A/N: Hello! Thanks in advance for reading. Please have patience between chapters - I intend for this to be a long-ish story, but there's a long way to go! Please comment, good or bad, as it all helps.

Thanks and gratitude to David Renwick for creating such incredible characters who have stood the test of time. I hope he doesn't mind me stealing them for a while.

CHAPTER ONE

The majestic sails rotated slowly in the wind with a hint of sun peeking out from behind clouds to bathe the old building in a golden light, illuminating one side and casting a long evening shadow across the ground. Jonathan Creek trudged along the length of the lane leading up to the windmill, taking none of the pleasure he used to in the view of the place which had been his home since childhood.

He'd been back living here again for about ten weeks, since he and Polly had decided to separate. It wasn't that he hadn't seen it coming, hadn't realised they were having relationship issues. Of course it wasn't perfect, but wasn't that normal? He had been trying his best to make her life as easy as possible, to stop the little silly arguments which had been creeping their way into their life, but that only created more antagonism; her calling him spineless, telling him to be more of a man.

Polly was a beautiful woman. No doubt about it. That was what had done him in in the first place. A gorgeous woman like her wanting him. That didn't happen to Jonathan, didn't happen to men like him. So when it did, finally, after so many years of short liaisons or unreturned affections, he dove straight in, with barely a thought as to their actual compatibility.

He wasn't ready to admit to himself what others could clearly see; that he'd changed himself too much into what Polly wanted and expected of him. That he hadn't been happy in himself since they'd got together. And that ultimately there would have to be a breaking point where his resentment, acknowledged or otherwise, would rise up to the surface. It was quite incredible that a man with such insight into others' motivations was so oblivious to his own.

For now though, he remained ignorant to his real emotions, and spent his evenings and weekends in relative solace, trying to reconcile what had happened in his own head. He thanked whatever gods may exist that he hadn't had the heart to sell the mill when Polly had suggested it early on. They'd since moved back out of London, but when they'd first got together, she'd wanted them to get further up the property ladder, which would have entailed selling quickly. Thankfully, by moving into the advertising world and attracting a bigger salary, plus the benefit of ongoing book royalties from the publisher of one Maddy Magellan, Jonathan had been able to secure them a sizeable home in Islington whilst also maintaining ownership of Shipley Mill. Since then, she'd tried again to get him to sell it but that had, in fact, been one of the final straws. He'd tried to convince himself he was ok with it; he even went through all of his belongings and got rid of a lot of precious mementos (and a lot of junk, his treacherous brain reminded him) but in the end he just wasn't able to let go of the memories and history contained within its strangely shaped walls.

He was sitting in silence in his living room later that evening when the shrill ring of his mobile interrupted his dark thoughts. With a cursory glance at the screen, he sighed and then answered, sounding almost as depressed as he felt.

"Adam"

"Jonathan!" came the response, his ex-employer sounding impossibly overjoyed to be speaking to him. "I've decided it's time for a night on the town. You and me. Friday. What do you say?"

Jonathan sighed once more, audibly down the phone this time.

"I'm not taking no for an answer." said Adam.

"No" said Jonathan firmly.

"Yes" responded Adam with his insane positivity. "You need to blow off some steam, get back into the real world."

"I'm in the real world Adam. I'm going to work every day, surrounded by real people in real London. I don't need to experience real nightclubs and real strippers to know that this is my real life".

Even Adam faltered at the darkness with which this statement was delivered, but then followed up with a question. "Well, what do you need?"

"Peace and quiet" came the reply.

"Jonathan…let me help you."

"You can't" he said bluntly, then took a deep breath in, realising he was being unfair. "I just need some time to process everything".

"I understand that, but you can't process everything on your own. You need to talk about it. And I'm willing to listen". Jonathan's eyes widened slightly, surprised at the insight and compassion of the man he had often considered to be void of any feelings.

"Friday", pressed Adam, "We won't go out. Come to mine, or I'll come to you".

"Ok, ok."

"Yes?" queried Adam, surprised he'd actually gained agreement. "Yes, right, Friday. 8 ok? I'll come to yours…which is, uh, where exactly?"

"I'm back at the mill"

"Ok, great, excellent. I'll see you then. Friday at 8. And Jonathan?"

"Yes?"

"I know I'm not very good at this but I really do want to help you".

"Thank you Adam. See you on Friday". Jonathan ended the call and tapped the phone against his chin, a hint of a smile ghosting across his face as he appreciated what it must have taken Adam to say that. Quickly though, he sunk back into his thoughts, staring into nothingness until he forced himself to get up and go to bed. Alone.

The rest of the week passed uneventfully for Jonathan, with more of the same. Using all the energy he could muster to get through each day at work, he talked to as few people as possible and closed his door to the outside world when he could. He hid away in his lunch breaks and rushed home in the evenings to his sanctuary. He was amazed how many people assumed they knew what he was going through and what he wanted, those who'd been through a separation or divorce who thought he should be 'getting back out there', 'finding a rebound' or any one of a number of other ridiculous clichés. As such, it was almost a relief to find Adam already at his door when he got home on Friday night, despite his brain reminding him how ironic that was because Adam would probably tell him every one of those clichés too. Perhaps they'd be a little more palatable coming from someone he knew well enough to shoot down immediately though.

"Hi" he said, smiling at the familiar face before him.

Adam looked a little disconcerted at the vision of Jonathan before him, looking so dishevelled and tired, but he covered it well with a gleaming smile and approached the other man to give him a hug. At this unanticipated gesture, Jonathan wilted a little and his body gave an involuntary shudder as he tried to keep his feelings in check, and a sob threatened to force its way out.

He buried it down quickly, and fished out his keys, inviting Adam in and sending him up to the living room as he grabbed a couple of glasses for the wine which Adam had brought.

Adam poured two large glasses of "the best Pinot Noir in the world, from a little place in the south of New Zealand", which he'd visited two years previously, and they settled into the sofas opposite each other. Both looked apprehensive at the situation and conversation ahead of them, it feeling so unusual for them both.

"So, perhaps we should start with something easy" suggested Adam, "How's work?"

Jonathan snorted slightly, "I'm not sure that the easiest conversation point for the two of us, is it?"

Adam returned a grim smile and tilted his head in acquiescence, acknowledging the difficulties they'd had when Jonathan had handed in his notice. "Well, hopefully we're past that these days. It has been, what, five years?"

"Almost" he replied, and then took a deep breath before responding to the question. "It would be hard enough to keep up a good standard and concentrate on everything without having to deal with it being the family business. Polly's gone to work out of the New York office, and thankfully her Dad's over there too, but that doesn't stop the gossip", he gave Adam a pained smile and took a swig of wine. "So I need to make a decision what to do, or perhaps one is going to be made for me before I have a chance".

"You know there's always a job with me Jonathan".

That received Adam a glare in return. "Really? Let's manipulate Jonathan's disastrous love life again for the good of Adam. Is that why you're here?"

"No! No. Absolutely not' responded Adam, visibly shocked at Jonathan's outburst. "I just meant…if you need anything at all, I'm here. I didn't mean…"

Jonathan sighed and gave in. "I get it, Adam. It's ok. I'm just a bit nervy at the moment, sorry." Then followed up with a grim smile, "Not getting much sleep".

"So you miss her?" queried Adam, genuinely intrigued by an emotion he didn't think he was much capable of, and feeling a little more brave to press for some deeper truth after several mouthfuls of wine.

"Yes. Well…I think I do, but then I wonder if I just miss the companionship, what I had got used to. And I'm also enjoying the solitude of being back here. London's so busy. All the time. But then I feel like I'm being unfair and unfaithful to her somehow."

"By enjoying being alone?"

"I'm not enjoying it exactly. My brain doesn't stop wondering what I could have done to save our relationship. But I'm remembering…oh I don't know, it sounds ridiculous."

Adam had the sense to stay quiet and wait for Jonathan to complete his stream of thought.

And after an extended silence, Jonathan did just that. "I feel more like me than I have for a long time" he said quietly, looking squarely into his wine glass.

Adam let that sink in, for Jonathan more than himself. He was relieved to hear it come out of Jonathan's mouth. Then he changed the subject again and they spent the remainder of the bottle of wine reminiscing about old times. It was only as they were halfway through bottle two that Adam asked another question of Jonathan.

"Did you…do you…really love Polly more than any other woman you've been with?"

Jonathan took a moment to respond. "I thought I did. When we met. When we were first together. On our wedding day" he sighed. "But now, I just don't know anymore." A pause. "I wonder if lust got the better of me."

"As compared to…?" Adam left the question open-ended, thinking blatantly of Maddy but not quite brave enough to voice her name.

Adam saw the turmoil on Jonathan's face as he made to start a sentence three times before simply shrugging his shoulders and gazing off into the distance in that inimitable way of his. Then, after a prolonged silence, Jonathan surprised Adam by speaking again.

"I assume you mean Maddy" he said, raising a cynical eyebrow towards his ex-employer, and receiving a small nod in return. "It's been over ten years, Adam. There's no point dredging up the past, and you know we were never really together anyway."

Another silence and another sigh. "I don't understand this obsession you all have with her. With us", Jonathan continued, with some anger in his voice.

Adam shifted uncomfortably in his chair and then reasoned that the wine had loosened his lips enough to tell the truth; no bull for once, and echoing the sentiment that Jonathan had expressed a minute before. "Because you were you when she was around." he said simply.

He let that short sentence hang in the air for a while, then he continued with an ironic smile, "And I may not know much about long-term relationships, but I do know that most of them end up with little or no sex anyway, so the sexual nature of your relationship was secondary to the fact that you were a couple in almost every other way."

Jonathan didn't respond, he just looked ill at ease at possibly the most perceptive sentence Adam had ever uttered in his life, and averted his gaze anywhere except towards the man sitting opposite him.

Suddenly something else occurred to Adam and he asked, "What did you mean, 'all'?" Jonathan looked at him, puzzled. Adam continued: "You said 'this obsession you ALL have'".

Jonathan rolled his eyes but answered the question. "It's not just you. My parents too. They never even met her. But mum's friend Ingrid…you remember Dr Strange and the monkeys?...she told them all about her. And they've read the books. For some reason they took a liking to her and they've never let it go either. It wasn't particularly fair on Polly."

"In what way?"

"It was never anything obvious. Not directly to Polly anyway. They just weren't as warm to her as I'd have expected to the potential mother of their grandchildren."

Adam frowned, not quite making the same non-sequitur which Jonathan had in his head, "Are you sure that was because of Madeline?"

"Yes! Well, no, I mean…I suppose not. I just assumed…" Jonathan tailed off, his voice faltering as he continued, realisation dawning on his face. "I just assumed it was because of her. I didn't ever think that maybe they just didn't like Polly".

"I didn't think you made assumptions about anything" said Adam, keeping his voice gentle, and topping up Jonathan's glass with the last of the wine.

"Sometimes love can do that to a person". Jonathan said meekly, and Adam wondered if his friend even knew his comment could be taken to relate to either woman. He could see Jonathan's mind moving at a million miles an hour and waited a few minutes before he spoke again.

"So, in the end, was it you or she who…?"

"Polly? Who ended things?" asked Jonathan, to clarify what Adam meant. A nod from the other man. "Me. Well, both of us I suppose. We'd been arguing for months. Or, to be more specific, she'd been arguing for months, or trying to. I'm not very good at arguing," he sighed. "Every little thing I did was wrong – what I said, what I cooked, what ideas I came up with at work, what clothes I wore…it was never ending."

"And you had enough?"

"I was trying to make things better. Trying to do what she wanted, what she needed. But it just got worse. I couldn't see a way out," said Jonathan, gloomily. "I still can't. If I could just figure out what to change, what to do to fix it…" his sentence trailed off as he continued back into deep thought once more.

"It doesn't sound like there was anything you could have done," said Adam softly.

"That's the conclusion I'm coming to as well," replied Jonathan sadly.

The pair rounded off the evening with a large pour of Lagavulin, and some more reminiscing, before Adam said his goodbyes, and told Jonathan he'd be back again next Friday evening.

Jonathan remained pensive and sat on the sofa with another measure of whisky, taking his time to think through the conversation with Adam, which had been surprisingly helpful for him, although it would take him the weekend to process all of what had been discussed.