Disclaimer: Sadly I did not get the rights to Twilight for Christmas. Thus everything recognizable belongs to SM. No infringement is intended.
Summary: Haunted by her tragic past and the death of her mother, Isabella Swan is struggling to move on. But each step forward seems to lead her back to the tragic events surrounding the summer of her sixth year, and as her past violently collides with her present, will her reality crumble under the pressure?
Sins of the Father
Chapter One – Of Early Mornings and Sleepless Nights...
No single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Darkness. It completely envelops me. I can't see a thing, a fact for which I'm grateful for since without my other senses I could pretend I'm anywhere else. However I'm not that lucky and my ears quickly clue me in and remind me of exactly where I am; the slightly off-kilter ticking of the old grandfather clock has become my constant. Tick-a-Tock. Tick-a-Tock
The ticking becomes louder and louder and I feel as though it's about to swallow me whole. I try to force myself awake but I can't. Suddenly, everything stops and I hear his voice, whispering in my ear. "Tick. Tick. Tick, little Marie, that's the sound of your life running out..." I catch a glimpse of his soulless eyes, as the clock chimes on the hour, the hands begin spinning madly and I plummet through a never-ending abyss.
And I'm falling further and further and I wish I could pretend this is just a regular nightmare, a product of too many horror movies and my overgrown imagination and that when I wake up I'll feel secure and at peace. But it's not. And I won't. Because these aren't disturbing images my subconscious mind has created, they're memories, and they haunt even my waking eyes. There is no escape.
Scenes begin to flash before my eyes as I fall. A cold hand running up my cheek, causing me to shudder. A shiny baby grand piano, then forest green eyes. As hard as I try to hold on to these last two images, because I know that they're safe, they slip from my grasp, and I'm thrown into the worst part of this nightmare.
I'm a child once again, standing in front of my mother, gazing at the scene in front of me, but being too young to comprehend it's meaning. "Marie, I want you to shut your eyes and keep them closed no matter what happens, okay baby?" She yells frantically, and even then, my six year old mind can detect the panic in her voice, the motherly need to protect her young through anything. But as much as I want to, I can't look away, and stare transfixed at the horrifying sight in front of me; an image that will haunt me for the rest of my life. My gaze locks with my mother's just as the gun is pressed further against her forehead, and I can see the indentation it makes. A trigger is pulled and a loud crack reverberates around the room. An ear-splitting scream rings out, and I mindlessly recognize it as my own. For a moment everything is red and then there is only darkness...
March 27th 2010
I wake up, my heart racing and gasping for air. The nightmares come less frequently now than they did as a child, but the effect is no less severe.
Getting out of bed, I make my way to the ensuite, and by some miraculous stroke of luck, I manage not to trip over anything as I meander my way through the darkness. I flick on the lights in the bathroom, cringing as my eyes struggle to adjust to the harsh fluorescent lighting. I quickly splash my face with cold water, and hazard a glance at the mirror and promptly wish I hadn't. Between the ashen skin and deep bags under my eyes, I look much older than my twenty years, but then life has made me feel that way too. Making my way back to my bed, I glance at my iDeck. It's four a.m. Lovely. Charlie will be here in a few hours and I still haven't managed to catch a wink of sleep. Aggravated, I hit play on my stereo, and feel simultaneously annoyed and comforted as the first few notes of Debussy's Clair de Lune drift into the room. After my nightmares, it tends to be the only thing that can calm me down enough to actually get some sleep. Luckily it works, and within moments I dose off to a wonderful dreamless sleep.
"Morning, sleepyhead!" Alice calls out from the living room as I descend the stairs.
"Sleepyhead? It's barely past six, Ali. I'm pretty sure that's universally acknowledged as still being early. Believe me, if I didn't promise Charlie that I'd have breakfast for him when he arrived, I'd still be sleeping." It really should be illegal for anyone to be this on, first thing in the morning, but then I don't really think Alice has a downtime.
"No worries on that front, I made breakfast for all of us" she said as we made our way towards the kitchen. I gave her a dubious look. Alice was extremely talented in the visual arts, but when it came to the culinary ones, let's just say one would want to be far away from any of her attempts at cooking.
"Made breakfast, as in you ordered out?" I asked, trying to decipher how there could possibly be Alice-prepared food and no burning smells in the air.
"Do you really have such little faith in me?" I fought the urge to blurt out yes, but the words caught in my throat as she unveiled an impressive buffet of breakfast dishes laid out on the dining room table. Obviously noticing my astonished look, she said proudly, "I assure you everything on this table was prepared in our kitchen."
Just then, Jasper, Alice's boyfriend of four years now, walked in from the kitchen, carrying a tray of perfectly crisp bacon. "You know, Ali, I don't think decorating the plates and table counts as "preparing" the food." I tried but failed madly at covering the snickers that emerged from my chest at this, as Alice viciously jabbed poor Jasper, muttering a disgruntled "Thanks a lot!"
"What? Our friend here is a vicious journalist, she would have pulled the truth from you sooner or later." Jasper joked, rubbing his side in mock pain and sending me a wink.
"Nonetheless, thank you both so much, everything looks amazing. It was really thoughtful to do this."
"No worries, we know how much you hate early mornings. So when does the Chief get here?" she asked as she sat down at the breakfast bar.
"He left a message early this morning saying he should be in by 7:30, so about an hour." I told her as a poured myself a cup of coffee.
The three of us chatted mindlessly for a while as I waited for the caffeine to kick in, until Alice's phone went off. She squealed as she glanced at the screen, and I heard Jasper mutter an annoyed "Finally" as Alice excused herself to go take the call. Alice quickly returned, running over to Jasper as soon as she entered the room. I heard him quietly asking her about the phone call before I glanced away, leaving the couple to their obviously private moment. Not until I heard Alice adamantly telling Jasper that she was fine and to just drop it rather loudly, did I turn to look back at my two friends, and what I saw startled me: Jasper was flushed with anger and Alice, her normally glowing face was drawn and splotchy. Before I could question any of this however, Jasper sent me a look that clearly said Don't. Relenting, I sat down across from the two of them, grabbing a piece of bacon. Looking up, I saw her gaze shift to me, and a few moments past in silence, before I finally asked her what was wrong.
"Bad dreams again, huh?" she stated, more than asked, succinctly turning the conversation to me and away from her.
"How do you know? Do I truly look that bad or is it your psychic sixth sense again?" I said with a chuckle, trying to lighten the mood; it was way to early to get into a subject I had no intentions of discussing. When Alice did not immediately reply, I began to wonder what had tipped her off. The dark bags under my eyes that were usually a dead giveaway to my nightly terrors, I had concealed rather well today, unless...
"Oh gosh," I cringed, as the realization hit me, "I didn't make any noise last night, did I? I'm so sorry if I woke you guys up..." I rambled on, my face going flush with embarrassment.
"Nonsense Bells," she quickly cut me off and continued on before I could protest, "and no, no screaming last night, just that godawful song!" she exclaimed.
I couldn't help but giggle at this, looking at Jasper I said, "You know, you think she would prefer the lilting and soothing sounds of the piano over my piercing shrieks."
"Not a chance B, if I never hear that song again it'll be too soon" Alice grumbled.
"Well, Ali, you're about four years late in telling me," I joke, my pint-sized friend however didn't even bother to respond. I looked at her in confusion, and noticed her sullen expression in surprise. Alice and I had been roommates our first year at the University of Washington, and had lived together (with the addition of Jasper the following year) ever since. Thus, Alice had heard Clair de Lune playing through my speakers countless times over the past four years, and she always had a smart remark to make after I listened to it, more joking than anything. Today however, she almost seemed angry, when speaking of it, as opposed to her usually playful manner. Puzzled, I gently prodded her for more information, "You know, you've never told me why you hate it so much, it's a classic piece." Silence descended on the three of us, and just as I was about to drop the subject, concluding that either she'd not heard me or simply wanted to pretend she hadn't, Alice finally spoke.
"I've just heard it way too much!" she said at last, exasperation evident in her tone. "My brother plays and when he was little, instead of acting out when he was angry or upset, my mom would have him go upstairs and play Clair de Lune until he calmed down, and well if you knew my brother, you'd know that saying he played it a lot, it a gross understatement!"
Her tone was uneven as she spoke, and appeared greatly distraught afterwards. Too stunned at seeing my best friend who was usually hyper and overflowing with happiness and excitement in such a state, I didn't move or speak as she quickly excused herself from the table, saying she had to go get ready. Too lost in my thoughts was I, that it took Jasper several tries to knock me out of my reverie.
"It's not your fault Bella," he said softly. I went to speak, but he continued on before I had the chance. "I know you feel guilty. You're probably racking your brain trying to think of what you did, blaming yourself for Alice being upset. It hurts me to see her this way too, but it's neither of our faults, and really nothing we can do to help."
I looked up at Jasper then, in awe of his ability to read people so well. "I shouldn't have pressed her though, Jazz. I saw that she was distressed, and should have dropped it, but didn't."
"It's just bad timing, Bella. That song," he sighed, and looked as though he were trying to find the right words to explain. "It's just really connected to a lot of memories from her early childhood; she hasn't seen her brother in a very long time and so usually it's a good reminder of him, but today it just reminded her of all her family issues."
I was listening closely to what Jasper was saying, trying desperately to find some insight into Alice's life. Though I'd known her these past four years, and we'd grown close enough that I considered her like a sister to me, she's talked little of her family and I'd yet to meet a single member. "I don't get it Jasper. She's never mentioned any of this, and in four years I've never even met her parents."
Jasper glanced over at me, searching my face and I could tell he was trying to decided just what he should and shouldn't say. "Alice doesn't like to talk about her family because they have a lot of unresolved issues, to put it mildly. Her brother's been estranged from her parents for the past fourteen years or so; I don't really know what happened as Alice was too young at the time to really understand, all I know it was really bad, and he hasn't seen them since."
"And, Alice? Did she keep in touch with him?"
"Yeah, up until a few years back, she visited him regularly. That's the problem. Alice refuses to set a date for the wedding until she gets her family reconnected. Her brother is being a right bastard about it though. She's been trying to contact him for the past few weeks, but didn't get any reply, at least not til today."
Thinking back to Alice's sudden change in demeanour this morning, I quickly realized what had happened. "The phone call she went off to take during breakfast, that was him, right?"
"Got it in one."
"But she was barely gone for a few minutes...What could he have said to do so much damage?"
"The ass-hole had the audacity to tell his own sister to stop trying to contact him, and hung up!" He said, his voice rising with each word. It was quite a sight to see the ever-calm Jasper riled up like this, and had the circumstances for it been any other, I would have been greatly amused, but as it was, it was simply disturbing. Taking a few breaths to calm himself, he begged me not to mention the matter to Alice, and I promised it would stay between us. A few moments later, Jasper said, "Alice is the queen of bouncing back from anything, and I can all but guarantee when she comes back down, she will act as though nothing happened, and I suggest we play along." I heartily agreed and true to his word, when Alice reappeared a few moments later, she was bouncing about, carefree as ever, and if I hadn't been looking for signs of something wrong, I wouldn't have noticed the hastily applied concealer under her eyes or the smile that did not quite reach her eyes.
"Charlie's running a bit late, but he'll be here in fifteen minutes or so," I told them, tossing my phone back into my purse. It was 7:30 now, and the three of us had spent the rest of the morning rejoicing over the end of school, and reminiscing about our time together in Seattle over the past four years. It was sad to think that we wouldn't be coming back next year and that we'd be going our separate ways, for today at least. Alice and Jasper were heading off to Los Angeles to visit Jasper's sister Rosalie, and her husband Emmett McCarty, whereas I was heading back to the less exciting town of Forks We'd be reunited in June however, for Commencement, and if Alice had her way I'd be heading to New York with the two of them for the rest of the summer and the following year. My thoughts on New York quickly drifted to the internship I'd applied for and the newspaper on who I was still waiting a response.
"Hey guys, have you seen The Times?" I asked, glancing around. As an aspiring journalist (hopefully), The New York Times was an essential part of my daily reading. Not that I was superstitious or anything, but I hadn't missed reading a single issue of the paper in the past ten years and I felt slightly disconcerted not having a copy on hand. Distractedly I noticed Alice quickly jump up from the couch and run from the room only to return a moment later, holding the very paper out in from of me, with a sly smirk on her face.
"Oh, I picked up your New York Times today B," I made a grab for it, but the little pixie had quick reflexes and pulled it out of my reach, "But you know B," she continued, as she skipped about the room, tapping the rolled up newspaper against the palm of her hand, "I've been thinking..."
"Not too hard I hope!" I laughingly said as I made a dive for my beloved newspaper. Like I said, it had become something of a ritual to read it each day and it's been years since I'd missed an issue, and was not about to now.
"Oh, shush, you! As I was saying, The Times is for New Yorkers and til you agree to become a New Yorker yourself, well," she paused dramatically, "I just don't think I can let you have it!" I gasped, and much chasing around the room and giggling ensued, as Jasper watched on in amusement, who jokingly proclaimed himself Switzerland and refused to get involved. The end result had both of us gasping for breath, but much to my dismay Alice came out victorious.
"I don't know why you won't just agree to come with us," Alice sighed once we had recovered and composed ourselves. "You'll have so many more opportunities there over the summer, and you're going to want to get used to the city before you move there in September for the internship."
"Alice, I haven't even got the internship yet!"
"Semantics. You're going to get it, what does it matter when you find out?"
"Because I can't go making decisions, based on something that's pretty improbable. Besides I'm sure you and Jasper have had quite enough of me living with you these past four years..."
Alice looked ready to argue, before Jasper piped in in his best southern drawl, "I don't know about that, I quite like this crazy threesome we've got going, darlin'." My only response to that, was the pillow I threw at his face. My desired effect was completely lost however, as the pillow flew across the room, missing Jasper entirely by several feet.
"Come on Bella," she said once the two of them had managed to stop laughing like hyenas at my complete and utter lack of coordination, "I know, Jasper knows and most importantly you know you're going to get that internship and come to New York with us!" Then worst of all, the tiny pixie had the nerve to pout at me! Pout! I give credit to anyone who can bluntly say no to an 'Alice pout'.
Stalling for time, I quirked a brow at her, "Really Ali, mind telling the rest of us where your magical insider scoop has come from?"
I really shouldn't have been surprised as Alice gazed back at me, expression solemn, tone eerie, as she said, "I have foreseen it."
Jasper chuckled at her antics,"Well you can't argue with that kind of logic now can you, Bella?" Turning to me, he then mock-whispered, "I'd agree quickly, before she starts throwing anymore Star Wars references at you," Alice shot him a deadly glare and I had to smother a smile; Alice was one of a kind.
Ding Dong. Ding Dong.
"Ha! Saved by the bell. Seems fate is on my side today, Ali."
"No worries, I always win, Bella. You should know that by now," she called out as I fled the room.
As I walked to the door, I heard someone impatiently knocking on it, and wondered if my instant assumption that it was Charlie was incorrect. However, when I opened the door, I was greeted by not one, but two faces, and immediately enveloped in a warm bear-hug from my unexpected visitor.
"Okay, that's enough kiddo, I did come down here with the intention of seeing Bells too," Charlie cut in, thankfully interrupting the embrace that had lingered longer than it should have.
"Dad! It's so good to see you!" I heard him clearing his throat to my right and added sarcastically, "Though why you brought this big oaf with you, I have no idea." I had barely finished my sentence before I was abruptly assaulted by a barrage of tickling from that very same oaf in question. "Okay, okay, I give. It's good to see you too, I can't believe Dad didn't tell me you were driving down with him!"
"I wanted it to be a surprise," he said and when I did not immediately reply, added while grinning, "A good one, I hope."
"Of course, though it doesn't change the fact that you both know how much I abhor surprises and secrets, I just may have to send you on your way because of it!"
"And how do you plan on getting back to Forks then? Hitchhiking?" he said with a laugh.
"Oh fine, you win. I suppose I'll just have to put up with you," I replied, sighing dramatically, "Well, come in already!"
As the two entered, I pondered how I felt about him driving up with Charlie just to pick me up and wondered what it meant. Annoyed at myself for allowing my thoughts to take this direction, I quickly decided that I was reading too much into the situation; he was an old friend, there was nothing abnormal with him being here. Unless of course you count the hug he gave you, which clearly stated something more than close friends and the fact that his gaze has left you since the moment you opened the door or that the moment he saw you his face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning and you know there's always the way he...Resolutely telling my inner ramblings to shut up, I turned and led my father and Jacob Black into the house.
A/N: Thoughts? Like it? Hate it? Let me know, every word is invaluable.
As always, thanks for reading!