Darnell had it bad. He was hopelessly, helplessly in love with Buddy. He didn't mind the feeling...at first, but it was getting to be way too hard to be around Buddy. Darnell wanted so badly to hold Buddy's hand, to tenderly hold Buddy, to kiss Buddy, but he was almost certain Buddy didn't feel the same way, almost certain Buddy was in no way attracted to men…. But he had to tell him. Had to tell Buddy before things got even worse.
One day, while Buddy was driving, they took a detour. Darnell loved when Buddy took these little detours. It was just nice, quiet quality time between the two of them.
Buddy pulled the Rabble Rouser up next to a lake. Darnell wasn't sure of the exact name of the lake, but he secretly named it "Love Lake", because it's the place where he finally realized his feelings for Buddy.
They got out of the truck and headed for the shore. Buddy picked up a flat stone and skipped it across the lake.
"You seem quiet today, Darnell. What's up?" Buddy inquired. Darnell forgot that Buddy had a knack for picking up on when he was thinking about something.
Darnell lightly kicked some pebbles on the ground. He took a deep breath and tried to come out with it.
"Buddy I'm….". He looked up at Buddy. He looked so warm and inviting. It was sunset, and Darnell had come to love the way the colors played off Buddy at this time. He couldn't look Buddy in the face.
"Buddy, I'm…. What I'm trying to say is that…. Well…. You see…. I'm kind of into….".
"Darnell, are you trying to tell me you're gay?"
Darnell looked up wide-eyed at Buddy, then quickly looked back down. Things were silent for a bit while Darnell tried to recompose himself.
"How'd you know?" he said after awhile, still looking at the ground. A sudden fit of laughter from Buddy startled Darnell. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. His whole body felt numb.
"How could he do this?" he thought to himself. "How could Buddy be this insensitive?! This cold-hearted!"
"I'm sorry Darnell." Buddy finally said wiping away a tear. "It's just...I figured you knew I knew. I just assumed it was this known thing between us, we just don't talk about it. Especially me, it's not my business to tell."
Darnell was glad he apologized, but this was one aspect of Buddy he wasn't fond of. Buddy never knew how to take things seriously. He knew it was just Buddy's way of dealing with awkward situations, but it didn't make it hurt any less.
Buddy could tell Darnell was hurting. "Hey, I'm really sorry Darnell." he said, placing his hand on Darnell's shoulder. Darnell looked up at him and cracked a smile. "I can't stay mad at you."
"So...when did you figure out I'm gay?" he asked, rubbing the back of his neck.
"A little while after we met. I figured maybe you were just a late bloomer and not into girls yet, but...I saw the way you looked at other men, and that's when I knew." Buddy said, cracking a small smile.
"... Thanks for not telling anyone. You don't know how much that means to me."
"Like I said, ain't my business to tell."
"It's kind of...relieving that I now know you know. It felt like this...thing I had to hide for so long."
A silence fell between them again.
"You're not...ashamed of it, right Darnell?"
He could sense the seriousness in Buddy's tone.
"To be completely honest with you...I guess I kind of was, Buddy."
A sincere look fell over Buddy's face, and he placed both hands on Darnell's shoulders.
"Don't ever let anyone make you feel ashamed for that, Darnell. Including me. Life's too short for you to walk around feeling terrible about who you are.
And if anyone, I mean anyone makes you feel bad about that part of yourself, you let me know. They'll have to answer to me."
Darnell didn't feel numb anymore. A warmth overcame him and he looked into Buddy's eyes for what felt like eternity.
"Thanks Buddy." he said, and not even thinking, brought Buddy into a hug.
Buddy seemed surprised, but he didn't push Darnell away. He quickly wrapped his arms around Darnell.
Darnell wished that hug could last forever. He was so close to Buddy now that he could smell him. Buddy didn't wear anything like cologne or body-spray, but he still had his own smell and Darnell loved it. He couldn't get enough.
Darnell slightly tightened his grip and was so afraid that Buddy would push him away, but he didn't. Eventually they both loosened their grips, but to Darnell's surprise, Buddy held onto his shoulders. "You know, Darnell, I couldn't ask for a better friend than you."
"Friend". That word shouldn't of stung so much, but it did. Darnell realized maybe he'd convinced himself that Buddy saw them as more. Then he remembered what he'd really wanted to tell Buddy.
He tried to muster up the courage, but he couldn't. Buddy broke his grip, and without even thinking, Darnell blurted out, "So who are you into?".
Buddy darted his eyes left and the right, like he was nervous. "Uh, whaddaya mean Darnell?"
"You know...like are you into men or women?"
Now Buddy was the one who couldn't look Darnell in the face. He looked down, kicked some pebbles, then looked up and off into the distance.
"I don't know, Darnell. I really don't. I've been so confused for so long. It's...strange to me, just even talking about it.
But...talking about it with you would probably actually do me some good…. Darnell, I think I might be, well, okay, actually, I'm pretty sure that I'm bi. I don't know why I said I 'don't know'." he said, giving a little laugh and smile.
"Probably because you were afraid I'd judge you. But I won't, and I'm glad you shared this with me." Darnell replied.
Darnell walked up behind Buddy and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"You okay Buddy?"
"Yeah, it just feels kind of weird having this out there, but holding it in wasn't helping me much either." Buddy looked back at him with a small smile.
Darnell could tell Buddy wanted to change the subject.
"Hey, you 'wanna get some wings at Muncie's place?"
"You know it."
Buddy and Darnell walked back up to the Rabble Rouser. He'd tell Buddy he was in love with him some other time.
