The Scientist in the Girl and the Girl in the Scientist
There's a rule in the world where you can only have so much happiness. Life can reach a certain level of perfect before it all falls apart. This is dealing with the fall out.
*Character death warning!
I had a dream about this one and just had to write it down. Only a short piece at the moment, as I'm actually working on a different story at the moment. But depending on people's reactions I may be convinced to continue it. Please read and review. New territory for me. Oh, and they aren't mine.
Some defined their position in life by the amount of money they have. By how many friends, their popularity, their social standing. Others see success by job status, having a big house, having power, and having more, more, more.
For Seeley Booth life was measured by happiness. His defining life moments were linked deeply with happiness. And this was one of those defining moments. He could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest, his body tight with nerves and the hum of anticipation pulsing through his veins. He'd only experienced this once before and while the memory had not dimmed over the years, he was shocked by the intensity of the emotions.
This was his happy moment.
A shrill cry filled the room and there were several small cheers from the nurses. Booth gazed down at his wife as she caught her breath, sweat glistening on her brow. He couldn't believe how beautiful she was. She was clearly exhausted - the effort tiring her. And yet, when her beautiful blue eyes met his she managed to smile the most stunning smile he'd ever seen. There was movement before them and both turned their attention to the doctor.
"Ten fingers and ten toes. Congratulations, you have a healthy baby girl." He handed the swaddled baby to her mother. Dr Temperance Brennan gazed down at the tiny life that she and Booth had created. Despite all of her knowledge, her book learning, her ideas of what pregnancy and childbirth were she could not control the deep waves of emotion washing over her. Her eyes welled as she took in her tiny daughter. They'd made her. She was a part of both of them. And here, away from the books and the Internet and logic, Brennan saw that for what it was. Amazing. She held the baby up for Booth to hold.
Booth reached down and carefully cradled the tiny baby in his large arms. She was so small. He couldn't remember Parker ever being this small. Of course, he had been. But it felt like a lifetime ago. And now he was holding a baby girl. Their baby girl. He leant down and placed a feather soft kiss on her downy forehead. She was as beautiful as her mother. Stunning. A minute old and he was wrapped around her finger. He knew that he would give her anything. He was in love with her from the very first second. This was his daughter.
Brennan's eyes drifted shut as she lay back. She couldn't help smiling. The image of Booth with his daughter was burnt into her memory and the endorphins rushing through her were making her feel light-headed. She heard Booth cooing to the baby.
"She walked up to me and asked me to dance. I asked her name and in a dark brown voice she said Lola. L-O-L-A; Lola," he sang softly. Brennan felt a loving smile caress her lips. That was their daughter's song. It had been playing when Booth had asked her to marry him and she'd finally said yes. It had been on the radio when Brennan had discovered she was pregnant. And it was one of Booth's favourite songs. And now it was their daughter's name.
Lola Booth. Despite keeping her own surname when marrying Booth, Brennan wanted their daughter to carry his name. And it meant something to Booth. To Brennan it was merely a name. But to Booth it was a legacy. It said that he was a father. A father who cared about and loved his children. Brennan wanted Booth to have that.
Having a child was going to change their life. But she was happy. Seeing Booth so happy and overjoyed with their daughter, her own happiness at this new life, made the fear of the unknown worth it. For the first time in her life, Brennan knew who she was, where she belonged, and she was happy.
…
5 Years Later"Thanks for calling me."
"Hey man, its no problem. I went in there to get some files and I saw her asleep on the couch. I knew you'd be worried." Hodgins' voice held none of its joviality that it once did. He was sombre.
"Yeah. I realised she was missing but I never would have guessed she'd be here. Pretty stupid. I should have known."
"Don't blame yourself, Booth. She's upset. She's just trying to find a safe place."
"I like you better when you aren't trying to shrink me, Hodgins." Booth glanced at the scientist. The shorter man shrugged.
"Just trying to help."
"Trying to help with what?" Angela asked, moving between Booth and Hodgins. Booth shook his head and walked into the darkened office. Angela sighed, noticing the dark circles under his eyes, the stoop of his shoulders, the sadness that covered him like a cloak. Her own grief was overwhelming but to see Booth's pain merely dwarfed her feelings. She felt Hodgins put an arm around her, offering comfort.
Booth waited for his eyes to adjust to the dark. He slowly walked to the couch, taking in the still figure half covered by a throw rug. His heart felt heavy. He was uncomfortable here. It didn't feel right. It was too soon. He sat gently on the edge of the couch and rested his hand on the leg nearest to him. The figure stirred.
"Wake up, baby." He said gently, giving her leg a squeeze.
The figure pulled away into a heartbreaking ball and curled away from him, shielding her eyes. Booth heard the hitching in her breath. He felt so tired.
"Lola, sweetheart. Look at me."
The little girl curled tighter into herself, giving no sign that she was listening to him. Booth ran his hand over his eyes.
"Baby, what are you doing here?" He gently rolled the girl onto her back, finding that she was awake, her eyes wide and tearstained. His heart was breaking. Seeing her like this. This was his baby. And she was hurting. He didn't want his daughter to be going through this. He didn't want to be going through this.
"Daddy?" The little girl looked up at her father with huge blue eyes. They were her mother's eyes. Booth swallowed and loosened his tie.
"Yeah baby, I'm here." Booth reached out and pulled his daughter to him, hugging her tightly. The little girl wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him. Booth inhaled her shampoo scent and let out a deep sigh against her. There was so much pain here. He didn't know how to deal with it. But this little girl was the exact reason he would have to. He felt tears burning his eyes.
"Why are you here, Lola?" He asked again. Why had his daughter chosen here of all places to run away to?
"I wanted to be near her." His daughter was crying now, deep, wracking sobs that shook her small frame. Booth tried to steady himself.
"Oh baby," he sighed, holding her tighter. His tears were falling into her soft hair now, dampening it. "Did you think that mummy would be here?" He pulled back to meet his daughter's eyes. This was not a conversation he'd thought he'd ever have with his five-year-old child. No parent should have to have this conversation with their child.
"You said that she had to go away. This is where mummy goes when she's not at home." Her voice was thick with emotion. She was trying desperately to understand this incomprehensible reality. Booth was aching, watching her try to deal with this.
"Oh, baby. Mummy isn't here anymore. She's not going to be coming to work anymore." The words killed him to say. It seemed to make it more real to say it. It had only been a week. Seven days since his wife, the love of his life, had been murdered. Seven days in which he had tried to hold himself together for his daughter. 168 hours without sleep, hardly eating, hardly functioning. He felt that he had to be dying because there was no way that living could hurt this much and someone could survive it.
"We aren't going to see her again, are we?" His five year old was handling this better than him. She seemed to be coming to some kind of terms with the reality. He didn't want her to. He wanted her screaming and crying and not dealing. He didn't want his daughter to accept the death of her mother. Maybe that was selfish of him, but he just wanted to keep the memory of Temperance alive.
"No, baby. We aren't." He choked the words out. He felt himself losing control at those words. Tears began pouring from his eyes and he felt the sobs building in his chest. He let go of Lola and stood up quickly, moving away from her. He didn't want her to see him like this. He quickly left the office.
Hodgins and Angela were still at the door, wanting to offer support. Angela saw the state Booth was in and hugged him to her. She was overwhelmed with his pain.
"Its alright big guy. Its ok." She held him tightly.
"She's really gone. She's gone." Booth sobbed. He was fighting a force that he was powerless against. He couldn't control these emotions.
"Yeah, sweetie. She is." Angela rubbed his back soothingly. "Is Lola still in there?"
Booth nodded against her.
"I'm going to go and talk to her, ok? She's probably pretty upset, seeing you like this. You stay here and calm down. She needs her dad, Booth." She gave him a gentle smile, softening the blow of her harsh words. She left him with Hodgins and went to the girl.
Lola had curled in on herself again. Angela didn't take Booth's gentle approach with her. She'd always been upfront with Brennan and she had sworn to herself that she would do the same with Lola. That was how she was.
"Talk to me, Lola." She said, not waiting for the little girl to roll over.
"I'm sorry daddy is sad." Lola said, brushing her chestnut hair out of her eyes.
"Its ok to be sad. I'm sad too. You can be sad."
"Because mummy is dead?"
"Yes. And if you want to cry, that's ok. And if you want to be angry, that's ok too."
"Is daddy angry?"
"I think he is, yes."
"At me?"
"What? Lola, god no! He's not angry at you. Why would you think that?"
"Because I look like mummy. And because he thinks he cant let me see him being sad."
This little girl shocked Angela. She was her mother's daughter. Too wise for her years. She gave her a soft smile.
"Trust me, Lola. Your dad is not angry with you. He's just angry that something bad happened to your mum."
The little girl took that in, nodding slowly. Angela looked around at the dark office. She hadn't been in here since the funeral. It seemed creepy to be in there, without Brennan filling it.
"Why did you come here tonight, Lola?" She asked, watching the little girl. Their eyes met.
"This is mummy's room. I wanted to be close to her." The logic was obvious. Angela could understand how a little girl would seek out where her mother spent a lot of her time in order to be close to her.
"I think its time to go home, Lola." Angela said. She brushed back Lola's damp hair.
"Where is mummy?" She asked softly.
"Oh boy, you sure ask the tough ones, don't you?" Angela stated. She didn't want to give Lola a brash answer. She knew what Booth's beliefs were. But she also knew Brennan's. She didn't know what to tell Lola.
"Daddy says she's in heaven." Lola looked up at her with quizzical eyes. Angela nodded.
"Yes. He believes that she is in heaven. And that's ok."
"Do you think she's in heaven?"
"I don't know." Angela answered honestly. "I'd like to think that she was somewhere nice, somewhere she could be peaceful. But I don't know."
"I think she is in that box. The one that they put in the hole." Angela tried to hide her shock. Yes, this was Brennan's daughter.
"Well, that is mummy's body, sweetie. But I think your dad is talking about her soul."
Lola was quiet for a few moments, thinking.
"I don't think I believe in heaven." She said finally. Angela nodded gently, trying not to judge either way. "Mummy didn't believe in heaven. And why would she want to go there to be happy? Wouldn't she stay with us?"
Angela didn't know what to say. She wanted to make this little girl feel better. It was amazing. She was such a mix of Booth and Brennan that sometimes it was like seeing them in miniature. Her expressions, her ideas, her entire structure. Angela could see each marker of both parents. She was saved having to find an answer as Booth walked in. He had regained his composure.
"Everything alright here?" He asked, coming over to them and squatting beside the couch. He took his daughter's hand.
"Yes, daddy." Lola replied. She still looked as though she were pondering some hefty thoughts. Angela was worried that she would compartmentalise her feelings; something her mother was notorious for.
"Ready to go home?" Booth asked. Lola nodded.
"Can I sleep in your bed tonight, daddy?" Her eyes were pleading. Booth nodded slowly.
"Just tonight, ok."
"Ok."
Booth scooped his daughter, still wrapped in the blanket, into his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck like a little monkey. Booth dropped a kiss to the top of her head. The three of them made their way out of the office.
"Thanks Angela." Booth said as they moved out into the lab. "And you Hodgins." He nodded at the shorter man.
"No problems man." Hodgins said with a halfhearted smile.
"For working on the case." Booth clarified. He wanted them to know how grateful he was that they were all determined to catch the killer. He appreciated it more than he was capable of showing at the moment.
"Don't mention it. Please. Don't." Hodgins gave him a hard look. He wasn't ready to deal with the truth of his friend's death. And he didn't want gratitude for doing the right thing. Of course he was going to work on finding the killer. It went without saying.
"We better get home." Booth said finally. He was exhausted and he could feel his daughter flagging against him. He wanted her to rest. Things might be easier in the morning. With a heavy heart and an aching, weary, exhausted body he left the Jeffersonian and headed back to the home that they'd built a family in.
So that's it so far. What did you think? Don't know if I will go anywhere with it, but I wanted to put it up just the same. Let me know your thoughts!