Authors note: When I heard that Beth was returning to Glee, all these ideas just started popping into my head about what I thought might happen. I know glee probably won't do it like this, but this is what I imagine when I think about Season 3 :) I really hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I don't own glee or any of the characters.
Strutting down the McKinley High corridor, Quinn pursed her lips and held her head high, letting the anger course through her body. She tried not to let any of the mindless other students get in the way of her rampage, if they had any sense they'd know to get out of the way. How could Puck completely disregard her over Lauren? Lauren? Santana she could understand but Lauren was a complete joke. Quinn let out a furious breath, glaring at innocent passers-by as she moved. Lauren? Quinn couldn't make sense of the situation; it was as if Puck's feelings for her two years ago had completely dissolved, along with any chance of them ever being in a relationship. Quinn was hurt, which usually resulted in her acting like a bitch. She'd been hurt ever since she'd made the decision to give Beth away, and Puck hadn't been there to support her. She'd been hurt ever since Puck seemed to forget that they'd actually had a child, and had left her alone to deal with the mess. And now that Shelby Corcoran was back in town, she was hurt that Puck didn't seem to care that their daughter was probably returning to Ohio as well. He was more interested in trying to get Lauren Zizes into his arms, and he didn't seem to realise that Quinn really needed him. His strength and confidence had helped her survive her pregnancy, and she needed that support back now when she felt at her most vulnerable. He was the father after all. But no, as always, Noah Puckerman had girls as his number one priority and everything else fell into a neat second place. Quinn groaned. She hated feeling upset. It just made her furious. And when Quinn Fabray was furious it was best to stay right out of the way.
Shelby Corcoran was stood where she felt most at home, on stage. A piano rested behind her and perched on the stool was a little girl with sleek blonde hair and rich chocolate eyes, accented by a thick layer of long dark eyelashes. Her chubby fingers punched the keys and she giggled innocently, peering up at her mother with a wicked mischievous grin, as a loud thumping tune erupted from the instrument. Shelby sighed. It felt good to bring Beth back to her home town, but she still wasn't sure if she'd made the right decision. Was it too early to come back here? Back to Lima, Ohio, where just 2 years ago she'd met her daughter Rachel for the first time, and adopted her new angel, Beth. There were so many memories here, and she wasn't sure how Quinn and Puck would react if they saw their daughter, or how Rachel would react if she saw her mother. After all, things between them hadn't exactly ended on a good note and she didn't want to disturb anything that was fine the way it was. But here she was anyway, in the McKinley High Auditorium, waiting for Mr Shuester to show up. When he had heard that she was back in town, he had immediately called to arrange a 'catch up' meeting, they had had a brief fling in the past, and he had wanted to know how things were going with her. Shelby couldn't complain, she was just as curious to know any glee club gossip that she had missed while she was away, but she just wished that Will could have chosen a different place for them to 'catch up.' After all, the chances of bumping into someone she'd rather not were considerably higher now that she was actually inside the school. However, she had made it to the auditorium unnoticed, and if Will really was too busy to arrange a meeting elsewhere, she guessed she would have to take her chances. Curiosity had gotten the better of her, and although she'd rather not see them, she still wanted to know how Rachel, Quinn and Puck were coping with all of the drama of the last couple of years behind them. Shelby turned to face her daughter who was craving attention, and ran to her with her arms outstretched. Laughing as she twirled Beth through the air, she wondered if this trip was the right move after all. Maybe it wouldn't be as eventful as she feared.
The school bell rang out loudly and the few students who were left in the corridor trailed away, leaving Quinn standing alone. She was too worked up to go to lesson, the thought of even seeing Puck made her blood boil, so she decided to go to the only place where she knew she'd be left alone; the auditorium. She could just sit there for a while and cool off, she decided, before heading to her next class. Most teachers bent the rules for her anyway; she was Quinn Fabray after all, so she knew she wouldn't get into too much trouble. Teachers still cut her some slack for what they called 'an emotionally difficult past,' basically meaning that they were still worried she was going to go off the rails after her pregnancy, and 'alone time' was something that she was freely given, which, at that moment, she was grateful for. She stormed up a flight of stairs and through a door marked 'William McKinley High School Auditorium: Backstage,' which slammed satisfyingly behind her as she moved. She knew this place like the back of her hand due to the many glee club performances she had done there, and she immediately felt her anger calm and her pace slow as she entered. Turning left, with all the confidence of a performer, she headed out onto the stage only to be stopped by the sudden sound of laughter coming from ahead. That was strange, no one ever really came to the auditorium unless there was some sort of show on, or unless they were called Rachel Berry. Quinn quickly sidled against the darkened wall, and edging forward, peered around the corner onto the stage. She was safe in the shadows, and knew she could lean out without being noticed. There, in the middle of the stage, grinning enthusiastically was a tiny little girl, her fair hair bouncing on her shoulders as she jumped up and down with joy. Her rich dark eyes gleamed in the bright spotlight, as she took a few steps on her bandy legs before promptly toppling over backwards. The girl peered upwards, the picture of innocence as she pulled herself back up, before deciding, after losing her balance for a second time that it was probably easier just to crawl to her target. Quinn tiptoed forwards, her eyes following the girl as she moved, taking in every detail. She was wearing denim dungarees over a stripy pink top, and had a plastic bracelet made of hearts on her wrist. Her socks, which were covered in multi-coloured butterflies, peered over the top of her bright purple buckle up shoes, which, when Quinn looked closely could be seen to flash in different colours as she moved. The girl felt strangely familiar to Quinn, and she couldn't seem to drag her gaze away from her. Quinn inched as far forward as she dared, onto the stage, hidden only by the large red curtains that hung on either side of the auditorium, and let her head peer round just slightly farther as two arms leant down to pick up the child. And then suddenly everything made sense. Those arms belonged to Shelby Corcoran which meant that the little girl was…Beth. Quinn's stomach pummelled to the floor and a wave of nausea crept through her body. Tears pricked her eyes and with a loud gasp she slapped her hand to her mouth in shock, moving quickly back behind the curtain. That little girl was Beth.
Shelby looked up at a sudden sound coming from the left of the stage, just in time to catch a glimpse of blonde hair swinging behind the curtain. She had thought that Will had finally shown up for their meeting when she had heard footsteps coming towards her but now she wasn't so sure. She rested Beth on the floor, and turned to get up, but before she had a chance to investigate, Quinn Fabray stepped out onto the stage, tears streaming down her face.
In a dreamlike state, Quinn Fabray advanced forwards. She smiled through her sorrow as salty tears poured down her cheeks, and knelt down in front of the little girl. Beth. The first thing she noticed were how tiny her hands were, her fingernails scrunched inside the ball that was her fist. Quinn gently unclenched her hand and held it in hers, and Beth smiled up at her, like she was greeting a stranger. With her free hand, Quinn stroked Beth's perfect hair, not believing it was real, not believing she was real. Beth started to laugh, a laugh that was so infectious the whole room seemed to laugh along with her, and Quinn couldn't help but laugh too. Laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. The helplessness of it. It seemed as though it were only her and Beth there, stuck in a spotlight, and everything else, all the pain, and the loss, and the sadness were locked behind a wall on the other side. Beth pulled her hand free from Quinn's grip and reached up to brush away a silent tear that was falling down Quinn's face, grinning a toothless smile as she did so. It was as though she was telling her to be happy, and not to worry. It was as though she was the strong one. The emptiness inside Quinn was suddenly filled up with so much emotion, love and warmth and she wanted to stay there forever in the moment. In the little bubble with Beth.
"Quinn?"
Beth.
"Quinn?" A voice so soft it was almost inaudible filled the air.
"Quinn? Are you alright?" All of a sudden, Quinn fell back into reality. The reality of Ohio, McKinley High School, and Shelby Corcoran. It was like an ice-cold stabbing reminder of what was true, and what was fantasy.
"Quinn…" The feeling of nausea hit back once again, growing stronger as each second passed. She stood up shaking her head, letting a pool of tears gather on the floor, as a feverish heat swept through her body and with one last remorseful glance at Beth, she ran. Ran faster than she had ever run before. She didn't care where she was going, she just raced forwards. Raced away from the auditorium, from Beth, from her life. Raced until she hit Mr Shuester, who caught her as she collapsed in a drained state in his arms. Exhausted, she fell to the floor.
"Quinn! Quinn!" Scooping Beth up into her arms, Shelby screamed loudly after the girl, pulling herself quickly to her feet so she could follow at Quinn's heels. Speeding up her pace, Shelby turned a corner and questioned how a moment that just minutes ago had seemed so peaceful, had turned into this. When Quinn had appeared on the stage, Shelby had expected a reaction quite different to the events that had taken place. It was almost as though Quinn had been in some kind of trance when she saw Beth, and Shelby regretted the fact that she had been the one to pull her out of it. Maybe she should have let the mother and daughter bond for a little longer, she wondered. But, ashamed as she was to admit it, seeing Quinn and Beth sat so closely together on the stage, gazing at each other lovingly, had unearthed some sort of unknown jealousy inside Shelby; it pained her to see another woman look at her daughter like that. Another woman. Yet again, Shelby had to remind herself that Quinn Fabray was really still a child, and she knew that the mess she had seen race off stage just seconds ago needed to be cleared up. Even if that meant running down corridors at speeds she did not know she could reach after a girl she'd been trying to avoid for the majority of her trip.
An arm was tugging Quinn to her feet, but she resisted. She had no energy left, and her body had returned to that familiar empty shell she had grown so used to over the past couple of years. The heaviness of grief pounded her from all sides and with no tears left to cry she rested her head on her knees. Seeing Beth had been even worse than she'd imagined. It just reinforced the notion that Quinn had made a mistake in giving her child away, and her whole body ached to claim back what was rightfully hers. At the time, she had made the decision for all the right reasons. Money, school and time were all big factors, as well as the fact that Quinn believed her daughter deserved better than two sixteen year old parents, who wouldn't be able to love and nurture her in the same way that a grown adult would. She wanted to give Beth everything, but her and Puck could barely afford one pack of diapers. She wanted Beth to grow up in a big house, and she wanted to spoil her, and comfort her and be there for her all the time, all of which would be impossible for a girl who was still in high school. But the main reason was the fact that Quinn was terrified. Terrified she was holding Beth wrong, or feeding her wrong, or dressing her wrong. Terrified that as Beth grew she would give her bad advice, or make bad decisions, or get angry at Beth for things that weren't her fault. She was terrified at how her life would change if she kept Beth. How everyday would be a struggle, how every hour there would be another bridge to cross, another battle. And she was afraid that all of this worry, and anger and regret would eventually be taken out on the one girl that had done nothing wrong and made no mistakes. Her daughter.
Quinn was afraid of hurting Beth, but she hadn't thought about herself. She was afraid of being a bad mother, but giving Beth up had made her feel like the worst mother in the world.
"Quinn!" Shelby slowed down as her eyes focused on Quinn, who was curled up on the floor, her blonde hair trailing like a waterfall over her knees so that her face was hidden. The girl looked up at the sound of Shelby approaching and rose quickly to her feet, pulling away from the tight grip of Will in an attempt to start running again. Shelby winced as she realised that sorting this out with Quinn was going to be a lot harder than she'd imagined. The girl couldn't even face her, let alone have a conversation with her. She forced her feet to move closer to the struggling pair, and barely noticed herself tightening her grip around Beth as she reached Quinn and Will.
"Quinn," she murmured softly in the girl's ear, whose head was turned away , "I think we need to talk." Will nodded, and motioned towards a door on the right. Shelby smiled at him gratefully and pushed forward into the guidance counsellor's office, hoping that Quinn would follow suit. On a polished desk in front of her, sat Emma Pillsbury.
Quinn sank through the door and collapsed gratefully into the chair in front of the desk. Mr Shu followed behind her and perched himself on a cabinet to the left, moving a flowerpot out of the way before he did so, and letting his legs dangle over the edge. Quinn was glad he was there, she needed someone to talk for her; she wasn't positive she could open her mouth, let alone make words come out. She looked down at the floor and examined the state of the carpet, which was probably the cleanest in the school, to take her mind off the fact that Shelby was sat next to her with Beth asleep in her arms. Miss Pillsbury coughed slightly before she started talking, and Quinn's breath quickened. She hated talking about her feelings, she could barely admit them to herself, and the thought of sharing things with a whole room of people filled her with dread.
"So Quinn, Mr Shuester, erm…" Miss Pillsbury, glanced nervously at the woman next to Quinn.
"Shelby Corcoran." The woman filled in helpfully for her. "And this is Beth." Quinn mouthed the name silently under her breath as Shelby said it and saw Mr Shuester look away. He had noticed.
"Miss Corcoran, what…erm…is exactly the problem?" The woman trailed off, her hands anxiously fiddling with items on her desk. Quinn was grateful that there was someone in the room that seemed more petrified than her, and in response she lifted her head slightly. Nobody spoke, and the silence seemed to engulf everyone, building dramatically as the seconds passed. Shelby shuffled in her seat, as if to break the tension, and began.
"Quinn, I think we need to talk through some issues here," Mr Shuester nodded in agreement, "I just don't know where to start. I want to remind you that I know how you feel. I had to give up Rachel and it hurts. A lot. I mean, do you have a good support system?" Shelby moved closer to Quinn who, in response, went back to looking at the carpet.
"Yeah Quinn, how are things with you and Puck. I haven't seen you talking lately." Mr Shuester said softly. He was just as concerned as Shelby. Ever since Quinn's parents had thrown her out, Will knew she hadn't had many people to talk to. She'd moved back in with her Mom now, but Will still held himself responsible as the father figure in Quinn's life and right now he knew that she needed him. He slid his hand gently into hers, and held it tightly. Quinn didn't answer the question, but she squeezed Will's hand gratefully in response. It made her feel slightly less alone.
Will waited until the room was completely silent again, before turning to face Quinn. He looked directly at her sunken head and asked softly,
"Quinn, how are you?" She didn't say anything, just gripped his hand a little harder.
"Quinn, do you miss Beth?"
Will felt a tear fall onto his clasped hand and knew he had his answer. He looked up to face Shelby, and the child curled up in her arms, and felt helpless against the pain Quinn was feeling. He nodded towards the woman. This had to be sorted out between her and Quinn.
"Quinn, listen. I'm open to you spending time with Beth. And Puck as well. I think it will be good for everyone, Beth included. Would you want that?" There was silence in the room. This was going to be harder than she'd thought.
"I know that you feel like she's your daughter, I understand that and I do want some sort of bond to grow between you. I don't want you to be completely absent from her life. Quinn?" No answer.
"I mean, there's no denying she looks like you. Your hair, your face, even your attitude." Shelby laughed, but was quickly silenced by a look from Will. She sighed and carried on.
"Quinn, can you hear me? I want you two to spend time together. See each other. I will always be the mother, but you can still get to know her. Quinn please, say something." Nothing.
"I know how you feel, you want her back in your life, and it's understandable. And I am letting that happen, at least I'm trying to. Quinn?" Shelby was babbling. She had never been good with teenagers; that was one of the reasons why she had struggled to make a connection with Rachel last year. She knew Will was disappointed with the way she was handling things, but to be honest, she couldn't tell if she was making things better or worse. With Quinn not cooperating at all, it was hard to tell anything. Shelby could barely tell she was alive, let alone listening.
"Quinn, I really don't know what else to say. I mean, what can I say? What do you want to hear? Quinn?... Quinn?... Quinn?"
"Shelby!" Will cut in, and gave Shelby a look that said, let me try. Will lowered his voice and leaned in closer to the girl, so that only the two of them could hear.
"Quinn, I know you don't want to, but please let us know what you are thinking. At least talk to Shelby. If you want to be alone, me and Miss Pillsbury can leave, if that's easier. Shelby knows how you feel, she's been through this and she wants to help you. Please. Quinn…she knows."
Quinn let out an angry breath and stood up, shaking with sudden rage, ripping her hand from Mr Shuester's. Her chair clattered to the floor.
"STOP…SAYING…THAT. JUST STOP IT! SHELBY HAS NO IDEA HOW I FEEL!" Quinn turned to face Shelby, "YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW I FEEL AT ALL! AND YOU NEED TO STOP PRETENDING LIKE YOU DO. IN FACT, WE ALL NEED TO STOP PRETENDING. PRETENDING THAT WE CAN SORT THIS OUT IN ONE LITTLE CONVERSATION AND IT WILL ALL BE OK BECAUSE IT WILL NEVER…BE…OK. NEVER! YOU THINK OUR SITUATIONS ARE THE SAME? YOU THINK ME AND YOU ARE THE SAME? YOU THINK BETH AND RACHEL ARE THE SAME?" Quinn's gaze was piercing and pained. "YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW RACHEL AS A CHILD, AND EVEN FROM THE BEGGINNING YOU KNEW SHE WASN'T REALLY YOURS! SHE WAS NEVER YOURS. NOT LIKE BETH WAS MINE. AND NOW HERE I AM, HAVING TO FACE HER. HAVING TO FACE A CHILD WHO KNOWS I GAVE HER AWAY AND I JUST…I CAN'T." Quinn took a breath and carried on. "I CAN'T…I JUST CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW I FEEL, BECAUSE I DON'T EVEN KNOW MYSELF. AND I HATE IT! I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MY LIFE!" Hot sticky tears poured down Quinn's face and into her mouth. Her face was flaming red. "I HATE YOU, I HATE PUCK, I HATE THIS SCHOOL AND MOST OF ALL I HATE…" But Quinn couldn't bring herself to say it. The word Beth fell off her tongue and into the pile of rubbish that was her life, and for the second time that day Quinn fled from the room. She was good at running from pain. As she raced away, she could hear the distinctive wails of a little girl crying. She told herself it wasn't Beth.
Will and Shelby both rose quickly, and headed for the door, only to be stopped by the soft voice of Emma.
"Let her go. So much has happened to her today, and it's no wonder she's confused about how she feels. I think she probably just wants to be alone for a while." Emma's large eyes crossed from Will, to Shelby, and then back. He nodded and sat back down, but Shelby stayed standing with Beth resting on her hip. All of a sudden, the little girl burst into tears, throwing her head back and wailing. It seemed like the icing on the cake of a very bad day. Shelby bobbed the girl up and down and side to side as a means of comforting her, and to no one in particular she said, "She hates being woken up." It didn't really feel like an explanation. No one spoke as Beth slowly quietened down, and drifted back off to sleep, and even then Shelby kept rocking her. If she was truthful, Shelby found it comforting as well.
"I just want to help her, and I don't know how," Shelby said tearfully, "And now she's just angry with me."
"I think she's more hurt than angry Shelby," Will murmured. He looked up. "Quinn is a strong person. She doesn't like to show weakness or be vulnerable. And she thinks admitting she's upset is weakness. I think if we leave her to sort through her pain, she'll be ready to talk tomorrow. Without shouting at everyone."
"I don't think either of you understand how hard this must be for Quinn," Emma interjected, "She's just met her daughter for the first time since she was born, and even though she has all this love for her, there's nothing she can do about it, because she's not her child anymore. She has to watch Beth curled up in another woman's lap while people question her about her feelings, feelings that she can't even make sense of, and through all of this she has to act like she's a grown up, when really, deep down she's still a child. She's obviously having some problems with Puck, I mean, she probably feels more alone than ever, and to see Beth and Shelby so comfortable together must be really difficult for her. I think you're both judging her as if she's an adult. I just want to remind you that she's not." Shelby sat down.
"So what should we do?"
"I think it would be best to leave her for a few days, let her come to you, or Will, or me or whoever she wants to talk to. I don't think we should try to force anything out of her, she is protective of her feelings and it will just have the wrong effect. I think she just needs time, that's all. And when she's ready we'll discuss what's going to happen. We need to involve Puck as well, that's important." Emma looked right at Shelby, and rested her hand on top of hers, "Don't worry. Quinn is a good person. She'll want to sort this out just as much as you do. We just need to be patient."
Will silently agreed. He wanted the best for Quinn too, and just hoped that she was alright. He could keep an eye on her in glee club in the meantime, and Puck too. As Emma had said, they just had to be patient.
A few days had passed since what Quinn called, 'the episode,' and rumours had started to spread about the head cheerleader's daughter coming back to town. If a teen pregnancy was a big scandal for the students of McKinley High, the news of the baby returning was an even bigger one; and Jacob Ben Israel had already posted the story on his blog. Quinn couldn't walk down a corridor without someone looking at her pityingly as if waiting for her to have an emotional breakdown, and it took all she had to put on her usual cold front and strut past them like she didn't care. To be truthful, she did care. She still didn't know how she felt about the whole thing, and if she even began to think about Beth, her mask dropped and she couldn't stop herself from crying. She was an emotional wreck and it didn't help that Mr Shu kept popping up every five minutes, reminding her of what had happened. He was worried about her and he wasn't the only one. Miss Pillsbury, her mother and the rest of the glee club all were concerned about how she was coping, and Quinn was worried about herself too; she had never felt this…awful before. But she was more worried about Puck. He would have heard the rumours, how could he have not, and she just wondered how he was feeling. Would he feel betrayed or jealous that she had seen Beth and he hadn't, or sad that she hadn't come to talk to him, or even angry that she hadn't handled the situation better? Everyone knew that Quinn had lost it in the guidance counsellor's office after a freshman, who had happened to be walking past at that exact moment, had witnessed the whole thing. Quinn was just grateful it hadn't been caught on camera; she was embarrassed enough with everyone knowing what had happened, she didn't need everyone seeing it as well. Quinn had never lost it like that before, and she was annoyed that she'd let herself get that vulnerable, but she didn't regret what she'd said either. Although Quinn had been angry, the words that had come out of her mouth had all been the truth; that was how she felt then, and that was still how she felt now. Shelby had no idea what it was like for her. No one did. And Quinn couldn't explain it to anyone either, no matter how much they asked or questioned her. Her mother was trying hard enough. Her emotions were too complicated to put into words.
As she walked home, Quinn thought back to the night after the 'episode'. She'd cut school that day, and just gone straight home. Her mother was out, and Quinn had been glad. In the state she was in she couldn't have faced anyone. Quinn had raced upstairs and locked herself in the spare room, a place where she had once considered keeping Beth. The walls had faint marks where wallpaper used to lay but had been ripped off. She had sat there and cried until she had no more tears left, and then she had thought about the past.
After Quinn had given birth and returned home for the first time in nine months, she had walked into this room. In her absence, her mother had decorated it as a nursery, a surprise for Quinn and the baby, but Quinn had already decided to give the baby away. Above the crib hung the name Beth, and Quinn had always wondered how her mother had known that was what she had intended to call her daughter. She had never felt the need to ask. She had sat in this room for hours with Beth in her arms, wondering if giving her away was the right thing to do. When everything had been finalised with Shelby, and Beth had been taken for good, Quinn had come in here and sat leaning against the crib until she had fallen asleep. She had never wanted to leave that room, it felt like it was holding the last few memories of Beth inside its walls, and she knew if she walked out she would be letting all of that go. When she did finally depart, she never wanted to enter again, and the door remained shut for months. Her mother kept begging Quinn to let her go in; she wanted to clean it of the past and redecorate. She thought it might help Quinn to move on but she was wrong. Quinn wouldn't let her enter the room and the door stayed firmly closed. Then, all of a sudden, exactly one year after Quinn had given birth to Beth, she knew it was time. The door was opened, the wall paper ripped off the walls, the pictures thrown to the floor, the crib destroyed, the lamp smashed, and the hanging mobile torn from the ceiling. The only thing that she left untouched were the four letters dangling on the wall in the now empty room. Beth. After that her mother had insisted on cleaning up the damage. Bin bags had lined the hallway for days, and the broken remains of Beth's nursery had been swiftly carted away. The room had never been redecorated and Quinn and her mother had never felt the need to discuss it. They both felt more comfortable leaving it as it was. On the night after the 'episode' she had sat in the room, numb to everything and everyone. Her mother had knocked on the door at first, trying to coax her out with comforting words, then she had left her to be alone with her thoughts. Quinn had sat there awake all night, and throughout the next day and when her thoughts had finally stopped spinning around the cold, drab walls she had opened the door and gone to bed. The day after that, Quinn had returned to school, much to the relief of Mr Shuester, who smiled at her as she entered the glee club. She did not return the smile. She distinctively remembered ignoring Puck who had been staring at her as she walked in, but she couldn't remember much else. After that she had gone home, with the excuse of feeling sick, and sat silently on her bed, feigning sleep when her mother came in to check on her.
Today, Quinn Fabray had woken up in the same state of mind. She was lost. The day had passed in a blur yet again and, even though after persevering with a whole day of school all she wanted to do was go straight to her room and wallow in her sorrows, she knew she couldn't ignore the concerns of her mother for much longer. Standing outside of her house, she took a deep breath to gather herself and entered the foyer of her grand home. She dropped her bag to the floor and closed her eyes, letting her emotions fall as well. If she worked hard enough, she could pull on a façade like a winter coat. It was one of the many things she prided herself on, and was one of the many ways in which she kept boys guessing. No one could read her. If she wanted she could be strong. If she wanted, she could pretend that everything was alright. If she wanted, she could go back to being the empty and cold girl she was known for; a girl who was in control of how she felt, and in control of the people around her. If she wanted, she could go back to being Quinn Fabray. But that wasn't what she wanted at all. It was time for the truth. She hung the winter coat back in the closet of her mind and stepped forward into her house. She had never felt so naked before in her life.
Mrs Fabray was sat at the kitchen table when her daughter walked in. She didn't say anything and turned away expecting Quinn to head straight up to her room and lock the door as she had done last night and the night before. She had given up trying to find out what was wrong with her daughter after being ignored for two days, and although she was worried, she knew from experience that it was best to leave Quinn to sort things out on her own. She was independent and she made sure that everyone knew that.
"Hi Mom." Mrs Fabray spun round on her stool in surprise, and gaped at her daughter. She had not expected to be greeted.
"Quinnie…" She swallowed, "How are you?" Quinn's reaction of a raised eyebrow answered her question. That was a stupid thing to ask, she was obviously not alright. Mrs Fabray sighed. She was not prepared for this moment; it was a rarity that Quinn came to her mother in times of need, and because of this, Mrs Fabray had no idea what to do.
"I mean, how was school? Do you want me to make you a drink? Water, Orange Juice…" Mrs Fabray rose from her stool as Quinn sank into hers. She was desperately trying to deflect away any difficult conversations that she knew she wouldn't be able to handle. She buried her head in the fridge, busying herself looking for any other drink options.
"…Coke, Lemonade…erm…" She continued.
"Mom…"
"I think we might even have some pineapple juice right at the back here…"
"Mom…"
"I know that's your favourite. Let me just see…"
"Mom!"
Mrs Fabray turned to face her daughter and suddenly felt guilty as she saw the pained look in her eyes. She was supposed to be the mother, and for days now she had been trying to get Quinn to talk. Now Quinn had finally come to her and she was trying to avoid the subject. She gave herself a mental telling off, took a deep breath, closed the fridge and walked back over to her daughter. She
positioned herself on the stool before looking up and saying,
"Yes Quinn?"
"Mom, I know you're uncomfortable but I really need to talk to someone right now. I don't know who else to go to." Mrs Fabray took both Quinn's hands in hers and looked straight into her eyes.
"You can tell me anything."
And she began.
Before Quinn knew it, everything had come out about Beth. The stories had poured out of her and once she'd started she hadn't been able to stop. She confided it all to her mother, how she wished that Beth was hers, how the regret was tearing her apart from the inside out, how the pain was almost unbearable at times. She told her about Puck and Lauren, and how nobody seemed to care except her. She told her about Shelby trying to claim that she had once felt the same, and how Quinn had screamed so loudly she had woken Beth up and made her cry. She told her about the nursery and about the letters that remained on the wall, about how they comforted her in a ways that nothing else could. She confessed terrible thoughts about stealing Beth away, kidnapping her in the night and just leaving and never coming back. She even told her how sometimes she wished that Shelby was dead so that Beth could be hers. That was the worst thing she admitted to. Then she told her mother about her fears. She said that she was scared she would never see Beth again. And then she said that she was scared she would. And then she whispered the one thing she had never said aloud to anyone before. She said she was afraid that if she did see Beth, she would be a bad mother. And then she cried.
Mrs Fabray cradled her sobbing daughter in her arms. She had no words to say, but it didn't matter; no words needed to be said. She knew that her comforting arms were enough. She was the mother and she was there, holding her baby like she knew Quinn longed to hold Beth. Mrs Fabray had desperately wanted Quinn to keep her daughter after she had been born. That was one of the main reasons why she had decorated the nursery for Quinn's return. She had even gone to the trouble of finding out from Mr Shuester the gender and name of the baby so that everything was perfect. Mrs Fabray had told Quinn that she would support her with whatever decision she made regarding Beth. At the same time, she had made it quite clear that keeping the baby was what she would have done if she was in the same situation. But Quinn, as always, had made her own decisions, and had given up Beth. And now this had happened. It wasn't a surprise. Mrs Fabray longed to say 'I told you so,' but she knew that wasn't an appropriate thing for mothers to do. After all, now wasn't the time for words. She squeezed the girl just a little tighter and together they fell into a peaceful sleep, holding each other through the night, a mother and daughter together.
Puck was concerned. He was concerned about Quinn. He was concerned about Beth. He was concerned about his life. The one thing he wasn't concerned about was glee club, and that was why he was finding it increasingly difficult to sit through a rehearsal while Rachel and Finn lectured him about why he had to start working like a team, and why they all had to pull together if they wanted to 'make it to Nationals.' Puck preferred to worry about things like that much closer to the time, and since they hadn't even made it through Sectionals yet he couldn't really care less. He slumped back in his chair, stroking his Mohawk and making sure that his muscles flexed just enough to interest the lovely ladies sat all around him. That was his one way of distracting himself from any problems in his life, and with the return of Beth providing a massive problem for him, he needed to distract himself with something even bigger. Namely Lauren Zizes. He glanced over at her, letting their eyes meet for a second before turning to look at Santana Lopez in a very obvious way to hide the fact that he was interested. Santana blew him a kiss in return, and he pretended to catch it in his hand and put it in his pocket. Santana smirked and crossed her arms, while Lauren Zizes let her eyes bore into him from behind. Perfect. Two ladies that wanted him. From the doorway he heard a sigh, and turned to find himself facing Quinn. There was the third lady in his life. The one who would never say whether she wanted him or not. He cursed himself for letting her see that. He'd been trying to talk to her for days, and that was not going to help. She avoided eye contact with him, and chose a chair away from the rest of the glee club to sit on. She was distancing herself from them and from him, and he knew why. She was upset. She had done the same thing for a few days when she had found out she was pregnant and then she had figured the whole thing out in her head, and focused all her attentions on Finn, weaving the biggest lie she had ever told in her life. He knew she still regretted that lie. He wished he had the confidence to talk to her, he wanted to make her feel better but he was scared. Lack of confidence was not something he usually suffered from, but everything changed when he was around Quinn Fabray and he didn't know if he could trust himself. He couldn't help but act differently around her, that was just the effect she had on him. That was how he knew she was special and worth making an effort for. He got up from his seat, and purposely sat down right next to Quinn. She didn't look at him, but when he took her hand in hers, she didn't pull away. It was progress, and Puck was grateful for it.
Mr Shuester walked into the glee club meeting to find Quinn and Puck sat alone holding hands, and Rachel and Finn already bossing everyone else around. He smiled, maybe things were getting back to normal. He was glad that Quinn was not sat alone, as she had been for the previous few meetings, and he was glad that Puck finally seemed to be stepping up as the father of their child. The tense atmosphere that had been in room ever since everyone had heard about Quinn and Beth already seemed to be lifting, and he was positive this meeting was going to go well.
"Hey guys! Rachel, Finn." He nodded to the chairs, encouraging them to sit down, "I've got some really exciting news for you all and I've been waiting to tell you but up until now…"
"Mr Shu?" Mr Shuester stopped mid-sentence, knowing without looking who had interrupted him.
"Yes Rachel?"
"Before you begin, I'd just like to make an announcement."
"Erm, ok, but if it is about Nationals, I already have an announcement to give you."
"No, it's not. I promise you it'll only take a second." She looked at Mr Shuester, who nodded reluctantly and sat down by the piano. There was no stopping Rachel when she had something to say. It was best to just get it over with quickly and then carry on, almost like ripping a band-aid off.
Rachel turned to face the rest of the club and began.
"As you all probably know by now, due to the numerous rumours and stories circling the school, my birth mother and previous Vocal Adrenaline coach, Shelby Corcoran is back in town." Mr Shuester sat up a bit straighter and glanced nervously over at Quinn, who had looked up at the sound of Shelby's name. He knew that this was not going to be good.
"I've noticed that the atmosphere has been quite…cool and tense in here surrounding this issue, and I just wanted to let you all know that there is no need to be awkward around me about the subject. I met up with Shelby last night and things between us are fine." Quinn face was one of pure anger and her eyes glistened with tears of rage. Mr Shu prepared himself for the worst.
"We had a long talk, and have decided that it would be best for both of us if I spent more time with her and obviously more time with her daughter, Beth." At this Rachel smiled innocently over at Quinn, whose anger had been replaced with pure pain. Her eyes had turned a deep shade of green and her cheeks were flushed. Rachel seemed to be oblivious to all of this.
"I spent some time with both of them, and I am really warming up to being a sister. Beth is so sweet and Shelby is making everything so easy. Obviously, it's all moving quite fast and my dads have already gotten back in touch with the counsellor, she's arranging to move back in with us next week, and although things are difficult for me at the moment, I want to tell you that this is the place where I come to escape all of that and it would mean a lot to me if we could all just forget about what is going on and return to normal. The most important thing now is Sectionals and I think we should put all of our focus into that." She smiled round at all the glee club, and finally noticed the first few tears falling down Quinn's face. Whether the thought of hurting the girl to get back at her for all those years of taunting was her intention, or she really didn't know that she was upsetting her, no one will ever know, but Rachel couldn't help adding;
"Shelby is such a great mother to Beth, and I want to be a great sister too. I want to make them both proud. That's why we have to win Nationals. And maybe in the future, Beth will look up to me, and follow in my footsteps. Mr Shu, maybe she'll be one of the future recruits of New Directions! All I know is, we have to work together to win Nationals for her, because she's so young, but she's been through so much. She's an inspiration." With that, Quinn stood up from her chair and slowly walked out of the room. The door swung shut behind her and for the first time ever, glee club was completely silent. For the first time ever, Rachel Berry knew she'd overstepped the line.
As soon as she was out of the classroom, her face crumpled and she burst into tears. She leant against the corner where the lockers met the wall, burying her head in her hands, and slid down to the floor. Quinn had begun to hate crying, she had done so much of it in the past few days that her face stung with each tear and she angrily wiped them away. How dare Rachel talk about Beth? How dare Rachel spend time with Beth? How dare Rachel say Beth might look up to her in the future? Every word Rachel had uttered had felt like a sharp stab straight at Quinn; a sharp stab straight through her heart, and she had had to escape. Quinn's head pounded with jealousy and pain, and as she exhaled, she finally realised after all these days that she wasn't angry, she was just hurt. She was sinking lower and lower into a pit of despair, and with each blow about Beth, it was getting harder to climb out. She was falling and there was nothing she could do; she was going to lay at the bottom forever, burying herself in her mistakes and her regrets, and drowning in her never-ending tears. And she didn't care anymore. She had given Beth away with the fear that a baby would ruin her perfect life. She hadn't realised that a life without her daughter was even more ruined than one with her. Heck, a life without Beth wasn't even worth living. At her lowest point, Quinn closed her eyes and wished death would fall upon her. Fortunately, even death wasn't that easy.
Everyone in glee club was gobsmacked. Tina and Mike sat frozen, half leaning against each other, half sitting up straight, both looking at Rachel. Santana had unfolded her arms, and they now hung forgotten at her sides, and even Brittany, who was still smiling like an idiot, had nothing to say. Puck stared straight ahead, his hand still clasped as if Quinn was holding on to it, and Artie sat staring at the space that now sat in her chair. Finn urgently tried to issue Rachel back to her seat, away from the glaring of all the other glee-clubbers, while Kurt sat still, not noticing that his bow tie had been knocked slightly wonky. Mercedes was the one to break the silence. She sat up in her chair, and announced:
"Well this is one hot damn mess." Mr Shu couldn't have thought of a better way to put it.
"Yeah, I didn't think even Berry would go that far."
"I am here you know Santana." Rachel shot back. Finn managed to hold her down in her chair before any sort of confrontation could begin.
"Rachel, Santana enough!" Mr Shu knew it was time to take charge. He looked over at Puck, who remained lifeless in his seat, stood up and sighed.
"I'll go talk to her." He walked towards the door, but then turned back. "And I don't want any of you to tell anyone about what has happened here today. I mean that. It's not gossip, it is someone's life, and it is not your job to let other people's secrets out. This happened inside the glee club, and that's where it will stay." He looked at each member individually. "I'll be right back."
"No, Mr Shu. I'll go." Everyone turned to look at Puck, surprised that he had moved. "I need to do this."
Mr Shu looked at the boy stood before him and finally saw a man. "Yeah.. yeah, you're right. You go. Just be gentle Puck."
Puck nodded and headed for the door. Mr Shu silently thanked his stars in relief. He would never admit it, but he was quite glad that someone else was there to deal with the mess. Especially since it was Puck. Mr Shue was a great teacher, a good stand-in father, and an excellent talker but even he knew deep down that he wasn't the one Quinn really wanted to see. He could never solve her problems, no matter how hard he tried. Puck was the one she wanted.
Quinn heard footsteps approaching and, assuming it was Mr Shuester, attempted to slide further back into the corner, trying to hide herself. She didn't want him to see her in this state again, and she didn't particularly want to see him either. But it was too late. She looked up as the pair of feet positioned themselves in front of her and gasped. Puck. He was the last person she'd expected to see taking responsibility for her, but there he was, kneeling down, cupping her face in his hands, whispering comforting words. There he was letting his eyes meet hers, stoking her hair with his hand, letting his face lean in close. She had an urge to touch her finger to his cheek, just to check he was real, but she resisted. She didn't want to ruin the moment. They sat for what seemed like hours, just looking at each other. And then, very delicately and very peacefully, as if he might break her, he moved her chin slightly higher with his hand, and placed his lips onto hers. The kiss only lasted for a second, but it felt like the earth stopped spinning, and time stood still. This was definitely real. Slowly, he moved away, never letting his eyes leave hers, and grasped her hand from the floor. He pulled her to her feet, heaved her out of her pit of despair, out into happiness and sunshine and a world where problems seemed so much smaller when you weren't facing them alone. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, and she smiled, letting the moment beam across her face. She leant her head into the crook of his neck, and he rested his head on top of hers. They stood together, holding each other, moving in unison, and for the first time in two years Quinn felt strong and confident and loved. And she was crying, but in happiness and relief, and her tears didn't burn as they had done before. They felt good. And he was perfect. And they were perfect. And everything was perfect. And they were going to sort things out with Beth, together.
Puck stopped, and turned to face Quinn, brushing her hair from her eyes. He knew that it was now or never.
"Quinn." He looked at her seriously, and she returned the intense gaze, ready for his words, "I really love Beth. I miss her every single day and I know I don't always show it but I do feel it. I try to distract myself with other things, with other… girls, and I know it's not right, but I can't help myself. I should be there supporting you, but sometimes it's easier to be with people who don't know about your problems, you know? I wonder about her all the time though, and I wonder about you, how you're doing, and I want you to know that I never blame you for giving her up. I'm not angry with you." He paused. "I haven't forgotten about her, or about us, or about family, and I never will and I want you to know that whatever happens, you can talk to me, and we can go through it together, like we're supposed to. Quinn, you are never alone." He took a deep breath, forcing himself to carry on. "You are the only person who knows how I feel, and I am the only person who knows how you feel, and I really think from now on, we need to stick together."
Quinn looked at him, and believed him. This wasn't like Shelby claiming 'she knew how Quinn felt', this was different. It was real.
"Quinn, I love you."
He looked at her, waiting for some sort of response, but instead she let her gaze fall from his to the floor. Disappointment flooded his body, it was over. She looped her arm behind his back, and pressed his hand into hers as they began walking down the corridor again, but it wasn't enough. She still hadn't said anything in return, and he had to hear those words. It would kill him if he didn't.
As they reached the doors, Quinn stopped and pressed her eyelids shut for a moment, before taking a deep breath. She looked straight up at him into his chocolate brown eyes; into her eyes. Beth's eyes. She paused for a second, resisting the temptation to fall into them, just staring. Waiting for the right moment. Waiting until she knew for sure.
"I love you too," she whispered back, and his heart started to beat again.
Together, they turned to face the world.
The End.
I hope you enjoyed it! Reviews are greatly apprieciated :) So if you want to leave any comments, I'd be really happy... Also, I was wondering whether I should write any more?
Thank you for reading! xxx