Title: Reflections
Spoilers: 1x01, Pilot
Rating: K
Disclaimers: If I could make money doing this, my life would be very different right now.
A/N: Trying something a little different here. I'm convinced there was an attraction between J/L from day one, and wanted to explore that a bit here. Am considering a series of one shots from Jane's POV to focus on the glimpses of those feelings we got to see in the early episodes. Let's call them drabbles, though I seriously doubt I will ever write anything that hits the one hundred word count limit. Many of you are probably already aware that brevity isn't exactly my strong suit. ;) Still plugging away at Beyond Measure, but having something shorter to focus on is a nice break from that particular example of my inability to control the word count. Hope you like it!
xxx
He decided closed case donuts were in order. He anticipated that the team might be a tad irritated with him after the stunt he pulled with Wagner, and his life would be more convenient if they weren't angry with him. He stopped at a shop he knew and picked up a baker's dozen as a gesture of good will.
He tracked on her the minute he entered the room. She noticed him right away, but pointedly ignored him, deliberately keeping her nose buried in paperwork. He placed his offering on the table and assessed the damage. Her determination to ignore him was a bad sign, but he'd seen worse. No line of tension ran across her shoulders. No line creased her forehead between her eyebrows. Forgiveness was within reach.
He joked with the team, teased them a bit. She looked up once at one of his more outrageous statements, incredulous. Still, she didn't comment. She schooled her features into a neutral expression and put her eyes back on her file. She'd learned by now that the most effective way of influencing his behavior was to deny her attention to him.
He frowned a little to himself. That wasn't right. She wasn't supposed to influence him, have power over him. She was an asset to his mission, nothing more.
Oh, he liked her, certainly. She was a sharp agent. A good person. When necessity forced him to emerge from his solitude, he found her company more tolerable than anyone else's. He liked teasing her, and he appreciated her efforts to take care of him, however misguided they might be. He'd enjoyed her fussing over him about his insomnia probably more than he ought. And despite his preoccupation with the Red John pretender, he had to admit that he wasn't entirely unaffected by the magnetic pull of her green eyes when she expressed her concern for him and urged him to get some sleep.
He shook off the thought and returned to his jokes, determined to drive such disturbing concepts from his mind.
The team didn't appear to appreciate his humor. However, they did eat the donuts. Cho expressed his displeasure by throwing a ball of paper at him.
He caught the wad of paper Cho chucked at his head and palmed it, casting a glance over his shoulder. She kept her eyes on her file, but he could feel her awareness of him despite her determination not to show it.
This wouldn't do. His life really would be inconvenient if she stayed mad at him forever, he reasoned. Besides, she'd been mad at him for days, and he missed her smile. Luckily, he had an idea about how to get it back.
He busied himself with rapidly folding the paper Cho had thrown at him, taking care to conceal his movements as he smoothed out the creases and refolded with practiced fingers.
He crossed the room to her, confident that his trick would win the coveted smile.
He faltered. A twinge of unease pulled at his gut. When had her smile become important to him? When had her opinion of him become something that mattered?
She looked up at him when he reached the desk, those green eyes even more mesmerizing at this proximity. "Don't even start. I'm still angry."
He schooled his expression into something resembling a cross between pathetic puppy and sheepish schoolboy. Few women were immune to this expression, he knew from long experience. "I'm sorry."
Lisbon wasn't taken in. "No, you're not."
He was a little pleased that she didn't believe him. His life undoubtedly would be more convenient if she was easier to manipulate, but it would also be devastatingly boring. He needed someone to challenge him, and she fit the bill. Their verbal sparring matches were one of the few things in the post-Red John world that made life bearable. Once her forgiveness was secured, he was confident they'd be back to their usual amicable bickering in no time. But first, he needed her to engage. Wordlessly, he placed his peace offering on the desk before her.
Her tone was exasperated and sarcastic. "A frog? Well, this makes everything better, doesn't it?"
He caught the curve of her smile out of the corner of his eye as he walked away. He ducked his head, pleased that she was amused by his token. Even if it was a little distressing to realize how important that smile was to him. That her smile mattered.
He couldn't afford to have someone matter to him, a voice in the back of his head reminded him. He needed to stay focused. That was why, the voice told him, he absolutely should not look back at her. Especially not when he heard her startled intake of breath and half laugh when the paper frog jumped. If he let her, she could become a downright dangerous distraction.
He ignored the voice.
He sneaked a look back over his shoulder and watched her smile.