It was a cold, dark night in Disneyworld. A cool, menacing breeze blew through the treetops. All of the rides were deserted, and not a single soul was in sight. Except for one person. Voldemort stood on the top spire of Cinderella's castle, laughing like a maniac. "Now that I have made Inferi of the dolls from It's A Small World, I can finally take over the unvier – "

Oh, wait. Wrong story.

Harry stared in wonder up at the sign. Magic Kingdom it read. Where Dreams Come True. He considered this skeptically. Dreams couldn't just magically be granted, could they?

"Come on, guys," he ordered his family. "Let's go get tickets." He started walking in no particular direction, quite unsure of where to buy said tickets. Why did the Muggles have to make things so hard to find?

His family trailed after him uncertainly.

"Dad, I wanna go on Splash Mountain!" Lily whined, bouncing up and down.

"Sure, sure," Harry said absently. "Now where is that ticket booth?"

The family searched in vain for a few minutes until Ginny finally shrieked, "Aha! It's under the sign!"

"Oh," Harry blushed deep red. "I knew that all along. It was just…camouflaged."

He strolled over to the ticket booth. "Hello there, sir," he greeted the man inside, a short, portly fellow who wore a dissatisfied expression on his smug face. "I was wondering if my family and I could get tickets."

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Don't rush me." The man smacked on his chewing gum for a few moments, then promptly blew a bubble in Harry's face. "How many 'ya need?"

"Um…five."

The man checked his cheat sheet. "That'll be $396.34. Pay up."

Harry pulled a handful of bronze, silver, and gold coins from his pocket. "Will this be enough?" he asked hopefully.

The man examined a plump gold galleon. "Never seen this type of money in my life," he drawled. "I need some real currency." He blew another bubble in Harry's face.

Harry's lip twitched with suppressed rage. "I'm sorry sir, but this is all I've got to offer to you."

"Then go somewhere else where they'll accept these here coins," the man said unsympathetically.

Harry seethed. "I'm not going somewhere else, for your information. My family and I are going to Disneyworld, whether you like it or not."

The man once again blew a bubble in Harry's face.

"Arrrgh!" Harry yelled in frustration. He drew his wand from his cloak and pointed it at the man. "Imperio!" The ticket salesman's eyes glazed over, and his head lolled to the side.

"NOW GIVE ME MY TICKETS!" Harry screamed, panting slightly.

The man handed over the tickets, staring blankly off into space.

Harry lifted the spell, then performed a Memory Charm on the unfortunate fellow. He would forget about the whole incident.

"Good day, sir!" Harry yelled as he and his family departed. "Have a nice life!"

The man just waved.

"Where to now?" Harry asked Ginny abruptly. "You seem to be directionally inclined."

Ginny pointed at the monorail station. "I think we're supposed to take that train – "

"Daddy!" Lily interrupted, tugging at Harry's sleeve. "Can we please go on Splash Mountain now?"

"Of course, darling," he reassured his daughter vaguely. "Once we get into the Park. Now what were you saying, Ginny?"

"I was saying that we have to take that train to get to Magic Kingdom." She pointed into the distance. "It leads right up to the gates."

Harry muttered something unintelligible underneath his breath. "And how do we get onto the train?"

Ginny motioned to a, long, wide staircase. "Stairs," she replied simply.

Harry winced. Darned stairs. They had to follow him everywhere.

"Are they moving stairs?" he asked, frowning. "How the heck are we supposed to know which steps to jump over?"

"It looks like a regular staircase to me, darling. You know, in the Muggle world, there are such things."

"Yeah, I know," Harry said, exasperated. "I used to live in a cupboard under one of those so-called 'regular staircases.' But my experiences at Hogwarts have taught me to never underestimate a staircase that appears to be ordinary."

"But I'm highly convinced that this is a regular staircase, dear. See how solid it looks?"

"You never can tell."

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Well, you'll know once you climb it. Go on."

Harry looked at her beseechingly, but took a tenacious step forward onto the cold, hard cement. He squeezed his eyes shut, preparing for the worst. But nothing happened.

He took a shaky breath and stepped onto the next stair. "Stay behind me, kids," he warned. "This could get messy."

He cautiously continued walking up the steps, and had made it about halfway before his foot got stuck.

"Oh no," he moaned, shaking his head. "I told you so. It is a trick staircase!"

"No, it's not," Ginny corrected him, sighing. "It's just a piece of gum."

Harry looked down, and indeed what his wife had said was true. "Whoops," he muttered, blushing deeply. "I knew that. I was only kidding." He yanked his foot up, freed himself from the clutches of the gum, and continued his journey up the stairs.

"It's safe," he called down to his family once he had reached the top. "You can come up now. Just watch out for that gum."

Ginny, James, Albus, and Lily clambered up the steps.

"Good," Harry declared when he had been joined by his family. "Now we can board the train."

He wandered over to a Disney Worker. "Excuse me," he asked. "But how are we supposed to get to Platform 9 ¾ from here?"

The Disney Worker scratched his head, puzzled. "No idea what you're talking about," he said, frowning lightly. "You should probably take your family and get in line."

Harry, following the man's suggestion, took his family and got in line, rather unsure of what to do. Suddenly, the monorail whooshed into the station and came to a stop in front of the Potters. The doors opened.

"Go on in," the Disney worker said kindly.

So they went in. The inside was quite roomy, seeing as there were no other passengers in their compartment. Lily and Albus found delight in running from end to end, letting out little squeaks of happiness.

"You'd better stop that," Harry advised. "The train will start at any minute now."

Right after he said this, the doors closed, and the train took off.

The Potters were surprised at how fast it was moving, and were tossed unceremoniously to the floor. All except for Ginny, of course. She was standing in the middle of the compartment, clinging for dear life onto a thin metal rod.

"Come over here," she beckoned. "If you hold onto this rod, you can stay upright – sort of."

Harry, James, Albus, and Lily crawled over to where she was and took a firm grip on the metal rod.

"Merlin!" Harry exclaimed, attempting to stand up. "This train is a safety hazard! What were they thinking when they built this thing?"

"I don't know," Ginny said comfortingly. "But we're alive, and that's all that matters."

Harry snorted indifferently.

"I wish the lady with the snack trolley was here," he said, a note of longing in his voice. "I'm in the mood for a Pumpkin Pasty right now."

"You would be."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, never mind."

The next few minutes dragged by, until, finally, the monorail pulled up to the station. The Potters tumbled out shakily, knees wobbling.

Harry was a delicate shade of green. "Never again," he vowed. "Ever!"

"We still have the trip back!" Ginny reminded him.

Harry shook his head stubbornly. "No!" he exclaimed. "I'd rather risk Summoning our brooms than riding that…that thing again."

"Okay, then. Have it your way."

As the family neared the exit, Harry looked down in alarm. "Oh no," he whispered, horrified, face rapidly turning pale. "Another staircase!"

Ginny rolled her eyes and pushed him down the first step. "I think this one should be safe," she said sarcastically.

"I – I don't know, darling – this one looks rather vicious – "

Ginny interrupted him. "Come on," she said to her kids, and started down the stairs, ignoring Harry's feeble protests. "Don't listen to Daddy." The kids plodded down the stairs after their mother.

"Wait!" Harry said weakly. "Stop!"

But, heeding Ginny's words, they didn't listen, and continued downward.

Taking a deep breath and calling up his nerve, Harry followed them, stepping with care.

When he reached the bottom, he let out a whoop of joy. "Told you so!" he exclaimed to his disapproving family. "I told you it was perfectly safe!"

Ginny opened her mouth to make a scathing, insulting remark, but snapped it shut. She didn't want to let loose in front of the children.

Harry looked around, completely lost. Where was that entrance?

"Wife, consult the map," he ordered loftily.

"We don't have a map."

"Then find one."

"I don't know where to find one."

"You're a witch, for crying out loud! Summon one!"

Ginny consented and Summoned a map. She poured over it for a few moments, and then looked up. "The entrance to Magic Kingdom is right in front of us," she said.

Harry looked up, too, and spotted the entrance.

"Ooh, I found the entrance!" he stated grandly. "Come on, family, let's go have some fun!"

They walked over to the turnstiles, and Harry handed a Disney worker his ticket.

"Thank you, sir!" the worker said cheerily. "Have a nice day here in the Magic Kingdom!"

Harry smiled at him politely."Excuse me," he said, gesturing to the set of metal bars that blocked his entrance. "But can you remove these bars for me?"

The Disney Worker kept smiling. "It's called a turnstile," he explained. "I'm not supposed to remove it. You're supposed to go through it."

"Why do I have to go through it? That's stupid."

The man stiffened. "Please don't insult my company, sir," he said firmly. "I'm sure they have the reasons. Now, will you please go through already? You're holding up the line."

Harry shrugged and stepped forward, but the metal bars stopped him. "I can't go through."

"Keep walking. The bars will move with you."

Harry kept walking, and to his surprise, the metal bars turned with him until he had safely reached the other side. He was in the Magic Kingdom now.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy!" Lily whined passionately as she plowed her way through the turnstile. "Can we please, please, please go on Splash Mountain!"

Harry smiled and ruffled her hair affectionately. "Of course, sweetheart," he said. "I promise. But watch your back in this crowd. There could be rabid dementors gliding about, for all I know."

Lily's eyes widened with fear.

Harry ignored his daughter's reaction and turned to face the rest of his family, who had just made their way through the turnstiles.

"Lily wants to go on Splash Mountain," he announced. "Wife – consult the map!"

Ginny just glared at him.

Harry's day at Disneyworld was off to a horrible start.

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