Investigation
Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck.
A/N: Here's another fic co-written by my friend Letty. Enjoy your weird porn.
Eridan slid his fingers along the long, pale instrument. He dipped his hand in the jar beside him and spread more of the slick fluid over it. Gently, he rubbed it up and down, a methodical process he had gone through many times before. His eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. The rod was warm from the friction. He moved his face a bit, lest there be an accidental misfire. He reached over for the rag beside the jar and finished polishing his wand. He had kept the magical weapon in pristine condition since he had replaced his old harpoon gun with it.
The sea-dweller returned the wand to his strife specibus just in time to hear a knock on the door. He wondered who would be visiting his room at this time of day. He got up to answer, but apparently not fast enough, because the door was violently thrown open to reveal Terezi. She was holding some of her freaky nooses in one hand, one of which still had scalemate stuffing clinging to it. She waltzed in, uninvited, and closed the door behind her.
"Haven't you heard of knockin'?"
"I am on an important investigation!"
"Wwhat the fuck do you wwant, Terezi?"
"The terrible convict Mister Dandruffstockings has gone missing right before I could deal out his sentence."
So one of her plush toys was missing. She nearly broke his door for that? And Gog, those things got weirder names every time.
"I don't have your glubbin' toy. Go bother Karkat or someth-"
Terezi was suddenly uncomfortably close to the highblood.
"Hee~ you smell like tuna~."
She grinned like a Cheshire cat and reached for a lock of purple hair that had fallen over his forehead. She sniffed at it eagerly, muttering something about grape soda. She licked her lips and then the lock of hair. Eridan was somewhat used to her "seeing" methods by now, so he just cocked an eyebrow at her strange behavior.
"Admirin' my seductive taste? I bet purple is the best flavvor you'vve evver tasted," he teased.
"Purple is not the best flavor. It tastes more like despair and loneliness than seductiveness," she giggled, "I didn't know you rolled that way. Realized you didn't stand a chance with the seeing folks?"
Eridan frowned.
"As if. I wwas merely implyin' that evven you can't stand my awwesome, hot body. As if I'd be that desperate."
"Hot? You? That's worth nine sweeps of laughs."
"All that protestin' just means that you wwon't admit that you wwant me."
"Nope, not in your dreams, fish boy."
"Wwhy so defensive?"
"Because you disturb me."
"I didn't realize I wwas makin' you all hot and bothered~," he waggled his eyebrows.
"I think you are the one getting hot and bothered," Terezi smirked, gesturing at his crotch.
Eridan blushed a bit when he realized that he had begun to show signs of arousal. His bulge was partially emerged from its sheath, making his pants a bit tighter than usual, and was rubbing against Terezi's thigh through their pants. But what did she expect when she had been straddling his lap and licking at his hair and glasses the entire time?
"Your blush smells delightful~," she teased, "Detective Pyrope demands an investigation into what you taste like!"
"That wwon't be necessary," Eridan tried to push her off of him, but she was determined to stay put.
"I will find out and I will do it using my favorite method."
"And wwhat, exactly, does that entail?"
He gulped as Terezi reached for the nooses she had been carrying earlier. She gave him a crooked smile as she looped one of them around his hands.
"If you act like a good little captive I won't have to use this around your neck."
"W-wwait, wwhat?"
"Relax. I won't put it around your neck at least until I'm done interrogating you."
"That's reassurin'."
Eridan didn't like where this was going, but he knew how serious Terezi was about her role-playing, so he didn't have much say in the matter. She tightened the noose around his wrists, effectively tying him up. She forced his arms up over his head and pushed him back into a laying position. She climbed on top of him, ignoring his feeble protest and began licking his cheeks, which were still bright violet with embarrassment.
Unfortunately for the sea troll, she didn't stop there. She moved on to lick his forehead, his nose, and his chin, leaving trails of saliva on his now burning skin. She worked her tongue over his jaw and traced the lined of his ears. She moved to his neck and began licking and sucking at it. She did this for a while, enjoying feeling Eridan squirming in pleasure beneath her. She gave his jaw one last lick before moving back to his face.
She paused over his lips and then licked them as well. She placed a finger on his lower lip and forced his mouth open. Terezi slid her well-versed tongue into Eridan's mouth and tasting turned into kissing. Eridan's eyes widened in shock, but then closed as he surrendered to the kiss. He began to kiss back passionately, enjoying every movement of the blind girl's tongue over his own. When she finally pulled away Eridan was out of breath and fully aroused. Terezi grinned like a maniac again.
"Quit grinnin' like that," he griped, "You're creepin' me out."
"Hehehe, if you don't like to look at my face, perhaps you should try being blind too."
"Wwhat?"
She tugged the scarf from around his neck. "This should do," she wrapped it around his head and tied it, creating a makeshift blindfold.
He heard a cackle and shivered as Terezi slid her hands under his shirt. She lifted it over his torso and began feeling his chest, fingering every inch of it. A soft moan escaped his lips. Eridan was beyond resisting her advances by this point and was content to let her explore his body further. He nearly lost it when she started licking his chest, starting in the middle of his abdomen and working her way up. When she reached his nipples, she began playing with them, pleasuring one with her tongue and the other with her hand. This caused more moans. Unable to stand it any longer, he involuntarily bucked his hips.
"Eager?"
"Just shut up and get it ovver wwith," he said through gritted teeth. His bulge was getting rather painful being restricted by his tight pants.
Terezi slid her hands down to Eridan's belt and unbuckled it. She removed it slowly and tauntingly. She then unbuttoned his pants and slid them down his legs ever so slowly. She felt her way back up his thighs to remove his underwear. He blushed again when she laughed to find that he wore briefs. She pulled those down in much the same manner as his pants. He was relieved to finally free his bulge. He would have been mortified at how exposed and helpless he was, but all he could think of was how much he wanted to pail with Terezi. Speaking of which...
"Um, Terezi. You don't happen to have a bucket handy do you?"
"Hehehe, no buckets for you. You're the one who started this."
"Oh fuck."
He would regret this later when he had to buy new carpet, but right then he didn't care if his whole room was stained purple and blue, he just wanted some relief. His hips bucked again and Terezi continued with her "investigation". She traced circles around his navel with her tongue and then let it slide lower toward his throbbing bulge. She paused just before the unsheathed tentacle-esque member.
A bit of purple precum was trickling down the sensitive flesh. Terezi could smell the sickeningly sweet aroma of Eridan's genetic material. She lapped it up, savoring Eridan's unique flavor. She then proceeded to lick his bulge from top to bottom, causing Eridan to squirm and whimper. She began sucking on the tender lilac flesh and slowly slid the appendage into her mouth. Eridan didn't think it could get any better, or worse, than that, but he was proven wrong when Terezi slid a finger into his nook. Eridan groaned and squealed as he was fondled and sucked at the same time.
"Ah~! Te- Terezi I-"
He didn't get to finish, however, as he was wracked with spasms as he came. Terezi pulled back just in time. Genetic material spilled onto the seadweller's stomach and chest; half a bucket's worth, in fact. Terezi licked some of the violet slime from his body, enjoying it like the finest ice cream. Eridan was thinking how he had never hated anyone so much when suddenly he felt Terezi getting off of him.
"The court has determined that you do, in fact, taste like grape cough syrup."
Eridan panicked when he heard her head for the door.
"Wwait! Don't leave!"
"Did you need something?"
"Aren't you goin' to untie me?"
"Nope."
"You bitch."
"Hate you too."
"Wwait, you hate me?"
"Yeah."
"So- so am I your kismesis?"
"Sure."
And then she left him there; bound, blindfolded, and covered in his own cum. He would lay there for hours before Karkat had the misfortune of finding the mortified troll. He would never regain the pride lost that day, but he also would have plenty of wonderful hate sex with his new kismesis to make up for it.