of the greatest power in the universe, I felt Corwin's presence. I saw his features before me.
"Corwin, is it time?"
"Not quite," he said to me. "The moon is rising. The city is just beginning to take form. So it will only be a little longer. I wanted to be certain you were ready."
"I am ready," I said simply. I am always ready before battle.
"It is good that you came back when you did," Corwin began saying. "Did you learn anything of interest?"
"Ganelon called me back," I began. "as soon as he learned what had happened. His plan seemed a good one, which is why I am here." A very good one, I thought. I had always wondered about that fellow. And for good reason, I learned later, to the surprise of my siblings and myself. "As for the Courts of Chaos, yes, I believe I have learned a few things..."
"A moment," he cut me off.
I waited patiently. He must be checking that city in the sky, I thought.
"Almost," he said then. "I am going to try the stairs. Be ready."
I simply nodded. I did exactly relish the idea of going to Tir-na Nog'th. I had never liked that place. It had seemed to appeal to the more poetic souls of our family, Brand, Corwin, and the like. It is a magical place, filled with strange prophecies and the like. I had never liked the shadows, though. The indirectness with which one views things. I have always preferred a straightforward view to everything; hence, that place has never appealed to me.
However, it was simply my duty to protect the Pattern there, whether I liked it or not. Brand had to be stopped. I had never trusted the man. Some of the things he had said to me in Avalon.... But no; we shall not touch upon that. Amber had to be protected from his madness. Our brother had gone insane. It was not my duty to put him out of his misery, but to try to help him. This I would try my hardest to do. He was my brother. It was my duty.
Suddenly, "The stair is solid. The moon is up."
"All right. I am going," I replied.
I lifted the lantern, closed my eyes, and envisioned the beginning of the Pattern of that city in the sky. A moment later, I stood there. Immediately following my arrival there, I flashed the lantern across the chamber. Are you here brother? I thought. No. The chamber was empty. I was alone. Then, I proceeded to walk towards the wall to take up a position and again placed the lantern at my feet. I stood there for a moment, and touched the hilt of my blade. I loosened it. I was now prepared to be the Guardian of this Pattern.
Corwin spoke then. "You know the possible effect of blood on the Pattern?"
"Yes," I replied. "Ganelon told me." It was my sincerest hope that I would not have to spill the blood of a Prince on this Pattern tonight.
"Did you ever suspect—any of this?"
For some time, I had suspected that there would be some sort of attempt to destroy Amber in this fashion. From inside the family, I had believed as well. But it was mere suspicion. "I never trusted Brand," I said simply.
"What of your journey to the Courts of Chaos? What did you learn?"
I did not want to discuss it, at this moment. "Later, Corwin. He could come any time now."
"I hope no distracting visions show up," he went on.
I gave a shrug. "One gives them power by paying them heed. My attention is reserved for one matter tonight." I had cleared my mind of other thoughts. I had to focus on my duty for the evening.
I decided to take another look at my bearings, and a look for intruders. I went around in a complete circle, examining all corners of the chamber. I stopped. I was still alone.
"I wonder if he knows you are there?"
"Perhaps. It does not matter." He will not pass. I had thought of tactics for the evening. But I had not overlooked strategy. A victory that evening would mean Brand had been denied access to all Patterns...that we knew of. While I thought strategy and went over tactics my adversary for the evening appeared.
So it begins. I knew he was there the exact moment he had arrived. I turned calmly towards him. I did not need my blade. Brother Brand was not yet within reach. Our fiery-haired sibling gave me a smile. I looked him over. He came armed. A blade hung at his side. Upon his breast was the bauble, the Jewel. He spoke: "Benedict. Fancy...you...here."
He will not pass. Jewel or no. "Brand. Don't try it."
Brand dropped his weapon. I wasn't surprised. I did not expect him to engage me in a duel of any kind. "I am not a fool, Benedict. The man hasn't been born who can go up against you with a blade."
"I don't need the blade, Brand."
He began to move steadily, beginning the circumnavigation of the Pattern I knew he would commence. Again, he spoke. "Yet you wear it as a servant of the throne, when you could have been king."
I never fancied myself a servant. I protect the throne. My homeland will not fall to the likes of you, Brand. "That has never been high on my list of ambitions."
"That is right," he agreed. He stopped moving. "Loyal, self- effacing," he went on. "You have not changed at all." Neither have you. "Pity Dad conditioned you so well. You could have gone so much farther."
"I have everything I want," I said, truly.
He ignored my comment however and went on, "...to have been stifled, cut off, so early."
This is not going according to plan. He speaks too much. "You cannot talk your way past me, either, Brand. Do not make you hurt you." Because, brother, I will. You are a threat. A loose cannon, if you will.
"You know I can do certain things that the others cannot," he said, speaking again. "If there is anything at all that you want and think that you cannot have, now is your chance to name it and learn how wrong you were. I have learned things you would scarcely believe.
Oh, I have no doubt of that! I smiled. "You have chosen the wrong line. I can walk to anything I want."
"Shadows!" he scoffed. He stopped his walking. "Any of the others can clutch a phantom. I am talking of reality! Amber, power, Chaos! Not daydreams made solid! Not second-best."
I have heard this before, I thought. So, "If I had wanted anything more than I have, I knew what to do. I did not do it."
Brand, Prince of Amber and son of Oberon, a mere shadow of his former self but still the same deep down, laughed. He continued to move; he was now one-fourth through a circumnavigation of the Pattern, which I would hold with my life.
He cried, "You are a fool, to wear your chains willingly! But if things do not call you to you to possess them and if power holds no attraction, what of knowledge? I learned the last of Dworkin's lore. I have gone on since then and paid dark prices into the workings of the universe. This you could have without that price tag."
I snorted, mentally. The lore of Dworkin was something that I had considered to learn, but once. When Dworkin had mentioned to me of the doom. I pushed the thought out of my mind. Now, I was to fulfill my duty. "There would be a price. One that I am not willing to pay."
Brand's head shook, the city in the sky with it. "You mean it, you really mean it. I shan't test you further, then. I had to try." Again, he stopped moving. "You are too good a man to waste yourself on that mess in Amber, defending something that is obviously falling apart. I am going to win, Benedict. I am going to erase Amber and build it anew. I am going to rub out the old Pattern and draw my own. You can be with me. I want you on my side. I am going to raise up a perfect world, one with more direct access to and form Shadow. I am going to merge Amber with the Courts of Chaos. I am going to extend this realm directly through all of Shadow. You will command our legions, the mightiest military forces ever assembled. You..."
I cut him off. I had had enough. He speaks of pictures, and creating new realms. Amber will not be tampered with. And this new plan for me in his madness... "If you new world would be as perfect as you say, Brand, there would be no need for legions. If, on the other hand it is to reflect the mind of its creator, then I see it as something less than am improvement over the present state of affairs. Thank you for your offer, but I hold with the Amber that exists." I had used logic to defeat his plan.
Yet he persists! "You are a fool, Benedict. A well-meaning one, but a fool nevertheless."
And yet again, he continued to move. How could I stop him? He stopped approximately twenty feet from my position at the Pattern's "foot." He gripped his belt, and started at me. I returned it. I usually try not to judge others, but I could not help but feel hatred towards this...thing that was my brother. "Why don't you come and cut me down, then?" he said. "Unarmed as I am, it should not be difficult. The fact that the same blood flows through our veins makes no difference does it?" I beg to differ. "What are you waiting for?"
Remember the tactics; the tactics and the strategy. "I already told you do not wish to hurt you."
"Yet you stand ready to, if I attempt to pass your way."
I nodded an affirmative. That's exactly correct.
"Admit that you fear me, Benedict. All of you are afraid of me. Even when I approach you weaponless like this, something must be twisting your guts. You see my confidence and you do not understand it. You must be afraid."
Suddenly, I had doubts...
"And you fear my blood on your hands. You fear my death curse.
Enough! "Did you fear Martin's on your own?"
"That bastard puppy," Brand scoffed. "He was not truly one of us. He was only a tool."
I burned with anger. I had an affection, yes a love, for young Martin.
"Brand, I have no desire to kill a brother. Give me that...trinket you wear about your beck and come back with me now to Amber. It is not too late to set matters right."
Brand laughed at my peace offering. I knew he would react in a like way, and I knew it was now time for action. But he spoke again: "Oh nobly spoken. Nobly spoken, Benedict! Like a true Lord of the realm! You would shame me with your excessive virtue. And what is the sticking point of this all?" he asked as he touched the trinket. "This? This bauble?" he laughed. "Would its surrender buy us peace, amity, order? Would it ransom my life."
He was walking again, now not ten feet from me. His mocking tired me. My patience was being tried. He proposed a question to me: "Do you realize the full powers of this thing?"
More than you know. "Enough of this!" I began to say...but suddenly, suddenly I could not move. I could not move a muscle. It dawned on me: Brand had been just talking his way past me, exactly what I vowed he wouldn't. My tactics had failed. I had failed. But then I remembered: the arm that had been found in this strange city in the sky. It was not really a part of me. Truly, it seemed it; it fit and it worked perfectly. But it was not a part of my real body.
Patience, I told myself. I must not use the arm until he is within reach. He spoke, he rambled, and during this time Corwin attempted to come through the Trump with which he was watching this scene. Just wait, I thought.
He produced a dagger and was about to kill me giving me the last line: "Good night, sweet prince," but at that instant, I lifted my arm with a swiftness that astonished even me, and I lifted him above the ground adjacent the Pattern. He writhed at my metal fingers, and dropped his dagger. I grabbed the chain and the Jewel, and dropped him.
The city began to dematerialize. And I was free. "Benedict! Can you hear me?" Corwin asked.
"Yes..." I began sinking through the dematerializing city.
"The city is fading! You've got to come to me right away!"
He extended his hand through the Trump. I was in a state of shock; dazed. I turned to Brand, but saw I could not reach him. I instead reached for the hand of my other brother.
My duty had been fulfilled.