Kaidan hesitated as he stepped out of the elevator to the captain's cabin. This was the first time since the memorial service he'd been able to face going up to Shepard's cabin. He glanced down at the nameplate he held in his hands, and rubbed his fingers tenderly across Shepard's name. He'd been unable to place the plaque on the memorial wall down on the crew deck, as he refused to believe she was really gone.

While he held on to that plaque, he held on to hope, no matter what the rest of the crew said, he still couldn't believe she was really gone. He'd thought he'd lost her once, and it was the worst two years of his life. He had no desire to go through that again, so soon after reconnecting with her finally.

He reached for the door release and stepped into the cabin. It was untouched since Shepard and he had left it for the last time before that final mission to activate the crucible and defeat the reapers once and for all. The fish in that ridiculous fish tank were all still alive, incredibly, all thanks to the fishtank VI, Shepard was notoriously bad at feeding them, and more than once he'd had to scoop out dead fish because she'd forgotten once again to feed them, or ask someone else to do it for her. He smiled at the memory.

The hamster squeaked in its' cage, bringing him back from the memories of Shepard and he was jolted back to the reality of Shepard's empty cabin. Once again he glanced at the plaque in his hands and placed it gently on the desk next to the message terminal. He noticed then that the message terminal was blinking, which was odd. Quickly he logged in and got rid of the usual junk mail and scanned the inevitable messages of condolence from all the well meaning people whose lives she'd touched.

His gaze fell on one message. It was from Shepard. Confused, he opened it up:

Re: About Horizon

Kaidan.

You know I've never been one for having the right words, but I find that I've had this rattling around my head since we met on Horizon. I find myself with a little time as we are about to head through the Omega-4 relay to stop the collectors. The crew have taken the time to reconnect with the ghosts of their past, and reconcile them as they realise this could well be a suicide mission for us all. They've managed to reach some kind of closure and I find the need to do the same.

I've arranged for this message to be sent to you on the advent of my death, and as I intend to survive this mission I hope you never have to read it.

When I met you on Horizon, I knew you were going to be there, the Illusive man briefed me that you would be there and I had hoped to get the chance to talk with you. You had every right to be angry with me, but you have to know that when I awoke, my first thoughts were of you, you were the first person I asked about and I badgered Anderson to tell me where you were but he couldn't. While it had been two years for you, it was a matter of weeks to me, and in that time I had been unconscious. I wanted our reunion to go better than it did, I'll confess. My reasons for working with Cerberus were valid, and I hope by now they're clear to all.

Since we parted on Horizon, I tried to put you behind me but you were always there. There has been the opportunity to start up something, I am drawn to Thane, he's such a lost soul and in another time, we could have had something. But he's not you.

It's always you, Kaidan. You're in my heart despite my efforts to deny you, and if I don't make it back from the Omega-4 relay please know that I love you, I always have and always will.

Maybe that's not enough to build our future on, but I always have hope. I sincerely hope that you never read this, and that I can tell you myself but in our line of work, that's never certain.

So if you're reading this, I'm sorry and please don't think too badly of me.

Yours

Shepard

Kaidan stepped back as if punched in the gut. This was an old message that she'd arranged long ago before the Omega-4 mission and she had never cancelled it.

Before he could get a chance to process any of it, there was a knock at the door.

"Major Alenko sir?"

"What is it, Vega. I asked not to be disturbed unless it was life or death"

"I know that Major, but you're going to want to hear this" Vega called through the door.

Kaidan sighed and went to open the door.

"What is it, Lieutenant?"

"She's alive, sir. Shepard is alive." Vega couldn't hold back the smile on his face.

"Wh-what? She's alive? How? When did we hear? Can we see her?"

Vega smiled at the expression on the Major's face.

"We just got the message from command, sir. She's badly hurt and is unconscious, but she's alive. The ship is ready to fly so we can leave when you say the word sir."

"Tell Joker to set a course for Shepard, Vega. We're going now."

"Very well sir" Vega turned to leave.

Kaidan turned towards the desk and the memorial plaque. He ran his fingers over Shepard's name once again, then smiled slightly and turned to head to command and towards Shepard, and the future.