No Other Solution

He just stood there, motionless, clueless. He didn't know what to do, where to go; he felt lost, the regret in his so-broken-heart together with the terrible loss was enough to destroy him mentally.

All he could think about was her – her face, her scent, her eyes. He couldn't forget the look in her eyes, her face when he gave her the hair-brush. What had he done, what had happened to him, why did he do this to her, how could he? …

All those questions remained unanswered because even he, who did all of it, didn't know why. Of course, he felt jealous, he saw the woman he had loved for more than 20 years with another man.

She was touching HIS arm, talking to HIM, smiling at HIM. He was supposed to be the one, who should put that smile on her beautiful face. It was his hand that she should touch.

But he was also the one that had hurt her so many times. He was that one single person she had given uncountable chances to. Most of them probably he didn't deserve, but still, each time she was giving him another chance.

He knew that what she had done for him was beyond what a friend would do. He also knew that he didn't deserve her. She should be with somebody, who will do EVERYTHING for her; who will be a good father for Rachel; one, who will cherish her all the time.

But he just couldn't bear the thought that somebody would be able to love her more than him. He loved her daughter, too, for Christ's sake! He didn't even know that he could feel something like that for a child that wasn't in any way related to him.

They were his family. And what did he have now? He had jeopardized everything. As if he was playing poker and risking everything, risking her and that little girl. And he had lost HIS everything…

Now he had nothing, absolutely nothing. And he was done, he had no reason to live now. They were gone, his family was gone and he somehow knew that they won't come back. How could they – even he wouldn't be able to forgive himself this time. What he did was just like what she had once said: "beyond asshood". He couldn't forgive himself, he didn't expect her to forget and forgive him, too.

House remembered all those times he was able to be with her, to smell her hair, to feel her right next to him in the mornings when he would secretly wake up before her, when he was able to look at her peacefully sleeping in his arms. He felt so secure with her, he wanted to protect her from everything, but in the end he wasn't able to…

And just as he was standing on the lonely shore, thinking and looking straight ahead of him at the endless ocean, a decision was made. He knew that he had no reason to live that miserable life of his and he just started walking further in the ocean without thinking twice.