Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law Season 2
By: DMEX
Nadda is mine and if you don't like that, you can kiss my ass!
Ch. 1
Not Without my Pumpkins
Time: 00:00 am Date: Halloween Night
Place: Halloween Town, Hinterlands
Mayor: Great Halloween, everyone. And we owe it all to you, Jack.
Jack Skellington: Not at all Mayor-
(crowd of monsters soon admire him)
Mayor: -Hold up, everyone! We haven't even given out the awards yet! Our first award goes to the Vampire Bros. for the most blood drained in a single evening-
*CRASH!*
(The Mayor turns around and sees that his hearse has been wrecked making his sad face appear)
Mayor: MY HEARSE! THAT WAS A 1921 VINTAGE! NOOOOOOOHHHOOOOOHOHHOOOOOO!
(Harvey Birdman opening)
-Sebben & Sebben Law Firm, Harvey's Office
Harvey is looking through his candy bowl
Harvey: Wouldn't you know it, Peanut? Someone already went into the bowl and took the Reese's pumpkins. How can you have Halloween without those?
(Peanut is playing Dead Rising on his XBOX 360)
Peanut: Yeh, I feel ya, HB.
Harvey: Do I sense sarcasm out of you? Or are you not even paying attention? Remember, we're supposed to give out candy today?
*BUZZ*
* (intercom): Mr. Birdman, you have a client.
Harvey: Send him in.
The Mayor comes in. He still has his sad face on. He takes his really bug tall hat off for a moment and scratches his head.
Harvey: What can I do for you?
Mayor: We have a serious problem, Mr. Birdman. Jack Skellington, the King of Halloween is in jail. The police think he wrecked my hearse.
Harvey: OOH! Grand Theft Auto, that will get him 15-20 years behind bars!
Mayor: THAT'S WHAT I'M AFRAID OF! AND THERE'S ONLY 365 DAYS LEFT UNTIL NEXT HALLOWEEN!
Harvey: Make that 364.
Mayor: EVEN WORSE! You have to help me Mr. Birdman, I'm only an elected official, I can't make these decisions by myself.
Peanut: You really suck as a mayor.
Mayor: I know… I make the New Orleans Saints look like a bunch of honest guys…
Harvey: Don't worry, Mayor. I'll find a way to get him out of this mess. I'LL TAKE THE CASE!
Mayor (turns back to happy face): SPLENDID! I knew you'd help us in our time of need.
Kane (wearing his new mask) burns the door down
Kane: I'm doing some renovations if you don't mind!
(Harvey, Avenger, Peanut and the Mayor have horrified looks on their faces)
Mayor (switches to sad face): And that's why he's known as The Town's Resident Pyromaniac… Why couldn't he just follow in his brother's footsteps…?
-Halloween Town Jail-
Jack yawns. Zero comes in and barks
Jack (groggily): Oh, hey, Zero… we'll be in here for quite some time… as if anyone's gonna pay my bail…
*: Jack? Jack, answer me!
Jack: Sally! What are you doing here?
Sally: Getting you out of jail. I know you did nothing wrong. We got you a lawyer.
Jack: Gonna need one to prove me innocent.
Harvey: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. I'll be defending you in court.
Jack: It could be worse… Try sharing a cell with him…
(Abyss is seen playing with that Janice weapon he made laughing rather dementedly)
-Halloween Town, Guillotine Gate-
Harvey: So, uhh…
Clown: Clown.
Harvey: No can't afford your college… What were you doing when the Mayor's hearse was destroyed?
Clown: I was in the Halloween Party.
Harvey: Then what's that Gate Post?
Clown (sweat drops): I'm the Security Guard…
Harvey: And you saw nothing?
Clown: Define nothing…
(Dr. Finkelstein's Lab blows up)Dr. Finkelstein (angry): CONFOUND IT! IGOR, CLEAN THIS MESS UP WHILE I DEAL WITH SALLY!
Harvey: I better go…
-Pumpkin Patch-
Harvey: Did you see anything unusual at the Halloween Party yesterday night?
Hanging Tree: I don't talk to no Lawyers!
Hanging Men: Neither do we!
Harvey: This is worse than I thought…
Hanging Tree: Did I ask fer yer opinion?
Harvey: Leaving now!
-Halloween Town Court-
Judge: Maleficent Bailiff: Pete
Prosecution: Oogie Boogie Defense: Harvey Birdman
Pete: ALLLLLLL RISE! The honorable Judge Maleficent presiding!
Harvey: Wonder if she's on Vegeta's payroll?
Green fire appears out of no where as Maleficent appears on the Judge's seat. Everyone applauds.
Maleficent: Don't ask me to do it again. It's a one time only deal. (pulls a pair of handle glasses out) Let's see what you're in for Mr. Skellington.
(reads the sheet of paper and smirks)
Maleficent: Well, now… Grand Theft Auto and Destruction of Public Property. I'll enjoy sending you to prison. Prosecution may start, this court is now in session.
(Bangs dragon-like gavel)
Oogie: Well now! Jack Skellington, the so-call Pumpkin King! The dreaded BONE DADDY (hehehehe) is being charged with GTA AND DPP! Now then, what to do with all Jack? EH? LOCK 'IM IN JAIL!
Maleficent (sarcastically): Thank you for your enlightenment, Mr. Oogie…
Oogie: Why, thank you… I spent all night preparing that-
Maleficent: IT WAS SARCASM YOU BUMBLING IDIOT! Mr. Birdman, if you please?
Harvey: Gladly, Your Honor. Jack Skellington: The Pumpkin King, The Bone Daddy, Mr. Unlucky, he's even known through Kentucky, England and France! My client was arrested and BEING SUED IN COURT NO LESS, for a crime he didn't commit! Where was the police report you ask? Where was the evidence? Was there even a list of possible suspects? NO! Your Government has failed to follow the standard procedures, much less; any and all CSI Investigations to this crime. If he didn't commit, you must acquit!
(Dr. Finkelstein opens his skull and scratches his brain. The Mayor and Jack Skellington face palms themselves)
-Court-
Harvey: Isn't it true that you are the town's Gatekeeper?
Clown: Yah, it's true.
Harvey: And you didn't see anyone go in or out?
Clown: It was kind hard to. With the Halloween Party going on…
Harvey: Need I remind you you're under oath?
Clown: What are you gettin at?
(Avenger kills the lights and footage plays)
Harvey: I have footage of you getting drunk at the Halloween Town Gate!
Clown: Yah, I'll admit. I was a bit plastered but da hangover was way worse.
Oogie: OBJECTION!
Maleficent: On what grounds?
Oogie: On the grounds that the footage could very well be a FAKE!
(The Citizens of Halloween Town gasp in horror)
Harvey: The footage is authentic.
Oogie: You sure?
Maleficent: He's right… It's on the right hand corner.
Pete (angry): YOU IMBECLIE! CAN'T YA REEEEAAADDD?
Maleficent: I have to agree with Pete. Even though he's the biggest buffoon on the planet!
Pete (sadly): You really know how ta hurt a guy…
-Moe's Tavern-
Jack: We may as well give up… No point in going on in court.
Harvey: Do you realize that the Prosecution has a moron trying to lock you up.
Moe: You give up, and I'll have lost all respect for ya!
Jack: Do you realize we don't even have any proof of my innocence?
(Zero barks)
Jack: No, Zero… Down boy.
Sally: What's that?
(Harvey looks at it)
Dr. Finkelstein (voice over): CONFONUD IT! CONFOUND IT!
(Dr. Finkelstein's yelling buzzes in his skull for some time)
Harvey: I GOT IT! YOU'RE INNOCENT!
Jack: You mean-
Harvey: Let's get you exonerated!
-Court-
Maleficent: Does the Jury have a verdict?
Harvey: Hold on, Your Honor.
Maleficent (banging dragon gavel multiple times): MR. BIRDMAN! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?
Harvey: I have proof that my client is innocent.
Maleficent: Show me.
Harvey: HERE'S YOUR EVIDENCE!
(Pulls out a dry cleaning bag. It has Piglet's underwear. Girl in the background screams)
Maleficent: I fail to see how that's relevant…
Harvey: Oops! Wrong bag. Supposed to give Piglet's dry cleaning back today. HERE'S YOUR EVIDENCE!
(pulls out a plastic bag . It has Goten's shirt in it that reads: Occupy This and has an arrow pointing down)
Maleficent: Are you just spouting out random evidence?
Harvey: Oops! The other wrong bag. Supposed to give Goten's dry cleaning back today, also. HERE'S YOUR REAL EVIDENCE!
(Pulls out an evidence bag that has a broken science glass and 3 masks. The citizens of Halloween Town gasp as Lock, Shock, and Barrel have a shocked look on their faces)
Lock: Oh… $#*+…
Shock (angry): YOU TOLD EVERYONE?
Barrel: It wasn't our fault!
Lock Shock and Barrel begin to fight amongst each other. Kane's Hellfire and Brimstone made them stop and scared them
Dr. Finkelstein: Thank you Kane. So I guess you figured it out. IT WAS I WHO MASTERMINDED THIS!
Sally: WHAT?
Everyone gasps
Bender: IT WAS A RUSSO SWERVE!
Dr. Finkelstein: I planned to have you locked away to become Halloween Town's biggest EVIL SCIENTIST AND RULE HALLOWEEN TOWN! And Sally was the only person standing between me and my goal!
Jack: I don't believe it…
Dr. Finkelstein: IGOR!
(Igor's machine busts the courtroom wall open. Kane, Lock, Shock and Barrel hopped on board. Igor pulls the lever and a mechanical arm snatches the mad doctor and Igor drives it away)
Pete: Didn't see that one coming.
Maleficent: If there's one thing I WON'T TOLLERATE IN MY COURTROOMS IT'S A RUSSO SWERVE! (sighs) Mr. Skellington is free to go… But I order Pete to be flogged in my chambers for 6 hours!
Pete: WHAT DID I DO?
Maleficent: DON'T ARGUE WITH ME! GET GOING!
(everyone cheers as 3 Cheers for the Red White and Blue play in the background)
-Sebben & Sebben, Harvey's Office-
Harvey: Well, another unusual case that leads to another unusual victory…
Gabumon: Shouldn't we go and get Pete out?
(meanwhile)
Pete is being flogged in his underwear by Temari
Everyone has a long moment of silence. Everyone laughs
(Harvey Birdman credits)