Hey guys. Thought I'd write these little scenarios to gently poke fun at some of the things I thought were a little ridiculous in FFIX....In a loving way of course, it's my favourite game of all time! PLEASE R&R, it would be really useful to know if it's just me that laughs at these things or what! Criticism of course accepted.....Cheers!
Vivi in Alexandria - Part 1
One of the most unique and indeed beautiful sights in Gaia can be seen on the Mist Continent, later in the summer months when the days are long and the nights humid and close. On clear evenings just as the sun begins to dip below the horizon, the sky is bathed in a combination of light reflected from the planet's twin moons; a stunning swirl of blues and reds, stark in contrast, but not unharmonious - they seemed to complement each other in the way that some things just do, like Dali and its windmill, like Lindblum and its airships, and like the royal assistants' (Zorn and Thorn) frankly disturbing way of communicating with one another.
And it was on one of these spectacular evenings that a young black mage made his way cautiously down the main street of Alexandria towards the castle, staring up at the massive buildings that sprung up around him on all sides. It was the first time Vivi had been to such a large town - so many people! And not just people either. There were hippos wearing clothes. There was also a duck in a bright purple tailcoat that seemed to be strutting around with a trumpet, which it blew unnecessarily frequently, startling the group of nobles it appeared to be leading. Every time this happened, they began to mutter darkly among themselves about how said duck would probably be more useful served roasted on a platter along with some plum sauce, or perhaps an orange-flavoured liqueur.
Most annoyingly though, (for Vivi at least), was the rat wearing a huge red cap that came tearing down the street straight towards him as if shot out of a cannon. Vivi did his best to avoid the oncoming rodent, but despite his attempt to deftly sidestep right at the last second, the rat still crashed straight into him, knocking him to the ground. It was almost as if the rat was aiming deliberately for Vivi, or that it was impossible for Vivi to avoid him no matter what he did; in any case, the rat sped right off again after some making some stupid comment about it being Vivi's fault, leaving the young mage to pick himself awkwardly off the ground. A little girl handed him his play ticket, which had been jarred loose from the impact. After nodding at her in what he hoped looked like an appreciative manner (he understood that, due to his lack of face per se, trying to communicate using facial expressions was not the easiest thing in the world), Vivi continued up the street to the main courtyard, still drinking in the sights and sounds of the unfamiliar city.
Not five minutes later however, Vivi's day had taken a serious turn for the worse. What annoyed him most was not the fact that his ticket had just been decried as a fake by the inspector, but that he had failed to notice the glaringly obvious error himself. 'I Want to be Your Crow'? Vivi wasn't sure how big his brain was, or if he had a brain at all for that matter, but it bothered him slightly that he didn't say something when he was buying the ticket off that dodgy-looking man with about ten arms.
In any case, the inspector in the ticket booth had mentioned to him a person named 'Alleyway Jack', whom he said could could give Vivi some pointers about a card game popular in Alexandria, known as Tetra Master. He'd even given Vivi a few cards to start with, which Vivi thought was rather generous. Although it was little consolation in comparison to missing a play performed by the renowned theatre troupe Tantalus, Vivi thought he may as well make the best of the situation, and set off to find the mysterious Alleyway Jack.
Going first to the pub, a logical starting point he figured, he noticed a man at the bar with about ten arms.
"How odd...." Vivi thought to himself. He was sure he'd run into a guy with loads of arms before. Like the one who sold him his dodgy ticket. But this one had different hair - they were probably just part of the same species. Who was to say in this day and age?
"Umm...excuse m-me, sir?" the young mage began nervously, as he approached the multi-armed man. The multi-armed man turned round to face him, a look of alarm spreading rapidly across his face.
"No refunds kid." he suddenly said, his voice slightly high pitched.
"Refunds?" said Vivi, a little nonplussed at the man's strange demeanour. "I was j-just wondering if...if you were Mr. Alleyway Jack? I was gonna ask you about how to play a card game called Tetra Master? E-except I got a few cards from the slightly suspicious old man at the ticket booth, and was wondering if..."
"OOOOOOHH, yes, yes of course, of course you're here about cards." said the multi-armed man, suddenly looking very relieved and allowing himself a large gulp of whisky from his glass. His face twisted quickly into one of disgust, and he began to choke loudly.
"Do you actually enjoy drinking whisky? It's far too strong for me...." said Vivi, giving him a small slap on the back.
"Oh yeah, yeah, love the stuff." said the multi-armed man, still purple in the face from a combination of coughing and lack of oxygen. "And by the way, I am indeed Alleyway Jack. Ask me anything you need to about Tetra Master."
About half an hour later.......
"Right, well I think I've got the basics sorted," said Vivi. "There were just a few things though that I wanted to know though, like some of the finer points of the game you know....?"
"Yes yes, ask away son." said Alleyway Jack, whose breathing had just about returned to normal by this time.
"A lot of the time, the outcome of a battle between two cards seems a little...how can I put this...random?" Vivi said slowly, not wanting to sound like he was insulting the hobby about which this man was surely very passionate.
Alleyway Jack stared for a second. And then another second. And another. Eventually, the seconds all combined to produce a rather lengthy period of silence, during which Alleyway Jack opened and then closed his mouth quite a few times.
"Well....", he finally said. "Of course, we both know that it's all based on the numbers on the cards. And you know that various complicated mathematical calculations take place when determining the outcome of a card battle..."
"I know that", Vivi interrupted, "but don't you think that it's a little ridiculous that sometimes a really good card with a huge amount of HP will lose to an apparently much worse card with low HP?"
"U-ah..err...um..well it's...you see....um...yeah..." Alleyway Jack spluttered.
"And another thing, Mr. Jack sir," Vivi said eagerly, keen to learn as much from this abundant source of card game knowledge as he could. "If the cards can level up and their stats can increase as you suggest, what's the point of levelling up weak cards like the cards I've got? Because their stats won't increase that much will they? And then someone who has slightly better cards but who hasn't put any effort into increasing their stats can just come along and thrash me, thus destroying all the hard work I've put in to levelling them up?"
By this time, Alleyway Jack couldn't have looked more confused if he'd tried. This kid was asking way too many complicated questions, and of course, as a Rank D treasure hunter, he had better things to do.
"Wow, is that the time?" Alleyway Jack suddenly said, cutting Vivi short as he began to ask a question about the coin flip at the start of the game and how it always seemed to be biased towards the opponent all of the time. "Listen son, it's been great chatting, but I've got to go - really need to pop to Daguerreo and hang about by a bookcase without reading any of the books on it."
"Oh...." said Vivi, not knowing where 'Daguerreo' was, and also little disappointed about Jack having to leave, but still glad to have learned so much in what felt like such a short space of time. "Ok then. Well thank you for teaching me. Maybe we could have a game if I ever run into you again?"
"Yeah, like that's gonna happen..." Alleyway Jack muttered to himself, smirking.
"Pardon?" said Vivi, politely.
"Ah, er, I mean, yeah of course kid, I'd be happy to play you any time." Alleyway Jack said, still with a smirk on his face. "Later, kid."
And with that, he gulped down the last of his whisky, promptly started coughing again, and left the pub bent over and gasping for air. Vivi watched him go with a sympathetic look in his bright yellow eyes - at least, he hoped they looked sympathetic....
"What a nice man. Shame about the drinking problem though..." Vivi thought to himself as he jumped off his seat. And with one last look around the pub, he strolled through the doors, and back into the cool Alexandrian evening.