Title: The Vicar's Wide and the Chef
Summary: A brief insight into Laurel's mindset as Ashley confronts his wife over her "affair" with Marlon. Unresolved.
Laurel Thomas was a particularly unhappy woman. She couldn't pinpoint the exact time she had fallen in love with another man but it had happened, and here she was with a life changing decision to make. She wasn't sure when it happened, but she had fallen in love with Marlon Dingle, someone she had barely spoken too before the summer, and now her husband demanded answers that she couldn't give without hurting him.
The Vicars Wife and the Chef, that's how Marlon had put it. Marlon... Laurel knew she had destroyed more than one person's life in her selfish desire to feel alive and she was now facing the consequences. She thought that she had been able to hide the secret she had been hiding, to hide the fact that she had been casually seeing another man behind her husband's back; despite not physically committing the ultimate betrayal to her husband... she had even tried to move Sandy, Ashley's father, off to a home for old people. She had tried to hide this double life, but instead had been so transparent. She knew that she deserved everything she knew was coming but still wished to delay it as long as possible.
For a brief moment she was going to leave him to be with Marlon. She had packed a few things, even started to write a note to Ashley, how foolish had she been to try and write a note? That wouldn't have been fair... she was glad, really, that he had interrupted her by coming home early. It had made her realise that she couldn't leave her kids, her children. They were her life. They meant everything to her above even Ashley and Marlon put together. She couldn't break up her own family.
Sighing, she returned to the sink to wash up the cooking utensils from breakfast. The routine was methodical allowing her mind to wonder about what was going to happen in the near and far future; about what could have happened if she had actually ran away with Marlon that night? What could have happened from then on? She had been so caught up in the excitement of it all that she had briefly allowed the delusion to overtake. She hadn't suspected that Ashley knew more than he was letting on despite the strained atmosphere that had permeated everything between the pair of them for the past week; she certainly hadn't even anticipated that he was going ask about her and Marlon. The question still echoed in her mind like an irritating song that wouldn't go away; are you sleeping with Marlon Dingle?
How stupid had she been in thinking that she could hide the entire situation from Ashley, he wasn't a stupid man, the very opposite in fact, and now... and now she would have to face the consequences of those actions. The look that Ashley had given her when she couldn't face up to her actions when he had asked may as well have killed her several times over. No more than she deserved, she knew, but it didn't make her feel any better about the whole situation.
A slamming door brought her out of her reverie, and with a shock she realised that she had kept the hot tap running and the sink was overflowing onto the draining board and began rapidly dripping onto the floor.
'Ashley? Ashley is that you?' Laurel called into the house, torn between wanting and not wanting to see her husband, to deal with the situation and to simply ignore it for as long as possible.
'I'm not staying,' Ashley said acerbically, not even looking at his wife, not greeting her as he stormed into the house. He couldn't bring himself to face up to the fact that she had been unfaithful to him, regardless of whether it was a physical affair or not.
'We have to talk about this, please Ashley, don't go,' she said, begging him not leave the house again, to face the demons that were facing their marriage. Ignoring the issue wouldn't make it go away; it wouldn't fix the situation however much either of them wanted too.
'If...' Ashley began walking back towards his wife, 'If nothing happened, why did you lie about going to see him? Why not just say you were going to see Marlon – a friend?' Ashley was angry and Laurel could understand why - she had been furious when she had found out about Sally. But nothing had happened here, there was nothing going on between her and Marlon just some mixed up feelings that she hadn't been able to deal with in the appropriate way.
'Ashley... please... listen to me... nothing happened with Marlon...' She wanted him to understand that she hadn't truly been unfaithful to him that she hadn't ruined their sacred vows.
The next instant Ashley's hands were on her face putting her in a vice-like grip. Laurel was torn between being pleased that he had actually touched her and the fear that for one split second Ashley was going to hurt her. She could feel his fingers pressing into her cheeks and her neck holding her much more tightly that she was sure that he realised.
'Do you love him?' He asked; face so close to hers that she could see her own reflection in his angry eyes.
She couldn't answer him. She thought about the question, about love and about what it could mean. She had told Marlon that she loved him, kissed him even, but she loved her husband more, she knew she did. So why was she trying to convince herself of the answer? Ashley and she had more than just love; they had their history, the things they had survived, and the obstacles they had faced. It was all the more heartbreaking, Laurel realised, as though the past meant nothing to her. She didn't deserve his forgiveness, to move on from the situation she deserved his anger.
'You shouldn't even have to think about the answer,' he said spitefully, releasing her face and walking out of the house.
Laurel didn't know what to do. She had never been in this situation before – the only thing that she knew for certain was that she wanted her husband back, more than anything in this world. Tears leaked out of her eyes as she tried to find a solution to the problem but coming up empty.
#
Laurel had thought about talking to Nicola about her problems but couldn't bring herself to face up to the shame of her situation. She may not have committed to a physical affair but she was still ashamed of her actions. She had tried to avoid the situation, to avoid spending time with Marlon, but they had been forced to work together – Ashley had even pushed them to work together. It was dangerous for her to think like that though, it was far too easy for her to blame him for the trouble that she had caused. If he hadn't been so distant from her... it wasn't fair to think like that. Not fair on her, and most definitely not fair on Ashley.
How could she keep pretending that everything was going to be okay when she knew that it wasn't going to be? And what about the children – how was she going to pretend everything was going to be okay with them when inside her heart and mind was shattering into fragments as she struggled to deal with the magnitude of the situation. She was going to lose everything despite the fact that she had made the decision to save it all to walk away from Marlon and everything that he could have stood for.
As far she could figure out she had three options – fight for her marriage with Ashley as she had done in the past, go away and sort her head out and see where she stood within her own mind, or simply, run away with Marlon. She couldn't even entertaining the last idea, she valued her family more than anything else but would Ashley be willing to fight for her? Laurel could help but feel an over shadowing sense of doubt.
She couldn't see how Ashley would, or even could, fight for her. All she could do was hope that they would figure this out, to sort through the mess that she had made of things. To fight for her marriage and the man that had made her life so full and complete... and forget about the man that had stolen her heart.
So why was there a part of her that didn't want to sort it all out?
How could she resolve the problems in her heart and her mind?
Laurel sat on the sofa as the tears feel freely from her eyes.