A Sad and Humorous Tale of "Fuck My Life"
by Pelleas
Today I finally worked up the courage to tell Miciah how much I love her. I wanted it to come out like it was the most romantic thing in the world; I had this elaborate plan to decorate her quarters with rose petals and scented candles, take her out on the balcony, and confess my utmost passions by the light of the moon. Then make sweet love to her on a bed of roses. I asked Sothe to distract her while I set everything up.
He decides to "distract" her by taking her out for a night on the town. I'm waiting all night to make my move. Sothe and Miciah finally stumble back into the castle at four in the morning. Sothe's pants are unbuckled. Miciah has a lip-shaped bruise on her neck. Both of them are drunk out of their mind. It's obvious what they've been doing all night. They ask to be excused and retire to Miciah's private chambers for the night.
They didn't actually "retire." I can still hear them.
Sothe is having wild pig-sex with the girl of my dreams on my bed of roses, and I'm jerking off to cheap porn in the royal library. Fuck my life.