Disclaimer: "Saiyuki" and all of its characters belong to and were created by Kazuya Minekura. In this story they are used without prior permission. No profit is made through this story.
CHILDHOOD
Chapter 1
The skinny eight-year old sat with his back pressed against the wall. He stared wide-eyed at the scene in front of him, his brain struggling violently to comprehend what just had happened. In front of him stood his brother where his mom had stood just a moment ago. Jien was standing motionless with a sword in his hand, Gojyo, just as motionless, couldn't do anything but stare at him, not comprehending.
He should be dead. Mom had been standing before him, her face distorted in anger, tears streaming down her cheeks, axe raised over him. He hadn't been able to move, nor scream. Didn't even want to move or scream. Yes, part of him had been terrified. Even though life wasn't as happy as it should be for a child, it still was his life, and he wasn't ready to let it go yet. But another part of him could only feel relief. He knew that in a second everything would be over. He would be gone, mom would stop crying and live happy with Jien, a life where no half-breed stepson could give her more grief and sorrow.
The axe never fell. Instead mom fell. Silently she had fallen, the angry look never leaving her face. Now Jien was standing there. Jien. Sword in hand. Slowly Gojyo's eyes moved from Jien's face, whose eyes weren't looking at him, to the sword. Blood dripped from it. Blood dripped down on the lump on the floor. The lump was mom. Mom was lying perfectly still on her right side, all he could see was her back. Blood was splashed over his legs and on the floor beside them. Jien had killed her. Finally his brain caught up.
"Mom?" It wasn't more than a whisper, but it was enough to make Jien move, and Gojyo's eyes flew back to his brother. Jien lifted his hand looking at the sword, then raised his head and looked straight at Gojyo. He didn't say anything, he was silently crying. The look in his eyes was that of someone scared, lost and sad. Gojyo understood. That was how he felt himself. Then Jien turned and left. Gojyo saw him walking through the room, out of the door, but he still couldn't move. He wanted to run after Jien, to hug him and hold him close, being held, but his body refused to obey his commands. Instead he sat there, eyes fixed on the back of mom. Jien had killed her. Focusing only on breathing to keep the turmoil in his head bearable.
In and out, the air filled his lungs. Keep breathing, Gojyo. You can do this. Mom was dead. Dead. Maybe she wasn't dead? Maybe she was just badly wounded? It took a lot of willpower, but with an effort he managed to crawl over to his mom.
"Mom?" he asked, gently touching her. She didn't respond. He tried to shake her. "Mom!" Her body rolled over and landed halfway in his lap. Lying on her back she stared with unseeing eyes at him. Accusingly, Gojyo thought. Not able to meet that look he reached out with a small hand, put it on her eyelids and closed her eyes. "Mom, I love you. I'm sorry." Trembling overtook him. Again he couldn't move. The tremble escalated to shaking. He was so cold. His teeth clattered. Dead. She really was dead. Jien had killed her. Where was Jien now? Gojyo wished he would come back soon, to pick him up and hold him and warm him, and tell him that everything was okay. He tried to call for him, but he could barely hear his own voice. Freezing, shaking and terrified Gojyo fell over the body of the only mother he had had ever known, and was blessedly lost in unconsciousness.
It was several hours later when he woke up again. For a moment he felt all lost, but it didn't take long until he had recalled what had happened. It was even clearer now in his head. Carefully he pushed his mom from his lap, and rose. He was almost as stiff as the body before him, after half sitting, half lying, in an uncomfortable position for so long. The blood was sticky on his skin, and his clothes felt like armour. He needed a shower. He needed to find Jien.
"Jien!" he called, surprised by the steadiness in his voice. "Where are you?" He searched every room in the small cottage, but there was no sign of his big brother. Gojyo sat down on Jien's bed and looked around. The room was messy as always. Where was Jien? He should be back soon. Gojyo needed him. Jien was always there when he needed him. Well, he'd better take a shower first. Jien would probably make a fuss if he wasn't clean when he came back, he was always anxious if Gojyo wasn't in as perfect condition as possible. Else mom would hit him, and Jien hated that even more than Gojyo did. But mom couldn't hit him anymore. Jien had killed her. Gojyo picked up new clothes, stripped and laid the blood drenched ones in the laundry basket, and entered the bathroom.
The shower was nice and hot. Really hot, just how he liked it. He couldn't stay too long in the shower though. If he did they would run out of hot water and mom would really be angry. But mom couldn't be angry any more. Jien had killed her. He found the shampoo bottle and cleaned his hair. No one liked his hair. No one except Jien. At least he didn't mind it. Mom used to pull hard at his hair, screaming all the insults he was so used to hear. Half breed! Bastard! Son of a bitch! Taboo child! But mom couldn't scream those insults anymore. Jien had killed her. Jien had killed her. Jien had… killed her? Automatically Gojyo turned off the water. He took a towel, dried himself, put on the new clothes, and found himself lying on his back on his own bed. Jien… had… killed… their… mother! What would happen to Jien now? The elders in the village would probably put him in prison. Or… what if they killed him? Gojyo wasn't sure, but he thought that if you killed someone, the punishment might be to get killed yourself. In that case it was dangerous for Jien to be here. He must tell Jien that. As soon as he came back they must run away. He and Jien. They couldn't stay here.
Hastily Gojyo rose from the bed. He'd better start packing. He rummaged through the closet to find the backpack they had used on the one camping trip they had made. Where was the bag? Apparently not in here. Gojyo wrinkled his nose in an attempt to think. Where could it be? It had always been lying in the closet. Every time he opened the closet he would see it and smile because of the happy memories it gave him. Actually he saw it this morning. It had almost fallen on his head when he reached for a scarf beside it, and he remembered tucking it safely back to the shelf. If it was gone now that meant Jien had already taken it. That he was already gone. But why? Of course, Gojyo should have known Jien would understand he couldn't stay here, but why leave Gojyo? No, he hadn't left Gojyo. He had just packed a few things and went out and hid it. Soon he would be back for Gojyo and some more stuff. Jien had a plan, Gojyo was sure of it.
While he waited he found another smaller backpack, and put some food in it. He probably could use some clothes, too, but the backpack was small and he couldn't squeeze any clothes in. Besides, food was more important than clothes. He was sure Jien would agree. They could buy new clothes later. Jien was strong, he would soon get a job and earn some money. They just needed to get over the first days before Jien got a job. Food was more important. He could probably help, too, with getting some money. Sure he was small and skinny, but he was no weakling. Many of the boys in the village knew that to be true. He could help in a garden or, he made a grimace, in a kitchen. Grinning to himself for being so smart, Gojyo sat down at the kitchen table to eat something before Jien came back. If Jien wanted to leave immediately it was best to be ready.
When he was finished he started to think. What if someone came to visit mom before Jien came back? There were traces of blood all over the floors. Anyone would be suspicious. Better get this cleaned up and just pretend she was away on some errand. Gojyo grabbed a bucket and started filling it with water.
A couple of hours later Jien still hadn't come back. Gojyo started to get worried. What if something had happened to his brother? Maybe he already had got caught? But no, in that case somebody would be over here by now, taking mom's body away, and taking himself to… yeah, where would they take him? There was no orphanage in this village, and he doubted there was a single family that would voluntarily take him in. Nobody here liked him anymore than mom had done. Maybe someone knew about an orphanage somewhere and would take him there. If they did, he hoped Jien would find him. Or perhaps they would let him stay in the cottage. He wondered if anyone would let him into their gardens or kitchens to help. Not that it mattered much, as soon as Jien was back they would be gone.
When the evening came and Gojyo was just as alone as he had been most of the day, he was more than worried. Jien should be back by now. A small voice in the back of his head had started to ask annoying questions. What if Jien never meant to come back? What if he really had left Gojyo? But still Gojyo refused to listen to that voice. Early tomorrow he would be awakened by Jien standing over his bed, hushing to him, and they would quietly sneak out of the village to never come back. To be ready, Gojyo went to bed with his clothes on, and the backpack beside him.
The next morning Gojyo woke up to agitated voices. Somewhere in the house, someone, or rather, several someones, were very upset. Gojyo quickly sat up in his bed. They must have found his mom's body. He'd better be out of here before they remembered him.
It was too late. Suddenly the door slammed open and one of the voices yelled at him: "Here he is, the wretched child!" Gojyo stared frightened at the angry woman standing just inside the door to his room. What was she going to do with him? He soon got his silent question answered as the woman almost jumped over to him and took a painful hold on his upper, right arm and shook him violently. "What have you done," she yelled. "Wasn't it enough that she gave you food, clothes and a home? Did you have to kill her? You ungrateful bastard. She wasn't even your mother and still she gave you everything. Half breeds like you…"
"That's enough Ela," a man's voice was heard behind the woman. "A disgusting half breed he may be, but he still couldn't have done the deed. He is only a child, and a small one at that."
"I didn't kill her," Gojyo peeped up. "Please, you're hurting my arm…" He couldn't believe this. How could she think it was he who had killed mom?
That made the angry woman even angrier. "Liar. Of course you did." She purposely stuck her claws into Gojyo's arm while she shook him again, increasing his pain tenfold, and Gojyo couldn't help but gasp. The woman snickered at that. "Just take it, foul child. Murderer. Killing your loving stepmother without a thought, and then just go to bed, as if nothing had happened."
That made the man walk over to them and release Gojyo from the woman's strong hand. Instead he took hold of Gojyo with a still firm, but not as painful grip. Gojyo was thankful, but still afraid. Even if the man had said he didn't believe Gojyo was the one who did it, Gojyo knew that this man, who he recognized as one of the Elders that ruled the village, held no love for him. "I told you he can't be the one who did it," the Elder addressed the woman.
She glared at him. "Who else could it be?" He's a half breed, everyone knows those can't be trusted. And I never thought you would be the one to defend that kind of freak."
The Elder glared back at her. "So you're saying that an eight year old half breed has it in him to overpower a full grown youkai woman?" he asked sarcastically. "I never thought you would give that much credit to half breeds. The wounds were made by a sword, and this little piece of trash couldn't possible handle that kind of weapon."
"If he didn't do it, then who did?" she snarled. "The only other one who lives in this house is Jien, and he was her real, loving son. There is no way he could have done a thing like this." At those words Gojyo paled and started to tremble. They both turned to him.
"I think you better answer Ela's question," the Elder said seriously. "You clearly already knew she was dead when Ela accused you of killing your mother. I say there's a good chance you know who did it."
"Yeah, even if he didn't do it by himself, he's most definitely an accomplice," the woman tried to salvage whatever accusation she could. "Tell us, who did this?"
Gojyo stared terrified at the floor. He couldn't meet their gazes. What was he to say? He never anticipated this situation, and had no ready lie to give them. All he knew was that he could not give them the true answer.
"Answer," the Elder demanded again, this time with more steel in his voice.
"Eeh…," Gojyo was thinking rapidly now, "yesterday there was a human man…" Gojyo thought that was pretty clever; everybody in this village hated humans, even if half breeds, for reasons he never knew, were hated more. He was abruptly interrupted though.
"A human? Don't lie to us. Your mother would never let a human in to her house. And if she did, he would be the one to be dead, not she." The woman let out a dry laugh. "Besides, do you think a human could get into this village without anyone notice? It's not like this house is at the outskirts, you little shit."
The Elder gave Gojyo a look that told the boy he didn't believe him either. "I think it's better you come with me, until we have settled this." Gojyo could do nothing as the strong man marched him out of his home and out to the street.
The rumours had apparently spread; there were a lot of people standing outside the house, chatting and gossiping excitedly. A cart stood at the gate, and Gojyo could see a rectangular shape wrapped in a blanket lying on the floor of the vehicle. Mom. They had already lifted her out of the house. Where would they take her?
His thoughts were broken off by the shouts that started as soon as the men, women and children standing there caught sight of him. "There he is!" "Was he the one who did it?" "Nah, couldn't have been. He's too scrawny." "But he's a taboo child, who knows what they are capable of?" "Hey, shithead, did you do it? Did you kill your mom?" "You did. Didn't you?" "Murderer!" "Murderer!"
Gojyo was now as terrified as he had been when he saw Jien kill their mom. How could they think he was the murderer? He was just a kid. And mom was… had been, strong. Were they going to kill him now? Jien, where are you? Please, help me.
The Elder stopped when he heard the people screaming. "Shut up, all of you," he yelled loud enough to be heard over the noise. Out of respect for one of their Elder, the people actually ceased with their shouts, and instead there was an expecting silence.
"I tell you all what I told Ela inside," the Elder answered their quiet questions. "This kid couldn't have done it. He's too small, and has neither strength, nor speed or wit enough to manage something like this."
The audience mumbled disapprovingly, but the Elder broke them off before they could start their yelling again. "However," he continued, "I do think he knows who did it, and there is a good chance he was part of the deed, even if he couldn't have committed the crime all by himself. I will take him to the council house and imprison him there for the time being. If all of you just clear the way and let me take him there, I promise you we will have everything cleared out in the near future."
The people grumbled a little at this, but nobody said anything more, at least not openly. Gojyo and the Elder could walk pass them without incidences.
Gojyo was taken to the biggest house in the village, the council house, which also served as a home for three of the Elders and their families. The lower ground of the west wing was separated from the rest of the house with a heavy locked door. Behind that door were small, windowless rooms that served as the village's jail. To this jail, Gojyo was brought.
A gruff woman was called for when they arrived. The woman opened the door and the Elder brought Gojyo to one of the cells, where he was more or less thrown to the floor. "You'll wait here until we have summoned all the Elders for a meeting. Then you'd better be prepared to answer our questions. To motivate you I will send in some company for you." He smiled humourlessly and left. The woman locked the door to his cell and Gojyo could hear her locking the outer door, too. Then it was quiet.
Gojyo didn't move from where he had landed on the floor. He sat with his head down, feeling very much abandoned, and so very afraid. Tears started to trickle down his cheeks, and soon he was sobbing openly. He just couldn't help it. How could this happen? He hadn't done anything wrong. Except for the crime of existing, of course. But that was probably soon to be over, anyway. Jien hadn't changed anything. Gojyo's death was soon to come.
How long he had been sitting there, crying, he didn't know, when he heard footsteps outside and the door to his cell opened. "Heh, what a crybaby," a nasty voice was saying. "You'll soon have more to cry for, boy." Gojyo looked up and gasped when he saw the youkai entering the cell. Slowly he moved backwards until the wall prevented him from getting further away from scariest man in the village: 'The Whipper'.
"Nooo…"
A couple of hours later a beaten and shaken eight-year-old was brought to the Meeting of the Elders. Not that The Whipper had beaten him constantly; his so called company in the cell had interrogated him and enforced his desire for answers with the help of open hands, fists and the whip. Gojyo had always thought of himself as one of the strongest boys in the village, not only in muscles, but not even the strongest child needed much to be broken down in the situation he was in.
Hurting, but mostly ashamed, Gojyo stood in front of the Elders. A push in his back made him stumble a little, but he didn't look up. "Go on," demanded The Whipper beside him. "Tell them what you just told me."
Gojyo could still not look up, but in a small voice he said: "Jien did it." That was it. He had betrayed his brother.
"Is this the truth?" the question was directed to The Whipper.
"Of course it is!" The Whipper looked insulted. "I've dealt with enough criminals to know when they speak the truth and when it's the fear speaking."
"Gojyo," the Elder who had taken him from his home said, "how did Jien kill your mother?"
"With a sword," Gojyo answered quietly.
"And why did he do it?"
Gojyo hesitated. He knew there was no way to avoid the question. He had already blurted the answer out in the cell. Still it felt like he was betraying not only his brother, but his mother, too.
"Answer!"
"B-because mom tried to…" he swallowed, "t-to kill me."
A woman amongst the Elders sneered, but otherwise there was no respond to that answer. He felt terrible. But probably they didn't believe him anyway. While it was no secret that his mother hated him, even if this Ela had tried to make it sound otherwise, few of them would believe such an accusation from him. Or if they believed him, they just didn't care. That thought made Gojyo understand how truly alone he was.
"Answer!"
Gojyo looked up for the first time. He hadn't heard the question. "What…?"
"Where is Jien now?" an Elder repeated the query.
"I don't know," Gojyo answered truthfully. "He… left." It was painful to think about, but he fought hard not to show any more tears.
The Elders started talking amongst themselves while Gojyo stood there waiting. He couldn't hear much but his ears caught words like "murder", and "death penalty", and he shivered again.
After what felt like an eternity, one of the female Elders living in the council house left the others and walked over to Gojyo. She took his arm as the others had done, and without a word marched him out of the meeting room towards the cells. Gojyo worked up the courage to ask: "What'll you do to me? And what are you gonna do with Jien?"
The woman looked at him, not too hateful Gojyo thought, and answered with something that sounded like pity in her voice. "Your brother will be hunted down and brought back here for interrogation, and if what you have told us is found to be the truth, then, with all probability, there will be a public execution. As for yourself, you will be staying here and attend the execution, afterwards you will be sent to a correctional institution for children."
Execution! He had been correct in his thoughts after all. And for himself; 'Correctional institution', that was a nasty name. Gojyo didn't like the sound of that at all. He didn't know what to say. There was simply too much to say, so he couldn't say anything at all. In silence he followed the woman back to the cell.
When she had left, Gojyo made his way over to the pile of hay lying in a corner, and sat down. He started to cry again. Mom dead, Jien gone. If they found Jien he'd be dead, too. Himself going to a child prison, even though he hadn't done anything. Gojyo let out all his fear in the biggest cry he ever had.
It took almost two hours before the tears slowed down. No one had disturbed him during that time, and he felt relieved. Now that he had calmed, he felt ashamed once more. What kind of person was he? First he had betrayed his brother, and now it showed how much of a cry-baby he was. Angrily he dried the wetness from his face with his shirt. It didn't help anything if he was sitting here whining like a baby. He had to deal with the situation as it was.
First, he needed to have faith in Jien. Gojyo understood now, that Jien wasn't coming back to get him. Jien knew so much more than Gojyo that he of course was far away from this village by now. That meant they were never going to catch him. And if they never were going to catch him, it didn't matter that Gojyo had betrayed him. A feeling of guilt was trying to surface but Gojyo quickly restrained it. He had faith in Jien; his brother could take care of himself. Then, what about Gojyo? Could he take care of himself? Gojyo snorted. He could. In every situation he could take care of himself!
What was he going to do now? His first priority had to be to get out of here. How? He went up and felt the door. Of course it was locked. The lock was a sturdy one and he wouldn't be able to pick it even if he had had any kind of lock pick. He looked around. No windows, no trapdoors, no roof hatch. He couldn't reach the ceiling even if there had been one, there was nothing to climb on. He sat down again. That meant the only possibility was to jump anyone who opened the door, and run for his life out of here. With a sigh Gojyo sat down in the hay again. He had to admit there wasn't much chance to succeed such an attempt. What other options were there? Maybe he had to wait and see if there was an opportunity to flee when they took him to the correctional institution.
Whatever happened, whether he accomplished the escape and had to live on his own, or they put him in prison, he would manage. Whatever happened, he would never cry again.
tbc