Consolation Prizes
Author: Robin Nance
Email
Address: digital_doc_01@yahoo.com
Rating: R (violence, sexual overtones)
Pairing: Jack/other (sorry, you'll have to read to
get more than that)
Category: Low-fat smut cookie – heavy on the angst,
light on the sex
Disclaimer: "Profiler" and its cast of characters don't
belong to me, else Jack would have seen a lot more action and Donald Lucas
would be doing a lounge act in Reno as we speak. I use them here, as always, only for cheap thrills and promise to
put them back where I found them.
Summary: Sometimes it takes more than words to really
prove yourself to the one you love; Jack has his own methods.
*****
"It's so good
to see you're all right. You have no
idea what went through my mind when –"
The words had
barely left his lips when Jack was moving, throwing himself sideways to avoid
the missile aimed at his head. The vase
exploded against the wall, sending a shower of glass shards and ruined roses
over the floor, the furniture, and most of his suit. Jack swallowed hard, willing himself to hold his anger in
check. In some ways, he deserved this reaction,
expected it at any rate. And the last
thing he needed tonight was an adversary, this one special adversary in
particular.
"Darling, I
don't think that was exactly called for," he began, the placating smile stiff
and unnatural on his face as he carefully brushed the glass from his lapels.
No vase
pelting him this time, just a barrage of epithets, spicy and regional enough to
make him laugh out loud if he didn't know that laughing would only make things
worse.
"Lying
bastard!" The voice that could be a
caress was now as sharp as the glass at their feet. "Don't you 'darling' me as if everything's just fine. You don't care what happened to me – you've
never cared!"
Jack
sighed. "I don't care? How long have we been together? And how long did you know about me, even
before then? You know full well what
I'd do to anyone else who even thought of attacking me like that, let alone in
my own home. I think that in itself
counts for caring."
"Don't you
play the wounded party with me. You
stand there and lecture me on my bad behavior while your little bitch
apprentice gets to run wild? She could
have killed me today, Jack, she was
chomping at the bit! If you hadn't
shown up when you did the VCTF would be finding pieces of me on their damned
doorstep."
"And don't you
think I know that?" Jack's voice was
rough, belying the fear that he'd worked to keep in check all day. "Don't you think it was tearing at me the
whole time I was looking for her, that I'd dropped the ball, given her too much
freedom and too much credit for intelligence, and you were going to pay the
price? You know what I was thinking
when I was out there 'not caring' about you? That I could punish her, do exactly what she'd done to you if I felt
like it, but it wouldn't matter, it still wouldn't bring you back if I got
there five minutes too late!" His fist
hit the desk between them, and for a minute they stood in strained silence,
listening to the ashtrays rattling on its surface.
"But that's
the whole point with us, isn't it?" The
anger was fading; an undercurrent of hurt and resignation ran through the
beautiful voice, lay like a mantle over the slumped shoulders and bent
head.
Jack
winced. "Please don't start this now."
"Now's just
perfect. Let's be honest with each
other, Jack – even if you didn't give Sharon Lesher that order today, one day
you will. Next week, or next
month. Whenever you're finally
satisfied that she's become the perfect partner, and you don't need me around
anymore."
"You know
that's not true." Jack stepped around
the desk warily, still on the alert for any objects about to be launched at
him. "I'm looking at my perfect partner. We do so much so well when we're together, all that's missing is that
one step, that trust. It would never be
anyone but you. You do realize, don't
you, that you're the only one who really understands me?"
"That's why
I'm saying this, I understand you all too well. I love you, Jack, God knows I hate myself for it, but I do. I'd do almost anything for you –"
"Except let me
teach you," Jack interjected bitterly.
"Except let
you teach me how to kill, Jack, let's just use the word, OK? I won't do that, and she will, and soon
she'll be everything you want and I'll be an annoying reminder of a mistake,
the one regrettable time you let the little head think for the big head. Let's be real here, if you can get
everything you'll ever need in one pretty package, you're not going to settle
for the consolation prize behind door number two."
"Everything I
want? I want you, don't you see
that?" Jack's breath exploded in
frustration. "I love you. Sharon's a tool, not even a good one. If I've made a mistake here it's her, not
you. I don't feel anything for her, not
love, certainly not desire. I never
touched her." A derisive snort met the
last words, and Jack impulsively caught his lover's head in his two hands,
brushing back the tousled hair and forcing them to meet one another's
eyes. "Hey. Hey. I said I never
touched her. With all of the things
you know about me that are so much worse, why would I lie to you about
something like that?"
"Because you
know that's what I hate more than anything, her having you all to herself for
days on end when all I can afford is an hour on the sly. I have eyes, what is any rational person
supposed to assume goes on here besides the training? Come on, Jack, you have a beautiful woman living with you, head
over heels for you, ready to jump anytime you snap your fingers. Isn't that every man's fantasy?"
"Obviously
not." Jack raised his eyebrows
pointedly. "It would be a lot easier
for me if I did want her, you know. Loving you has been a major complication in my boring little life, my
sweet, in case you hadn't noticed."
He was finally
rewarded with a hint of a smile. "Yeah,
I know the feeling. I can't exactly
bring you to the office Christmas party, can I?"
Jack
chuckled. "Now that would be
interesting."
"I'm sorry I
reacted like that, I just…I was scared."
"So was
I." Jack tightened his arms around the
body he knew so well, shielding it with his own.
"And you
shouldn't be so shocked that I'm jealous of her. She wants you so bad she can taste it. Hell, Jack, she's all about sex – even I thought she was
hot when I met her."
"Well, if you
like her that much I could arrange a little apology session for the three of us
this aft—" Jack raised his arms defensively as he was pushed roughly away and
against the desk. "Darling, it was a
joke, it was only a joke!"
"Jack, your
sense of humor is lost on me at the best of times. Don't push it today."
"Sorry. You're right. I – I'm sorry." Jack
shook his head, a cynical smile lifting the edge of his lips. "You're the only one who's ever heard me say
those words, did you know that? You
inspire the most incredible cravings. Love and forgiveness, even from something like me. Does that count as some kind of proof of
what you are to me?"
"Mmm. Does it make you realize that there's a man
under the monster costume who's capable of wanting and receiving love and
forgiveness?"
"Darling,
don't make this into an occasion to preach about reforming me. I have better ideas for spending our
time." Jack pressed himself against his
lover's back, shivering at the warmth of the skin beneath the thin cotton. His tongue flicked out once, then again,
playing with the delicate tip of an earlobe, his breath raising fine hairs on
the nape of a neck that was bending to welcome his lips.
A sigh, all
frustrated idealism battling with blatant want. "Sex isn't the answer to everything, Jack."
Jack began to respond, then pulled back
as the computer beeped. "Then let me
give you another answer."
"What do you
mean? Jack, you know I don't
want to be a part of these games –"
"Just watch
and listen, you'll like this." Jack
settled into the computer chair, tilting the monitor so they both could see.
The audio
portion started first. The voices were
reverberating and tinny as though they were coming from a small box, but recognizable
nonetheless.
"This is the
one, I recognize the number."
"Hold on, I'm
calling for backup –"
"Bailey, we
can't wait, he could be dying! I'm
going in!"
"Jack!" No anger, no hurt anymore in the voice at
Jack's ear. No love or want, just
panic, raw and beautiful. "Jack, don't
you hurt them, you said you wouldn't – don't do this to me, not after today –"
"I. Said. Just. Watch." It was no longer a request.
As if on cue,
the video feed commenced, and the voices had been coming from a box, it
was the cramped back seat of an ambulance, and the doors had just been opened
from the outside. Light glinted off the
gun in Bailey Malone's hand, the gun that he wouldn't need today. Light poured over Samantha Waters' face and
the mix of horror and relief displayed there.
"Cancel the
backup, John. Jack's not here, he's
been and gone already. Call Gracie,
we'll need her up here ASAP."
"Is—is it
Coop?"
"No, it's –
she's a stranger."
The video ended then, frozen on the image
of Sharon Lesher, eyes wide, rose petals strewn over a mouth fixed in a
permanent scream. More roses covered
her body and what was left of her paramedic uniform. Her arms were crossed, palms flat against what used to be her
chest, fingers laced over the raw red hole that used to be her heart.
"Irritating. She almost hurt
someone close to my heart today." Jack
flicked the monitor off casually.
Nick Cooper
swallowed hard at the lump in his throat, pulling his eyes from the dead
screen. "That's not what I meant to
happen. That's not what I wanted."
"It's what I
wanted. I don't do consolation prizes,
Nick. It's time you realized
that."
"Jesus
God. I hate myself for this, for all of
this. One day, you know, I'll hate you
too."
"In the
morning, darling, in the morning," Jack murmured, pulling his lover down onto
the computer chair. Nick whimpered and gave up, falling to the floor with Jack
in his arms, absorbing the fall with his own body. He felt the tiny pinpricks bite into his skin, kisses and
splintered glass, pleasure and pain. Hate and obsession and God help him love, and all of it too confusing
with Jack's lips against him.
In the morning,
it would have to end. In the morning….
**END**