"Gone with the Wimp" or the "Story of Rafaela, Legolas and the Hobbits of Mordor"
-By The_Shelob and natzlin (yodas_queen@hotmail.com miazilla@hotmail.com)
A/N: Shelob: This is a parody on Tolkiens characters. Thus it's NOT to be taken seriously. We have also included some major Legolas mocking, so if you are a Lego Lover and easily offended, don't read this. That was the important things, right Natz?
Natzlin: Pretty much. But maybe we should warn people that the story contains drug abuse, salshyness, silliness, OOCness…
Shelob: You like the ness words, huh?
Natzlin: That's not the point. So anyway if you feel like flaming us go ahead. We'll send our cat to hunt you down and kill you. Also remember, reviewing earns virtual cookies ^_~
Disclaimer: We are just playing with Tolkiens characters, we don't make any money and we promise to give them back relatively unharmed. We do own our Marty Stue named Rafaela Foxblade, and any attempt to steal him will be punished ^_~
Smoke rises from Minas Tirith. The hour grows late, and Gandalf the Gay rides to Ecthelion seeking the rave party.
Men, Elves, Hobbits and Orcs were enjoying themselves with Athelas and Lembas. Elfhead was playing. Well actually they had been playing. Now Legolas, Haldir, Elrond and the others had joined the party, putting a CD player on the stage instead. Nobody really noticed the difference.
Elrond picked up a lembas and examined it closely, with a phoney smile on his lips.
-Hey! Has anyone else noticed that these got smiley faces on them!?
-They do? Arwen said, looking innocent.
Galadriel smiled knowingly and fell to a heap on the floor. The others pushed her of the dance floor and continued raving.
A breeze of fresh air blew through the room. A ray of sunlight could be seen through the smoke and you could hear the birds singing outside. Gandalf the Gay appeared in the doorway. Everybody hid their faces and tried not to breathe.
-Close the bloody door! We are trying to get stoned! Aragorn shouted.
-It's eleven AM!
-What day? asked Eowyn taking puff from the joint Celeborn had passed her minutes earlier.
Gandalf closed the door and walked over to princess Legolas.
-Oh Leggsie, it has been so long! Gandalf exclaimed.
Legolas hugged him, kissed him on both cheeks and said:
-Take some Athelas, it's really good!
A giggling Arwen came up to them, smiling oddly at Legolas. Gandalf rolled his eyes and sighed.
_Oh my, not her again!
He walked away accepting a lembas from a random orc. He soon felt really happy.
Arwen and Legolas were still standing at the same spot. They were both really stoned. We all know how that'll end…. Or do we?
Arwen put her arms around the princess' waist. She batted her eyelashes fanatically at Legolas who said:
-Are you flirting with me?
-Well duh!! she answered.
-Didn't you marry Aragorn a few hours ago? He stopped to think. Or was it a few days ago… Or weeks, or… How long has this party been going on?
Arwen nodded at the corner were Aragorn was having a very intimate 'conversation' with the Lady Eowyn. A conversation including a lot of body language.
-Oh. I see. said Legolas. But I don't mess around with common mortal people like you. I'm a freaking Elven Prince. Ess.
Everybody that was contiouse stopped with what they were currently doing and turned to watch. Arwen turned read and you could see puffs of smoke coming from her ears. She slapped Legolas twice and stormed away. The entire audience applauded and yelled "Bitchmove! Go Arwen".
On her way through the room Arwen tripped and fell on Galadriel, who was still smiling.
-Oh you stupid psycho witch! Arwen snapped. She tried to rise but the entire room seemed to be spinning and she had to sit down again.
A hand appeared. It was Faramir; at least Arwen thought so. She took the hand and got up on her feet. Her legs felt like jelly but she smiled at her saviour. It was Faramir, Arwen was sure of it now, he wore a "I've been at the forbidden pool" T-shirt. He smiled a very smile, raised one eyebrow and started to lead her away from the partyroom. She giggled as she followed him.
Legolas stood alone on the floor, holding his hand to his burning cheek. He had tears in his eyes to. Poor ill Legsie, Arwen hurt him badly. He sat down on the floor, smoking some pipeweed in an attempt to feel better.
He saw Elrond, Celeborn and Gandalf giggling leave the room, taking a fair amount of lembas with them.
All over the floor Orcs, Humans, Hobbits and Elves were lying, stoned and sleeping.
One person was still dancing. Haldir didn't seem bothered by the fact that the music had stopped an hour ago.
Legolas was feeling miserable. Actually he was on account of him being extremely stoned but for plot reasons he needs to feel a bit blue. Legolas stood up and walked over to Aragorn and Eowyn. He taped Aragorn on his shoulder. Aragorn turned to him and said:
-What? in a very angry tone.
-I'm leaving now… All alone, with no company, by my self, very much alo…
-Ok! I get it! Aragorn sighed.
-Go away NOW! Eowyn said and started to kiss Aragorns neck.
Legolas walked to the door, his head bow low. He threw a last eye to the room and the he left trying to be sad, wanting to please us. He giggled the entire way home.
When princess Legolas arrived at his home there was an angry grey cat waiting for him. The cat stared at Legolas with an annoyed look on his otherwise adorable little face.
-Oh, I forgot to feed you. Here, kitty, kitty!
Legolas feed his cat and then he went to bed.