Title: What He May Never Hear, What She May Never Say
Pairing: Ed/Rose
Author/Authoress: The DarkLadyKira
AN: Based on 2003 Anime. Slight AU.
She couldn't speak, but sometimes she desperately wished she could. But every time she would get up the nerve to try he'd stop her. With a kiss, a caress, a joke… every time taking her mind off her attempts. Most of the time she didn't think about it, but it remained gnawing at her in the back of her mind.
Why? Why didn't he want her to speak? It was true she hadn't since she became pregnant- She shuddered wrapping her arms around herself. She leaned against the cool surface of the kitchen window closing her eyes to suppress the shivering. The tears burned behind her eyes, but did not fall. You fool, she scolded herself harshly, you know what happens when you think about it. She bit her lip hard, digging her nails into her arms and squeezing her eyes shut harder to try and block out the images.
Her town was torn apart burning before her. She had to get to a safe house and find the children. Where were the children she was looking after? She ran stumbling as she did, her vision turning blurry as she cried and sobbed. She lurched foreword with a cry. A shrill scream pulled itself from her throat, muffled by the ground. Turning she saw she'd tripped over some metal. She felt the bile in her throat as she took in the wound on her leg. It was jagged, long wound and was seeping blood profusely. She wrapped her arms around her waist and continued to sob, both from the pain and poor helplessness she felt.
What am I supposed to do now? I can't go on like this. It hurts too much, living in this hell, seeing those children, terrified. Watching our homes burn. Helpless as men and women I've known all my life are slaughtered before my eyes. What's the point? What is it…? She curled into herself wishing nothing more than to die on that quiet street alone and bleeding.
Stand up and walk. Rose gasped startled as a memories of those words went through her mind, as clear and forceful as the day he spoke them. Move on. After all, you have perfect legs to stand on. Rose trembled as those molten gold eyes flashed into her mind. Edward, she thought almost longingly and then she clenched her jaw determined, pushing back the haze of pain. I'm a fool and a disappointment. How could she face Edward again after admitting defeat? I won't, she vowed.
Rose took a deep breath to steady herself and pushed up with her arms, refusing to allow any scream to be released. Slowly, painfully she ripped the bottom of her dress and began to tie the wound. Rose took another breath shaking already knowing the pain that was about to come. She began pushing herself up, leaning against a wall as she dragged her limp body up inch by inch. Tears trailing down her face silently, she settled her weight on her good leg. Then she pushed down gently on the other-
Searing pain, white hot and blinding. It took Rose a few minutes to connect the sudden scream with the pain in her throat. Crying again she dragged herself back to the wall from where she'd collapsed on the ground. It took a few more tries, but eventually she managed to get into a standing position and start hobbling along.
Rose shivered with unease, sensing something eerie in the cold desert night. She bit her lip worriedly as she turned, jumping at every sound, flinching with the pain the jarring movement caused her, straining her eyes in the black darkness to keep an eye out for enemies- Wait dark. Rose trembled as a wave of cold went through her at the realization the fire had been put out leaving her without light. Someone had to have put it out. It wasn't the type to go out on its own.
Suddenly Rose's trembling wasn't from the cold and pain, but from fear. Rose had heard horror stories of what enemy soldiers could do to young girls found alone in occupied territory. It hadn't happened yet here. It wouldn't, something still innocent in Rose protested. This was home, things like that didn't happen here, or to people like her. It happened in far away places to people in those places. Poor unfortunate people, not Rose or her neighbors-
She froze. She had heard something she was sure. Taking sharp breath Rose listened. Yes those were foot steps she was sure about it. Rose looked around frantically. They were close! Much too close. Where are they? Who are they-
Rose's scream was muffled by a large hand as someone grabbed her from behind. They lifted her up easily and didn't seem bothered by her pathetic kicks and punches. Panic setting in she tried to bite him, but in response he chuckled and squeezed her tightly around the waist in warning. Too tightly she couldn't breath. Another scream was muffled as he turned her around sharply causing her injured leg to hit something solid. Her vision went white with black spots. And to her horror it didn't clear. I can't breath! I can't breath-
Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about it! She repeated her mantra over and over as the images came unbidden. The struggle. That night. What he'd done to her. The resulting pregnancy. And finally, her baby. A sob choked her throat and came out soundlessly. Her baby. Her precious, precious baby. Even he'd been taken from her, by that evil woman, Dante.
Dante who'd cared for her. Dante who'd loved her. Dante who'd known her every secret. Dante who'd been her best friend. Dante who'd been named her son's godmother. Dante who'd she'd trusted and loved in return. Dante who'd betrayed her. Dante who'd killed her baby. Dante who'd almost made her lose-
Rose jumped hearing the front door shut and rushed to the sink to wipe off any traces of tears. She couldn't have him suspecting she'd been crying. She knew he couldn't stand her crying. He always worried about her when she did. Pulling up a fake smile she turned to find her husband of six months walk in, praying he didn't see through it. He paused frowning as his golden eyes instantly saw through her disguise. Rose's heart quickly plummeted. Of course he would, he always did. It was impossible to lie to him.
'What's wrong?' he questioned, hands quickly forming the signs with practiced ease. Blushing Rose replied. Before he'd come back Winry had came up with the idea of sign language to communicate. Alphonse and the others had worked hard to find the teacher and learn with her. Edward of course had taken to it like a fish to water. It almost made Rose smile thinking of her prodigy of a husband. But she resisted after all the other half of the time it almost made the placid woman tempted to hit him, but usually Winry was around to do the job for her.
'I remembered it again.' She replied. He didn't have to ask what. He never needed to ask anything about her it seemed. Rose breathed out slowly as he pulled her into his embrace. The automail arm he wrapped gently around her waist used to be odd and unnerving, but now it was familiar and comforting. It reminded her of him. His other hand ran through her hair, stroking it and feeling it. She knew he loved her hair. He'd told her, many times, mostly while they were making love. Rose laid her head in the crook of his neck breathing in the scent that was so familiar, so comforting, so warm, so utterly Edward. He responded by massaging soothing circles into her back. Her muscles began to relax against his warm gentle touch, that contrasted so sharply with the metal around her waist. Soon Rose found herself lulling against him almost humming, she was so at peace in his arms. So completely safe. Something she hadn't been able to ever feel completely since that night. Not until Edward. Seeming to sense she was better he leaned back, his automail arm still circling her waist lazily.
'Better?' he questioned. Rose simply nodded, looking up at the face of the man she loved. 'Good.' He stated and leaned foreword to kiss her. Rose met him halfway.
She knew she was addicted to her husband's kiss. The taste of them. The feel of his lips moving sensuously against her own. The heat that radiated from his body as he pulled her closer. The feeling he invoked and her and the best part-
Ah, there it is, her mind sighed contentedly as Edward pulled back slightly, the mixture of smirk and smile adorning his face, as he looked down at his golden eyes, half closed like a content cat's, glowing with something that made her toes curl and heat to settle in her stomach. He wanted her. Loved her despite the fact she was soiled. The thoughts that had been nagging her all day forced themselves into the forefront of her mind, causing her to frown. Angry they'd ruined her moment with Edward. She glared at the ground annoyed with herself and sensed Edward's change in mood, changing from playful and affectionate, to concerned and gentle. He gently lifted her chin to look him in the eye. His eyes asking what was wrong. Rose paused uncertain, but swallowed and asked him.
'Why do you stop me?' she questioned steeling herself for his reply. She saw the confusion in his eyes and elaborated. 'When I try to speak, you stop me. Why?' Edward blinked at her and the unease crept into her stomach as his face went carefully blank.
'Rose, do you know why you don't speak?' Edward questioned. Rose flinched, ripping herself from his grasp and starring at her husband horrified. How could he ask that? How could the man who claimed he loved her ask her that? Edward grimaced noting her horrified face.
'You've spoken before Rose.' He pointed out. 'When Envy-' She grabbed his hands, lips pressing into her own grimace at the memory of that horrible night. She'd thought she'd lost Edward forever. She shivered imagining her life without him and coming up with only a black loneliness.
She lifted her hands to tell him not to mention that again, but paused thinking about what he'd said. She had spoken before. When Edward had…She quickly skittered over that moving on. She'd spoken before. Why couldn't she do it again? Because Edward stops me, her mind pointed out. He wasn't now, she could if she wanted to. Rose opened her mouth and-and- She couldn't she realized stunned, after all those years she still couldn't. It hadn't been Edward stopping her it had been herself.
Rose looked away tears pricking her eyes as her mind drifted to the future with stunned horror. What if she could never tell her husband she loved him? What if-what if- Oh, god their children! What if she could never tell her children she loved them? Rose looked up at Edward only to find his face gentle, so gentle and loving it broke her heart.
How can he love me? I'm not worth it! I'm broken! Doesn't he realize? A sob tore from her at the thought and she was pulled into is embrace. This made her cry harder at the thought of her not deserving this tenderness. She was broken. Edward deserved someone whole and complete. Someone who wasn't tainted like her. Winry. She suddenly realized. Winry, who'd loved him as much as Rose. Winry was who he should have married. Rose pushed him away. She had to tell him. Had to demand he leave her. For his own good, for any innocent children-
Edward stilled her hurried hands. And drew her close, kissing her tears, as she cried even harder at the gesture of love. Stepping back, but giving her a look that begged for silence he signed at her.
'It doesn't matter.' Rose shook her head. Of course it mattered! Of course it did! Damn it! He needed to understand. She paused noting he wasn't done. 'I knew. I knew you wouldn't be able to.' Rose froze looking up at him confused. But, why then?
'I love you Rose. I love you more than I ever thought I could love a woman.' He told her eyes burning in a way that made her stay frozen watching him numbly. 'We don't need words. You show your love, in every move, every look, every time you sigh against my lips-' he stopped suddenly blushing a little, but continued. 'You have immeasurable amounts of love that you give away with a unending ferocity that makes me feel blessed to have met you, to have loved you. I am honored to have been loved by a woman such as yourself.' Rose shook her head, No, he was wrong, she was broken.
'Stop,' he ordered glaring. 'I love you Rose, I will never stop loving you, not even if I can't hear you say those words, not even if I die without hearing them. I love you and I know you love me.'
'Children?' Rose questioned numbly. Edward smiled.
'They'll know. Kids always know.' He told her before pulling her into an embrace. Rose closed her eyes and relished it. For some reason she suddenly knew it would be okay.