A/N This is my first Death Note fic and focuses on Misa Amane and her role in the series. I was just thinking about why Misa did what she did and came up with this. I like reviews. Reviews to me are like apples are to Ryuk.
Disclaimer: Don't own Death Note.
Misa was good at pretending. She could pretend anything. That was why she made it as an actress. Being an actress is just pretending and Misa could pretend anything.
Her parents despaired of it when she was a child. At a certain age, they thought Misa too young to pretend. "Aren't you too young for your silly games now?" they asked her. Misa threw a tantrum but they never caught her pretending again. She kept it secret.
After her parents died, she tried to pretend they were still alive. This was when she discovered pretending has its limitations. Pretending cannot reanimate the dead, no matter how good at it you are.
Kira killed the scum who killed her parents. Kira became her idol as she was slowly becoming an idol to others. Her career was growing more successful. Misa could pretend to be whatever the stylist/photographer/director wanted her to be.
Receiving her Death Note led Misa into playing the greatest pretend game of all. She pretended to be Kira. But this was no game, the Death Note was real. As was Rem, the Shinigami who followed her.
Rem would watch Misa creating pretend worlds to wrap herself in. She pretended Light loved her and that he could save her from everything.
Rem loved her instead and Misa pretended not to notice.
Then she was captured and Misa pretended not to know anything. And then suddenly the pretending became real and she knew nothing.
Pretending did that a lot after the Death Note. She lost all sense of what was real and what was not. Was Rem real? She could have been a figment of Misa's imagination. Was Light real? She could have pretended him too. A notebook that killed people. Really? Misa would just have to try it again and again, to check this wasn't just pretend. The killing was for Kira after all, so it was O.K. Wasn't it?
Maybe Kira was just pretending to be good.
But she banished the thought the moment it entered her mind. It was impossible. Inconceivable. Went against everything Misa believed in.
The lines of reality and fiction blurred until they tangled together. And no matter how hard Misa pulled, she could not untangle them.
She believed in Light and Kira because she had nothing else left to believe in. And because she was Misa, she could pretend that Light would be hers forever. She could pretend that what he did was not solely for his benefit but hers as well. She could pretend that everything would be O.K.
Misa knew everything would never be O.K.
But she liked to pretend. Pretending was good. Pretending could take the pain away.