Author's Note: Pretty sure the summary for this fic should consist only of the word "crack". I have no clue where this came from. But it's weird. Even I know that...

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, nor is the song: Peacock, by Katy Perry

Charlie Dalton had one of the worst singing voices in the world, but that wasn't why the rest of the study room was cringing. No, they were cringing in fear that Charlie would project the next chorus or verse in their direction, sexual pelvic thrusts and dance moves included.

For once, there was no adult supervision in the room as the faculty was having a rare meeting to discuss how to handle the strange disappearances of the chocolate pudding from the kitchens and the lab frogs from the science department. If the administration had bothered at all to pay attention to the students they assigned ridiculous and impossible amounts of homework to everyday, then they probably would have noticed that Gerard Pitts typically had chocolate stains on most of his clothes and that his hands were unnaturally warty for a boy that attended a prep school.

Because of this absence of authority Charlie had not only dubbed himself King of New York, Queen of France, and In Charge, but he had also begun a loud rendition of Katy Perry's "Peacock" just for the hell of it. And because it made the gingers—Meeks and Cameron—blush just the right hue to amuse Charlie.

"I wanna see your peacock-COCK-COCK-COCK! I wanna see your peacock-COCK-COCK-COCK!" Charlie jovially yelled, humping the air around Hopkins. If looks could kill, Charlie would most definitely be dead by now. Hopkins hated taking anyone's shit, especially Charlie's, and yet, there wasn't much to do in a situation like this. Punching Charlie would earn him an automatic expulsion, and Charlie wouldn't stop singing if Hopkins asked nicely. As Hopkins' face continually became redder from frustration, Charlie launched into the first verse, hopping to another table and making Spaz tremble. "Word on the street is you got somethin' to show to me! Magical, colorful, Mr. Mystery!" He chuckled, a grin splitting his face as he ruffled Spaz's hair, leaning against the boy's back.

Neil slapped a hand to his face, running it over his eyes in exhaustion. He knew he should never have snuck those candy bars into Welton that he had picked up on his way back from Henley Hall. Charlie Dalton could not hold his sugar, that was certain. "Oh, Charlie?" Neil called, walking over to where his friend was now running his hands through Spaz's hair, the twitching boy's glasses now perched on Charlie's nose. Neil smiled when Charlie grinned up at him. The actor reached out and gently removed the spectacles from Charlie's face, handing them back to Spaz. "Maybe you should tone it down. You know, in case McAllister comes back early or something…"

Charlie blinked, and for a split second Neil actually thought he was thinking reasonably and considering his request, when Charlie threw his hands in the air, his hips gyrating, and sang, "I'm intrigued, for a peek; heard it's fascinating!"

Luckily, the whole room was so astounded at Charlie's a capella karaoke that no one was able to hear Todd mumble, "It is."

Knox, who had been sitting at attention with the other poets, raised his hand. "Um, Charlie…could you maybe teach me a song that would help me get Chris?" he asked, his eyes wide as he waited for lyrics that would automatically melt Chris's heart.

Charlie pointed his finger at Knox. "I wanna see your peacock-COCK-COCK-COCK!"

Knox furrowed his brow in frustration, pounding the table with a fist. "I don't have a peacock, Charlie! I don't understand this song at all! Who is Mr. Mystery? And why does he have such a colorful, magical peacock that everyone wants to see? It doesn't make sense! And why is he showing it to people? Is he charging admission?"

Cameron and Meeks stared at Knox in disbelief as he questioned the meaning of the song Charlie was covering. They exchanged a glance, shook their heads, and blushed when Charlie shouted something about the jaw dropping, eye-popping, head-turning, and body-shaking abilities of Skippy's lower regions. Once again, Charlie had stolen his victim's glasses and was wearing them, despite the fact he had his own sunglasses pushed up into his hair.

It was at the moment in which Charlie had decided to make vulgar hand gestures at Stick and Woodsie that Mr. Nolan burst into the study room, demanding to know what all the ruckus, which could clearly be heard from the hall, was. His beady eyes landed on Charlie and immediately knew the source of the noise. "Mr. Dalton!" he declared. "Report to my office. Now!"

Charlie stood perfectly still, staring at the door that Nolan had just closed. He glanced over his shoulder, smirking. As he sauntered towards the study hall door, he jokingly sang in a low voice, "Skip the talk, heard it all, time to walk the walk. Break me off, if you're bad; show me who's the boss!"

.fin.