Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters…. etc, etc. If I did, then the Akatsuki would be more of a big player in the story!

Hmm… I just watched the latest episodes of the Naruto: Shippuuden! series, and I really liked it... Congratulations to the Naruto anime series for the second part of Naruto finally coming out!

Azu's Akatsuki Tale, Chapter 07: Experiences in Awakening Hidan

I collapsed in to bed soon, around nine in the morning. I was rudely awoken at six thirty-seven in the evening.

"Azu-san owes me a little something, yeah!" whispered an obnoxious voice in my ear.

"What…. do… you… want…?" I groaned at him.

"You bet me that I couldn't go the entire day without saying 'yeah' or 'hmm' yesterday, yeah? So I didn't. So you owe me, Azu… hmm…"

I moaned, loudly. "This is why you woke me up? Thank God my sleep patterns are totally screwed anyway, also thanks to you people…" I scrubbed my hair out of my eyes and told him, "I'll buy you whatever candy you want next time I go out, okay?"

Deidara grinned at me. "That would be tonight, in a couple hours, yeah! So make sure to bring money, hmm?" He bounced out of my room, leaving me quite grumpy but unable to fall asleep again.

Dragging myself out of my room and buttoning up my cloak at the same time, I almost walked straight in to Kakuzu.

"Ah, um, Kakuzu-san… sorry." I backed off, knowing full well that you had to quite careful around this weird guy.

"Hmph. Go wake Hidan. He's been sleeping forever, and you're the one who can handle him best. I need him for something." Kakuzu left me standing, jaw gaping. That was totally unfair.

Waking Hidan was like trying to perform surgery on a fish that yelled at you, wouldn't stay still, attacked you if it got angry, and all because you were trying to save the fish's life. Then, imagine the fish as a big guy who was completely and absolutely bigger than you, older than you, more powerful than you, and had a curse-word dictionary that the devil would call blasphemous. And he's religious?

Running towards Hidan's room, I noted that the floor was stained dark with blood. Oh, great. Maybe after his little ceremony with Jashin, he would be in a better mood, anyways. I touched the triangle charm on my necklace for luck and knocked on his door.

Dead silence reigned for an entire two minutes.

"I'm coming in, Hidan-san!" I announced loudly. No one answered, but I was sure he was inside. His chakra was obvious. It also told me he was in a glowering mood. Guess I guessed wrong.

I blasted open the door. Hidan was hidden somewhere under what looked to be a mound of three or four blankets. All I could see of him were two hands holding a pillow over what I presumed to be his head.

Ew. There was blood all over his fingernails, and his room had that nasty copper-metallic smell in it again.

"Hidan-san," I said loudly. "Kakuzu-san wants you for something. NOW."

He ignored me.

I walked up to him. "Hidan-san. Kakuzu-san needs you. Like, immediately."

A muffled voice declared loudly, "Damn Kakuzu and fuck you. Get out of my room."

And he's older than me? He's, er, so mature.

"Hidan-san-!"

"I told you, I don't want to hear your voice anymore!!!" An enormous three-bladed scythe came shooting out from his bed. The long cord whipped around the room.

Thanks to the rest of the Akatsuki's inherent cowardliness when it came to being a Hidan-type alarm clock, I knew exactly what pattern he would throw the scythe around his room. I dodged, jumped, and blocked for about three minutes before he finally stopped. Quickly, I grabbed the cord and pinned it on the floor with my foot.

Before he could yank it out and start up again, I jumped on to his bed and poked the Hidan-lump in the approximate location of the stomach really hard.

The Hidan-lump became a clearly defined Hidan as he shot out of the blankets. "LITTLE BITCH, THAT HURT!" he thundered.

I stared. He was a mess. His hair was streaked with red, and his eyes were red as well. From what I could see of his body, his wounds were still in the process of healing.

"You look wonderful today...Clean yourself up, and I just might get you some coffee."

I left quickly before he could do any bodily damage to me. Normally I would tease, but today… well, I just don't have any suicidal impulses, so I held my tongue. Hidan was a fairly clean person: He would get himself in the shower before I got back.

In the kitchen, I made a pot of super-strength black coffee. If I had had it, you'd probably find me two weeks later in my room giggling like a mad-man and not having slept since I drunk it. Once Tobi had taken some and not fallen asleep for a week. He had been even more hyper than usual and almost got killed by various members of the Akatsuki during that week. By the end of it, Deidara's eyes were red and Tobi had lost his voice from talking too much. It was actually pretty funny, but when I mentioned it to Deidara later he shot me a look that would have sent me straight off to Heaven (or Hell).

Hidan could down about five cups of the stuff before staggering out of bed and still complain about being sleepy. I found it amazing. This stuff could have taken out everyone in a village.

By the time I got back, Hidan was fairly more presentable. He was running a comb through his hair, mumbling something to himself about how he would kill something something bitch something something something. The meaning was apparent.

"A peace offering," I said as I held out the coffee. Hidan's eyes did this freaky thing where they literally lit up. Something like: Whoah, silver flash here! It looked like he had a bad case of watery eyes for a second.

"Coffee!" He drank it straight out of the pot. I watched in disgust. At least he was neater than Deidara, who would most likely have stuck his hand in the pot and sucked it all out just for the sake of grossing me out.

Trust me, the Akatsuki may be an organization of S-class criminals who are powerful, skillful, cruel, and ruthless, but they're still all men (at least all of them I know are), and most are relatively young. Young men disgusting situations, uncleanliness, and lots of testosterone fueled rage. I can deal with most of it now: I'm used to walking in to a room and tripping over baskets of unwashed clothes/ walking in to the kitchen and seeing a four-foot stack of dirty dishes/ having to mop blood out the drain/ applying a TON of bandages to people almost daily.

Let's just say it's like having seven very unruly brothers. Some more than others.

Once he had finished the coffee (GASP! Record drinking time!!!), I announced to him for the third time that Kakuzu wanted him and that we were going out to the town tonight.

I watched him stalk down the hallway muttering to himself: Kakuzu something something fucking wake something something Jashin something something something divine judgement something something….

Hey, did you know the first generally accepted sign of craziness is talking to oneself? Not that we didn't know Hidan was totally and completely mentally unscrewed, but still…

I walked down the hallway grinning to myself. Another successful Hidan-wakeup call. And my watch said it was already past seven, geez. I grabbed my little, cute purse in the form of a fox and made sure it had some money in it. Then, I headed towards the entrance to wait for Deidara.