Not that long ago, I saw a fanvid online for the song She's Killing Me by A Rocket to the Moon. I absolutely loved it, and was inspired to write this. I've been working on it on and off for months. I hope everyone likes it.
Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.
"Hey." Sam poked me in the side. "You know what?"
"What?" I asked warily, knowing whatever she was going to say would involve me doing something for her.
"You should go to the Groovy Smoothie, and get me a Strawberry Splat."
"Why should I do that?" I said, but I stood up anyway.
"Because you loooove me!" She said with a grin, drawing out the 'o'.
"Yeah, yeah." I grumbled, and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "I know."
I left, and in the elevator, I put my PearPod on my favorite playlist. It was titled 'I Love You' and was really a CD Sam had given me for my seventeenth birthday that I had put on my PearPod. The first song was 'A Thousand Miles' by Vanessa Carlton.
By the time I was out of the lobby, the song was changing to 'Beautiful Mess' by Diamond Rio. I smiled. Sam had told me when she gave me the CD that she had been planning what songs to use as far back as the middle of junior year, when we first got together. I remembered how in that first month, I went a little crazy. It was already the longest relationship I had been in, and at that point, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. So I practically always got lost in thought, trying to figure out what that was. So my grades dropped, I came very close to being fired from the Pear store, and I swear, I was close to losing my mind. But I didn't care. It really was, as the song says, a beautiful mess that I didn't want to get out of. Still don't.
I was almost to the Groovy Smoothie when the song changed again, this time to 'Accidentally in Love' by Counting Crows. I laughed. There was another one that really was us. Getting together was a total accident. A bet, turned bluff, turned called bluff, turned "Why did you even start this?" which lead to a screamed "I wanted it to be real." That was met with a quiet "Me too." This was a natural progression into being together. Falling in love was an accident too. I guess it's just inevitable when you spend so much time with someone. Especially if you have the kind of relationship Sam and I do. Overtime it goes from being scared of her, to standing up for myself, to insulting her back, all the way as far as starting it sometimes. And the feelings change when you spend so much time together. They have to. Whether it's like us, going through I-Hate-You, I-say-I-Hate-You-But-We-Both-Know-I-Don't-Really, I-Don't-Hate-You, I-Can't-Like-You, But-I-Do-Like-You, and last but definitely not least, I-Love-You. It was just something that happened; we didn't have any control over it. And it was our faults. An accident, of course, but our faults nonetheless. If we didn't spend so much time berating and annoying each other, which (although we didn't realize at the time [or maybe we didn't want to realize]) meant we became closer, none of it would have happened.
But I sure was grateful.
Just as the song ended, I stepped in the Groovy Smoothie. I yanked one of the buds out of my ear, and turned the music down.
"Hey Freddie!" T-Bo called from behind the counter.
"Hey T-Bo." I said, placing my hands on the counter and leaning forward. "I'll have two Strawberry Splats, to-go."
"Ok, two Straw Splats, and how about" he picked up a stick, with a dozen oranges speared on it "an orange?"
"Uh, no thanks."
"I'll give you the whole stick for five bucks." He was grinning.
"That's ok, I'm good."
His smile disappeared. "Well fine. You know, you were the oranges last chance. Now I have to throw them out." He chucked them over the counter toward the bathroom. Thankfully they didn't hit anyone." You know what, just for that, your lack of respect for oranges; I'm gonna make another round of smoothies for everyone in here, then I'll make yours." He made 'Hmph' sound. "Bet you're wishin' you rescued them when you had a chance, huh?" he turned and stomped off to the blender, throwing one more look of disappointment over his shoulder.
I sighed and sat at the one empty table in the place. I was going to be there for a while. I was just about to put my other bud back in when someone shouted. "Oh my God! You're Freddie! From iCarly!"
The girl was tall, really tall. Almost as tall as Sabrina, Gibby's cousin. She'd had longish curly hair, but this girl had the longest and quite honestly darkest hair I'd ever seen. It was pure black, like-close-your-eyes-while-wearing-a-blindfold-in-a-dark-room black, in a high ponytail, and it still reached past her waist. She had a black T-shirt on with the word iCarly obviously hand ironed across it. She sat down across from me, gripping the sides of the table. She had a large grin plastered on her face, and it seemed like she was almost hyperventilating.
"Uh, yeah, I am.," I gestured to her T-shirt. "I take it you're a fan?"
"Oh my gosh, of course I am. How could anyone not be? I just love the show! Sam and Carly are so funny!" I raised an eyebrow. "I mean, not that you're not funny" she rushed to reassure me. "It's just…you're behind the camera most of the time, so I forget about you. Not that you're forgettable! I mean... I'm sorry! I just get so flustered. I always said that if I ever met someone famous, I wouldn't do this, but I can't help it! And now I can't stop. I'm just blabbering, and you probably think I'm crazy, or insane or something. And you probably want me to leave because I'm so out of my mind, but I'm not. I'm not, you hear me?" and that was the last thing I could understand, at least for a minute. She kept talking, but her voice was rising to a higher and higher pitch, and her words were becoming closer and closer together until they became a stream of unintelligible words strung together. She paused long enough to take a breath, and apparently calm herself down. She took another deep breath. "I'm sorry." This time when she said it, it was a whole lot slower. "I can get… a little… crazy sometimes, and it's best for it to run its course, then I can become coherent again."
It took me a moment to respond. "Yeah, I get that. Carly can be that way too sometimes." I thought of when Sam and I told her we were dating. "Especially when you tell her news she's not expecting."
"Ooh, unexpected news? Like what? Like her two best friends -who hate each other- dating?" she said it with a giant grin on her face.
I was taken aback. Sure, fans could be a tad bold with us, but usually they seemed nervous doing it. The girl –whose name I didn't even know- was being even more forward than usual and what makes it even stranger is that she was confident about it!
"Uh, well… yeah. That shook her up a little." I chuckled.
"Speaking of you and Sam dating, can I ask you something?" she placed her elbows on the table and leaned forward.
"I guess so." I wasn't sure at all. I wasn't prepared to be answering questions about Sam and me. I knew when we went to Webicon, or even school, at first, that there would be people wondering. They'd be questioning us all day long, but we knew what to expect. We had answers ready. But in the middle of the Groovy Smoothie, on a Wednesday afternoon? Not so much.
"Now, I'm not complaining, I absolutely love Seddie, but… why are you dating her?"
"Why?" Why?
"Like… You know how she constantly makes fun of you and calls you names and hurts you every chance she gets?" I nodded. "Why would you want to date someone like that?"
I sighed. This was the question everyone wanted an answer to, and while I'd heard some great guess over the past year and a half, none were quite right. Yeah, she's beautiful. There's no denying that. Yeah, she's funny. Yeah, she can be sweet. Yeah, she's awesome. Yeah, she's one of those people who you can never be sure if she's lying to you, but once she promises, swears to something, or gives her word, you can be sure she's not going back on it. Those are all terrific reason, really, they are, but they just don't hit the mark.
I love Sam for the one reason anyone should love someone else. Because she's Sam. She is who she is, and she's not pretending to be anyone else. She's not tricking me to fall in love with someone she thinks I want. She's herself, and she's not apologizing for it. And the person that she is…I just love. There are no specific reasons that I can spout off. All I can say is that I love her, and that's all there is to it.
"It's hard to say why I love her. I just do. I don't have a choice in it." I said with a shrug. If the girl wanted some big dramatic speech about why I love Sam, she wasn't getting it.
"That's not what I asked. I asked why you're dating her."
"Uh, because I love her?" I was confused.
"That doesn't mean you have to date her. You can love someone and not be a couple. Not do cutesy things, or be nice, but still love that person. So why are you dating her."
I stared for a moment. Then I found myself talking. Talking more than I ever have. Explaining little things and telling stories no one else knew. Spewing 6 years worth of tiny details and silly things that no one else would remember, but for some reason I do.
I started telling a story of before we were dating, a few months after the whole Melanie fiasco.
I let myself into Carly's apartment, as usual, to find Sam sprawled over the entire couch. One Converse clad foot was perched on the armrest closest to me; the other was lying on the top of the couch. Her blonde curls spilled off the seat and just barley brushed the floor as she turned her head to glance at me when I walked in. "Hey Benson."
"Puckett." I stepped closer and put my hand on her foot that was on the armrest. "Must you take up the entire couch?"
"Oh, bite me. What are you gonna-"and then she stopped, simply staring at me. She wasn't meeting my eyes, and it seemed like she was looking at my shirt. "What are you wearing?" she said quietly, and then suddenly she was less than a foot from me. "What are you wearing?" She repeated, this time screaming it, and her cheeks were flushed.
I glanced down at my black T-shirt. "It's a Galaxy Journey shirt." I shrugged. "So what?"
"How can you wear that?" Her tone was disgusted. "I mean, Galaxy Wars is one thing. It's way nerdy but at least it's relatively good! Galaxy Journey is just… bad. It's horrible. How can you possibly be associated with it.?"
"Please, it's not that bad." I said, stepping past her and flopping on the far end of the couch.
"Yes it is." She said, sitting beside me.
"It is not!"
"Yes it- you know what, be wrong if you want." She twisted herself to lie down until her cutoff jean clad legs were bent, her feet on the armrest, and her head on my lap. "Just don't wear that shirt around me anymore. I swear, that might be the only show on TV I actually hate."
I didn't say anything. I just smiled. Of course, that was only because I knew then that if I ever wanted to annoy her, I'd just wear the shirt. I had one weapon in my arsenal, which didn't compare to hers, full to the brim with machine guns, grenades, and God only knows what else.
"And then a couple months later Carly invited our little group, plus Spencer and Gibby, over to watch the season premiere of Canadian Mother this cartoon we all agreed we were too old for, but still weren't willing to give up. And I wore my Galaxy Journey shirt."
I was already at Carly's when Sam got there. I had my head in the fridge, searching for Peppy Colas for everybody else, and lemonade for myself. I heard Sam come in, and I dropped what I was doing to show her my shirt.
"Hey Sam" I said with a grin on my face, rocking back and forth on my heels.
"Benson…?" she sounded unsure. Then she must have noticed my shirt. "What are you wearing?" she shouted angrily.
"A T-shirt."
"I told you not to wear that around me!" she shouted, grabbing me by the collar. The look on her face was close to when she was sick from the rancid chocolates Missy gave her. She was mad.
I just grinned.
"I guess it's too bad, because I'm wearing it, and there's nothing you can do abo-"and suddenly she was yanking me by the collar across the room, all the way to my apartment. She just ignored my mother, who was screaming at her to let go of me. Instead of opening my bedroom door by turning the handle like a normal person, she kicked it open in anger.
She shoved me to the bed, and I stumbled over the black chest at the end of it. Sam was tearing through my drawers and all my perfectly folded clothes were flying while I just stared in confusion. Finally, after emptying the drawers, she threw a shirt at me, hitting me in the face.
"Here, put this on." She ordered.
I grinned, but did as she said. "Why are you so against me wearing that shirt anyway?"
"I just hate that show, alright? Just leave it at that."
"And I did." I lied and summed up the story. I didn't tell this girl that I didn't drop it; I kept bothering her until she told me the real reason. Which, as it turned out, made me feel like a real jerk. She told me that before he left, Galaxy Journey had been her father's favorite show, and after he left, her mom would cry when it came on. That's when she stopped paying the cable bill, so she wouldn't have to see or hear about it. But that upset Sam and her sister, so she started paying again, but instead went out with guys to avoid it. It was just about that time that Melanie left, and Sam's relationship with her mother, and most people, plummeted.
But I wasn't going to tell a stranger about that.
"Then there was the other time not long after Sam got her truck..."
"Hey, do you mind if I change the song?" I asked, my hand on the dial.
"Yes I mind! I love Diamond Rio."
"Since when do you like country music?"
"Since shut up."
I rolled my eyes, but didn't say anything. At first. Then, when the next song came on, I had to protest. "No. I'm not listening to her whine about lying."
"Well I want to hear it. So I guess that's just too bad for you, huh?" she stuck her tongue out at me.
"Keep your eyes on the road so you don't get us killed!" I shouted, and the car began to slow down. "You don't have to stop the car just to argue with me, you know."
"I'm not doing it on purpose…" she glanced down. " You have got to be kidding me!" she pulled off onto the shoulder of the road and slammed the car into park.
"What? What's going on?" I was confused.
"We ran out of gas, Mr. Genius."
"Wha-what do you mean we're out of gas? What are we gonna do?" I began to panic. "We're stuck out here now! Do you even know where we are? How are we supposed to get home? My mom's gonna kill me!" I slumped back in the seat.
"This is all your fault!" Sam declared, tearing her seatbelt off.
"My fault?"
"Yes, your fault."
"How is it my fault?" I questioned loudly, tearing off my own seatbelt.
She paused, her hand on the door. "Uh… it just is!" She opened the door and climbed out of the truck, hopping down onto the road. I watched, dumbfounded, as she started to walk away. Hurriedly, I scrambled out of the truck cab, tumbling onto my back, rather than landing gracefully like Sam.
"Dude! Wait up" I called after her. She stopped briefly, turning around and crossing her arms, a sneer on her face.
"No." she called back. "You speed up."
I rolled my eyes, but trotted after her anyway.
"And it's weird, she's always picking fights with me, but I love it somehow." I didn't tell this story, it was much too personal.
"Hey." She whispered against my chest. Her breath tickled, and I fought back a shiver.
"What?" I whispered back, my mouth barely moving against her blonde curls. She doesn't say anything. I ran my hand up and down her arm. "What?"
Lightly, she kicked my shin. "You're a dork." I sighed. I should have known. She can never leave a nice moment alone. She always has to ruin it by saying something like that, or picking a fight.
No one looking at us would have seen it. Especially if they had watched the last 6 months at night. They would see, at about 11 o'clock, her climbing through the window, pajama clad. She'd either fall in bed next to me, or jump, depending on her mood that day. Then she'd roll against me, facing me, laying her head on my chest. I'd wrap my arms around her, our feet entwined. Impossibly close, we'd fall asleep talking about something silly. Then, by seven the next morning, which was when my mom left to go to work, she'd be in my bathroom, brushing her teeth. It was a routine neither of us intended to break.
And yeah, a lot of the silly things she'd say included calling me names, and sometimes I gave as good as I got, but somehow, the feel of tonight was different. Nothing had changed. It's not like we said 'I love you' for the first time, or did…something to change the nature of our relationship. We'd been together for over a year, and sleeping like this for half that.
"Why do you do that?" I asked.
"Do what?" Again, she whispered, but I don't have to fight.
"You always ruin moments. If we ever a sweet moment or we've been getting along really well, you have to pick a fight for no good reason."
"You're crazy. I do not."
"Yeah, you do."
"Name one time." She challenged me, but she forgot that I know her, so I know how she can be when she's wrong.
"Today. We were at the Groovy Smoothie, sharing a smoothie, being very couple-y, and happy, and you had to ruin in by stealing the whole thing and chucking it at Gibby."
"How is that my fault? Gibby was the one who was in the way of the smoothie." she defended herself weakly.
"You didn't have to throw it at all. Especially since I wasn't done."
"Well I was. And as my boyfriend, you should be attuned to how I feel."
I said nothing. I was right, but I wasn't going to win.
"Whatever." I rolled my eyes. "Goodnight."
"Ha, I win." she laughed, and it's a fight not to shiver again. "Sleep tight."
"But be careful,"
"Because sometimes I bite." we finished the rhyme together, both dissolving into giggles.
"I love you." she said after a moment.
"I love you too."
I began to tell parts of the story of her birthday, leaving off the fact that she left, and what happened after.
"Happy Birthday" everyone shouted.
"Oh wow! This was completely unexpected, even though it's my birthday and my best friend and boyfriend have both been acting weird lately!" Sam feigned sarcastic surprise.
"Sam!" I chastised, rolling my eyes.
"Well it's true! Who doesn't expect a surprise party on their birthday? Especially when you have a sappy and predictable boyfriend," she wrapped one arm around my waist, and the other around Carly's "And a best friend who would do anything to make me happy." She smiled "Thanks guys."
"You're welcome, Sam" Carly gushed, pulling her away from me and into a hug of her own.
I stood quietly and smiled, knowing I would be getting my own hug in a moment.
"Come here, you sap." Sam wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her face in my shoulder. I hugged her tight and picked her up off the ground.
"Happy birthday Sam. I love you."
"You better. Now put me down. I know there's cake in this apartment, and I want it."
I grinned and did as I was told. "Sam!" Carly reprimanded "What about presents?"
"Cake first, presents later." Sam replied, already threading her way to the kitchen.
Carly turned to me. Everyone else had gone back to talking and dancing, like they had before I arrived with Sam. "Can you believe her?"
I shrugged. "She's Sam, and she doesn't apologize for it. What more can you ask for?"
"Yeah, I guess, but doesn't it bother you sometimes that she's… you know, aggressive?"
"Nah. I love her for it. You know that."
She shook her head, but smiled. "You guys are so crazy."
"I know. Isn't it awesome?" I walked away from her then, going after Sam in the kitchen. She was already cutting a corner of her cake off.
"Hey now, can't you wait? Everybody's supposed to watch."
"Well, they can watch me eat it." she said flatly, hoisting the piece out.
I pulled out my PearPhone and snapped a picture just as she took her first bite. "There. Now everyone will actually be able to see."
"Jerk!"
"I get it from you." I tugged on her hand and pulled her into the living room, to the chair on the landing. "Come on, sit down. You can eat while people talk."
"Do we haaaave to do this?" she groaned through a mouthful of chocolate cake.
"Yes." Carly appeared at my shoulder. "It's tradition." she turned to me. "Freddie, first or last?"
"Last."
"Yay! That means I go first." She blew sharply into a whistle around her neck "May I have everyone's attention?" No one paid attention. "Excuse me?" Nothing.
"YO!" Sam shouted. That got everyone's attention.
"Thanks Sam. Attention, it's now time for everyone to say a few words about the birthday girl. I'll go first.
"Sam, you're one of the craziest people I've ever met. I hope 18 treats you great, you really and truly deserve it more than anyone I know. I love you to death, I have since we were seven. I don't know where life is going to take us, and it's actually kind of scary to think about. But I know that as long as we're a part of each other's lives, everything will be fine. Happy birthday Sam!" she held up a blue cup in a toast.
Gibby was next "Honestly Sam, I'm surprised you're not in prison right now. You're absolutely nuts, and you scare me. A lot. God only knows where life is going to take you, although I'm pretty sure you'll beat people up to get wherever it is you want to go." Everyone was silent. "So yeah. Happy birthday."
"Thanks. Gib." I said.
"Gibbaaaay"
Person after person went up and gave a little speech, mostly about where Sam will go in life. It came down to me being the only one left, but she stood up. "I'll be right back." her tone was flat. "I uh… have to pee." she disappeared down the hall, leaving everyone in silence.
Five minutes passed. "I'm sure she'll be back in a minute." Carly laughed nervously.
Ten minutes. "Maybe she fell in. Ha. I'll go check."
I sat on the couch, a bad feeling forming in the pit of my stomach. Sam had disappeared. Not good.
A moment later, my suspicions were confirmed. Carly came running. "Sam's gone."
I didn't bother waiting for her plan to find her. I simply left, leaving the door wide open behind me. I didn't really have a plan, except search the building.
I took the stairs down to the lobby, checking the halls of each floor as I passed them.
No Sam.
When I hit the lobby, I didn't bother asking Lewbert anything. He wouldn't tell me anyway. I took the elevator back up to the eighth floor, stopping briefly at my apartment to grab the bouquet of roses I had bought her.
"Did you find her?" I ran into Carly.
"No, not yet."
"Then what up with the flowers?" she nodded toward my arm.
"In case I do."
I took the stairs again, up this time. Still no Sam. I stopped at the door to the roof. No, she wouldn't be up there.
But something told me to check.
So I did.
And there I found her, siting on the ground, leaning against the ledge of the building.
"Hey, what are you doing out here?" I walked over, sliding down beside her. I kept the roses to my left, so she wouldn't see them.
"Trying to be alone." she didn't look at me. "You bein here kinda ruins that."
"Too bad. I'm here to stay. Always. You know that."
She didn't say anything.
"Hey, what's wrong?" I nudged her with my knee. "Why'd you leave?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Yeah it does. You didn't get to hear my speech."
"I know what it'll be. 'You're nuts, I love you, God only knows what you'll do with your life.'" she mimicked me. "Just like everyone else."
"Is there something you want to talk about?" she was acting weird.
"No."
"Sam…"
"Fine, you wanna know what's bothering me? I'll tell you." she turned toward me, finally meeting my eyes. "I'm scared. More scared than I've ever been. Did you hear what everyone said in there? They all expect me to be in prison, and it's a surprise I made it this far. Nobody has any idea where I'm gonna end up in life, and neither do I. I've been working harder in school, thanks to you, and I'm finally getting my life together for the first time. What if it's all for nothing, and I screw up and ruin it all? Or for that matter, what if I don't, and get to some place where I should be happy, but I'm not? What then? Do I just quit and move to something else, or do I keep going at it and just hope one day it works out?"
"Well, what's 'it'?" I could handle this. I'd had these thoughts, and I'd battled them in my own. This was going to be ok.
"I don't know."
"You…don't know?" that threw me.
"Yeah. I'm eighteen years old and I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life. Not even a clue."
"Well, you don't"
"Although I guess it doesn't really matter anyway, I'm not really good for much." she rested her chin on her knees.
"Now that's a lie. Complete and total." I slid my arm around her carefully. This wasn't what I thought. This was vulnerable, insecure Sam, who I had only seen a few times. She leaned into me with a sigh.
"No it's not."
"Yeah, it is. You, ya psychopath, are amazing at torturing people. Absolutely fantastic at it." I couldn't help the laugh in my voice.
"You're not helping." but she laughed too.
"Let me finish. You're a pretty good artist, too, not that you ever kept people see. You're crazy, which I love. You're a very complicated and intricate person, Sam Puckett. But I wouldn't trade you for anything. Everybody sees us as this weird couple that shouldn't really work, but somehow we manage. But that's not it. You love me, and I love you, more than I could ever get into words, and that's why we're good. We may not be the best at everything, or the smartest"
She snorted and muttered under her breath "Maybe I'm not, but you?"
"I'm not the smartest either. How long did it take for me to realize the person I'm meant to be with has been in my life this whole time?" she smiled, but tried to hide it. "Anyway, like I was saying, we may not be the smartest, or best at everything, but we have each other, and we always will. 'Kiss me as the world goes dark'" I began.
"So I may die"
"Happy." we finished together.
She took a deep breath. "How do you do this? I come out here feeling like chiz, ten minutes with you and I'm happy again."
I stood up, scooping up the roses with me. "Come back inside and I'll tell you." I held out a hand.
She smiled, and grabbed it. "What are those?" she pointed at my other hand as she brushed herself off.
"Roses, for you."
She arched an eyebrow. "Roses? One of the only portable flowers with thorns? Really? A birthday present that'll make me bleed."
We began to walk back to the door. I slung an arm over her shoulder. "I figured they were beautiful and dangerous. You know, like you."
She rolled her eyes. "You're such a sap."
But she smiled anyway.
"Freddie! Order up!" T-Bo called my name, pulling me out of my trip down memory lane.
"Ok, thanks." I turned back to the girl "So yeah. There you go, a couple reasons why."
She said nothing, but smiled. "Go get your smoothies. Bye Freddie."
"Later." I paid T-Bo, and took the smoothies, happy he had forgiven me. When I turned back around and glanced at the table, the girl was gone. Huh.
I restarted my pear-pod, and walked back to Bushwell, my mind on all the things I had told that girl. They were all true, for the most part. There were parts I left out, of course, because they were too personal. I bopped my head to the song playing; She's Killing Me by A Rocket To The Moon. I smiled. This was it. The perfect song for us. It was like they were describing our life. Seriously.
As the song ended, I walked back into my apartment.
"Hey." I held out her smoothie.
"Oh, Honey, you're home." her tone was flat, sarcastic. "I've been worried sick."
"Ha-ha." I laughed drily, sitting beside her. "You're the next great comedian."
"Seriously though, what took you so long?" she sipped her smoothie slowly.
"Well, T-Bo was"
"'Nuff said." she cut me off with a laugh.
"He made everyone smoothies before he made mine." I took sip. "Can you believe that?"
"Did you tick him off?"
"Well I just… so what if I didn't want an orange? Since when is it a crime?"
She laughed out loud. "An orange?" She crossed her legs and leaned against him, placing one hand on my leg. "Do you ever think of how weird this is?"
"Weird what is?" I slipped my arm around her shoulder. I thought I knew, but hey, what if I was wrong?
"Life." she answered simply. "Our life, more specifically. I mean, who else would something like that happen to?"
"Yeah, it is pretty weird." I agreed with a nod.
"And, there's…you know."She continued as if I hadn't spoken. "Us."
I said nothing.
"Do you ever think about how weird and crazy we are?"
"Yeah. All the time. But being weird for each other, and weird as people and a couple…none of that means anything. We're happy being us. That's what matters."
It was a moment before she spoke.
"If you ever tell anyone I said this, I'll deny it till the day I die."
"But…" I lead her into whatever she was going to say.
"But…You're kind of amazing, you know that?"
I smiled. "Yeah, I know. It comes from dating you."
"Sap."
"I love you too."
"Of course you do. What's not to love?" But she couldn't help but smile.
We turned our attention to the TV, where an episode of Canadian Mother was playing. It was a rerun. After a few moments, she turned and pressed her lips to my cheek softly. "I love you." she whispered.
I said nothing. I knew she didn't want me to; she just wanted me to know. That's all it was. But I couldn't help but look at her. Her blonde hair was a mess, and she was still wearing her pajamas, even though it was two in the afternoon. She had no makeup on, and there was a little bit of smoothie in the corner of her mouth.
But she was absolutely beautiful. I thought back to all the stories I had told today, and even the ones I didn't. That was our life, and our memories. And even sitting here, we were making more.
"Why are you staring at me?" Her voice was sharp.
"Because I love you." I said simply.
She said nothing, only smiled and settled deeper in the couch.
And as I watched her smile, I realized something.
That is what I do it for.