Title: Waking In All the Wrong Places (wow that's a shitty title for a story… and a mouthful!)
Summary: An encounter with a group of fugitives puts Tony and Ziva in a compromising position.
Dedication: None whatsoever this time.
Length: Oneshot. Words- over 2,200
A/N: Uhh…
Warning: Not for little kiddies. Rated T for a reason this time!
Time Frame: Not a specific one. I'd have to go with… season 4, a month of two after Jenny died. That's the only way to describe how Tony took the situation so calmly.

Discidium

Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, Tony to his friends and coworkers, opened his eyes, feeling the warmth at his side. "Mmm," was the first noise out of his mouth. It was obvious that last night, he had gotten lucky at some kind of bar or something. The warmth at his side was probably a very beautiful woman.

He frowned before he opened his eyes. If he had really taken someone home, which was unlikely given that he'd sworn off one-night stands after Jeanne, he would have to be drunk out of his mind. That wasn't what was tugging at his though- it was the thought that he, very shockingly, wasn't hungover in the slightest. Did Abby sneak into his apartment again? She'd done that before, the way a little sister would crawl into an older brother's bed after a nightmare. He assumed it wasn't Abby though. As far as he could tell, he was only clad in boxers, and whoever was next to him… was wearing something that showed a lot of skin.

He cracked open an eyelid and cursed. Then, realizing the situation, he added a few more curses that seemed appropriate. For another few minutes, he filled the air with every curse he knew, in every language he'd ever learned. It didn't seem like it was enough though, so he went through them two more times.

Hesitating for a moment, Toy wondered if waking her was going to get a bullet through his head. Then, he realized that she couldn't harm him too much in this situation, because it was hard to hide a gun when you were dressed in nothing more then a sheer white undershirt and underwear. Before waking her, Tony decided to take stock of the situation that they were in.

It was an interesting situation, to say the very least. Her arms were tied behind his back, in what would normally be considered a typical embrace, but instead, he felt the soft rope gently brush against his skin. Tony glanced down at her still-sleeping form, and groaned at the position the rest of them were in. Her left leg was between his legs, and, typically that wasn't a problem. He could have slid back, if not for the rope that bound their ankles together. Tony shifted when he discovered his other leg was between hers- successfully binding them together. His arms were trapped between their bodies, and looped around her lower waist.

Yeah. Awkward.

He twitched, and managed to twist his elbow to dig it into her stomach.

"Ziva!" he hissed, then realized how informal that sounded in a situation such as this. "Officer David!" he tried again, even if the name didn't feel right. In this situation though, he had a feeling that when the team resurrected the comms unit they were supposed to be on, that it was best that he not be calling her 'Ziva.' He was sure that Vance wouldn't take kindly to it, and it was known that Vance and Eli David were buddies.

"Damn it, Officer David!" he said, shifting again. The movement woke her up suddenly, and she tried to roll over so that she could sit up, sending them crashing to the floor as Tony belatedly realized that they had been on some kind of sofa next to each other, explaining the lack of space.

"Tony?" she mumbled blearily, and he flinched as she raised her head and ran her eyes over the situation.

He said the first thing that came to mind.

"Never knew you were into things this kinky," he said with a smile, and her eyes widened. Tony gasped with pain as her leg jerked up, kneeing him in the groin. "Damn it Ziva!" he hissed.

"Sorry," she said, suddenly meek. "You startled me."

Tony doubted it was the case, but he didn't call her on it. However, he accepted the apology. "Well, my secret Mossod Ninja," he began jovially, "How do we get out of here?"

He felt her shift, and took the opportunity to look over her body again. He could get used to seeing her like this, even if the situation was getting out of hand. Tony jumped slightly when she moved closer to him, pulling him to a sitting position. Her legs shifted, and he kindly bent his leg so that she could crouch and work on getting her hands free. For a few seconds, the only sounds in the room was her straining to get out of the bonds, even if their arms were too tangled together to make it possible.

"It is not working," she finally spoke, her voice filled with tension. Tony kept his chin resting on her shoulder, not wanting to see anymore of their predicament. Any other time, sure, he'd have loved this, but Gibbs was going to be furious.

Tony bit his lip, as he tried to remember what had gotten them into this strange situation.

It appeared Ziva was thinking along the same lines, because she took the opportunity to ask him, "How did we get in this position?"

Tony leaned back slightly, so that he could meet her eyes, the position was uncomfortable, so he leaned forward again, ignoring the way he was brushing against her. "I think… we were chasing Petty Officer Stevens," he began hesitantly. "We were in the bar, remember? Looking for the Officer, I think. We drank a few drinks, saw him and took off. That's really all I can remember."

Ziva shifted again, and Tony resisted the urge to start cursing again. His leg was falling asleep because they had shifted so that she was perching on it. He didn't comment, however, but instead waited for her to put the pieces together.

"The drinks were drugged, yes?" she mused, and obviously didn't need his confirmation. "Gibbs should be looking for us, now that we have been off the radar for some time."

"Agent David?" damn, that name felt weird coming from his lips. Tony decided on the much easier name to say. "Probie, we gotta try to stand up. If Gibbs catches us like this, we're screwed."

"Indeed," her voice was soft now, and Tony glanced around at the surroundings.

"Uh, Probie?" he began hesitantly. "We're just going to fall if we try to get up now," he explained, and she glanced at him, confused. Tony bit his lip again, and briefly wondered how to best explain it. "So… we need to get near the wall so we can pull ourselves up. To do that…" he trailed off, and left her to finish for him.

"We must devise a solution to get over there," Ziva muttered thoughtfully, and Tony stared at her, thinking.

"Okay, uh," he muttered, than glanced at the woman tied to him. He had thought being chained to a delusional murderer was tough, but now, he was finding it even tougher to be tied to the unpredictable former Mossod agent in front of him… and slightly… between him?

Shaking off thoughts about where Ziva technically was- tangled with him? Wrapped up in a strange imitation of human origami?- he looked for the closest way to pull themselves up.

"I think we should roll towards the couch," he glanced at her hesitantly.

"Roll." It wasn't a question. It was a one-word statement colored in disbelief and an incredible amount of surprise.

"Yeah," Tony told Ziva with a grin. "I did assume you liked to be on top, Probalicious."

She shot him a glare that would make Gibbs proud. "That is… disturbing," she began, then shook her head. Tony yelped with surprise as she suddenly twisted her hips, flipping them expertly. Tony let his breath out with a heavy grunt as she landed on him heavily. "Sorry," she said for the second time that day. "I am used to having the ability to rest my weight on my arms."

Tony opened his mouth like a fish out of the water. She was pinning him to the ground, her breathing heavy at the sudden exertion. She lowered her head, and her hair fell around him, half up, but mostly undone. Tony bent his knees so that she could hover over him more comfortably, managing to lift a few inches away from him.

"Awkward," Tony muttered and saw the tugging at her lips. He took the initiative this time, managing to twist his body enough to cause her to sprawl towards the ground again. She yelped in shock and fury- he wasn't sure which- and he felt his body bump against the couch.

"This will be fun," Tony muttered sarcastically. "This actually reminds me of a movie I saw once-" he shut up once she strategically moved her knee higher. "Got it Ziva," he muttered. "Shutting up now."

"Good idea. I will pull us up," she stated calmly, and he snorted at the variety of motion that her statement provoked. For a while, Tony tried to help, and realized that his hasty movements were just upsetting her balance. He stopped fighting against Ziva's moments, and stopped trying to help, and at last, she managed to pull herself and Tony up enough so that they could stand. For a second, they just stood there, tottering, and trying not to fall again.

The door opening caught both of their attention, and they reacted instinctively, both of them trying to reach for their long lost guns. Ziva yelped as their feet tangled as their arms tried to pull away, only bringing them closer. Tony had time to spit out a single curse as they were sent tripping to the floor.

Their noses smacked together painfully, and they heard the surprised oath from the person who had entered the room.

"What the hell are you two doing?"

They turned their heads to see the agent glaring at them. Tony was the one to take the initiative. "Boss, this isn't what it looks like," he began, but a low chuckle interrupted them.

"I hope so," the team leader turned, and flipped open his phone. "McGee, where the hell are you?" Gibbs barked into the phone.

McGee rushed into the room, "Boss, I tried to locate them, but their phone are switched-" at that point, McGee caught sight of Tony and Ziva. He blushed furiously, and finished his statement. "Off."

"Untie them McGee," Gibbs ordered and the former Probie stammered out a few unintelligible words before drawing his knife and beginning to saw through the bonds restraining Ziva's arms.

"Sorry Ziva," McGee muttered as he reached down to slice through the ropes bending their legs together, As soon as one of their legs were free, both of them tried to stand at the same time, nearly crashing to the ground in their efforts. McGee unattached the other pair of legs just as Ziva was saying. "We really were in a sausage, weren't we?"

All three members of the team looked confused until Tony realized her intention. "Pickle, Ziva. We were in a pickle."

"Why did they take your clothes?" the computer geek blurted out, and Ziva raised an eyebrow towards him, looking surprised that he had to ask the question of her.

"He could have had a partner, or he could have needed a disguise. That would be how Gibbs did not notice him leaving. He looked different from when he first entered," Ziva stopped talking when Tony shot an annoyed glare towards McGee, his eyes narrowed as he realized something.

"McGee!" Tony barked and the Probie shot up a foot in the air like a startled rabbit. "Stop staring at the Probie and give her your jacket."

McGee, still stammering slightly, obeyed quickly, handing Ziva the coat as meekly as he could, turning his eyes away from her scantily clad body.

"Thank you, McGee," Ziva said stiffly as he fell silent. The coat was large on her, and luckily, it covered most of her body. She turned to Gibbs with a raised eyebrow. "Did you ever catch Petty Officer Stevens?" she asked curiously.

For a second, Gibbs opened his mouth, and didn't saw a thing. At last, he told them rather apologetically, "Innocent. Undercover FBI agent," the sentence made both Tony and Ziva glower at Gibbs. The former Marine shrugged at their look, and turned away.

"We're going back to NCIS," he called over his shoulder and left the room. After a few moments, he poked his head back through the door.

"Put some clothes on, DiNozzo!"

A/N-2

This'll probably be the last time I write for this pairing (after I post another oneshot that was a request). I prefer Tate, myself, even if she is dead.

Please review.