Ch. 1 Heathman Hotel
AN: I experiment with a more confident Ana and a less damaged Christian. This story begins after Christian rescues Ana from her night of drunken excess with Jose and Kate.
Ana's POV
I thrash around during my dream or I should say, nightmare. It's so dark and I'm being pulled into a vortex by an irresistible force. I struggle but my efforts exhaust rather than free me. My limbs are moving in all directions and a muffled scream escapes from my throat.
Suddenly, gentle arms caress and calm me. Then soft lips kiss my forehead. As I regain consciousness, I find myself staring into the burning eyes of Christian Grey. I have apparently spent the night in his hotel room.
"Ana, are you alright? You were having a nightmare," he says softly into my hair and holds me close. Then an angelic smile crosses his features.
"I am fine now." I state with a look of shock on my face. "So, I spent the night in your bed?" I query, feeling more than embarrassed that I don't remember a thing from my night with this Adonis. The thought of sleeping by his side makes me feel warm all over however.
"You were in no condition to be alone with Jose. Don't worry, you were passed out and nothing sexual transpired between us. Besides, I like my women sentient and responsive," he explains with a sad but stern look before releasing me.
"Thank you for taking care of me, Christian. I'm sorry for drunk-dialing you."
"I'm glad you did. At least I was able to intervene before Jose pressed his suit with you any further."
I giggle "I cannot believe you used the phrase "pressed his suit"; that's language straight out of the 19th century. It's my favorite century for literature."
His mood shifts when I giggle and mock his old school language. A smile tugs at his chiseled mouth.
"Anastasia…what am I going to do with you? You have a way of breaking through my reserve like no one I have ever met" he states earnestly while locking his eyes with mine.
That's a useful revelation. I gaze at him for a beat and then remember my disrobing from last evening. I blush before asking about my clothes. "By the way, where are my jeans?"
"I've had them sent down for cleaning. I also asked Taylor to purchase you some new underwear and clothing for today."
What! That's a bit personal. "How would he know anything about my size?" I ask with trepidation.
Christian's lascivious smile makes an appearance. "You have a lovely body, Ana. I was able to ascertain your size when putting you to bed last night. Do not worry. Taylor did not measure you."
Though it feels a bit invasive, I don't mind that Christian has checked out my body and that he finds me appealing. I am relieved that I am wearing my underwear and t-shirt.
"Let's eat" he suggests. "Do you have any preferences for breakfast?"
"Well, I am not sure how much food my stomach can handle after last evening. Typically, however, I am a yogurt and toast maven."
"That combination should settle your agitated digestive system right down, Ms. Steele."
"I'll order room service, while you take a shower," he proclaims.
That is thoughtful though rather directive. Christian is obviously the kind of man who makes decisions and expects his orders to be obeyed.
While he orders our food, I scurry from under the duvet and into the immense bathroom. The scent of jasmine fills the room and my mood lifts perceptibly. I shower quickly and then dress in the clothing that Taylor purchased for me. The skinny jeans, black glitter top and underwear are expensive and fit well. Christian is a detail oriented man!
When I emerge from the bathroom feeling fresh and clean, Christian looks me up and down with approval while texting on his IPhone. "Oh, Ana…you look good in skinny jeans."
"Thanks. I love the way these clothes fit me. I want to pay you back, of course."
"No payback, Ana. That is unacceptable." Christian states with finality. "Excuse me while I shower. Our breakfast will arrive in fifteen minutes. Make yourself comfortable!" he announces while heading into the bathroom.
"OK" I mutter. I've never met anyone as bossy at this man. As soon as Christian enters the bathroom, I find my phone and check my texts. I have two from Jose and one from Kate.
"So sorry, Ana. Are you OK? Jose"
"Where did he take you last night? Kate"
"Where RU, Ana. I want to apologize. Jose"
I reply quickly to Kate. "I am at the Heathman. All is well." Jose's text won't get a reply just now.
However, my phone pings. It's Jose again. "I am so sorry. Please answer!"
I cave in and text Jose "I am safe and fine. Will call later!"
I complete my texting while sitting at the desk. Christian emerges from the bath looking edible in his own skinny jeans and black t-shirt. I gaze with desire at his defined torso and firm buttocks. "Your workouts show," I state with admiration.
His crooked smile appears and he strokes my head with affection. "Whatever you are doing to stay in shape is fine with me."
"Let's see… that would be reading and walking from school to my apartment each day."
"You are a lovely sight, Anastasia" he intones while his grey eyes widen and he strokes my cheek with the tips of his long fingers.
I gaze up at him with trust. I stand while pulling myself up on his arm. Our eyes lock as we embrace and the energy flow between us is powerful. His eyes and face reflect nothing but desire. I am lost in his arms. The spell is broken, however, when there is a knock on the door from room service.
It takes Christian ten seconds to break his gaze. "Damn…time to eat" he says with regret. He turns to open the door with ease while I let out a deep breath that I failed to notice I was holding.
During breakfast, we chat about the bar, dancing, Kate and Elliott. My appetite has disappeared while we speak.
"I am pleased that you called me last night, Ana. What would have happened if I hadn't saved you from Jose?" he queries with concern.
"I would have been fine. Jose respects my boundaries. He was also a bit drunk. Besides, Kate would have taken me home."
Christian regards me with skepticism. "Let's hope so" is his cryptic response. "Tell me about your other relationships."
"Do you mean past romantic relationships?" I sputter.
"That would be correct," he states with narrowed eyes.
"There's not much to tell, Christian. I am fairly quiet, shy and inclined to be a bookworm" I admit with some embarrassment.
"Nothing wrong with that" he states while letting out a breath and smiling broadly.
"I have never had a serious boyfriend. No one has really been able to compete with the heroes in my novels." I confess. This conversation crosses all my boundaries and I cannot believe how quickly it's become personal.
"Am I to believe that you have never had sex?" is his incredulous response. His eyes sparkle with joy.
I blush and gulp. "I know it's hard to believe that a young woman my age is still a virgin, but it's true."
His grey eyes widen and a dazzling smile erupts on his face "I trust you want that status to change?"
"If I meet the right person and we have chemistry" is what I manage to mumble while gushing at his expression. My mind cannot function well when I look into his lovely face.
He smirks "I may not be a shining knight in armor, Ana but I am strongly drawn to you. I don't think I can stay away from you."
"Then, please don't stay away" I implore.
"What if my preferences differ from yours?"
Suddenly, I feel crestfallen. "What kind of preferences do you mean, Christian?"
His face fills with concern. "Ana, I want to be honest with you. I have unusual sexual habits."
Now I am alarmed. Is he going to tell me that he wants a BDSM relationship? Please, no.
"Typically, I pay for sex. I prefer professional escorts and one night stands. You know…no strings."
My world tilts on its axis and I struggle to regain my compose. "But, you could have any woman you want. Why pay for prostitutes?" I feel queasy just knowing about his sexual habits.
"It's a long story, Ana. Let's just say that until now, I did not have the desire or perhaps the capacity for intimacy with a woman."
"Do you think your preferences will change with me?" I ask with trepidation.
"I am not sure but I want to try for something more with you."
"What's different about me?" Perhaps he's been struck by lightning; I may have been.
"Everything is different about you. Your look, smell, demeanor, and interests intrigue me. Suddenly, the clouds have parted. I feel as though a light switch has been activated."
I pause and count to five."You are a lot to process but I am still interested, Christian… I need to know more about you and your past. For instance, how many prostitutes have you hired?"
He chuckles but responds with caution "Hundreds, Ana. Their faces and bodies are interchangeable. I wouldn't recognize any of them again."
"Oh my…What sort of sex do you have with the prostitutes?" I query with a sinking heart.
"Rough sex. It's typically fast and hard. I need a lot of sexual relief. There is no sado-masochism involved. Just blow jobs and fucking," he says in an offhand way.
My breath hitches at this revelation. How can he be so casual about sex. "I am not ready for anything rough. I want to be courted…not treated like a means to an end."
"I want to treat you like someone special," he smiles and touches my face gently.
"What if I am not enough for you, Christian?" I feel so vulnerable as I ask the question.
"That is what we will discover, together. Relationships are always a risk. It's new territory for both of us. All I know is that I want you badly." His face reflects desire and determination.
I pause again and then agree."Yes, that's true, Christian. It is all happening so quickly, though… Why do you want a virgin?"
"Because, Ana, you have bewitched me. I want to teach you… more than anything."
"I need to think about all of this Christian. I am strongly attracted to you but I am not sure I can handle your past," I admit. How can I square this circle? My romantic heroes have always been repressed Victorian types and Christian is far from repressed – at least in terms of his sexual needs.
"We'll take it slow, Ana. I can be patient," he promises.
"Alright," I agree. Then I switch the topic to something neutral. I need more time than he imagines."Tell me about your speech at commencement."
Once his attention has shifted, he's on a roll about his work and charities. Then, it's time for him to take me back to the apartment. I have a lot to think about.
Christian and Dr. Flynn – Christian's POV
I stand in Dr. Flynn's office gazing out the window at Taylor who is pacing outside the building near the car. It's mid-afternoon and I feel excited yet confused.
"Christian, you have come to see me to talk about a breakthrough. What has changed for you?"
"I met a lovely, innocent, and intriguing young woman about two weeks ago. Her name is Ana. I'm feeling a powerful attraction to her. Frankly, it's quite a shock that I feel this way about any woman."
"What do you want from her, exactly?"
"I actually want her for more than sex, Flynn… But, I am afraid that my sexual appetites and issues with prostitutes will frighten her away. She's like an innocent young kitten."
"This is a first for you, Christian. You typically want sex with no strings attached. How did these feelings about women change for you?"
"Maybe it's the strong attraction and …your new approach to therapy. I also think it's her innocence that appeals to me. She is a virgin and very bookish but she's also quite spunky. I find that combination quite appealing."
"Christian, you have turned a corner," Flynn concludes and shakes his head in wonder.
"I need your help now, Flynn," I request.
"Do you want to explore some options concerning how to approach Ana and entice her?"
"I am afraid that my typical approach of wham, bam, thank you mam will not be acceptable. She's a fan of Jane Austen, the Bronte sisters and all of the British nineteenth century writers. For all I know she expects me to behave like Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice."
"Well, have you tried discussing her needs in a relationship?"
"Somewhat, but she's never been in a long-term sexual relationship. She has a few male friends but she's spent most of her time at college engaged with reading, working and focusing on her GPA."
"Then you are both starting with a clean slate. Your own past sexual relationships were not personal as you showed no interest in your prostitutes and their inner lives."
"True and I don't know if Ana and I can even meet each other's needs. However, I feel this overwhelming need to protect and teach her."
"Tell me more about this young woman. How old is she?"
"She's about to turn 22 years old and is graduating from college with a degree in British literature. I want to show her my world, buy her the best clothes, remove her from her shell. Of course, I want to teach her all about sex. She's like a young child and I want to give her – everything. "
"Christian, I think you have finally developed, through therapy, to the point where you can be intimate with others. And, I mean intimate in the sense that you want to share yourself with another. It is a major change for you. It's good that she is so young and possibly flexible in her ideas about love and friendship. Does she know how you feel?"
"Perhaps a bit. I've given her expensive gifts – first editions of a Thomas Hardy novel called 'Tess of the D'Urbervilles'."
"That could be a bit overwhelming. ..Is she interested in you? Does she know about your past sexual predilections?"
"She wants to return the first editions because it's too much, too soon. However, I think she feels strongly attracted to me and I've told her about my past preference for paid sex."
"Did she appear shocked about your preferences?"
"I think disdainful is the word that comes to mind. However, I have admitted that I am willing to change for her and that I want to explore having something more with her."
"Then, why are you feeling confused?"
"I am not sure where this is going. It would be a conventional relationship and something I professed, in the past, to abhor. I need a road map for how to proceed next. Perhaps my sexual skills will frighten her away."
"Would it help to treat her like a visitor from another time? Be gentle with her and start with what you both have in common."
"Yeah, don't start with sex…That will be difficult for me as I get so much of a release from sexual intercourse. I've offered to take her on as an intern at my company, but she won't even consider that."
"Yes, you might go slowly with sex especially if she's interested in 19th century Victorian heroes. I think she's right about avoiding the internship option. You don't want to mix work with your personal life."
"Victorian morals…that might be difficult because I feel so strongly aroused by her. I want her body... and her mind. I will set some limits, then. As for the internship, perhaps it's for the best that we see each other outside of the office only."
"Think about what she wants and needs. Ask her. Tell her about your interests. Talk about ideas."
"Well, I think I have a plan in mind, Flynn. We'll start as friends. I'll go lightly on the sex, if I can."
"You have had a breakthrough, Christian. Most of your adult sex life has been about punishing your mother, the prostitute. You are finally ready to let that go. Maybe the demons from your childhood are being put to rest and Ana is the path to your future. Glad to know your therapy is working. OK? See you next week, then"
After scheduling an appointment for the following week, I signal Taylor and we head back to my office. Then I compose an email to Ana.
From: Christian
Subject: Tonight
Date: November 6, 2012
To: Ana
Are you free tonight? Would you like to dine with me at a restaurant? We can discuss your theories about Thomas Hardy or 19th century morals and manners. Or, whatever you want to discuss.
Christian
My heart is racing and I feel anxious. What if she doesn't want to pursue this relationship? Am I going to overwhelm her? What if I get bored with her interests or she becomes irritated with mine? I guess we'll just have to see what happens.
Minutes pass and there is no reply from Ana. What could she be doing? At last, my email pings. It's from Ms. Steele. My hands shake with excitement.
From: Ana
Subject: Hardy or Not
Date: November 6, 2012
To: Christian
What a lovely and thoughtful message! I have an idea for a casual but classy place for dinner and it's close to my apartment. Your interest in my favorite novels is quite charming. What brought on this desire? I'd love to tell you about the essay I wrote for my final in British literature (tee-hee) so perhaps we ought to find a British pub to set the mood. What time would you like to eat?
Best, Ana
From: Christian
Subject: Pubs
Date: November 6, 2012
To: Ana
Anything you want to share about your final essay works for me. I think my desire for fish and chips is limited however. There must be an upscale British restaurant nearby that would fit the19th century theme for our evening. You can select the venue. How about 6:00ish for dinner? Taylor can pick you up from work. Best, Christian.
From: Ana
Subject: Tess & Food
Date: November 6, 2012
To: Christian
There is a more formal restaurant called Tess's that is located about two miles from my place that carries an array of British entrees. I read reviews on Yelp that sound encouraging and 6:00pm works for me. I am already famished - dreaming of Yorkshire pudding and more… Best, Ana
From: Christian
Subject: Yum
Date: November 6, 2012
To: Ana
I want to try for something more with you. I will explain myself tonight. Laters, Christian
From: Ana
Subject: Laters
Date: November 6, 2012
To: Christian
I am impressed, Mr. Darcy. Perhaps we can discuss merger and acquisitions. Until then…Ana
The rest of the day passes in a blur as I research topics that might appeal to my literate young friend. I look up material about 19th century novels on Wikipedia and try to find something elegant and engaging to catch her interest. Dr. Flynn would be proud of me.
Ye Olde Rustic Inn
Ana's POV
Taylor is waiting outside of Christian's car near Clayton's when I leave work for the day. He nods and indicates that I ought to get into the back seat.
"Thanks, Taylor" I say as I jump inside. I am surprised that Christian is not in the car already.
"I am to take you to Mr. Grey's suite at the Heathman," he announces.
"Oh?"
"Yes, Ms. Steele. And, there's a package or two for you in the backseat."
I look around and locate a shopping bag as well as several parcels on the seat beside me. Not more clothes, I moan. However, as I investigate, I discover that these clothes are actually a costume. A costume from another century. The nineteenth century. Christian appears quite motivated and creative.
"Did you purchase these items, Taylor?"
"Mr. Grey instructed me, in great detail, to buy them for you, Ms. Steele. They were not of my choosing," he assures me.
For that I am relieved. I examine them quickly and note that the first item consists of a golden colored evening gown with puffy sleeves, a high collar but low neckline (humph) tapering to a small waistband. There is stiff boning in the bodice of the dress. The second package contains a flowered shawl with heeled black ankle- high boots . There are also silk stockings in a smaller package. I smirk. This should be interesting.
At the Heathman, I make my way to Christian's room. He opens the door already costumed. He looks delicious in a dark tailed tuxedo and waistcoat, white bow tie and winged collared shirt. His eyes widen when he sees me with the packages.
"Ana" he smiles tightly and indicates that I should enter. I smile and blush a bit as I gaze into his gorgeous grey eyes. His hair is combed with gel for once but that merely emphasizes his stunning copper highlights.
"The costume looks interesting, Christian. I assume that I'm to change here before dinner." My limbs tremble with excitement at seeing him again. I cannot believe that I am in his suite again.
"Please. I cannot wait to see you in that dress. Our dinner is reserved at six pm and we have half an hour to prepare." He pants a bit and looks deeply into my blue eyes. He looks like a Greek god.
"Alright then." I flush as I make my way to the bathroom. The evening gown takes a bit of squirming to negotiate onto my body. The golden color emphasizes my peaches and cream complexion. It's an off the shoulder affair that is floor length with a tight cinched waist and shows my small breasts to their full advantage. I am not sure I want to wear this outfit in public. I cannot wait to show it off to Christian!
I gaze at my reflection in the mirror once the dress is arranged. It fits well but my face looks much too pale and plain to wear it. I search in my purse for some suitable makeup. Generous amounts of blush, eyeliner, mascara and lipstick transform me into someone I hardly recognize. I hope he thinks I look hot. I glance at the time.
"It's show time!" I say with a prom queen smile and exhale as I emerge from the bathroom with trembling knees.
Christian stills and stares at me with a look of awe as I step into the room again. He looks so sexy and earnest in his tuxedo that I want to launch myself at him. He approaches me and touches my cheek gently with the tips of his fingers. "Oh, Ana. You are lovely. You smell like jasmine. You look as if you have just stepped out of a Jane Austen novel."
"Well, Mr. Darcy, care to dance?" I jest and curtsey low enough for him to get a good look at the way the dress displays my tah-tahs.
"Very impressive, Miss Bennett," is his husky response. His eyes linger on my chest for a moment.
"Oh, you've done your homework, Christian. That deserves a reward," I announce and peck him on the cheek with a light kiss.
He pulls me close for a moment and I can feel his heat. "You are playing with fire, Ana. Watch yourself. I cannot be trusted around you!"
"Look at the time," I say to distract him. He releases me but continues to gaze into my eyes.
He stares at my face for a full beat and then takes my hand, places it on his left arm and smoothly moves us out of the suite. I grab my shawl and purse just before the door closes.
The elevator from the penthouse is vacant as we make our way to the garage below. Christian's arm is around my waist at first. About halfway to the garage, he stops the elevator, pushes my arms behind me and shoves his hips against me.
"Fuck the NDA" he pronounces with passion. WHAT? I cannot pursue that question however because he's making my thoughts fuzzy.
He's pinned me against the glass wall and moves in for a kiss. It's a passionate kiss with his tongue hungrily exploring my mouth and imploring me to respond. Yes!
This man is beautiful. His mouth, eyes, perfect body and chiseled cheekbones call to me on a primal level that resonates in my private parts. I don't resist. Soon my tongue is eagerly entwined with his and a moan escapes from my throat. "Oh, Christian," is all I manage before a loud buzz begins to resonate from the elevator. Someone else has rung for it.
"To be continued…" he announces with a lustful smile while resuming our descent again. Once in the R8, all is quiet during the five minute drive to our restaurant.
We make our way into "Ye Olde Rustic Inn" and note that the servers and busboys are dressed in period costumes as well. The hostess appears a bit surprised at our garb but Christian flashes his mega-watt smile and asks for a private dining area while pressing a $20 bill into her palm.
She informs us that no private dining rooms are available but that a quiet romantic corner is open and no other diners will be seated nearby. Christian nods his approval while she seats us across from one another and hands him the drinks menu.
"Is Pimm's Cup good for you?" he inquires.
"Sure" I agree but have only a vague idea of what the drink entails.
"We'll have two Pimm's" he announces when the server arrives and then proceeds to peruse the menu.
"Anything you would recommend, Ana?" I imagine him sharing his drink with me in a romantic embrace. Perhaps we'll have time this evening.
"Yelp reviews indicate that the lamb shank and mashed potatoes are outstanding," I state and attempt to stave off my errant thoughts.
"I hear that the John Dory exceeds expectations," he adds with a satisfied smile.
"Well, then, our selections should be simple," I declare with a shy smile. What I wouldn't give to have him feed me the John Dory off his own plate.
After giving our orders to the server, he turns to me with a playful smile and asks, "Where were we, Miss Bennett?" I love playful Fifty and we've just been transported back to Victorian England.
"Well, Mr. Darcy, would you like to discuss Dickens, Hardy, the Bronte sisters or something else?" I am thinking, fondly, of the kiss he gave me in the elevator. I'd like to feel his arms around me again.
"I prefer Hardy's poetry over his novels" he states with authority.
"Do you now?" I ask with a bit of sarcasm. Actually, I am impressed that he's read Thomas Hardy's poems. He's got my respect now. His mouth looks delectable. We could make some poetry together.
"Yes, I am especially fond of the poem he composed for his wife, Emily, just before he expired."
I burst out laughing at his revelation. "Now don't be a show off, Mr. D," I chastise. "Next, you will be quoting from that poem."
"I am a hopeful romantic…" he states and stares longingly at my mouth.
"However, you have not told me about the topic you chose for your final exam," he teases me with a wink. The essay is done. Perhaps I ought to tell him how much I want him to initiate my sexual education. I don't want to appear too eager however.
"Oh, that…well, I analyzed his characters in 'Two on a Tower' in terms of their passionate struggles for expression within the context of a social class divide. I concluded that the individuals could not escape that context." Rather like the two of us, I reflect.
"Now I see, Miss Steele, why your college GPA was 3.85. Well done!" Christian enthuses.
I take a sharp breath in to register my surprise "And, how do you know that Mr. Grey?"
His grey eyes are suddenly quite serious and he responds cautiously, "I like to know as much about my associates as possible, Ana. Control in all things. This is what makes me successful in managing people."
It's just a bit creepy that he knows my college record but since he's a millionaire business tycoon, it's somewhat expected. I am pleased that my past is an open book (ha-ha!). I stare at him for a beat before asking a different question.
"Where did you obtain these period costumes?"
"A shop that my mother uses for her masked balls. Fundraisers, you know…" he gestures in an offhand manner.
I am so out of my league here! I shrink back a bit from his lifestyle revelation but am saved from more discomfort by the arrival of our food.
"The lamb shank smells of mint" he observes while inhaling with enthusiasm. "You smell better, of course," he adds with a crooked smile and stares at me. That look turns me on. I want to smell him up close and personal. He is charming me so much that I am wet in all the right places.
I blush a bit and look at my platter of food. We consume our respective entrees in silence for a moment before he intones in a deeply serious manner, "I trust that you are enjoying your John Dory."
"It's fresh and firm for a fish entrée. Just the way I like it. However, I am not sure I can eat it all. The boning in my bodice constrains my stomach." My desire is really suppressing my appetite.
"Very funny, Ana… Please try to eat all of your meal. I have food issues." He seems so concerned that I search for a way to break the sudden tension. WOAH! Where is this going?
"I can always ask for a leftovers box. You can eat it tomorrow," I assure him. Then, on a whim, I fork my asparagus and lift a small bite to my mouth, gently suck it and then swallow it whole. I smile with pride at my clever sexual innuendo.
His eyes reflect shock, then amusement followed by excitement. "Miss Steele, that calls for a spanking," Christian proclaims.
"Ahh…Mr. Darcy, you seem to be forgetting yourself. No self-respecting l9th century gentleman would lay a hand on a woman he's courting…" I would, however, enjoy a brief spanking across your lovely lap.
"…except if he's asked permission from her father, Miss Bennett," he concludes with a smirk.
"Which you have not done," I remind him.
"At least, not yet," he assures me and then his mood shifts again, "I love the way the dress shows off some of your assets. You are quite lovely, Elizabeth Bennett!"
"Thank you for obtaining these costumes. You are very creative, Christian." And, I want to peel that tuxedo jacket off of your torso. I imagine doing just that later this evening.
"We aim to please, Ana. I would like to help you out of that dress."
"Only if you pass the next test," I jokingly remark. I would love to feel his hands on me.
His face registers sudden anxiety and I regret my comment immediately. "Do you want me to recite Hardy's poem now?" he jests.
"You never did answer my question about the first editions of Tess."
"I wanted to apologize for putting you off, Ana. I was rude to you when we went for tea and coffee."
"That was humiliating, I will admit. The books are such an over-generous gesture, however."
"I can afford it, Ana. Please keep them as a reminder of me. Would you like another Pimm's Cup?"
"Oh yes, this is going to be an interesting night."
His grey eyes glisten with excitement and intensity "I certainly hope so, Ana."
Christian's POV
I drive to her place after dinner. She seems tense and distracted on the drive home.
"Is there something on your mind, Ana?"
"I am bit concerned about tonight, that's all!" she smiles thinly at me as I park on the curb outside her apartment.
As we reach the door to her apartment, I lean down and kiss her firmly. I put real feeling into the kiss. I want her to feel my passion and zeal. "Do you have any idea how much I want you, Ana?" I whisper and run my finger across her lower lip.
"I want you to make love to me," she states with some trepidation.
"Perhaps we ought to take this slowly," I suggest. Damn if the image of Dr. Flynn didn't just pop into my consciousness.
She pulls me to her and pushes my lips against hers. I moan and put my arms around her while pressing her body against mine. She is wild with longing.
"Oh, Ana, what I want to do with you… But not tonight."
Her face is a mask of frustration as I pull back from her embrace.
"What? I thought you were going to initiate me into the finer aspects of sexuality?"
"Ana, all in good time!" I assure her.
"Now, you are turning Victorian on me?" she asks incredulously.
"I want to know you as a person first. I hardly know what goes on in that beautiful mind of yours."
"Well, what's going on right now is…a deep sense of rejection," she states with bitterness.
"Please, Ana, I am trying to change for you. I don't want to treat you like some sex toy."
"I guess that's good. But, I was expecting something earth shaking tonight."
"Please, I want to do this the right way. You have all these notions of Victorian sexuality and I have all these fears of intimacy."
"Perhaps it would be best if we communicated via long emails," she suggests with sarcasm.
"Please, Ana. I cannot tell you how much I am trying to resist you just now because I want you with every fiber of my being."
Ana looks past me for several seconds as though she is deep in thought. The pain in her heart is palpable. She moves away from me with a crestfallen look on her face. Then, she turns around with a resigned expression on her face.
"We're so mismatched. But, I have to get up and go to work tomorrow. Good night, Christian!" With that, Ana turns and opens her door. She slams it behind her and locks it before I can barely react.
I drive home feeling numb. I must find a way to walk the tightrope of love, sex and romance with her. I feel determined to try.
AN: DO YOU LIKE THIS VERSION OF CG?