As devastating as it may be, I'M BAAAACK!

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII, because I was born the same year it was released, thus making it impossible.

Tifa was amazed at how her usual customers could be both consistent and inconsistent at the same time.

Like always, Cloud was gone (avoiding Reno, most likely); Reno was ruining someone else's day; Rude sat nearby, trying to make sure Reno wouldn't cause too much trouble for the WRO; Yuffie was making a racket about nothing in particular; Marlene and Denzel were running circles around a moogle Reno had brought in to cause trouble, and there were always these two very drunk men making out in a corner.

But then, there was something different everyday. For instance, today there was another pair of men making out, both of which appeared to sober; Cid had dropped by; Rude, for some reason, was wearing a bright green wig; it smelled a lot like glue, and the poor soul Reno was tormenting just so happened to be Yuffie.

"OH MY GOD RENOOOOO!"

"What?"

"DID YOU DO THIS?"

"Did what?"

"THIS, YOU SICK BASTARD!"

"The moogle?"

"NO, THIS, BITCH! PRICK! ASSHOLE!"

"Yuffie, language."

"SHUT UP, TIFA, IT'S NOT YOUR ASS GLUED TO A FRIGGIN' STOOL!"

"Reno," Tifa started.

"I didn't do it!" Reno whined, flashing his puppy dog eyes.

"IT WAS YOU, YOU, YOOOOOUUUUUU!"

Yuffie tried to stand up, but instead lost her balance and fell sideways. A barely audible chuckle came from Reno's direction.

"AUGGH! THIS ISN'T FAIR! I AM A WUTAI PRINCESS AND I DO NOT DESERVE SHIT LIKE THIS!"

"Reno, get her off, now."

"I didn't do it!"

"Reno."

"Fine, I did it. I used super glue, though, so she's pretty much stuck. Unless she's willing to take her shorts off," he said with a smirk.

"EEW! YOU SICK GODDAMNED PERVERT! SHINRA DIPSHIT!"

"Reno."

"I swear, Tifa, it wasn't intended for her! I'm not a pervert! That's usually where Cloud sits, and I wanted him to walk around Seventh Heaven in his underwear. It's a win-win situation, I have fun, your bar gets advertised, Strife Delivery Service get advertised, and it'll also be nice fanservice!"

"You do have a point..."

"TIFA I AM STILL STUCK IN THIS STOOL!"

Tifa sighed. There's never a break.

"Yuffie, I'll just lend you some of my clothes, all right?"

"No you can't, it'll be too big on me―" Tifa twitched "―and besides, I can't let anyone see me in my underwear!"

"Well, your shorts are small enough to be underwear, so―"

"SHUT UP, YOU RAMBUTAN HEAD!"

"Oh no, she didn't―"

"RENO! YUFFIE! SILENCE!"

"Yes, Tifa," they said in unison.

"Now, Yuffie, we'll go upstairs with the chair, you can dress there, all right? Reno, next time you plot something ("Which is probably within the next three minutes," Yuffie hissed) make sure they hit their target. And Rude―" Rude flinched "―why are you wearing that wig?"

"Reno made me."

"All right."

Later, Yuffie, with much difficulty, finally made it upstairs and into Marlene and Denzel's room (Tifa decided some of Marlene's or Denzel's shorts would fit Yuffie).

Tifa came down a while later with Yuffie in tow, who was wearing a pair of Marlene's shorts (they fit her perfectly and were much longer than the pair Yuffie usually wore). When they got to the third step, that was when Yuffie threw herself at Reno.

"Aaaah!"

"YOU ARE DEAD, SHINRA DOG!"

"Oh my gawddd ROOOOOD!" Reno screamed, scrambling out of his chair and struggling to get Yuffie off him.

"Yuffie! Reno!" Tifa said helplessly from the top of the stairs.

"GRAAAGHHH!" Yuffie cried, yanking Reno's foot (Reno was trying to crawl away).

Reno managed to grab the foot of a poor and bewildered Rude, then yanked it, and Rude came crashing down. Yuffie sat on Reno's butt and grabbed chunks of his hair, trying to pull them out.

"NO NO NO NO NO NOT MY HAIR!" Reno screamed, pulling on Rude's foot (Rude was now also trying to crawl away) and wriggling his butt to make Yuffie fall off. Yuffie, however, continued to cuss and straddle him, succeeding in uprooting several strands of red hair.

Eventually, Yuffie fell sideways (still holding on to Reno's hair) and hit a stool, which flew over to the other side of the room and hit Cloud, who just got home, on the head. The stool bounced off Cloud's head (who was now lying unconscious at the door) and hit Cid's back, who fell off his stool. Cid used his spear in order to maintain his balance, but instead managed to impale the moogle, which set off Marlene and Denzel's cries.

Tifa was still standing at the top of the stairs.

"I'd take Sephiroth any day," she sighed.

~fin~

Hello.

Quotidian- adj. ordinary; commonplace.

This could totally be a RenoxYuffie fic, if you took a different meaning to Reno's line and the word "straddle". Pervs. XD

I just wanted to advertise Milkis, it's a Korean soda. It's heaven, unless of course you drink a whole liter of it on an empty stomach like I did.

Became a fan of SCANDAL today.

Please review.