Prologue

Sunday (3 Weeks After)

"So Bella, how are things?"

He doesn't care, don't answer.

"Has there been less drama?"

Hold firm.

"Are you feeling different?"

Give him nothing.

"Your dad mentioned you went out with some friends Friday night."

I wince and the wall crumbles.

"Would you like to comment?"

"To far doc." He's smiling. Smug bastard.

"Feeling up to sharing today? Maybe about the divorce, the school, the sui-"

"Don't say it, and besides I'd like to hear your thoughts?"

He shuffles his papers and grunts. I hate that. Every session, every time I actually reply, he shuffles the damn papers and grunts.

"Why don't you mix it up a little doc?"

"Excuse me?" Ah crap salad.

"Well I mean, it's just, sometimes I have this like inner monologue running through my head. I dunno..." Bloody doctor's smiling at me now. He is supposed to be a professional.

"I think we are done for today." He thinks he's won this round. I shouldn't have said anything.

I grunt in response. Take that ass-face. I want to punch him, in the head, even though I know I shouldn't. I'm late enough as it is. Jake will kick my ass.

"Bella."

I don't turn. If I do, I'll see his look, their look, everyone's look. The one that finds its way through me. The one that digs for anything they can find. Any excuse as to why I'm so messed up.

Fuck'em all.

Depending on which religion they belong to, I guess I will see them all in hell.

Monday (One Week Before)

Wednesday

I pull back from our mutual headlock to find her wide-eyed and confused.

Three days of avoiding Rosalie's prying questions and my streak goes bust. She and Lauren corner me at lunch with demands to know everything about Mike and me. When it started, how it started, all the same shit.

"So what you're telling me is," she pauses dramatically, "that you, Bella Swan, did the dirty deed with Mr Michael Newton?" My lips curl into a naughty smile.

"Don't tell me you thought you were the only one who had dark shit hidden away?"

I thought I corrupted her when I told her he details. How he took me to dinner and a movie. How he was so nervous he actually asked me if he could kiss me. And then how we were so incredibly horny and nervous that I remember only the sweet nothings he whispered in my ears.

Rose was not a steel magnolia by any means. She and Royce go at it so much I fear they'll start doubling like rabbits.

"Bella, for once in my life I'm proud of you."

I offer a weak smile. I don't tell her the full reason for my actions or why I don't remember the details.

Lauren see's my growing discomfort. She vouches to change to the subject, and being the nosey bitch she is starts filling us in on the current status report of Tanward.

"Please, Lauren, is there any gossip you have that doesn't revolve around the blonde try-hard lesbos and her insignificant other? I mean hawnestly, are you so superficial that ya go ahead and use them as an opening line for your dates, because that would explain why they never last longer than 30 minutes."

Rose leaves the question hanging and cocks her head, Lauren gaping at her.

"Ah Rose not a good move."

"To mean?"

"To mean."

The awkwardness is enough to make me leave.

"Well I'm off."

Barely disrupted the staring contest between the bombshells. Good to know I'll be missed.

I end up on the picnic table outside the cafeteria, sitting on the top and resting my feet on the bench, watching the seagulls. The excess weight shifts the bench. Even knowing he was there, I'm still startled and my fall is followed by that laugh.

"I want to lick it."

"What?"

"I said that out loud didn't I? Fuck." My face, which is palmed into the dirt, goes red and why the fuck won't he help me up?

He's still laughing, "Sorry. I should help you up."

"Nah I'm good, it's relaxing having a natural mud mask. So much cheaper than spas."

I feel my arm tug slightly and hear him grunt. "Need help?"

"I'm ...good."

Eventually I'm sitting impressed that he got me up, though I'm sure I put in some effort somewhere.

"Whatcha doin?"

"Well I'm watching seagulls, but if you'd like me to be more specific I'm also thinking, breathing, moving and now talking which, ironically, is preventing me from what I was originally doing."

Again, that bloody laugh. It makes his face glow and his straight out of bed hair blow like a breeze is moving through it.

"Mike, what do you want?"

"You. Again. My place. Tonight." That's why I like Mike. Business not bullshit and a relationship on the side. But I couldn't do it. I want to wait longer, but I can't tell him that. I've never been straight with him so I don't break my streak. I tell him I'm volunteering at the hospital. He doesn't show any kind of concern. He just smiles and tells me to have fun. And then he leaves me. Like everyone else.

"I didn't know you volunteered." Fuck. Me. Now.

"I do too. Sometimes." Literally.

"Edward, hi."

"What's up Bella?"